Are older women more accessible?

[Shanex]

Hey LS,

 

As a follow up to this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/652963-long-time-friend-his-break-up, I happen to go out, and party outside of house i.e in bars and pubs quite a bit for the last couple of weeks. Yes, my frend who is recently seperated and me are hanging out almost 3-4 nights a week now. It feels good. I haven't done that in a while and I appreciate to meet some new people. Overall to drag myself out of my place and this has been boosting my confidence and ego.

 

I made the observation that older (read: 40s something or more women) are far more accessible than the younger ones.

 

Its hardly a recent realization to me though. When I was doing this bar scene in my 20s, I pulled a number of hookups from going out with 30, 35 or more ladies. I stupidly though then that I could morph these hookups to relationships but that rarely if ever worked.

 

Just this week, I was attending a salsa and bachata lessons dance. You'd laugh at me as I'm a terrible dancer but hey I'm there to learn and meet folks.

 

The thing is, me and my buddy were ordering a drink shortly before the last call, and sat next to two older ladies and we made a few quick jokes to each others (ladies: why are you guys drinking instead of dancing? Us: we are waiting for partners...)

 

They quickly suggested after we briefly talked to dance with them. I felt fairly ridiculous as my bachata and salsa skills are close to zero. But she taught me a few things in the 15 minutes session.

 

I made a few cracks while we were dancing, not to impress her, more to make her feel comfortable being with me. Like when I mentioned that I shoud look at her instead of my goofy feet and so forth. Its a weekly dance session and I'm going there next week again. Hopeful to see her again.

 

On the other hand, I can barely if ever approach younger women, under 30. I don't know why. Maybe its just me. Maybe I get along better with people slightly older.

 

All in all it's a bit of a rant and question. Have you guys experienced the same? Many people claims that 20s girls are 'easy prey', and naive, but it hasn't been my experience at all.

[losangelena]

I can only speak from the perspective of a 37 year old woman, but I definitely feel more comfortable in my own skin at this age than I did as a younger person. It doesn't scare/intimidate me to have conversations with men, or people I don't know in general. As far as romantic encounters are concerned, I have had way more of those in my 30s, and I can attribute that to feeling more comfortable/confident. Anyway, I think you're onto something.

[Mrin]

As a guy I can only speak from experience in dating both younger and older women.

 

<turning on the gross categorization switch here>

In my experience:

 

1. The older a woman gets the more confidence she has. Sort of like what losangelena said above.

 

2. The older a woman gets the more she knows what she wants and more importantly, what she doesn't want.

 

3. The older a woman gets the more refined her particular tastes are. By that I mean, instead of vacillating between "he's chasing me!!!" and "is he the one?!?" that is so common in their 20's, an older woman can discern between a whole variety of her wants. E.g. I want him for an evening, I want to dance and flirt with him, I want him as a friend, I want him as a FWB, I want him as a boyfriend, I want him as a husband. They're much more comfortable and clear in these wants and as such, don't f*** around in some sort of ill defined courtship game.

 

So yes, older women are more accessible if you are what they want. Inversely, they are far less accessible if you aren't what they want.

 

Hope this forwards the conversation.

 

Mrin

[preraph]

I'm not a guy, but young ones are naive and easily fooled, but they also have the attention of a gnat.

 

Treat a more experienced woman nicely and she'll appreciate you for making the effort and not oggling every 20-something that walks by.

 

Sounds like a lot of fun, the dancing and drinking. I have a friend who finally after many unsuccessful years of obsessing and creeping on females met his wife that way. She practically had to hit him over the head though because as usual, he was obsessing on one certain woman there and blind to others. When she asked him to dance, he was hesitant.

[Mr. Lucky]

On the other hand, I can barely if ever approach younger women, under 30. I don't know why. Maybe its just me. Maybe I get along better with people slightly older.

 

Shanex, how old are you? If the answer is 40ish, why would you want to hang with twenty-somethings?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Shanex]

Shanex, how old are you? If the answer is 40ish, why would you want to hang with twenty-somethings?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Turning 34 in march and I wouldn't go bellow 25 as far as dating prospect goes.

[Mr. Lucky]

Turning 34 in march and I wouldn't go bellow 25 as far as dating prospect goes.

 

Thanks. I'm probably projecting my own biases - I found many twenty-year-olds tiresome even when I was in my 20's...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Chilli]

Yep , found that all my life the older ones will always try their luck .

Date site was the same.

They know they gotta work a bit harder now.

Then there's also the whole trying to get younger guys thing.

 

All old news. Unfortunately your at the worst age for it too , in my 30s they drove me crazy.

[greymatter]

Yep , found that all my life the older ones will always try their luck .

Date site was the same.

They know they gotta work a bit harder now.

Then there's also the whole trying to get younger guys thing.

 

All old news. Unfortunately your at the worst age for it too , in my 30s they drove me crazy.

 

Work harder? That is not my experience at all. What do you mean by "work harder?"

 

Do you mean older women shouldn't date younger men, but it's okay for men to date younger women?

[GemmaUK]

I'm late forties and happy in my skin, happy to talk to anyone.

 

If I were at a dance class I'm there to dance.

Please don't assume I want to get in your pants.

 

I went to a salsa class with a slightly older friend who goes regularly a few years back an I literally got swamped by the over 60s and over 70s men. I got numbers, offers of lifts home, dinner offers, even got groped. I didn't dance with any of them, they weren't there for dancing. I was 37

A guy younger than me is less likely to get in a huff if I'm only interested in a dance and I am well able to suss whether he has other ideas.

If I am interested then someone who can read facial expressions and body language will know it.

[Shanex]

Interesting. Of course I’m not looking to get in their panties right the same evening but it’s still a good feeling to be gently approached by confident and older women. Asking for a number right after dancing with her would have been out of line but I intend to see her again. Yes, confidence, that’s the key here. I’m not saying every younger ones are not but generally there’s a consensus that a grown up women isn’t as shy or awkward. I’m not super shy either and easy to talk to so more power to me if I’m able to meet someone IRL instead of online.

[todreaminblue]

i feel as women age games become tiresome and time is for being with someone you care for not someone to string along...with experience you realize to keep your own grass green is a lot better than thinking about the grass on the other side of the fence ...i think everyone men and women both stabilise more with age and have a good idea of what they like and what they dont....i dont know if you call it accessible but tamer comes to mind...and a lot of that "tameness" is from life experiences and love relationships.......deb

[CptInsano]

Interesting. Of course I’m not looking to get in their panties right the same evening but it’s still a good feeling to be gently approached by confident and older women. Asking for a number right after dancing with her would have been out of line but I intend to see her again. Yes, confidence, that’s the key here. I’m not saying every younger ones are not but generally there’s a consensus that a grown up women isn’t as shy or awkward. I’m not super shy either and easy to talk to so more power to me if I’m able to meet someone IRL instead of online.

 

Yes, you are indeed right, in general older women are less afraid to talk to a guy and may even take the initiative. At the same time it may also mean less, because it is something that they are accustomed to. At a minimum, you know you can always have a nice chat or a dance.

 

Just a word of caution. What follows afterwards doesn't get easier. Age only brings wisdom to a few of us, many simply repeat what they have always done out of a fear of change, and call it knowing oneself. There is something to be said for the enthusiasm of youth.

[stillafool]

I don't understand why a man who wants a woman in her 20's would be dating older women. Odd.

[Popsicle]

If you’re looking for a real relationship, I’d tell you to go with someone closer to your age. If you’re just looking for a good time, then go with whomever you want as long as they are legal and you’re upfront about it.

[Happy Lemming]

Water seeks its own level...

 

An older woman (40's - 60's) will be more forgiving of the imperfections of a younger guy, whereas a younger woman will be more critical and quick to dismiss those guys with imperfections.

 

Those imperfections could be height, weight, status in life, income, social graces or whatever.

[carhill]

I see no difference. At my age women are as likely to opt out (divorced and not interested in men for romance) as they are to be married. However, if focused on the narrow demographic of older, ostensibly single women who like to party, I think better results could occur. In a demographic with more of them, results would further improve. Where I live, 'party' is bingo night at the vets hall. Big cities are a better bet IMO.

[stillafool]

Water seeks its own level...

 

An older woman (40's - 60's) will be more forgiving of the imperfections of a younger guy, whereas a younger woman will be more critical and quick to dismiss those guys with imperfections.

 

Those imperfections could be height, weight, status in life, income, social graces or whatever.

 

How is a woman in her 40s -60s on the same level as a man in his early 30s?

[Happy Lemming]

How is a woman in her 40s -60s on the same level as a man in his early 30s?

 

If the 30 year old male is socially awkward, overweight, short, balding, has a crappy job, etc.; he is not going to land a 30 year old female "hottie"...

 

Whereas a woman in her 40's - 60's may look past his imperfections and accept him, because no one else is interested in her. She can take the 30 year old male with "imperfections" as is... or go home alone.

[Shanex]

If you’re looking for a real relationship, I’d tell you to go with someone closer to your age. If you’re just looking for a good time, then go with whomever you want as long as they are legal and you’re upfront about it.

 

To adress this, and as said before, 25 and even that is a bit young and I wouldn’t go bellow. On the other side of the spectrum, 40 seems about right.

 

Sure I will only go for legal. I don’t mess around like that. If only looking for a good time or a NSA roll in the hay, there’s no rules that I’m aware of.

[CptInsano]

Whereas a woman in her 40's - 60's may look past his imperfections and accept him, because no one else is interested in her. She can take the 30 year old male with "imperfections" as is... or go home alone.

 

This doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I'm looking past the imperfections of a woman my age, mainly because they mirror mine. Aside from the fact that I really wouldn't want somebody much younger anymore. I don't need to relive certain times of my life over and over.

[bathtub-row]

I’m personally not a huge fan of big age gaps where the guy is younger - what I call ‘reverse age gap’. Falling into that category of the older woman, if I went after a guy much younger than me, it would be because I know that a lot of men are motivated by sex. Not to say that relationships with reverse age gaps can’t work. It’s just not my thing. My experience is that most men even slightly younger than me are way too immature.

 

Having said all that, the famous writer, David Baldacci, is 12 yrs younger than his wife. I’m guessing David falls into the ‘highly mature’ category. Maybe you do, too.

[GemmaUK]

Interesting. Of course I’m not looking to get in their panties right the same evening but it’s still a good feeling to be gently approached by confident and older women. Asking for a number right after dancing with her would have been out of line but I intend to see her again. Yes, confidence, that’s the key here. I’m not saying every younger ones are not but generally there’s a consensus that a grown up women isn’t as shy or awkward. I’m not super shy either and easy to talk to so more power to me if I’m able to meet someone IRL instead of online.

 

 

 

Unfortunately you didn't quite get me.

Yes it's a good feeling to be approached but these women didn't 'approach' you and your friend so to speak - they wondered and asked why you weren't dancing.

What I meant by not wanting to get in your pants is they quite possibly don't take a man of your age seriously and aren't attracted.

If you can read facial expressions and body language - when spending time with and not dancing that should tell you whether this woman is attracted.

Whether she is up for NSA - you need to ask her.

[littleblackheart]

Accessible as in approachable? It depends. Speaking as a 43 yo single woman, I'm as accessible now as I was in my 20s, ie not very.

 

I don't find being approached by men remotely flattering, though I don't mind a harmless chat with people of any age, men or women, young or old.

 

My job means I interact all day with younger people, so I am totally desensitised to their charms; their enthusiasm is cute, but that's it.

 

Other than that, I'm not sure I'd consider a 10 year-gap on either side unsurmountable in terms of life experiences.

[Shanex]

Accessible as in approachable? It depends. Speaking as a 43 yo single woman, I'm as accessible now as I was in my 20s, ie not very.

 

I don't find being approached by men remotely flattering, though I don't mind a harmless chat with people of any age, men or women, young or old.

 

My job means I interact all day with younger people, so I am totally desensitised to their charms; their enthusiasm is cute, but that's it.

 

Other than that, I'm not sure I'd consider a 10 year-gap on either side unsurmountable in terms of life experiences.

 

Yeah I have made a broader point about them being more approachable in general. I'm not talking necessarily for a hookup or a relationship, even if both would be fine to me, but older people and also men gain confidence later in life.

 

I understand your point and share the sentiment about younger people. I sometimes come accross some and their enthusiam is quite endearing.

 

By the way, as far as relationships goes. 10 years is nothing when you are 60-70. Same old. When you are 34 and 40, the gap is different but as you put it not unsurmountable.