Are older women more accessible?

[Shanex]

Unfortunately you didn't quite get me.

Yes it's a good feeling to be approached but these women didn't 'approach' you and your friend so to speak - they wondered and asked why you weren't dancing.

What I meant by not wanting to get in your pants is they quite possibly don't take a man of your age seriously and aren't attracted.

If you can read facial expressions and body language - when spending time with and not dancing that should tell you whether this woman is attracted.

Whether she is up for NSA - you need to ask her.

 

Let's say they initiated the conversation which is already something at the risk of nitpicking a bit with you.

 

It's probable they aren't interested by two 34 year old guys being 40 more (I assume as I never ask a woman's age)

 

Salsa class as mentioned in the OP are cool to me and better than a random club where people and often much younger ones don't talk to each others, are in small groups and so forth. Of course I have no business anymore being in a club with 20 years old.

 

NSA, I wouldn't know. The best would be to see her this week, and if I'm in the mood gently ask for her number, if she say nope then be it.

[S2B]

Accessible meaning desperate?

[littleblackheart]

Yeah I have made a broader point about them being more approachable in general. I'm not talking necessarily for a hookup or a relationship, even if both would be fine to me, but older people and also men gain confidence later in life.

 

Ah ok. If it's a more general point about confidence in different generations , having a lot of experience with the young ones, they are undoubtedly a lot more care-free and willing to explore than most people I know in my age range. They're more spontaneous, less shackled by years of social endoctrination and generally a lot more open-minded.

 

This current generation is also more responsible, more mindful and politically engaged than the one before them, and that makes them more engaging and perhaps more mature too.

 

I'm maybe biased due to my job, but I'd say the younger ones win on social 'accessibility', the older on quiet confidence (and jadedness!).

[preraph]

While there are desperate women in this world, desperate for companionship, I don't think that necessarily increases with age. In fact, I think older women happy with their lives aren't going to be at all desperate and may only be interested if the guy is just that entertaining and wonderful like Shanex is. The desperation I've seen in women is usually economic, meaning they usually have kids they can't support, with only a few who are just unable to contemplate life without someone underfoot. These are increasingly rare on both counts.

 

I think men often assume older women are sexually desperate because they're men who may be more apt to be sexually desperate or afraid of having no sex partner. Very few women are like that. To sum it up, not every woman, at any age, will be easier because she's settling. Chances are she still is attracted to what she always was attracted to only with a slightly higher age range.

 

The value of mature people is that they are normally not as flaky or as chaotic or as indecisive and may actually be comfortable with themselves and have the whole relationship thing in perspective for their particular self.

 

I look back on my twenties when I was just a rollercoaster of emotions going after men, chasing the fairytale on some level, assuming what I wanted most and needed most was to couple up and stay that way.

 

By the time I was 45, I was laughing at my lack of perspective. I was NEVER cut out for domesticity. I wasn't looking for someone steady and responsible. I fell for irresponsible undomestic creative types, all but one, and he was too domestic for me, I later realize. When young, we don't usually know what we want. We scramble after things and then get a taste of it and furrow our brows.

 

I think Shanex's age range is perfect, personally. It will all some down to where they're at in life, though. Some 28 year olds are really mature and know what they're doing. And some were like me and just doing what I wanted to do, which is fine too.

[CptInsano]

Yeah I have made a broader point about them being more approachable in general. I'm not talking necessarily for a hookup or a relationship, even if both would be fine to me, but older people and also men gain confidence later in life.[...]

 

It may not even be confidence but outright practice. It's also something that you might learn as part of your business career, meaning that approaching somebody, networking, selling, etc. is part of what you are doing as part of a job function. (I used to do trade shows and would literally pick people out of a crowd.)

 

All of this translates into something of a routine. I often talk to men and women at work before I fully realize that I do, it's more of a "standard social protocol" kicking in.

 

Some people pick up on that early in life, but I think for most it is somewhat learned behavior. Then you have people like my mom, who is retired and only goes grocery shopping on the weekends, because it is extra busy and she gets to talk to people.

[Fair]

Hey LS,

 

As a follow up to this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/652963-long-time-friend-his-break-up, I happen to go out, and party outside of house i.e in bars and pubs quite a bit for the last couple of weeks. Yes, my frend who is recently seperated and me are hanging out almost 3-4 nights a week now. It feels good. I haven't done that in a while and I appreciate to meet some new people. Overall to drag myself out of my place and this has been boosting my confidence and ego.

 

I made the observation that older (read: 40s something or more women) are far more accessible than the younger ones.

 

Its hardly a recent realization to me though. When I was doing this bar scene in my 20s, I pulled a number of hookups from going out with 30, 35 or more ladies. I stupidly though then that I could morph these hookups to relationships but that rarely if ever worked.

 

Just this week, I was attending a salsa and bachata lessons dance. You'd laugh at me as I'm a terrible dancer but hey I'm there to learn and meet folks.

 

The thing is, me and my buddy were ordering a drink shortly before the last call, and sat next to two older ladies and we made a few quick jokes to each others (ladies: why are you guys drinking instead of dancing? Us: we are waiting for partners...)

 

They quickly suggested after we briefly talked to dance with them. I felt fairly ridiculous as my bachata and salsa skills are close to zero. But she taught me a few things in the 15 minutes session.

 

I made a few cracks while we were dancing, not to impress her, more to make her feel comfortable being with me. Like when I mentioned that I shoud look at her instead of my goofy feet and so forth. Its a weekly dance session and I'm going there next week again. Hopeful to see her again.

 

On the other hand, I can barely if ever approach younger women, under 30. I don't know why. Maybe its just me. Maybe I get along better with people slightly older.

 

All in all it's a bit of a rant and question. Have you guys experienced the same? Many people claims that 20s girls are 'easy prey', and naive, but it hasn't been my experience at all.

 

Ok, how old are you? Of course you're going to have more in common with women your own age and should be avoiding 20 year old girls anyway. As to older women being 'more accessible," I'm not sure about that. A lot of them are married. But you're more at ease with them because you're of the same generation, I'm assuming. Maybe you should date one instead of just seeing it as some kind of a lark to talk and dance with one.

[SevenCity]

I think we are all kinda naive when it comes to dating and relationships. I wouldn't just stick that label on younger ladies alone.

 

When it comes to which ladies are more accessible, I would say that older women are, regardless of the age of the man. When I was a younger man hitting the clubs to look for ladies, I could either put some work into meeting a young, hot girl, or I could just accept one of the numerous offers from the older ladies. Now that I am almost 40, the same rule seems to stand.

 

For the most part, those younger ladies are just more in demand. With every guy hitting on them, that makes it easier to date the older ladies.

 

Enigma32 nailed it. It’s as simple as supply and demand.

 

As women age they get less desirable to men and are forced to pursue rather than being chased. Looks have faded and perhaps they put on a few pounds, but chances are they are not getting the volume of suitors they did when younger.

 

Men suffer from the same but can often balance it with money/status; though they usually cannot pull chicks as hot or young than they used to.

 

I’ve seen this happen to women who were the pick of the litter in years past who became the pursuers due to age or weight. It must be interesting to experience what most guys have gotten used to (rejection) for the first time in their lives.

 

Of the women who aggressively pursued me (in the initial stages), all were older or overweight.

[Fair]

Just read how old you are... that pic made me think you were 50... don't know if that's you or not.

[Shanex]

Just read how old you are... that pic made me think you were 50... don't know if that's you or not.

 

Haha. No Fair, that’s VM Varga from Fargo season 3

 

I’m turning 34 year old in just 9 days.

 

Thanks to those who commented seriously I’m about to reply more in depth to the new replies.

Edited March 6, 2018 by Shanex

[Shanex]

I think men often assume older women are sexually desperate because they're men who may be more apt to be sexually desperate or afraid of having no sex partner. Very few women are like that. To sum it up, not every woman, at any age, will be easier because she's settling. Chances are she still is attracted to what she always was attracted to only with a slightly higher age range.

 

Yeah there was no mention of me throughout this thread of 'desperation' from older women looking for young guys.. the 'cougar' thing has become dated and tiresome. If people with a 10 or 15 years age gap sincerely love each other so be it, its not a fantasy from either side.

 

The value of mature people is that they are normally not as flaky or as chaotic or as indecisive and may actually be comfortable with themselves and have the whole relationship thing in perspective for their particular self.

 

Flakiness bugs me with younger people, a lot! Since I was never like that. Actually even some of my very close friends my age can be flaky and change plans and that bores me unless you have a valid reason.

 

I look back on my twenties when I was just a rollercoaster of emotions going after men, chasing the fairytale on some level, assuming what I wanted most and needed most was to couple up and stay that way.

 

Personally, I believe that 20s people should enjoy their lives while they are young, I mean, love comes sometimes at a young, tender age and I have examples of friends that married and had children pretty early in life, before they hit 30. Doesn't bother me at all..

 

 

think Shanex's age range is perfect, personally. It will all some down to where they're at in life, though. Some 28 year olds are really mature and know what they're doing. And some were like me and just doing what I wanted to do, which is fine too.

 

Thanks. For more background, I was once in a relationship with a woman 8 years older for over a year in 2010-2011. We had a blast. I loved her deeply, more than I loved the few I had since then. We were different in our personalities, different in our life goals as she did not want marriage and children. It was two great years for me and I would have done anything to keep her longer, but I'm not going to wander about this painful breakup here.

 

It may not even be confidence but outright practice. It's also something that you might learn as part of your business career, meaning that approaching somebody, networking, selling, etc. is part of what you are doing as part of a job function. (I used to do trade shows and would literally pick people out of a crowd.)

 

All of this translates into something of a routine. I often talk to men and women at work before I fully realize that I do, it's more of a "standard social protocol" kicking in.

 

Some people pick up on that early in life, but I think for most it is somewhat learned behavior. Then you have people like my mom, who is retired and only goes grocery shopping on the weekends, because it is extra busy and she gets to talk to people.

 

Practice about social skills is important. I was once a bartender when I was 18 year old and trust me, it was tough for then shy and awkward me. Having to serve, talk to random strangers was pretty hard but it taught me how to deal whether with people my age or older.

 

Maybe its learned behavior. I'm sure it was for me anyway as if it hadnt been for a few work and friends I'd probably still be a socially awkward nerd that would have never gotten laid or had friends.

 

PS: my remaining grandma is like your mom. She doesn't get to talk to many people all week and love hanging out at the mall when its packed. Its common enough when you are much older, retired and for some at least, lonely.

[alphamale]

Many people claims that 20s girls are 'easy prey', and naive, but it hasn't been my experience at all.

 

it depends, are you talking about attractive "it girls" who are in their 20s??

[BluesPower]

Older women, in general... are just better on a number of levels.

 

More accessible, I am not sure one way or another.

 

Older women, IMHO, are way more beautiful. Not because the have an extra pound or wrinkle her or there, but because they are not bothered by it.

 

In general, they are just more. More comfortable with their selves, their beauty actually shines more, they are, for the most part less crazy, and I could go on and on.

 

And lets face it, they are way, way better in bed, by miles.

 

Even at my age I have younger women hit on me all the time, and even before I was in a relationship, I would be pleasant and kind, but date them, give me a break...

[littleblackheart]

It may not even be confidence but outright practice.

 

I see that too. Also with social practice, people (not only women) are better at masking their flaws and are more skilled at appearing more confident than they are.

 

There are so many people who claim or give the appearance they have it sorted, but when you get to know them, you realise how much of a mess they actually are, and how easy it is for the mask to fall.

 

I've not met a lot of people in my 43 years, men or women, that I would define as happy in their own skin, but these people are a joy to know.

[Shanex]

it depends, are you talking about attractive "it girls" who are in their 20s??

 

I find younger 20s women mostly gorgeous but truth be told; I haven't spoken to many lately. I was in a relationship last year with a 27 year old gal and liked her a lot. But I met her thru a dating site. She wasn't really annoying, or a complete 'pisser' though. She liked older 70s or 80s tunes just like me and we had many shared interests and passion, music and movie taste.

 

There is all the difference in the world between a 20 and a 27 year old though. Whether a dude or a gal and we got along for the most part and are still in touch.

[losangelena]

Older women, in general... are just better on a number of levels.

 

More accessible, I am not sure one way or another.

 

Older women, IMHO, are way more beautiful. Not because the have an extra pound or wrinkle her or there, but because they are not bothered by it.

 

In general, they are just more. More comfortable with their selves, their beauty actually shines more, they are, for the most part less crazy, and I could go on and on.

 

And lets face it, they are way, way better in bed, by miles.

 

Even at my age I have younger women hit on me all the time, and even before I was in a relationship, I would be pleasant and kind, but date them, give me a break...

 

Really appreciate the fact that you seem to actually like women. Way better to read than the usual "older women are ugly, fat, desperate, and therefore easy" posts that typically litter threads like this. How refreshing to find someone who doesn't place a woman's worth solely on her appearance.

[BluesPower]

Really appreciate the fact that you seem to actually like women. Way better to read than the usual "older women are ugly, fat, desperate, and therefore easy" posts that typically litter threads like this. How refreshing to find someone who doesn't place a woman's worth solely on her appearance.

 

Well, I do have to say...that men that think like that are morons.

 

And further, I truly think women are beautiful. I don't do crazy though...

 

Having said that, MY GF is beautiful. It is so cute that she thinks the small amount of belly (Really small amount) fat that she has is some kind of an issue. And she worries that her wrinkles are some type of issue as well. I don't laugh about it, I just reassure her how beautiful she is.

 

In her case, as with some of women that I have been with, she was with a collection of jerks, just because she did not know any better.

 

But the best thing, and she is an example, is finding a woman that has not found her sexuality yet, because of the lack of proper men and/or proper sex.

 

To she her blossom the way that she has, now "that" is beautiful in every sense of the word. To take a woman that does not understand what a healthy, loving, and highly sexual relationship is all about, and be able to show her what that is. It is amazing, and I am honored to be able to do that for her.

[losangelena]

And again, I'm not going to point fingers specifically in this thread, it's just that, for me, as an "older" woman, approaching 40, I don't feel "desperate." I'm very happy in my single life; I don't find it an "honor" at all to be hit on by younger men. I would very much rather be single than just grab the first thing that comes along because, "omg, he's showing interest." Pul-eeeeze. I have pretty high standards, even for a casual sexual relationship, and it just has not been my experience that it's "desperate" men who hit on my because they don't think they can somehow do any better. Is society so shallow? I think not. I don't know anyone who hornily and shallowly just go after the hottest piece of a$$ they can find. What about honest connection and attraction? Those are so subjective and based of personal preference.

 

I personally feel like a catch; I am intelligent, attractive, flirty, eff-ing great in bed. So what if I didn't get snatched up in my 20s? I wasn't "fully baked" yet. I know who I am and what I have to offer, and any "man" who will write me off as "desperate" because I somehow don't fit the mold of what a supposed attractive woman should look like, can to choke on a d*** as far as I'm concerned.

Edited March 7, 2018 by losangelena

[BluesPower]

And again, I'm not going to point fingers specifically in this thread, it's just that, for me, as an "older" woman, approaching 40, I don't feel "desperate." I'm very happy in my single life; I don't find it an "honor" at all to be hit on by younger men. I would very much rather be single than just grab the first thing that comes along because, "omg, he's showing interest." Pul-eeeeze. I have pretty high standards, even for a casual sexual relationship, and it just has not been my experience that it's "desperate" men who hit on my because they don't think they can somehow do any better. Is society so shallow? I think not. I don't know anyone who hornily and shallowly just go after the hottest piece of a$$ they can find. What about honest connection and attraction? Those are so subjective and based of personal preference.

 

I personally feel like a catch; I am intelligent, attractive, flirty, eff-ing great in bed. So what if I didn't get snatched up in my 20s? I wasn't "fully baked" yet. I know who I am and what I have to offer, and any "man" who will write me off as "desperate" because I somehow don't fit the mold of what a supposed attractive woman should look like, can to choke on a d*** as far as I'm concerned.

 

40 is not old in any way...

 

I think most women hit their prime at around 40.

 

I would take 40 in a heart beat, if I had since enough to divorce my ex at that point.

 

You are in a great place in life...

[littleblackheart]

I've kind of lost the topic of this thread (sorry Shanex, it's not you it's me!) - are you wanting to know how 'older' women feel and act in social settings in general compared to younger women, or how older single women (older than you are at least) react to men your age specifically?

[Shanex]

And again, I'm not going to point fingers specifically in this thread, it's just that, for me, as an "older" woman, approaching 40, I don't feel "desperate." I'm very happy in my single life; I don't find it an "honor" at all to be hit on by younger men. I would very much rather be single than just grab the first thing that comes along because, "omg, he's showing interest." Pul-eeeeze. I have pretty high standards, even for a casual sexual relationship, and it just has not been my experience that it's "desperate" men who hit on my because they don't think they can somehow do any better. Is society so shallow? I think not. I don't know anyone who hornily and shallowly just go after the hottest piece of a$$ they can find. What about honest connection and attraction? Those are so subjective and based of personal preference.

 

I personally feel like a catch; I am intelligent, attractive, flirty, eff-ing great in bed. So what if I didn't get snatched up in my 20s? I wasn't "fully baked" yet. I know who I am and what I have to offer, and any "man" who will write me off as "desperate" because I somehow don't fit the mold of what a supposed attractive woman should look like, can to choke on a d*** as far as I'm concerned.

 

More power to you, and as BluesPower said, I also think that women hit their prime around 40 year old, physically, emotionally etc.

 

I've kind of lost the topic of this thread (sorry Shanex, it's not you it's me!) - are you wanting to know how 'older' women feel and act in social settings in general compared to younger women, or how older single women (older than you are at least) react to men your age specifically?

 

It might be just the thread, I was wondering and about older women and how they are easier to talk to, more approachable so I think you still are following this thread closely. :)

 

How would they react to me, that I don't know, I have no bad intentions. I'm going to the salsa class tomorrow evening with two buddies though, the age range is somewhere between 25 and 60, the median age about 40. People there are quite nice, the owner, manager and bartenders of the place are cool too. It's my weekly ''blast''. I always have a good time there.

[littleblackheart]

It might be just the thread, I was wondering and about older women and how they are easier to talk to, more approachable so I think you still are following this thread closely. :)

 

How would they react to me, that I don't know, I have no bad intentions. I'm going to the salsa class tomorrow evening with two buddies though, the age range is somewhere between 25 and 60, the median age about 40. People there are quite nice, the owner, manager and bartenders of the place are cool too. It's my weekly ''blast''. I always have a good time there.

 

Thanks for the explanation .

 

In your situation, the setting lends itself to women being approachable, maybe? If you met these women at work or at the supermarket, they may not be so easy to talk to? Or maybe you're approachable yourself, and you make it easy for women to talk to you?

 

I'm not sure that 40 yo women are more or less 'desperate' or 'secure' or 'approachable' at any age, it's just that priorities shift with time and people tend to be less concerned with the shallow things as we age, which is the best thing about getting older. We are also better at hiding those insecurities. I personally don't have any hang-ups at my age (I am full of imperfections, I'm fine with them all) but I also don't think I'm particularly out of the ordinary either. I've never really had any hangups to begin with anyway - I can't judge people on how they appear to be so I don't put too much emphasis on that.