Maddona complex after having girlfriend's sexual past forcibly shown to me

[Sundra1]

I know this is a really complicated situation but here are two simple steps you should take.

 

1) forward that email to your girlfriend. Let her explain herself. Obviously you no longer have those rose colored glasses.

 

2) back up. This girl sounds like bad news. She may not be, in fact she may actually be getting her life together but you need to protect yourself and demand patience from her if she wants this to work. Situations change, overcoming obstacles takes time.

[mingomatic]

Do you know how long she knew the MM before they did it? I too don't think he's very married if he's truly estranged from his wife, but then why not divorce.

 

She didn't use you. You treated her like a lady, and she liked it. That's not a crime. You can't handle it, so move on. You've only known her a short time anyway, so no big loss. But don't use her up first. He was mean and controlling to do what he did. I would fault her IF she was still in contact with him after he did that to her.

 

She's from another state. According to this guy's letter, he started the affair with him in 2011. MM initially was forced to break up with her in 2012 because his own daughter was born, screwing up his own divorce plans.

 

Also he claimed that she had been constantly going behind his back and calling her previous ex-bf while she was with him, thus part of the reason he broke up with her in 2012 (but of course he'd say that, wouldn't he). Again, now that I've been without my gf for a few weeks now, it all seems clearer that this is the kind of thing she does. Keep 'platonic' relationships with exes.

 

Then she moved to the city I'm in as a way of trying to extricate herself from her past. But she still continued contacting him and meeting up with him whenever he had business out of state. In the interim, she did try OL dating and dating agencies etc but no one really serious. She told all this to him in the meantime. And they continued their affair when those blind dates didn't pan out. Sounds like a friends with benefits /on-off affair deal with me..... I can't imagine a fOW telling her MM about the guys she's been trying to date . Then coming back to the MM when the dates didn't pan out.

Edited March 8, 2018 by mingomatic

[mingomatic]

Do you know how long she knew the MM before they did it? I too don't think he's very married if he's truly estranged from his wife, but then why not divorce.

 

Could be he's using the oldest line that MM use.

'I don't love my wife. I no longer sleep in the same bed as her. I'm staying under the same roof as her purely for the sake of my child. Just wait, just wait I promise we'll be married one day. Oh, I love you, only you'

This was what my counsellor told me about MM behaviour in general.

[mingomatic]

At some of these responses ... Just wow.

 

 

I had been involved with a married man and decided that I wanted to break away even though what I really wanted was to be with him. I hadn't pushed him out of my life at that point, because I thought we were "friends". I met and started dating someone else, someone who was verifiably single and quite interested. In the first month of dating, he asked me directly if I had been involved with the married man, and I lied to him. I felt it wasn't his business, plus the affair had been a secret. We were just dating after all, and it hadn't become serious.

 

 

How'd the new single guy know to ask you directly if you had been involved with the married man? It doesn't seem something he would ask unless he suspected something.

 

Also, your xMM although upset, didn't manage to get ahold of the new guy to sabotage your relationship.

Probably you're smarter in this respect by not telling the xMM about the fact that you are dating and who you are dating. Or did you tell the xMM about who you were dating, like how you'd tell a female friend ?

[Vivir]

How'd the new single guy know to ask you directly if you had been involved with the married man? It doesn't seem something he would ask unless he suspected something.

 

Also, your xMM although upset, didn't manage to get ahold of the new guy to sabotage your relationship.

Probably you're smarter in this respect by not telling the xMM about the fact that you are dating and who you are dating. Or did you tell the xMM about who you were dating, like how you'd tell a female friend ?

 

You're right, Mingomatic. Although the new single guy tried to persuade me that he had an instinct about the married guy, it is most likely that he knew to ask me about the true nature of my relationship with xMM because he actually saw us together at some point in the then-recent past. We all work in the same industry.

 

I did tell the xMM that I had started dating someone else, but I did not tell him who because they did not know each other. If they had known each other, I never would've started dating the SG.

 

You're also right again in that the xMM didn't go out of his way to sabotage the budding relationship although he had been upset. Of course, he had no cause to be upset, in my opinion, since he had been wholly involved with his wife for the duration of the affair (interesting affair logic, right?). I mean, how dare he? And to answer your last question, no, I did not converse with xMM as if he were one of my female friends.

 

Again, now that I've been without my gf for a few weeks now, it all seems clearer that this is the kind of thing she does. Keep 'platonic' relationships with exes.

 

Then she moved to the city I'm in as a way of trying to extricate herself from her past. But she still continued contacting him and meeting up with him whenever he had business out of state. And they continued their affair when those blind dates didn't pan out.

 

I agree with your above assessment about her pattern of keeping so-called platonic relationships with her exes. That is clearly a red flag.

 

As you have realized (and it's likely that she hasn't yet), one cannot extricate from the past, but one can move on from it by severing present-day ties to it... like by completely stopping (inappropriate) communication and definitely stopping meeting up with not-so-former sexual partners from time to time for the purpose of engaging in sexual relations. If I can't introduce my "friend" to my significant other, then that person is not my friend; he or she is something else entirely.

 

Like with you, she will be hard pressed to find a single man interested in investing in her while she carries on an on/off again affair with this married man. They do not seem to be done with each other; he's definitely not done based on what he did to you and to her, and she lacks objective awareness, hasn't shown due care for your feelings or protection, and has not taken measures to cut him out of her life even if she has stopped having sex with him. Trying to figure it all out will drive you crazy, so ... there's that. End of.

 

In related news, she is afraid of what he might do... there are measures she can take if she really wants him gone. Gavin de Becker's "The Gift of Fear" comes to mind... It may come across as harsh, but that is not your problem to solve.

[mingomatic]

 

Like with you, she will be hard pressed to find a single man interested in investing in her while she carries on an on/off again affair with this married man. They do not seem to be done with each other; he's definitely not done based on what he did to you and to her, and she lacks objective awareness, hasn't shown due care for your feelings or protection, and has not taken measures to cut him out of her life even if she has stopped having sex with him. Trying to figure it all out will drive you crazy, so ... there's that. End of.

 

In related news, she is afraid of what he might do... there are measures she can take if she really wants him gone. Gavin de Becker's "The Gift of Fear" comes to mind... It may come across as harsh, but that is not your problem to solve.

 

I see. Well, the MM was her supervisor in a company based in a small town, so probably there were already people who knew about the affair. At least his own in laws and wife, because he wanted a divorce in 2011, but somehow that got messed up.

 

I believe my GF knew her name was mud in her hometown. So she uprooted and came to my town.

 

She had been trying all these years to get a proper, single guy and hide her past, but at the same time keeping up with MM as a platonic friend. It's not like she was planning on two timing (at least in her head) if she found a real boyfriend. I believe she would have truly let go of the married man if she found someone proper that she could forsee a LTR with. I don't think she would have gone with MM even if he was divorced. Shame and scandal and baggage from the ex wife would be in her life, and she didn't want that. Even more so in an Asian society.

 

When the blind dates didn't pan out, it was probably due to other reasons. Not the knowledge of her past. The failure of the blind dates was when she relapsed and sought him out again.

 

MM was probably in denial about all the moves my GF was making, ie seeking out blind dates and telling him about it. The fact that those blind dates were unsuccessful, and she always returned to him sort of fed into his confidence about the status quo remaining. However, she hit it off with me and was ready to break off with him for real. When she told him about me and how she brought me to see her parents in her hometown, it should have been the biggest hint of all. But he saw it as someone taking his cake away, or in his mind he thought he had been betrayed by her after he had destroyed his own marriage for her sake.

 

 

Here, you judge for yourself. His initials are AW, and wrote this letter addressed to her father, Mr.X, but he sent it to me. I'm TS , my GF is J. This guy keeps painting himself as a victim, when he had all the benefits of a mistress for so long.

 

What she eventually does to get this creep out of her life is of no concern to me now. Hopefully she can start from a real clean slate this time without that MM knowing about her new SG. She has learnt her error, no doubt, and will do everything to cherish the next guy without all this emotional cheating with the previous guy. I envy the next guy after me.

 

Hopefully I will be able to start again after this. All your insights have been heartening. I guess the best possible outcome happened for me, even though it saddened me greatly.

 

This is is letter.

 

https://imgur.com/a/juAMD

Edited March 9, 2018 by mingomatic

[Vivir]

She had been trying all these years to get a proper, single guy and hide her past, but at the same time keeping up with MM as a platonic friend. It's not like she was planning on two timing (at least in her head) if she found a real boyfriend. I believe she would have truly let go of the married man if she found someone proper that she could forsee a LTR with.

 

When the blind dates didn't pan out, it was probably due to other reasons. Not the knowledge of her past. The failure of the blind dates was when she relapsed and sought him out again.

 

Mingomatic...

 

This was my logic, too. What you wrote here is exactly what I called myself doing. The problem is:

 

We cannot properly move on and be free and clear for new romantic relationships when a possessive not-so-former romantic-type partner is hanging out in the foreground. This was her mistake. He should've been gone from her life; both of them failed to remove the other. It is counterproductive to her goals to keep the xMM as close as he had been (or still is?). Her feelings for him and how he feels too greatly impact her decisions about new people.

 

Then, how would you have felt if you had become even closer (let's say engaged or even actually married to her) and you found out about this previous affair? For a lot of people, a past affair is a dealbreaker. Then, what if you found out much later and, on top of that, found out that the xMM was still her platonic friend? The consensus is that once the friendship boundary is crossed with a MP, friendship is dead and cannot exist in the future... precisely for the reason you wrote below:

 

MM was probably in denial about all the moves my GF was making, ie seeking out blind dates and telling him about it. The fact that those blind dates were unsuccessful, and she always returned to him sort of fed into his confidence about the status quo remaining. However, she hit it off with me and was ready to break off with him for real. When she told him about me and how she brought me to see her parents in her hometown, it should have been the biggest hint of all. But he saw it as someone taking his cake away, or in his mind he thought he had been betrayed by her after he had destroyed his own marriage for her sake.

 

The move she should've made or been making was removing this man from her life so that she could move on with that clean slate in actuality, not in theory.

 

The boundaries were blurred and their relationship (and I mean relationship in the strictest sense of the word here) has become toxic. In fact, your above paragraph contains elements that I have come to learn as ones that are boundaried by a series of red flags no matter what she was *trying* to do. I tried to do something similar, but my actions and my behavior DID NOT translate to others this way. In fact, they made me come across as SHADY to the single guy... who specifically said he thought I was trying to make a fool out of him. I wasn't *trying* to do that at all.

 

She hasn't "taught" this (still?) married man how to treat her as anything but a mistress, so he believes his position in her life grants him significant access to her person. What she says and what she does must match, otherwise her communication can be misconstrued. That was all I had hoped to convey to you, Mingomatic.

 

ALSO... I read the letter. My thoughts:

 

I am not completely surprised at what was written, but I am completely taken aback that this man sent that letter to her father.

 

The OM/OW area of this forum is replete with events described exactly like what was written in that letter.

 

I agree with you, he does come across as a victim; however, he is entitled to his feelings and apparently he is feeling them and making sure literally everyone suffers with him. Misery loves company.

 

They used each other.

Engaging in an affair is selfish.

MM and OW do not have the same position in an affair, and thus perceive the affair differently.

This married man allowed another party into his marriage; that is on him.

Single OW should not be expected to show loyalty to a married man when involved in an affair; he is feathering his nest elsewhere.

They used each other...

And there are consequences for our actions...

(For further study, I direct you to the OM/OW section of the forum).

 

As for YOU, you are free, my friend. All you can do is take some time to heal from this wound before you make a genuine effort to step out there to date again. Everyone is not involved in such situations, but be forewarned that people are capable of this type of thing and worse; therefore, hope for the best, expect the worst. These are things you already know, I am just reminding you

 

Know your dealbreakers and be willing to walk away if need be. You're greatly saddened, and that is okay! It means you're human and you have feelings. But you will get past this.

Edited March 9, 2018 by Vivir

[Yomachi]

Bang her a few more times and then cut bait?

 

Just saying: Work on this attitude mate.

 

That you even seriously considered this. That you had sex with her even though you knew you wanted to break it off.

 

I know you say you know it's wrong and makes you a horrible person, but you still did it. Why have you compromised your morals and why didn't you break it off immediately?

[GoldenR]

Just saying: Work on this attitude mate.

 

That you even seriously considered this. That you had sex with her even though you knew you wanted to break it off.

 

I know you say you know it's wrong and makes you a horrible person, but you still did it. Why have you compromised your morals and why didn't you break it off immediately?

 

I wasn't sure if OP's comment was a joke or not.

 

But if it wasn't, I really don't see anything wrong with it. It's not like she was in an honest relationship with him anyway.

[Yomachi]

I wasn't sure if OP's comment was a joke or not.

 

But if it wasn't, I really don't see anything wrong with it. It's not like she was in an honest relationship with him anyway.

 

If you wrestle with a pig you both get filthy.

 

I'd like to remind you that she broke it off with MM because she saw a long term relationship opportunity with OP. I'm pretty sure they hadn't had the exclusivity talk yet, so she didn't do anything wrong to OP.

 

Having said that, it does need a very egoistical streak to prioritize your own sexual fulfilment on the expense of other people, so clearly it was wrong of her to hook up with the MM because they were hurting his wife and kids.

 

But then OP does the same thing and also prioritizes his sexual fulfilment on the expense of other people!

 

"I really should have broken up with her then and there, but I was in love, and also I had a darker reason. I wanted to have sex with her. I couldn't stand breaking up with her if I didn't at least have sex with her. So I went along with her"

 

I don't know, I like to be better than people, not stoop to their level.

[mingomatic]

Just saying: Work on this attitude mate.

 

That you even seriously considered this. That you had sex with her even though you knew you wanted to break it off.

 

I know you say you know it's wrong and makes you a horrible person, but you still did it. Why have you compromised your morals and why didn't you break it off immediately?

 

I didn't know I wanted to break it off. At that moment, all I thought was how I saw those photos and I thought to myself 'I WANT" , like a child seeing ice cream in the store. Asking me 'why' as if we are all rational beings making correct decisions at all times is an exercise in futility. Just like asking 'why do women and men conduct affairs'.

 

I don't know quite how to describe it. Combination of white knighting and having a romantic notion of her falling for me because I accepted her past, and yet at the same time having a sense of entitlement to sex because 'since she was willing to do it for a married man, she should be willing to do it for me'.

 

 

If I had gotten that letter much later in our relationship or even marriage, our relationship , sex life and trust would be much more established and I wouldn't be so insecure and jealous. I believe she would have ceased contact with him (yes, I believe that she had been trying hard to minimize contact with the MM because I happened to snoop on her email inbox on her laptop while she was in the bathroom, and there were like 10 unopened emails from him, all from last month. All had subject headings like 'HEY I'M STILL ALIVE HERE. WHERE ARE YOU? etc. The persistent, demanding type of email. Not the lovey dovey kind) .

 

But as it stood, 3 months into the relationship was a bad time to suddenly receive this kind of news .

Edited March 12, 2018 by mingomatic

[road]

To find out thirty years after you married her it would of hit

you just as hard, even harder.

[mingomatic]

To find out thirty years after you married her it would of hit

you just as hard, even harder.

 

Anybody you know personally who found out really late ?

[mingomatic]

And???????

 

You realize the reason the Hurricane known as your girlfriend even mentioned how he could contact you, right?

 

Why is this guy nuts about her and willing to blow his own life apart to be with her?

 

Can you believe anything she says?

 

Dude come on, you aren't seriously going to cave into accepting one moment of this low drama are you?

 

I will try to be about as nice about this as I can. I know you have strong feelings for her and she is beautiful and all that jazz...but her parents were ready to ship her off on you like they were returning a broken washing machine to Sears before they went out of business.

 

She still has the MM in her life, To what extent, you'll truly never know.

 

Frankly, why would you want to know? She is showing you who she is, and we've all seen this movie many times.

 

The result is usually the same. Not in a good way either.

 

This is about as good as it's gonna get with her.

 

Respect yourself enough to see that your current relationship needs to see it's last Sunrise.

 

Good Luck

 

I don't think she deliberately told him how he could contact me. She just was careless with my real name and job. Totally forgot about how the internet makes it so easy . The rest he could figure out by himself. I think she genuinely wanted to hide him from me. Her carelessness and inability to cut him off completely was what enabled that MM to find me.

[Cullenbohannon]

My fiancee ha a past that might have been a game changer had there not been space between the past and present. There has been very little time between the MM and you.. Her intentions are probaly honest, however there is still some crossover.

 

Maintain your dignity and be better than a MM, whose i tentions are only sex. That letter is pathetic and weak. And he sent that to her father?. OWs seem to always chose losers. It appears the main problem is fear of being the plan b "good guy". That is reasonable, given the timing and situation she put you in.

 

Separate and tell her why. Do not use her for sex.Let her know you are no one's plan B. Let her know how you feel but that you will walk away if need be.

 

Instead of burning down the forest, try planting a tree. One day it might bear the fruit that you really want.

Edited March 12, 2018 by Cullenbohannon

[road]

Anybody you know personally who found out really late ?

 

Stories like that pop up all the time on infidelity forums. You have not

been around long enough.

[mingomatic]

Stories like that pop up all the time on infidelity forums. You have not

been around long enough.

 

really? care to link a few?

[road]

really? care to link a few?

 

At this age I have a hard time keeping the story lines straight

with the current threads.

[mingomatic]

If you wrestle with a pig you both get filthy.

 

I'd like to remind you that she broke it off with MM because she saw a long term relationship opportunity with OP. I'm pretty sure they hadn't had the exclusivity talk yet, so she didn't do anything wrong to OP.

 

Having said that, it does need a very egoistical streak to prioritize your own sexual fulfilment on the expense of other people, so clearly it was wrong of her to hook up with the MM because they were hurting his wife and kids.

 

But then OP does the same thing and also prioritizes his sexual fulfilment on the expense of other people!

 

"I really should have broken up with her then and there, but I was in love, and also I had a darker reason. I wanted to have sex with her. I couldn't stand breaking up with her if I didn't at least have sex with her. So I went along with her"

 

I don't know, I like to be better than people, not stoop to their level.

 

I don't know. Maybe it was her karma. Karma put me on her path. I also like the way you use 'opportunity'. Opportunity for a LTR. What's the adjective for opportunity? Opportunistic? Was she really into me? Yeah, maybe. But why was she really into me? Because I was scandal free? Like second choice? She couldn't have the MM because of all the scandal and ostracization that would follow, so she went for me. That was also what fed into my insecurities.

I know some people would take the position 'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. She's with you, she chose you.'

However, I think that the reason she chose you is also important. Does she truly love you? Or are you just a socially acceptable choice to jump onto before she reaches her expiry date. (sorry, girls. this is how it is in Asian society)

Edited March 20, 2018 by mingomatic

[mingomatic]

Hello guys.

Update here. I've been through 3 weeks of expensive counselling. I'm sleeping normally and eating normally.

Went for some online dates but haven't really been able to capture the past feeling I had with her.

A few days ago, my ex sms'es me and asks me if I'm free after work because she had a shopping card with 300 bucks that she left at my place.

I felt rage. I wanted to just ignore her but I decided then that I wanted to hurt her again.

So I didn't sms reply. I went home and crafted an email.

 

 

 

No, I’m not at work.

I left early for a booty call . I’ve given up on counselling once I realize it doesn’t help with my pain. The real cure is to cheat on you so I can feel the same thrill of cheating that you did when did all those things with a married man. I realize there was no point being faithful to you when you are so unfair to me. I would have stayed faithful to you if you acted more sexy and slutty like a mistress for me and sent me photos when I asked you for them. But no, you pretend to be innocent. Yet, I know you open your legs for married man so often and send him photos, but you pretend to act innocent with me. ****ing double standard.

It is only fair that I be allowed to have two women if you allowed A Wong to have two women also. Ｉhate being nerdy goody goody Guy who is expected to be faithful, but A gets to have sex with two women and you don’t mind.

So I have gone to be with this sugar baby I met online. It felt so good to have sex with her while you were unaware of her existence. You treat me so unfairly that I have to go be with a sugar baby. If only you acted sexy and slutty with me like you did with A, and not pretend to be innocent. If only I had thought of this much much earlier.

 

I love it with her. I enjoyed cheating on you with her every time I got unfair treatment from you when you refuse to send naughty photos. It helped ease the pain I felt from the unfairness. Those things you willingly and frequently did with the married man. The sheer unfairness of it all when I constantly have to think of those photos that you gave him but refused to do similar for me. Maybe now you know how A’s wife feels.

 

This girl I met is so sexy and honest. I know she slept with married men before. But I don’t mind because she is fair and honest to me. She doesn’t treat me like nerdy Guy. I am Guy the big bad wolf that makes her so crazy for me that she wants to go to my hotel or condo and sleep with me all the time and send me sexy pictures all the time.

Whatever she does for married men in the past , she also will do the same for me. She will wait for me in hotel rooms or booty call me in my condo . I hook up with her whenever you pretend to be innocent and don’t want to sleep with me. She will send me sexy pictures when I ask her for some. She will even promise to keep herself hidden from any other girlfriend or wife that I have later on. She enjoys doing that for me. Now you know how A’s wife feels.

She knows who she is and doesn’t pretend to be innocent and refuse this and refuse that, especially knowing what she did before.

She doesn’t pretend ‘it's in her past’ She’s not like you. You act sexy and slutty and send so many pictures and sexy emails to a married man that you loved for six years and then turn around and suddenly refuse to send me pictures when I ask. Then you send him pictures of you in bed asking whether you can e a Victoria Secret model. Then you try to minimize it by saying you ‘lapsed’. Keep changing the subject to christmas song and send me irrelevant pictures when I ask you for naughty pictures like the ones he got. She doesn’t do that . I ask for naughty pictures, I get naughty pictures. She is not faking like you. You think I’m some nerdy fool, right? Do you know how upset I am that you only send those kinds of picture to him but refuse to do the same for me ? And You sent so many to him. The ones where you bare your breasts and buttocks and show your face and suck on hotdog? Now I f found a woman who can do these for me without being hypocrite about it.

 

I even showed her some of the pictures from A so she can copy the bra and panty style that you wear and imitate your pose.

 

No matter who I date, she has to act fairly. If she was chaste with her last boyfriend, I don’t mind acting gentlemanly. But if she acted like a slut with previous boyfriend but refuse to do that with me, I view that as unfairness and double standard.

 

Best part is that she doesn’t mind being my mistress while I get another girlfriend or even a wife.

Later I will get to have two women like A did. And it feels great and powerful to have a mistress who desires me all the time. I really wanted that feeling with you after I knew you were a mistress. You refused to act sexy for me like you did with A. You and your double standard of morals for me. Keep playing hard to get. Keep acting innocent when I know you’ve been sending sexy pictures and willingly spreading your legs for a married man for six year. Seems like you love it and open your legs willingly when guys are cheaters and treat their wife badly. You don’t want to say you love me even when I first told you I accept you with your past. You keep treating me like nerdy Guy and make fun of my nerdy ness Tease me like I’m some inexperienced teenager when I say I love you. Never say you love me back. Never send me sexy emails lAed ‘PRIVATE. NOTTI” like you did so often with A. Never come to my condo for booty call but you can fly to other cities to meet him for booty call all the time last time .That really made me think. Maybe you do love bad guys who cheat and lie to their wife and treat guys like me as nerdy fools . I hate being nerdy Guy. I want to be the big bad wolf that is desirable to women and make them want to do things like send sexy pictures and come to their hotel for booty call .You won’t make me feel like the big bad wolf. With my new woman, she doesn’t treat me like nerdy Guy all the time. When I want her to be naughty , she treats me sexily , like I am the big bad wolf. I feel the thrill that A had with you that you refused to give me.

 

And I don't have the shopping card.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Hello guys.

Update here. I've been through 3 weeks of expensive counselling. I'm sleeping normally and eating normally.

Went for some online dates but haven't really been able to capture the past feeling I had with her.

A few days ago, my ex sms'es me and asks me if I'm free after work because she had a shopping card with 300 bucks that she left at my place.

I felt rage. I wanted to just ignore her but I decided then that I wanted to hurt her again.

So I didn't sms reply. I went home and crafted an email.

 

 

 

No, I’m not at work.

I left early for a booty call . I’ve given up on counselling once I realize it doesn’t help with my pain. The real cure is to cheat on you so I can feel the same thrill of cheating that you did when did all those things with a married man. I realize there was no point being faithful to you when you are so unfair to me. I would have stayed faithful to you if you acted more sexy and slutty like a mistress for me and sent me photos when I asked you for them. But no, you pretend to be innocent. Yet, I know you open your legs for married man so often and send him photos, but you pretend to act innocent with me. ****ing double standard.

It is only fair that I be allowed to have two women if you allowed A Wong to have two women also. Ｉhate being nerdy goody goody Guy who is expected to be faithful, but A gets to have sex with two women and you don’t mind.

So I have gone to be with this sugar baby I met online. It felt so good to have sex with her while you were unaware of her existence. You treat me so unfairly that I have to go be with a sugar baby. If only you acted sexy and slutty with me like you did with A, and not pretend to be innocent. If only I had thought of this much much earlier.

 

I love it with her. I enjoyed cheating on you with her every time I got unfair treatment from you when you refuse to send naughty photos. It helped ease the pain I felt from the unfairness. Those things you willingly and frequently did with the married man. The sheer unfairness of it all when I constantly have to think of those photos that you gave him but refused to do similar for me. Maybe now you know how A’s wife feels.

 

This girl I met is so sexy and honest. I know she slept with married men before. But I don’t mind because she is fair and honest to me. She doesn’t treat me like nerdy Guy. I am Guy the big bad wolf that makes her so crazy for me that she wants to go to my hotel or condo and sleep with me all the time and send me sexy pictures all the time.

Whatever she does for married men in the past , she also will do the same for me. She will wait for me in hotel rooms or booty call me in my condo . I hook up with her whenever you pretend to be innocent and don’t want to sleep with me. She will send me sexy pictures when I ask her for some. She will even promise to keep herself hidden from any other girlfriend or wife that I have later on. She enjoys doing that for me. Now you know how A’s wife feels.

She knows who she is and doesn’t pretend to be innocent and refuse this and refuse that, especially knowing what she did before.

She doesn’t pretend ‘it's in her past’ She’s not like you. You act sexy and slutty and send so many pictures and sexy emails to a married man that you loved for six years and then turn around and suddenly refuse to send me pictures when I ask. Then you send him pictures of you in bed asking whether you can e a Victoria Secret model. Then you try to minimize it by saying you ‘lapsed’. Keep changing the subject to christmas song and send me irrelevant pictures when I ask you for naughty pictures like the ones he got. She doesn’t do that . I ask for naughty pictures, I get naughty pictures. She is not faking like you. You think I’m some nerdy fool, right? Do you know how upset I am that you only send those kinds of picture to him but refuse to do the same for me ? And You sent so many to him. The ones where you bare your breasts and buttocks and show your face and suck on hotdog? Now I f found a woman who can do these for me without being hypocrite about it.

 

I even showed her some of the pictures from A so she can copy the bra and panty style that you wear and imitate your pose.

 

No matter who I date, she has to act fairly. If she was chaste with her last boyfriend, I don’t mind acting gentlemanly. But if she acted like a slut with previous boyfriend but refuse to do that with me, I view that as unfairness and double standard.

 

Best part is that she doesn’t mind being my mistress while I get another girlfriend or even a wife.

Later I will get to have two women like A did. And it feels great and powerful to have a mistress who desires me all the time. I really wanted that feeling with you after I knew you were a mistress. You refused to act sexy for me like you did with A. You and your double standard of morals for me. Keep playing hard to get. Keep acting innocent when I know you’ve been sending sexy pictures and willingly spreading your legs for a married man for six year. Seems like you love it and open your legs willingly when guys are cheaters and treat their wife badly. You don’t want to say you love me even when I first told you I accept you with your past. You keep treating me like nerdy Guy and make fun of my nerdy ness Tease me like I’m some inexperienced teenager when I say I love you. Never say you love me back. Never send me sexy emails lAed ‘PRIVATE. NOTTI” like you did so often with A. Never come to my condo for booty call but you can fly to other cities to meet him for booty call all the time last time .That really made me think. Maybe you do love bad guys who cheat and lie to their wife and treat guys like me as nerdy fools . I hate being nerdy Guy. I want to be the big bad wolf that is desirable to women and make them want to do things like send sexy pictures and come to their hotel for booty call .You won’t make me feel like the big bad wolf. With my new woman, she doesn’t treat me like nerdy Guy all the time. When I want her to be naughty , she treats me sexily , like I am the big bad wolf. I feel the thrill that A had with you that you refused to give me.

 

And I don't have the shopping card.

 

Dude, you're hurt, and you want her to hurt too.

Guess what? She won't. You can keep trying til your face is blue,

In the end, she's happy with what she got and she'll go,

You need to figure out how long you'll mourn after HER.

Edited June 6, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed derogatory language

[Poutrew]

Dude, I hope you only made up those things to hurt her and that you didn't do any of it for real. Because if you did, she won. She managed to tear you down to her level. She is in control, and you are merely her puppet whose strings she jerks around for her own amusement. YOu should have just told her you didn't have her blanken' gift card, and permanently broke up with her. That way, she could only take herself to hell. As it stands now, you are providing her good company for the trip...

[mingomatic]

Retroactive jealousy. It's a bitch to deal with.

[fredflint]

Just be friends with benefits with her man. Keep on having fun but don't expect to have a white picket fence ending with her.

 

yeah sex is never fun on a white picket fence

[mingomatic]

Dude, I hope you only made up those things to hurt her and that you didn't do any of it for real. Because if you did, she won. She managed to tear you down to her level. She is in control, and you are merely her puppet whose strings she jerks around for her own amusement. YOu should have just told her you didn't have her blanken' gift card, and permanently broke up with her. That way, she could only take herself to hell. As it stands now, you are providing her good company for the trip...

 

No. I do believe that she wanted to change her life for real. Just that she didn't do it properly and enabled retroactive jealousy to enter the relationship when I got all the visual stimulation of intimate selfies and screenshots of texts, courtesy of a vengeful married man.

 

All I can think of is emotionally hurting her to 'get even' , even though this relationship is over.

I want her to think that I was cheating on her so she can feel my pain.