Having second thoughts about a friends with benefits relationship. He's married

[smackie9]

OP don't you have better things to do? You know like dating eligible men that are single and willing to put you first...no manipulation or bull crap?

[Aqulesco]

have you sent him nudes or sexted with him since you found out he was married?

[Vivir]

I did start liking him a lot I admit it.

 

I tried to tell him last night that it's a big mistake to go through with our fwb relationship. He texted me back telling me that I'm the only one he wants to have fwb with. And how he wants to have fun in and out of bed with me.

 

Seducedbypassion, take a step back and try for a few moments not to think with your emotions.

 

Try to create a new frame through which to view what he has told you.

 

You two do not want the same things, even though you did say to him that you didn't want a relationship period.

 

You admitted to us above that you started liking him a lot. This is a good time to put a STOP to this affair.

 

Even if you don't want that relationship, you did not want to have a FWB arrangement with a married person. His words (and actions) show that he is quite content carrying on with you while he goes home to another person day in and day out. He is and will continue lying and cheating, and you will continue to be a party to that, an enabler, the get-away car driver, if you will.

 

He used your words to get what he wants, which is someone to use for sex, fun, an ego stroke. <---- this is what he literally said to you. Usually, we surmise on LS that the majority of married men want this but hide that fact with their words... not this man. He came right out and told you. I'm sure he felt brazen to do so based on what you said to him before this physical stuff started... he will eventually use those words to his benefit AGAIN if you try to ask more of him, tell him of your increased feelings, etc.

 

When you expressed your concern and hinted at wanting to stop, he began laying on those words... These words sound like he wants more than an affair, but he doesn't. These words are HOOKS to ensnare you and then reel you in.

 

Don't be fooled. He is not a good person.

 

STOP seeing him. STOP engaging. This is NOT the situation you want. Trust me.

[S2B]

Man this married dude is really working you.

 

Just end it. You won't be mentally available to anyone who wants a real relationship.

 

This guy is totally disrespecting his wife - and you are helping him do that!

 

He's just gross. Tell him no more!

 

He doesn't deserve to know where you are! You want him telling you every time he kisses his wife? Tells her he loves her? Every time he has sex with her? He's just not nice to either of you gals he's roped into his web.

[Timshel]

I had no idea for 9mos that he was married. He made me believe that he was a single guy looking for just hook ups with someone.

 

I tried to tell him last night that it's a big mistake to go through with our fwb relationship. He texted me back telling me that I'm the only one he wants to have fwb with. And how he wants to have fun in and out of bed with me.

 

Now you know.

Have an affair with a married man...or not. Tough decision, smh.

This is your call, your energy and your body. The decision you make will be what you live with for the rest of your life.

It's clear that you are negotiating rather than walk away.

That's all you.

[carhill]

Putting aside the married issue which is the worst factor. He wants to know what I'm doing all the time where I am at and tells me he misses me when I can't text him for awhile .Lots of messages that he's thinking of me. Before he goes to bed he asks for a pic of me so he can sleep better and dream about me ugh. All non Fwb behavior. More like I feel he's obsessed with me and felt like I was getting in deep and into something that might not be a good situation. Way be for the married part came into the picture.

 

Yeah, that sounds far beyond normal NSA sex stuff. It appears like you have a good handle on this. I had a similar experience (relationship status deception by a married person) decades ago and it soured my outlook on women for a goodly period of time and to a certain extent still affects sincerity and trust. IMO, healthier to accept things as they are, he's married and you won't have a true and complete relationship with a married person so bid him farewell and move on and consider the experience tuition at relationship university.

[S2B]

It's true you've known for a long while yet continued on with the affair.

 

A persons character is determined by what they will do or won't do... I hope you can see this isn't something that shows your best character.

[William]

Members, there were two parallel threads running in CFJ and OM/OW so I merged them and deleted some duplicate content. Please read back for any nuances or clarifications or responses in the merged thread. As always, our guidelines of discussion apply. Thanks!

[CatMinx]

Have you asked yourself why you’re not turned off by his marital status at all?

[S2B]

It's far from no strings sex since he's demanding pictures and wanting to keep tabs on you.

 

Sounds controlling and manipulative to me - which a turn off for me no matter who I'm seeing.

 

Certainly ballsy since he's married.