Really need

[James01]

Some of you may remember my first post about me and my wife getting being separated but we still are we have been making GREAT progress but we ran into a problem today. So we are separated and i know she hangs out with other guys from time to time i can honestly say i get most of her time. She wants me to show months of consistency until we decide to be back married. For the first couple weeks i was going along with it but now I’m starting to get frustrated

 

I feel like if we mutually agree to try to fix our marriage you hanging out with other guys is only complicating things. Now I’ll be honest she was asleep i went through her phone. She likes one guy i can tell i know my wife. I known her since 2012. He just wants to have sex with her i can tell from how he talks. I feel as if he was. On same page as her she wouldn’t be trying to work out our marriage and I’ll be a think of the past . To be honest with myself i deserve to be thing of the past. I told her if we decide to get back i don’t want her talking to anybody she has had feelings for or anybody that has tried to be sexually with her. She has a problem with that she said she has boundaries and she will never cross them it’s just platonic . I feel as though platonic has to be mutually. If he is asking her for sexually favors that’s not the case so if we do get back why should you have any communication with him. She is really mad at me for bringing it up but i have to stand firm and put my foot down. Being in contact with somebody you have or had feelings for while married is just asking for disaster to happen. He shouldn’t mean that much to her that if her husband says if we decide to get together he has to be thing of past . I am not controlling and I’m truly ok with her having male friends if it’s strictly platonic but i feel like their situation isn’t . What do you guys think ?

[PegNosePete]

I feel like if we mutually agree to try to fix our marriage you hanging out with other guys is only complicating things.

Yes. Clearly she is more interested in shopping around for someone more compatible, than fixing your marriage. If I were you I'd divorce her.

[BaileyB]

She has a problem with that she said she has boundaries and she will never cross them it’s just platonic . She is really mad at me for bringing it up but i have to stand firm and put my foot down.

 

I would suggest that you tell her respectfully that you also have boundaries, and one of these boundaries is that you will only be with a woman who is not talking with or going out with other men.

 

If she is really committed to you and rebuilding your relationship, she won't have a problem with this. The fact that she is upset by your request, well... that says something about her commitment to your marriage and her priorities.

[MidwestUSA]

Please just grant this woman a divorce and let her go on her way.

 

Spend some time working on yourself, and try to support those four kids. But your chance with her has come and gone.

[James01]

Please just grant this woman a divorce and let her go on her way.

 

Spend some time working on yourself, and try to support those four kids. But your chance with her has come and gone.

 

I think it’s time

[FerDeLance]

Hi James01,

I read your older post and I simply encourage you to try to be a better person. You don’t have a lot of cards. She has a masters degree while you barely graduated high school, as you stated. I am not judging you but you should consider that as a real stroke of luck. You want her to submit to you and then you got mad when she doesn’t wash your clothes or fix dinner. When it comes to chores, my wife and I have this attitude of doing things in the house as if we were not married, living alone. I’m sure she would appreciate it if you do more than your share. Being a burden is one way to push someone away and being a blessing and source of joy and happiness, does the opposite. You cannot demand a lot from her right now, the way you have been. I suggest that you find help on how to be a real asset in your marriage and not just put a show because when she sees an improved person and that is authentic, you might be able to win her again.

[James01]

Hi James01,

I read your older post and I simply encourage you to try to be a better person. You don’t have a lot of cards. She has a masters degree while you barely graduated high school, as you stated. I am not judging you but you should consider that as a real stroke of luck. You want her to submit to you and then you got mad when she doesn’t wash your clothes or fix dinner. When it comes to chores, my wife and I have this attitude of doing things in the house as if we were not married, living alone. I’m sure she would appreciate it if you do more than your share. Being a burden is one way to push someone away and being a blessing and source of joy and happiness, does the opposite. You cannot demand a lot from her right now, the way you have been. I suggest that you find help on how to be a real asset in your marriage and not just put a show because when she sees an improved person and that is authentic, you might be able to win her again.

 

 

I really appreciate this response and yes I’m not giving up i love her and i will change

[FerDeLance]

Hi James01,

I am glad that I can help in some way. I want to add that marriages need a lot of work. You need friends who will support you and her instead of pitting you against her. But you don’t just pull ideas from a tree, you need ideas and help from books whose authors are experts in marriages. I know I do and even if I don’t do everything they say there are always tidbits in there that my wife and I were able to use. A friend told me about a new book called Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away by Gary Chapman. I haven’t read it but I plan to get one because I have read some of the author’s other books. Work hard on your marriage but always have hope.