i'm out of touch with her.

[Surfer guy]

I don't know what to do! My girlfriend and I have been together for about two months now. She keeps telling me how great I am and how she misses me so much when her and I aren't together. She has a (guy) friend that lives right up the street from me and for the past week she says that she's been working non stop. But just yesterday, I decided that I wanted to get out of the house and go for a walk. That morning she sent me an email saying that she'll try and call me if she gets a chance. Well, as I was walking I came up on that guy's house and noticed that her car was parked in the driveway. Then, out of the corner of my eye she was standing outside of his van with the passenger door open on the passenger side. As I looked up at her, she looked up at me and then jumped into the van, and closed the door really fast, as if she was trying to hide from me. I just kept walking and pretended that I didn't see her. Later that night, I sent her an email saying that I wanted to talk to her. I know that she is just friends with the guy and I told her that I totally respect that. But for her to behave like that was way odd. I don't know to think that it was because, she's cheating on me, or she doesn't want me to think that she's cheating on me, or that she thinks I'm spying on her, or what. What would cause a woman to behave like that? She has my mind all in circles and I haven't talked to her all that much in like a week. I want to know what is up. What should I do? I feel like I'm losing control. I don't want her to feel like she has to hide from me. What do you think?

[Tony T]

There's no good reason to speculate because there are all sorts of reasons why she jumped into the van upon seeing you.

 

It's likely she was embarassed because she's been telling you how much she's been working...and, instead of seeing you in some spare time she found, she was at her guy friend's house.

 

There is a chance she is two timing you. There's a chance she was there for some specific purpose and just didn't want to have to explain to you.

 

I think she was rude and showed deceptive intentions by what she did.

 

She had told you that she would call you if she got a chance, yet she found the time to see her guy friend but didn't find the time to make a quick call to you. Obviously her buddy is a higher priority than you are. Maybe it's not romantic but he sure is giving her something you aren't for her to put him higher on her list.

 

You have very legitimate and reasonable questions about this behavior but ONLY she will be able to answer them. Frankly, I would have a lot of trouble trusting a person like this. It wasn't like she was there planning a surprise party for you or something and got discovered. She hadn't seen you much and then found time to see her "buddy." That hurts and it pissed you off too, I'm sure.

 

Confront her in a gentle way but softly and firmly ask her these questions. If she stumbles and stammers, just walk away and don't turn back.

 

For me, I wouldn't even bother asking questions. She would never hear from me again. But I can understand why you might be curious as to her rude behavior and odd prioritization of time.

 

I would really be grateful if you would post again and let us know how all this was resolved. If you do keep her around, you're not going to trust her much for a while. You sound like a very nice and trusting guy...and that may be your problem. Lots of younger women aren't too keen about guys who are incredibly nice. But that's still no excuse for what she did.

[surfer guy]

There's no good reason to speculate because there are all sorts of reasons why she jumped into the van upon seeing you. It's likely she was embarassed because she's been telling you how much she's been working...and, instead of seeing you in some spare time she found, she was at her guy friend's house. There is a chance she is two timing you. There's a chance she was there for some specific purpose and just didn't want to have to explain to you. I think she was rude and showed deceptive intentions by what she did. She had told you that she would call you if she got a chance, yet she found the time to see her guy friend but didn't find the time to make a quick call to you. Obviously her buddy is a higher priority than you are. Maybe it's not romantic but he sure is giving her something you aren't for her to put him higher on her list.

 

You have very legitimate and reasonable questions about this behavior but ONLY she will be able to answer them. Frankly, I would have a lot of trouble trusting a person like this. It wasn't like she was there planning a surprise party for you or something and got discovered. She hadn't seen you much and then found time to see her "buddy." That hurts and it pissed you off too, I'm sure.

 

Confront her in a gentle way but softly and firmly ask her these questions. If she stumbles and stammers, just walk away and don't turn back.

 

For me, I wouldn't even bother asking questions. She would never hear from me again. But I can understand why you might be curious as to her rude behavior and odd prioritization of time.

 

I would really be grateful if you would post again and let us know how all this was resolved. If you do keep her around, you're not going to trust her much for a while. You sound like a very nice and trusting guy...and that may be your problem. Lots of younger women aren't too keen about guys who are incredibly nice. But that's still no excuse for what she did.

Well, I haven't heard from her yet. I told her that my cell phone was on. But she hasn't given me a call, no email, no nothing. I've been thinking about sending her an email telling her that I want out. Then, going my own way. Man, I really appreciate your help! Thank you very much!!!

[Tony T]

If you want out, I wouldn't even bother contacting her at all. If you haven't heard from her by now, she is embarassed and it isn't likely you'll hear from her in a while. It's probably better that way.

 

If she didn't have anything to hide, she would have called you by now. She's a fraud and it will be very hard to get back any trust for her or what she says.

 

I'm so sorry this happened to you but it's better to see where she's coming from now...than much later.

[surfer guy]

There's no good reason to speculate because there are all sorts of reasons why she jumped into the van upon seeing you. It's likely she was embarassed because she's been telling you how much she's been working...and, instead of seeing you in some spare time she found, she was at her guy friend's house. There is a chance she is two timing you. There's a chance she was there for some specific purpose and just didn't want to have to explain to you. I think she was rude and showed deceptive intentions by what she did. She had told you that she would call you if she got a chance, yet she found the time to see her guy friend but didn't find the time to make a quick call to you. Obviously her buddy is a higher priority than you are. Maybe it's not romantic but he sure is giving her something you aren't for her to put him higher on her list.

 

You have very legitimate and reasonable questions about this behavior but ONLY she will be able to answer them. Frankly, I would have a lot of trouble trusting a person like this. It wasn't like she was there planning a surprise party for you or something and got discovered. She hadn't seen you much and then found time to see her "buddy." That hurts and it pissed you off too, I'm sure.

 

Confront her in a gentle way but softly and firmly ask her these questions. If she stumbles and stammers, just walk away and don't turn back.

 

For me, I wouldn't even bother asking questions. She would never hear from me again. But I can understand why you might be curious as to her rude behavior and odd prioritization of time.

 

I would really be grateful if you would post again and let us know how all this was resolved. If you do keep her around, you're not going to trust her much for a while. You sound like a very nice and trusting guy...and that may be your problem. Lots of younger women aren't too keen about guys who are incredibly nice. But that's still no excuse for what she did.

What's up? She called me today and we talked about this whole thing. Turns out it wasn't even her. She said that she was at work and that she had let that guy borrow her car because his truck broke down (she bought her car off of him too). She said that she's been too busy to even check her emails, so when she called me today, she just wanted to talk to me. So she had no idea that I even emailed her sayin that something was up. She also said that no guy has ever been this concerned about a relationship with her before. So she said that she feels like someone accually cares about her. And she also said that she wouldn't do anything to jepordise that. And that if it was her, she'de come up and say hi! So I feel better about it. What do you think? I mean, I feel like things should be okay for now. But I guess I just freaked out. I mean I didn't even get a real good look at the girl. I more or less, just saw her out of the corner of my eye and from a pretty good distance away. I didn't come off as being mad at her when I mentioned it. I just told her what was bugging me and she seemed to have totally understood. Well, thank you again for the advise. I really appreciate it!!!