Her time of the month is hell, every time

[cabbageman]

How much [abuse] should a guy take when her woman is on her period? Like my gf just gets insanely negative. She goes from the happy person I loved to this morbid [person]. Every period she says she needs wine. Every period she seems to have excuses to justify her negative behavior. And she's 42. You'd think that by now she'd have this [behavior] under control. Should women have that [behavior] under control by then?

 

What can I do to make this time of the month smoother?

 

Do you cater to those bad behaviors or do you do like me and reject them outright and threaten to break up?

 

I have a very hard time being sympathetic to anything, my mom was a successful tiger who never complained about [anything] and I am just not used to dealing with procrastination.

Edited March 6, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[basil67]

I've never experienced PMS in my life. Yet I know other women who really struggle during this time. The fact that some woman sail through it doesn't mean that all women sail through it.

 

*Threatening* to breakup is a very immature response. Either break up properly or stay and find ways to manage it in ways which work for both of you.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

There is help out there for people who struggle with PMS. Last week I had it so bad I cried for 48 hours and was actually thinking how much easier it would be to be dead. (I told my mother how I was feeling, I was safe). Life's stressors are magnified times ten during this time for some women, and thinking and reasoning can become very distorted and "catastrophe-like."

 

She doesn't have to be this way, though. There is help. But she has to want to stop feeling and behaving the way she is and seek out the help.

[vanhalenfan]

PMS is weird thing. I never used to change at all during my time of the month, except the occasional annoying headache. Now, that headache has manifested itself into a migraine and with it comes nausea, diarrhea, cravings for salt and sugar at the same time, and yes, sometimes moodiness. However, some women suffer from Premenstrual Psychosis which is a lot more severe...Maybe your girlfriend falls under this?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

PMS is weird thing. I never used to change at all during my time of the month, except the occasional annoying headache. Now, that headache has manifested itself into a migraine and with it comes nausea, diarrhea, cravings for salt and sugar at the same time, and yes, sometimes moodiness. However, some women suffer from Premenstrual Psychosis which is a lot more severe...Maybe your girlfriend falls under this?

 

I used to have PMDD, which is basically just PMS times ten. It became debilitating for me for two weeks out of every month. Thankfully a Prozac medication called Sarafem helped me. I stayed on it for about 2.5 years. This was in my early thirties.

[cabbageman]

Interesting! It's difficult for me to comprehend.

 

So what should I do as a supportive partner during this time?

[basil67]

I would suggest you encourage her to get help. But if she's mean to you, don't accept it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Interesting! It's difficult for me to comprehend.

 

So what should I do as a supportive partner during this time?

 

I suggest you bring it up at a time when she's "sane" . Talk to her about it when she's not PMSing and tell her how much you feel like it is affecting your relationship and ask her if she can maybe talk to her doctor about it. Don't negate or place blame on her feelings (her actions are another story), and make sure you tell her you know you can't relate but you'd like to see her not feel like this every month.

[dichotomy]

Every female I know has responded differently.

 

Some medical/mental health doctors work with this issue, we had one that wanted to help my oldest daughter who has bad episodes sometimes. I would see if you could help her get to see one.

[somanymistakes]

How does she feel about the situation? Does she think her behaviors are that different, or is she not aware of it? If she doesn't really see it as a problem you might want to record evidence. Help her keep a mood diary so she can see how much she changes over the month.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

How does she feel about the situation? Does she think her behaviors are that different, or is she not aware of it? If she doesn't really see it as a problem you might want to record evidence. Help her keep a mood diary so she can see how much she changes over the month.

 

Yeah, this is key. She has to acknowledge it and want it to be different. If not, it's an uphill battle for sure.

[Excedrin PM]

She could be perimenopausal. But as her partner, showing empathy is precious to a woman. Get her some space, scented epsom salts, and time for a good soak. She's in physical and emotional pain.

Edited March 7, 2018 by Excedrin PM

[bathtub-row]

I would suggest you encourage her to get help. But if she's mean to you, don't accept it.

 

This is true. No matter what she's going through, it's not a license to verbally abuse you or go off the deep end.

[LivingWaterPlease]

There's a piece on Drudge Report today about The Bachelor tv show. Contestants reveal that the producers like to interview them during their periods because they get the most drama out of them at that time. They will say things they'd never think or say any other time of the month.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

There's a piece on Drudge Report today about The Bachelor tv show. Contestants reveal that the producers like to interview them during their periods because they get the most drama out of them at that time. They will say things they'd never think or say any other time of the month.

 

I don't doubt that. Have you ever seen the TV Series (fiction) Unreal? It's a show that is a fiction version of The Bachelor, about all the manipulation that goes on. (The first season was interesting....not it's on the 3rd I think and it's just dumb because it's more of the same).

[RecentChange]

Ahh fun stuff.

 

Here's the deal - hormones play a huge role in controlling our emotions. I mean, look at dudes that get roid rage - that is due to the hormones they are taking affecting their moods.

 

Women get huge influxes of hormones during their menses. And this can influence mood.

 

Now the fun part, for most women this isn't totally consistent month to month, and often changes over the years.

 

I used to get ZERO pms symptoms, but then around my mind 30's I started to notice a pattern where I would get anxiety right before my period. It took a bit to recognize the pattern (which isn't always consistent!).

 

I use an app for tracking my period, and I also make notes to track mood etc.

 

These days, if I start to feel anxious, I check my app, and more often than not, my period is just around the corner.

 

This helps me be cognizant of it, and I can get past my anxiety by telling myself it's my body playing tricks on me.

 

I also let my husband know "hey, just about due for lady time of the month, I am sorry I am feeling extra fustrated, I will try to chill out".

 

I also love that my app gives me a heads up when my period is approaching - it makes me be more conscious of my emotions.

[treehugger12]

There is an episode on “Everybody Loves Raymond” on this topic, you have to watch, it’s great! I’m a woman in my my forties, I don’t think PMS was a big struggle for me, but I know for some women, it has...like my coworker who’s in her 30’s, I can always tell when she’s PMSing, she always warns me too, I always tell her, “thanks for the warning”, but really don’t need it, I’ve worked with her long enough to know! Some women really struggle with it, I think it’s super sweet that you care enough to reach out and see how you can help, your a great guy for that! But please don’t ever, ever throw in her face if she is having a mood, you must be PMSing!!!!!!!!

[Popsicle]

How much [abuse] should a guy take when her woman is on her period? Like my gf just gets insanely negative. She goes from the happy person I loved to this morbid [person]. Every period she says she needs wine. Every period she seems to have excuses to justify her negative behavior. And she's 42. You'd think that by now she'd have this [behavior] under control. Should women have that [behavior] under control by then?

 

What can I do to make this time of the month smoother?

 

Do you cater to those bad behaviors or do you do like me and reject them outright and threaten to break up?

 

I have a very hard time being sympathetic to anything, my mom was a successful tiger who never complained about [anything] and I am just not used to dealing with procrastination.

 

I really do feel that some people enjoy being melancholy.

Or worse, they enjoy being cranky.

You can't reason with these people because they like being in this state.

All you can do is not accept abuse and draw the line.

[Woggle]

No matter the reason you are under no obligation to be a punching bag. You gain nothing from it. There are no cookies handed out for men who allow themselves to be treated like crap for whatever reason.

[Aiuta le mani]

Hey man! Thanks for sharing here! I agree with the fact that you should not take any abuse at any time! Also, I think that you can find ways to educate yourself on PMS and help her to get options for physical and emotional support. Talk to her when she is not going through this period of time and ask a professional for information on it and options for support. Please let me know if you need help finding someone to talk! I am sure that with your support, she can find options to improve the quality of her life and your relationship! Keep moving forward my friend!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I really do feel that some people enjoy being melancholy.

Or worse, they enjoy being cranky.

You can't reason with these people because they like being in this state.

All you can do is not accept abuse and draw the line.

 

So, so true!!! Hopefully she doesn't actually enjoy being in this state and will get help!

[spiderowl]

Well I know how she feels. I suffered badly with dark moods in the 10 days or so up to the start of a period. I was depressed, felt awful, felt I looked awful - and I got outbreaks of painful and visible spots on my face at that time. I had the lowest self-esteem imaginable, struggled to think through problems and often felt suicidal. It all lifted the day after my period started. Basically, it was hell. I had to carry on as if feeling normal and generally did not inflict any of this on anyone else. I just retired and cut myself off as much as possible because I was struggling.

 

I read up about PMT in women's magazines (we didn't have the amazing source of information that is the internet then and it was certainly not something I would have discussed with my mother). The magazines had conflicting information and occasionally they mentioned seeing a doctor. Most of the magazines seemed to think that drinking plenty of water and washing your face regularly would help - well, it never did. Hormones are not controlled by such measures, unfortunately.

 

I went to see doctors, on more than one occasion, after summoning up the courage to do so. They seemed uninterested but one was willing to try a birth control pill which was supposed to help. It didn't and got side-effects of acne and weight gain to add to my already serious skin problems, so the doc advised another contraceptive pill. That one left me feeling a little more evenly balanced but caused bleeding. It seems I couldn't win. Doctors really didn't seem to know too much about it and were not able to help, so I had to cope. I never did get any help really.

 

Thankfully, I don't have that issue any more, though I am left with depression, which I think in part was due to my experiences of spending half my life feeling depressed and often desperate. I am surprised I am still here.

 

I think doctors are more aware of the options now and your girlfriend may be able to be referred to a hormonal specialist if she is having severe problems. It is worth her finding out about her options. There may even be support groups online who could advise her.

 

I appreciate that for you it seems like hell too. I am pretty sure this can damage relationships. Try to understand that it is not a choice your girlfriend is making. We do not have control over hormones and other brain chemicals. You have a few choices really - to support her and encourage her to get some help; to let her know that it is causing you serious stress too and that there is a risk of the relationship breaking up if things don't improve; or simply to break up. Your girlfriend needs support and care when trying to deal with this herself; she probably feels very alone with it all. However, if you do not see her as a potential long-term partner you may feel there is no point getting further involved. Only you know really how much you love her and if you can see a future with her even if she is battling this problem. I'm sure she would appreciate your support either way, whether you two stay together long term or not.

Edited March 10, 2018 by spiderowl

[LivingWaterPlease]

I don't doubt that. Have you ever seen the TV Series (fiction) Unreal? It's a show that is a fiction version of The Bachelor, about all the manipulation that goes on. (The first season was interesting....not it's on the 3rd I think and it's just dumb because it's more of the same).

 

Haven't seen, but interesting concept!