preraph Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 Women simply don't accept the double standard that it's okay for men but not for women. The more they've "explored," the more confident they are in this stance and the less likely they are to put up with anyone judging them about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 I've been with many women who were just about as self-conscious about boob size as men are about penis size. And if they have large enough boobs then they are worried about how their weight, or height, or hair, or skin, or whatever measures up against others before them. Women are often full of insecurities just like men. Just about all of what you are saying can be altered or changed.....and only really tall/awkward looking women have height hangups... Add to the fact that not only does it have to be big(or at the very least average), it has to "work"...flawlessly....all the time.... Apples vs oranges comparison, imo.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 Women simply don't accept the double standard that it's okay for men but not for women. The more they've "explored," the more confident they are in this stance and the less likely they are to put up with anyone judging them about it. Men simply don't have to accept the double standard that they are obligated to pay for dates while women don't, but that won't mean it wont affect them in some way... TYFY Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 Just about all of what you are saying can be altered or changed.....and only really tall/awkward looking women have height hangups... TFY You're making the mistake of thinking that people's hangups are based in reality. How many times have we read the guy who's 5'8 complaining that he's short? Or the guy who's appendage is 6" complaining that he's small. Likewise, many women can have hangups about things which aren't issues at all. Then there's the thing about how people can change, but still feel insecure. Plastic surgery is full of people like this - on a never ending quest to find security via physical change. A number of years ago, I worked with a guy who was smokin hot and buff. He used to be tubby. Despite him having lost all the weight and training, he was still an insecure tubby guy inside. I tell you, reassuring him got really old. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 Men simply don't have to accept the double standard that they are obligated to pay for dates while women don't, but that won't mean it wont affect them in some way... TYFY I'm not sure where you're going with this. If I didn't date a guy who judged me because of my past, it's no loss to me. Likewise, if a guy doesn't date a woman because she doesn't see herself as an equal, it's no loss to him. Isn't it better to avoid those who's beliefs are not compatible with ours? Sure, it minimises the dating pool, but I'd rather work from a smaller pool of people who are more likely to work with me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 (edited) Assuming you are talking about men who simply "bedded" many women (as opposed to having many wives), there is no biological imperative that would cause such behaviour to be naturally selected for. Well sure there is. It's accepted that men and women employ asymmetrical mating strategies. Fathering many offspring (say, dozens or hundreds) without sticking around has been a successful strategy for men who can pull it off. In fact, that in and of itself would likely be selected against, as a solo mother's offspring is much less likely to survive than the offspring of a mother whose mate sticks around. Right, but this is the female's perspective, not the males. Females are limited in the number they can have in a lifetime, so their optimal strategy is to ensure the success of each and every one... including the selection of a mate who will stay around to assist. But sometimes that nice man who stays around to help her will be spending his valuable time and resources propagating another man's genes (see paragraph above). Whatever genetic benefit such a man would have conferred would be lost against that huge disadvantage. There CAN be a biological imperative towards choosing a man who will protect her when she bears the children and who will (and can) provide for them, though, because such pairings increase the odds of the offspring surviving to multiply. Again, correct from the female perspective only. Indeed, but here we are talking about WIVES, not just men who bed many women. In all of those populations, those men tend to be rich (or at least, relatively rich by their community's standards), because you have to provide for the women that you marry. 1/10th of a village chief's resources is more than 100% of a beggar's resources. It's a provider thing, not a "man who has slept with many women" thing. Yea, yea, yea. What we're talking about in this paragraph is the female's ability and willingness to knowingly accept the fact that her mate is bedding other women, whereas the inverse is not true. Of course money matters to polygamous women, just as it does to monogamous women. I'm not sure what point you're trying to make here... it's obvious that more equals better in the genetic proliferation game, and money is an advantage regardless of how you slice it. So your argument is that large numbers are irrelevant unless the guy has money and sticks around to provide and protect. I'd say that's incorrect. However, if the guy has large numbers AND provides and protects (or tricks another man into doing it for him), that is optimal. Edited March 7, 2018 by salparadise Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 Well sure there is. It's accepted that men and women employ asymmetrical mating strategies. Fathering many offspring (say, dozens or hundreds) without sticking around has been a successful strategy for men who can pull it off. Successful in what way? And in what culture? If you're talking polygamy, the guy does stick around. If you're talking Western culture, he's up for a mountain of child support. And any woman who has self esteem wouldn't touch him with a 40ft pole. Sure, he's got offspring, but he will find himself avoided by good women and poor as well. I wouldn't call this 'success'. If you're talking history, the child (and probably mother) would likely die of starvation/poverty or by primitive abortion techniques. Again, not success. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 I'm not sure where you're going with this. If I didn't date a guy who judged me because of my past, it's no loss to me. Likewise, if a guy doesn't date a woman because she doesn't see herself as an equal, it's no loss to him. Isn't it better to avoid those who's beliefs are not compatible with ours? Sure, it minimises the dating pool, but I'd rather work from a smaller pool of people who are more likely to work with me. I'm going in the same direction you are... I'm tatted up..Nothing crazy, but more than average.... I know there is a stigma and don't care...I've accepted it and move forward with my life...I don't need to be universally accepted....Nor do I need for society to change it's views on my decisions... I get the feeling some women don't like the fact that they may get judged more negatively than men for what they choose to do in the bedroom...I say that's life and live with it...Don't look for acceptance from the world or a reason why things should change.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 I'm going in the same direction you are... I'm tatted up..Nothing crazy, but more than average.... I know there is a stigma and don't care...I've accepted it and move forward with my life...I don't need to be universally accepted....Nor do I need for society to change it's views on my decisions... I get the feeling some women don't like the fact that they may get judged more negatively than men for what they choose to do in the bedroom...I say that's life and live with it...Don't look for acceptance from the world or a reason why things should change.. TFY Indeed. We can twist ourselves in knots worrying about what others think...and trying to please everyone. Or we can realise that no matter what we do, not everyone will approve. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 Though best for women to not talk about past to prevent retroactive jealousy. Though if asked how many partners, they both need to be honest. I've never held back on my past. If a guy gets upset about it, that's his problem, not mine. I teach my daughter "don't ever let a man shame you for past decisions" As it so happens, I quite like hearing partner's stories from the past. It tells a lot about their journey and how they got to be the person they are today. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 Indeed. We can twist ourselves in knots worrying about what others think...and trying to please everyone. Or we can realise that no matter what we do, not everyone will approve. Yep... You see this topic come up on this site often, yet in my own life it's seemingly a complete non issue...I wouldn't expect to encounter nothing but virgins, and understand human behavior...It's never come up in any conversation, and I really don't care about what someone did or didn't do.. I dunno...As a guy I understand how some guys operate and how insecurities come into play when it comes to this topic....A lot guys do seem un nerved and almost frightened by women with a lot of sexual experience.. I'm not a woman and believe in transparency, but if I was one, i''d probably lie about this issue and I absolutely wouldn't volunteer that info...When I read threads on here about women just outright telling guys that they've been with a lot/better/bigger/whatever, I am just floored...It almost seems like they are intentionally trying to unnerve the guy.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 7, 2018 Share Posted March 7, 2018 I'm not a woman and believe in transparency, but if I was one, i''d probably lie about this issue and I absolutely wouldn't volunteer that info...When I read threads on here about women just outright telling guys that they've been with a lot/better/bigger/whatever, I am just floored...It almost seems like they are intentionally trying to unnerve the guy.. TFY Oh yeah, talking about size/quality/whatever is just rude no matter what gender. I've never shared that info nor had it shared with me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 (edited) I'm going in the same direction you are... I'm tatted up..Nothing crazy, but more than average.... I know there is a stigma and don't care...I've accepted it and move forward with my life...I don't need to be universally accepted....Nor do I need for society to change it's views on my decisions... I get the feeling some women don't like the fact that they may get judged more negatively than men for what they choose to do in the bedroom...I say that's life and live with it...Don't look for acceptance from the world or a reason why things should change.. TFY Most women are going to lose respect for and be done with a guy who's judging them like that, so it all works out. You don't want them; they don't want you. If someone still wants to limit their dating pool to virgins when they're middle aged, no sweat off our backs. Edited March 8, 2018 by preraph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Guildford Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 I appreciate all the responses to my question and they were certainly enlightening. A few parting thoughts: The response by Somanymistakes was interesting; apparently women do sometimes worry about a man’s prior sex history. Apparently there is a societal shift to adventure sex. My father certainly insisted on marrying a virgin, but I did not. I was my wife’s first and only (I believe), but that was not a condition that must be met before I proposed. I believe that some here got off the track saying that their virginity was not the business of any new boyfriend. No sane man today would insist that the lady be a virgin prior to marriage or that he be the only one, prior relationship sex is not the problem, the question is did she engage in adventure sex? It may be that a lady’s prior sex history is none of the boyfriend’s business, but the prior sex history of a future spouse is the partner’s business if the partner wants to know. I have read what problems this prior history can cause prior to the wedding; I can imagine what problems it causes after the wedding. Thank you for your response, I now have a better understanding of the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 Indeed. We can twist ourselves in knots worrying about what others think...and trying to please everyone. Or we can realise that no matter what we do, not everyone will approve. I imagine as time passes and women continue to do as they want people will have no other choice but to accept it just like they do with every other change. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 I appreciate all the responses to my question and they were certainly enlightening. A few parting thoughts: The response by Somanymistakes was interesting; apparently women do sometimes worry about a man’s prior sex history. Apparently there is a societal shift to adventure sex. My father certainly insisted on marrying a virgin, but I did not. I was my wife’s first and only (I believe), but that was not a condition that must be met before I proposed. I believe that some here got off the track saying that their virginity was not the business of any new boyfriend. No sane man today would insist that the lady be a virgin prior to marriage or that he be the only one, prior relationship sex is not the problem, the question is did she engage in adventure sex? It may be that a lady’s prior sex history is none of the boyfriend’s business, but the prior sex history of a future spouse is the partner’s business if the partner wants to know. I have read what problems this prior history can cause prior to the wedding; I can imagine what problems it causes after the wedding. Thank you for your response, I now have a better understanding of the situation. So are future husbands going to give a list of their prior sex partners and the details to their future bride? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 I appreciate all the responses to my question and they were certainly enlightening. A few parting thoughts: The response by Somanymistakes was interesting; apparently women do sometimes worry about a man’s prior sex history. Apparently there is a societal shift to adventure sex. My father certainly insisted on marrying a virgin, but I did not. I was my wife’s first and only (I believe), but that was not a condition that must be met before I proposed. I believe that some here got off the track saying that their virginity was not the business of any new boyfriend. No sane man today would insist that the lady be a virgin prior to marriage or that he be the only one, prior relationship sex is not the problem, the question is did she engage in adventure sex? It may be that a lady’s prior sex history is none of the boyfriend’s business, but the prior sex history of a future spouse is the partner’s business if the partner wants to know. I have read what problems this prior history can cause prior to the wedding; I can imagine what problems it causes after the wedding. Thank you for your response, I now have a better understanding of the situation. A little tip: If she didn't engage in adventure sex before you, it's unlikely that no matter how close you get she's going to be engaging in adventure sex with you. As much as men complain about women not wanting sex as much as they do, this is exactly what confounds me. They want a woman who doesn't want sex enough to be out getting it, but they expect her to turn into a tiger just for them. Please. Link to post Share on other sites
Agonistes Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 A little tip: If she didn't engage in adventure sex before you, it's unlikely that no matter how close you get she's going to be engaging in adventure sex with you. As much as men complain about women not wanting sex as much as they do, this is exactly what confounds me. They want a woman who doesn't want sex enough to be out getting it, but they expect her to turn into a tiger just for them. Please. It all stems from insecurity. At the end of the day I want a woman who enjoys sex with me. That means I probably have to accept that she has enjoyed sex with others in the past. Big deal. I like to think I am a better lover than those blokes anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Guildford Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 Stillafool: "So are future husbands going to give a list of their prior sex partners and the details to their future bride?" If she wants a list of prior sex partners she is entitled to it. What if she wants to know if he has engaged in prior domestic violence, isn't she entitled to that information? Preraph: "A little tip: If she didn't engage in adventure sex before you, it's unlikely that no matter how close you get she's going to be engaging in adventure sex with you." "Adventure sex" by definition does not include six within a relationship or marriage, no matter how kinky it gets. Today a man will have to accept that his wife has had multiple sex partners in loving relationships; he does not have to accept that his wife has had multiple sex partners where there was not emotional attachment. Maybe he should accept one ONS, every dog gets one free bite. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 If she wants a list of prior sex partners she is entitled to it. What if she wants to know if he has engaged in prior domestic violence, isn't she entitled to that information? No, she is not entitled to this information. Just as a man is not entitled. And if a woman thinks an a violent man will come out and say he's physically abused other women in the past, she's delusional. If finding out a person's past is important to a person and the partner won't share, then it's a matter of compatibility. Entitlement doesn't come into it. Today a man will have to accept that his wife has had multiple sex partners in loving relationships; he does not have to accept that his wife has had multiple sex partners where there was not emotional attachment. Maybe he should accept one ONS, every dog gets one free bite. No, he doesn't have to accept his wife having had previous partners in any shape or form. Of course, this may leave him very much struggling to find a partner...but he does have choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 Stillafool: "So are future husbands going to give a list of their prior sex partners and the details to their future bride?" If she wants a list of prior sex partners she is entitled to it. What if she wants to know if he has engaged in prior domestic violence, isn't she entitled to that information? Preraph: "A little tip: If she didn't engage in adventure sex before you, it's unlikely that no matter how close you get she's going to be engaging in adventure sex with you." "Adventure sex" by definition does not include six within a relationship or marriage, no matter how kinky it gets. Today a man will have to accept that his wife has had multiple sex partners in loving relationships; he does not have to accept that his wife has had multiple sex partners where there was not emotional attachment. Maybe he should accept one ONS, every dog gets one free bite. No one is entitled to know how many sex partners the other had before they met them. And it's counterproductive and paranoid and just reflect a lot of unhealthy insecurity. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 If I were with a guy who had a LOT of different partners and ONS’s, it would bother me a great deal and I wouldn’t stay with him. It’s one thing to have some experience, quite another to not be selective and somewhat introspective about who they land in bed with. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 Let me first say that I don't care about a woman's numbers. It means nothing. He attitude towards men and relationships does matter but that is not the same as how much sex she has had. That being said women aren't usually bothered by it because if a man has had a lot of partners it usually means he is desirable to women which is a huge plus to other women. Women tend to have this need for their men to be approved by other women that men on an average tend not to have. I think women could spare themselves a lot of heartbreak if they viewed men who play around in a negative way but that is another thread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BarbedFenceRider Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 I'll just throw this right here.... Genius wraps this one up with a bow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 I'll just throw this right here.... Genius wraps this one up with a bow. Oh, those are hilarious. I liked Magic Number too. Link to post Share on other sites
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