How persistent should fat/ugly women be when pursuing men?

[shoplocal]

I'm a fat and ugly woman with a personality that many men have complimented me on, and I think I'd make a good partner. I also clean up decently well when needed, it's just not a habit of mine.

 

I'm 35 and have never been in a relationship, ever. I have given up on having a family, but I'd still like to love and be loved by my own person. My friends are great, but adult friendship takes the back burner to romantic partnerships and children, which almost all of my friends have. Also, I'm gradually realizing my friendships are stronger, better, and healthier when I don't rely on them for all of my emotional needs. So I'd like a partner and I think I'd make a good one.

 

Common wisdom, and my friends' advice, is to let things go when it comes to men. Firstly, they don't recommend that I make the first move. But no one is interested in me based on my appearance and I'm a very driven, go-getter type person (when motivated). So I began initiating with men in non-romantic ways, so that they could see my personality, and return the interest if they were so moved.

 

Generally, this means me reaching out via email/social media (ie, writing) over a common interest and trying to start a conversation. After about 2-3 messages, the man disappears. My friends told me to take that as a sign and move on. It hurts, but it's what I've been doing...for years. And I'm still single and still haven't been in a relationship.

 

Conversely, they're all either pretty or man magnets or both, so none of them have been single since high school, and they've never had a shortage of interested men (even though they're in relationships). I feel their advice is good for them, since there is no point fixating on one dude when there's going to be another one tomorrow, but my landscape is barren.

 

So my question is - should I more persistently pursue men until I get a literal 'no' instead of the implied 'no' of silence, or should I accept that I'm too gross for anyone to want to be with me? I'm actually trying to do the latter, but the thought of spending my life unloved, unloving, and untouched makes me feel a deep, painful hopelessness that scares me. But being 'positive' and 'optimistic' seems unrealistic.

 

Thoughts?

[shoplocal]

And for add'l clarification:

 

- I'm not suggesting that a partner would or should fulfill all my emotional needs! More that I've realized different people and different roles combined, create a whole and healthy emotional landscape. That includes attending to some of my emotional needs by myself, regardless of how many friends or partners (ha) are in the picture.

 

- I reach out to men via writing because I usually meet interesting men in passing, at one-time events, and not in my routine daily life. If there were some in my routine, daily life, I would feel comfortable letting things unfold or not because it's much easier to gauge repeated in-person interactions.

[clia]

I'm a fat and ugly woman with a personality that many men have complimented me on, and I think I'd make a good partner. I also clean up decently well when needed, it's just not a habit of mine.

 

You don't make it a habit to clean up? What does that mean?

 

So my question is - should I more persistently pursue men until I get a literal 'no' instead of the implied 'no' of silence, or should I accept that I'm too gross for anyone to want to be with me?

 

Silence is "no." There is no reason for you to continue pushing it if a man isn't responding. When a man is interested, he will not ignore you.

 

What kind of men are you pursuing? Are they "fat and ugly" like you say you are? Unfortunately, men are very looks focused. Have you done anything to improve your appearance, like losing weight, make-up, hair, clothing?

[losangelena]

Hmm. Another fat woman here. I have a lot to say on this topic, but have to rush off to work, so will come back later. I feel bad that you feel the way you feel about men. Based on my own experience, I can tell you that there are indeed men who find fat women attractive, and they will pursue. Maybe we need to figure out a different approach for you.

[FilterCoffee]

So my question is - should I more persistently pursue men until I get a literal 'no' instead of the implied 'no' of silence, or should I accept that I'm too gross for anyone to want to be with me? I'm actually trying to do the latter....

 

Don’t wait for them to say no because in most cases guys are just going to ghost if their interest is elsewhere.

 

I bet you’re not ugly. If you slim down and get some good style tips, you’re going to get a LOT more attention and then you can let your personality shine! My gym is famous for a 21 day weight loss program and I’ve seen so many people transform their appearance in this short span of time. With good training, you can look a lot more fit, become healthier and have a huge confidence boost that will be very attractive. I think you should go down this route. Happy Women’s Day

[Mike800]

Be persistent and go after what you want..life's too short..

 

Don't buy into these people who think men and women should all be alike and only men should pursue.

 

Who caress if you get rejected you don't know these people..men go through it all the time..even good looking guys get rejected on cold approaches

[alphamale]

cats are a good alternative for male company

[Agonistes]

Fat AND ugly? Oh my. That sounds really tough. There is a guy who works for me who is all about what a woman's face looks like. He literally doesn't care about her weight. He often finds himself with the BBW type. He himself is quite thin. Too thin.

[Maggie4]

No matter. You can take the silence as a "no" or you can pursue and hear the word "no". It's still no, and men have no problem saying it to any woman they don't want, fat or thin.

I don't think pursuing (persistence) changes their mind, but seduction works. Here you need a good amount of self confidence. You don't need to be attractive by conventional standards, you just need to make the man believe he thinks you're attractive to him. I don't mean making it up with a good personality. I really mean physical attraction can be a BELIEF.

But you do need to set your standards not too high, it just works better when two people are more similar. In fact, you have a better chance with a man that looks like you. There's familiarity. If you look at many photos of married couples, you find they often share a certain similar look on the face, ie they look like a pair.

[preraph]

Because you brought up "cleaning up," I'm just going to comment on that. There are people who leave the house and go to the store or whatever in very bad clothes and look like they just crawled out of bed. Whether man hunting or not, the first thing you need to do is clean up every single time you leave the house, and by clean up, I don't just mean shower and do your hair and a touch of makeup, which only takes 2 minutes, but never to leave the house in sweats or rubber thongs or any type of beat up shoe, and to put together an actual outfit and accessorize it so you look your best every time you head out the door. I have a feeling it is this more than you feeling unattractive that is putting people off. No one looks at a disheveled woman in pajama pants or sweats and horrible shoes and thinks "I'd like to spend the rest of my life with her."

 

And even if you end up with a man, you shouldn't just let yourself sit around looking your worst. It's just not that hard to put on a blouse instead of a t-shirt and dark jeans or pants instead of sweats or faded old jeans, and to make sure everything fits you properly. If you are short, hem your pants. There are plenty of clothes that are comfortable enough to lounge around in. For example leggings with a long tunic is just as comfortable as staying in your pajamas all day and looks neater. Makeup takes two minutes to highlight your eyes and put on some gloss. Take care of your hair. I'm an old fat lady and my hair is the best thing about me. Get a professional haircut you can maintain, but make sure it's feminine, preferably shoulder length or more. Guys like longer hair. Talk to a good stylist about whether your hair color is right for your complexion.

 

Remember men don't like women to dress like men. Wear something feminine, a v-neck blouse that shows just a little cleavage, and wear some costume jewelry or real jewelry so you look put together. You don't have to wear high heels unless you want to. There's so many dress flats out there now that will go with anything, or little boots. If you have a waist at all, wear clothes that show your waist, even if it's not small but just that you have one. Men are attracted instinctively to the shape of a woman. So show your shape instead of hiding it with boxy baggy clothes and highlight the best parts.

 

You said yourself you clean up real well, so do that each time you leave the house. Start every day by showering and putting on a dab of makeup and then you are ready for whatever comes up. It's hard to establish a relationship just running errands, but you might start seeing someone repeatedly and start saying hi.

 

And then of course, you need to stay active in all your interests because that's where you might meet someone you have something in common with. Put yourself in situations where you'll see the same people over and over and that's how you make friends and people get used to you and like you. Join a bowling league or take up a sport. Get involved in community. You sound social, so work that. Go to neighborhood gatherings, church, political or police gatherings and mingle. Volunteer doing something you'd enjoy and meet all kinds of people doing that, good people. Dress kids for prom or begin fostering for pet rescues. Volunteer your time at the zoo or at church or teaching English or fixing computers.

 

The worst that could happen is you meet some new acquaintances, and you never know. I'm old, fat and ugly, and I'm not looking, but I have no problem getting people and men to chat it up with me.

 

I'm not for pushing on someone you can tell isn't interested. If he's interested, you'll know.

[stillafool]

I doubt seriously you are ugly. There is something attractive about everyone. I see people who most wouldn't consider beautiful getting married all the time. Unless you have unreasonably high expectations there are men who will be attracted to you. Make hygiene and personal appearance a "habit" and smile.

[carhill]

I'm a fat and ugly woman with a personality that many men have complimented me on, and I think I'd make a good partner. I also clean up decently well when needed, it's just not a habit of mine.

One can quantify fat with numbers but ugly is in the realm of perception and varies widely. I usually apply the 'Lovett test' on that, respecting the one-time marriage of Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett.

I'm 35 and have never been in a relationship, ever. I have given up on having a family, but I'd still like to love and be loved by my own person. My friends are great, but adult friendship takes the back burner to romantic partnerships and children, which almost all of my friends have. Also, I'm gradually realizing my friendships are stronger, better, and healthier when I don't rely on them for all of my emotional needs. So I'd like a partner and I think I'd make a good one.

Sounds familiar. I was still a virgin at 35, though I'd dated plenty and had a few girlfriends. I was waiting for a serious LTR or marriage. A whole bunch of stuff happened between 35 and 41 when I did get married, none of which I could have ever envisioned at 35. The future is unknown, generally.

 

Common wisdom, and my friends' advice, is to let things go when it comes to men. Firstly, they don't recommend that I make the first move. But no one is interested in me based on my appearance and I'm a very driven, go-getter type person (when motivated). So I began initiating with men in non-romantic ways, so that they could see my personality, and return the interest if they were so moved.

I tend to agree with your friends/family and would suggest leaving the go-getter stuff for your career. Connect with your feminine side for attracting men.

 

Generally, this means me reaching out via email/social media (ie, writing) over a common interest and trying to start a conversation. After about 2-3 messages, the man disappears. My friends told me to take that as a sign and move on. It hurts, but it's what I've been doing...for years. And I'm still single and still haven't been in a relationship.

IMO, real life will work better for you than electronic means. Also, consider your demographic. If it's swimming in women and men are sparse, tough row to hoe. If women are in demand, far easier time of it.

 

 

Conversely, they're all either pretty or man magnets or both, so none of them have been single since high school, and they've never had a shortage of interested men (even though they're in relationships). I feel their advice is good for them, since there is no point fixating on one dude when there's going to be another one tomorrow, but my landscape is barren.

People know what they know when they know it. However, just as I did when striking out on the LTR field, watch successful women and learn from them and apply to your circumstances.

 

So my question is - should I more persistently pursue men until I get a literal 'no' instead of the implied 'no' of silence, or should I accept that I'm too gross for anyone to want to be with me? I'm actually trying to do the latter, but the thought of spending my life unloved, unloving, and untouched makes me feel a deep, painful hopelessness that scares me. But being 'positive' and 'optimistic' seems unrealistic.

 

Thoughts?

 

I'll share some tips from the lady I married, whom I always thought was cute (part of why I married her) but definitely realized she was fat (was when we met, was when we divorced, weight having nothing to do with that)....

 

1. Always put your best foot forward. If that means getting help with your image, even paid help, cool, do that. Make looking your best a habit. Not fake, but rather the best you.

 

2. Release your inhibitions. Enjoy your sexual thoughts and feelings about men and let that show. Practice that. Not obvious stuff but in your mind. Present an open and sexual aura. That may not come naturally. It takes practice and focus.

 

The lady I learned that, and a lot of other stuff from managed to take her weight and looks and enjoy at least three men as husbands (I was the last) and was continuously with a man since she was 18 or so (her first M was at 21). While we were D'ing, she moved the guy she's been living with now for about 8 years in and didn't miss a beat. Short, overweight, lousy childhood, cute face, go-getter like you. Oh, also, tip #3, relish sex. There's little sexier than a woman who likes sex. She may not like the guy but she enjoys the ride. Guys want to be with her.

 

Decades ago the woman who gave me life was single many years, didn't get married until around your age and had me when she was 37. The outside was pretty enough to get her into print ads but still the road to marriage was tough, especially when peers were marrying in their teens. Long life, enjoy the ride, the end never goes well.

[BarbedFenceRider]

Some of my better "sexcapades" was with a heavier woman.

 

Now my wife approaching 40 is getting heavier. she works out and is actively trying to get fit, but still she is extremely beautiful.. She carries herself well, dresses appropriately and doesn't over-do it.

 

Most MEN by 35 and older really are into partners inside and out. Not just magazine covers....

[guest569]

Preraph, I agree that small changes and effort to your appearance can give you a bit of a boost - but not a complete overhaul as that would be changing who you are. You have to have your own style and go with it. To get all dolled up and put together a stunning outfit just to grab some milk and bread just seems ridiculous to me, but other women may like to. And likewise some men will not even notice/care about your outfit, and others will.

 

Also OP, what are your online communication skills like when you're pursuing these men? Do you ask them questions about themselves? What could you do to keep your interest? I definitely agree with your friends who suggested to move on if the conversations fizzle out. I don't think anyone should have to try very hard or persistently to get a date / relationship. There are occasions where the hard work paid off, but move on and find someone that wants to go out with you. They're out there.

[GuitarGuy7]

I'm sure you've heard this advice over and over again in your lifetime but have you considered losing weight?

 

 

You said so yourself, you want to be liked by men, you want to be in a relationship, you're tired of being written over and passed off.

 

 

Now i'm going to give you some bad news. The majority of men do not find obese women attractive. A bunch of men using online dating were surveyed and the #1 biggest fear that a man had before going on a first date was that the woman was going to end up fat. And yeah you can say that some men arne't going to care about your weight, but let's be honest the majority of men are going to care.

 

 

But don't let this discourage you because now i'm going to give you some good news. Weight can be changed, you can lose a ton of weight. It will be hard work yes, it will be painful yes, but by making the changes to your weight, you will be able to potentially attract more men thus improving your dating options.

 

 

There's this story of a girl I knew back in high school. She was super fat and super obese. She decided to make it her goal to lose a bunch of weight when she was in her twenties, now she looks a lot better. She even has a boyfriend now.

 

 

You should make it your goal this year. Lose a bunch of weight, do everything in your power to lose weight. Go to the gym, eat healthier foods, get surgery, do whatever takes until you are within a normal weight change. And let the fact that you want a boyfriend be your motivation to do it.

[shoplocal]

You don't make it a habit to clean up? What does that mean?

 

 

 

Silence is "no." There is no reason for you to continue pushing it if a man isn't responding. When a man is interested, he will not ignore you.

 

What kind of men are you pursuing? Are they "fat and ugly" like you say you are? Unfortunately, men are very looks focused. Have you done anything to improve your appearance, like losing weight, make-up, hair, clothing?

 

Hi Clia! I used to do the hair/nails/makuep/shoes bit religiously, and thought I looked good. Certainly, I looked much better than if I didn't! But repeatedly was told by men that I still looked ugly. I spent a lot of time and money on my appearance and it didn't come easily - I also spent hours and hours watching technique videos on Youtube and practicing - so I said eff it. If I'm going to be ugly anyway, I'm going to spend my time on money on something productive. Now I make clothing and have several craft hobbies with the money and time I used to spend on my appearance. And wear no makeup, and my hair is always in a messy bun, and my shoes are practical.

 

Also, in the past, I went to the gym and walked a ton and took dance classes. I was still fat. I finally went to a food therapist to help fix my eating habits, and while it has worked, I haven't lost any weight. I've just gotten stable at a slightly higher weight than I was before.

 

I do not pursue pretty men, ever. Only average to ugly dudes. I don't have a preferred body type - skinny is fine, fat is fine. I've never been into muscular, but wouldn't hold that against a man if he were into me. I don't care about height or race. I prefer less hair :-p but again, beggars can't be choosers.

 

And thank you for your input I hate silence. It gives me nothing to work with, but I guess that's why they do it - they don't want me to bother them anymore.

[shoplocal]

So many thoughtful replies, thanks all!

 

Maggie4 - seduction sounds awesome confidence is elusive at the moment, but I'll let this idea marinate in my brain. Maybe something will come of it.

 

Preraph - I wear neither sweats nor jeans, but I get what you're saying. I used to do that. I never left the house without getting right from head to toe! It made no difference, so I eventually stopped. I've also had a million interests at any given time, as well as volunteered. Last year is the first year since high school that I didn't volunteer at something. I have never stayed in the house because I'm ugly and unwanted, I've always done my own thing. After all, ya gotta do something with the days you're given!

 

Stillafool - def ugly. Both men and women have been telling me this since I was a child. Deformed? No. Not deformed. But not pleasing-faced.

 

Carhill - Waiting and letting men decide whether they want to contact me, is feminine - right? At least I've got that in the bag, haha. Took years to master the necessary restraint, though, so maybe I wasn't perceived as feminine in the past? My area is a massive college town with a highly educated workforce that's about half women. Smart women know not to get fat in the first place, so the competition is definitely steep! As for tapping into my sexuality - my friends and family kept shaming me. 'Show your legs' they'd say. The moment I wear a skirt, it's like a mortal sin has been committed. 'Show your arms', but tank tops are a sin. I do it anyway, but their voices are in my head so it's not fun.

 

smiley1 - even in the rare instance of being around a man in person, I always try to ask him about things he's good at, or educated in. That way the convo is interesting to him. I'm interested in everything, so I'm always eager and fascinated when we communicate.

 

GuitarGuy7 - yep, been trying to lose weight for almost 10 years now. Had some successes, but nothing stuck. Food therapy has been the most successful, but I haven't lost weight, just held steady at being fat. Which is kind of an accomplishment, because I used to yo-yo like crazy before (diet, fall off diet, repeat). Definitely aware of men's dislike for fat women, just didn't realize it's universal. Thought maybe there could be one guy, somewhere, at some point, who would want to be with me. My goal this year is to keep my weight steady and recover from a handful of major falls/accidents that happened between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day. Maybe weight loss can happen in 2019.

 

Thanks everyone, your input was much appreciated. I will continue to hold back and take silence as a no, and expend little or no effort toward interacting with men. I am not optimistic about losing enough weight to be attractive to men this year, but maybe next year that can be my focus.

 

 

PS: losangelena - hit me with your approach ideas any time!

[todreaminblue]

your opening post reads like the voices in my head on a bad day.....also like the worst bully i have had ever bully me....which is me...which is you bullying you....

 

you know what i tel myself i try to go around making women feel beautiful...my daughters my sisters my friends my mum ...my nannas when they were alive i saw them as such....and see women ....as all beautiful....and then fail to apply that respect and appreciation...to myself,....but some days ....i do ...feel beautiful...on the outside .even when i have holes in my shoes adn my cardigan or my hair has turned white with stress......i can still still feel as beautiful as my guts are...smilin....as beautiful as my heart feels beautiful...my heart does...all the time....it is what can sink so low when i bully myself with fat ugly egg or all the names i can remember being called i call myself....lower does my heart sink when i bully myself than it ever has sunk being bullied publicly or by another .........maybe because when i bully myself i bully in private and alone...i am isolated from comfort and personal care... where i feel even more alone and bullied......by the voices in my head....

 

 

as women we are amazing ok...we are all mothers,lovers,wives sisters warriors and champions survivors and fighters......we are all beautiful .....we have to stop bullying ourselves because we would never bully another the way do to our own person.....we are worth more than diamonds and rubies...to the highest power to the nth degree....we are irreplaceable every single one of us....and we are awesome.....

 

 

 

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL....

 

and to certain men ...you are more beautiful than another......there are men who like bigger women....do you know what can keep you fat and mentally unwell.......thinking you arent beautiful and that you are ugly....that is more important than clothes....than your hair...than your weight...is that you love you...it has to be you first...that you find and see and feel that beauty in all you are....first

 

that you see yourself as beautiful...no matter what you look at in the mirror....we have to stop bullying gus and calling ourselves fat and ugly....and feel...as special as we were all designed by a loving god.....its hard work ....thinking or feeling beautiful ...but we need to work at it....if you have that personality that rocks...any man who doesnt recognise your worth.....is the one man who will lose out....

 

 

if we degrade ourselves trust me when i say....others will finish the job for us without thought at all....we will feel like we are......... nothing or of little worth or appreciation ro even respect...we deserve self respect.....more than others need to respect us....because you know who you are as i know who i am ...my back suddenly straightens......

 

dont think you dont deserve any man......but maybe think and feel it deep in your heart...do they really know and understand your worth and worth you thinking about them and understanding theirs..........peace out sister....deb....

 

watch this if you can

 

Edited March 9, 2018 by todreaminblue

[losangelena]

I'll say this again:

 

There is a significant portion of the male population who are attracted to fat women.

 

OP, do not listen when you hear otherwise. It's far from "universal." I think what's more typical is that men are ashamed to admit they're into fat women, either to themselves or to others. A fat woman is not seen as a desirable trophy to have on ones arm in this day and age. But you don't want a man like that.

 

I have been a variety of weights in my life. The only time I suffered from a lack of male attention is when I had already decided they were not going to like me. That's it. I did not have an excess of confidence during my skinnier times as I was still always worried about what men would think of my body. I'm fatter now, but a whole lot more relaxed. I'm off the diet/weight loss train because I know ultimately that diets fail and in the end I will gain more weight in the end.

 

I have a dummy Instagram account where I follow a ton of plus-sized models and body-positivity activists; women who fall outside what's deemed societally attractive, women who you might describe as "average" or even "ugly," who might routinely be told they "shouldn't wear that, etc" I love their confidence, it's inspiring. It's really helped me to see bodies that look like mine be celebrated, and to see these women live full lives that often, yes, include romantic love. It makes me feel, "well why not me?" And that open mindset helps. I literally walk around these days with the thought in my head of, "all men find me attractive, it just that most are too chickens**t to do anything about it!" And that's obviously not true, either ;-), but it's a shift in perception that makes me feel a lot more confident, open, and in the end, approachable. Yes, if you walk around feeling like you're ugly and no one wants you, that's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Have you tired online dating? I would recommend it, as it opens you up to a pool of men who are looking for/attracted to women in larger bodies.

[GuitarGuy7]

Did you know that during the middle ages, being fat was seen as attractive? Because it was a sign of wealth and prosperity, you didn't have to work outside and starve, you lived a good enough life to get fat in the first place. If you lived in the middle ages, you'd be getting it on!

 

I guess what i'm trying to say is that oftentimes, our ideal is affected by culture. Yes a lot of attraction it is biological and universal, but some of what is considered attractive is in our society.

 

OP, you should visit countries where being fat is a more attractive trait. You can go surf it up in Samoa, have a blast in Afganistan, or head over to Mauritania? These countries are known for liking fat women, of course don't ask me. Consult with Dr. Google

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

OP, I don't recommend you head to Afghanistan to find a partner.

[alphamale]

I'll say this again:

 

There is a significant portion of the male population who are attracted to fat women.

 

true, but the fat women don't want to be with them. they are considered weird and creepy

[preraph]

^ Yeah, because it's often but not always like guys with any other fetish fixation. But there are guys who just grew up around overweight women and aren't afraid or repelled by them, so take the time to get to know someone before assuming they're weird.

 

Also, as GG said above, different cultures don't see it as bad. A lot of Hispanics, that's normal for them and so you don't need to leave the country to find someone who doesn't care.

Edited March 9, 2018 by preraph

[preraph]

I'm sure you've heard this advice over and over again in your lifetime but have you considered losing weight?

 

 

You said so yourself, you want to be liked by men, you want to be in a relationship, you're tired of being written over and passed off.

 

 

Now i'm going to give you some bad news. The majority of men do not find obese women attractive. A bunch of men using online dating were surveyed and the #1 biggest fear that a man had before going on a first date was that the woman was going to end up fat. And yeah you can say that some men arne't going to care about your weight, but let's be honest the majority of men are going to care.

 

 

But don't let this discourage you because now i'm going to give you some good news. Weight can be changed, you can lose a ton of weight. It will be hard work yes, it will be painful yes, but by making the changes to your weight, you will be able to potentially attract more men thus improving your dating options.

 

 

There's this story of a girl I knew back in high school. She was super fat and super obese. She decided to make it her goal to lose a bunch of weight when she was in her twenties, now she looks a lot better. She even has a boyfriend now.

 

 

You should make it your goal this year. Lose a bunch of weight, do everything in your power to lose weight. Go to the gym, eat healthier foods, get surgery, do whatever takes until you are within a normal weight change. And let the fact that you want a boyfriend be your motivation to do it.

 

I think we can assume that she has thought of the concept of losing weight and that it hasn't worked for her or maybe it's not worth starving the rest of her life to her just to get a shallow bf who is then going to run when she gains 10 pounds, which she will because that's how it works. I've lost big weight a number of times, but you can't live like that. People who get fat, the same rules for skinny people to live by just don't work for them, and then once something happens as they get older to limit their agility, it's really just impossible. A steady regimen that works for someone naturally thin, a fat person will gain weight on, I promise you.

[FMW]

shoplocal, I'm truly appalled that you say you have been told by men and women that you are ugly. Who are these people? I have NEVER had the thought that anyone was physically ugly. Ugly because of their actions and attitudes (like telling someone they are ugly!) yes, but never physically ugly. And the personality that comes through from your writing is certainly not ugly. And to actually tell someone they are ugly? Unfathomable.

 

I do believe that how we feel about ourselves definitely "vibrates" to other people and if you are putting out that vibe that you feel unattractive it can block people from looking any further.

 

Spend your energy on thoughts of things that make you feel happy and good about yourself, whatever that might be, only you know that.

 

You don't have to spend hours getting ready before going out in public, but don't go out looking like you didn't even bother to look in a mirror - don't go out with "messy" hair or clothes or shoes. Otherwise it looks like you don't care about yourself and therefore no one else will bother to care either. And it's cliche, but very true. Your most important accessory is your smile. But you may have trouble finding that smile if you're focused on feeling ugly.

 

As I said, through your writing you seem anything but ugly.

 

Change your thoughts and you change your world.