Physcial attraction how important is it?

[NuevoYorko]

Basically if you are going to make a move do you need some indication you aren't going to get slapped in the face..in my case I'd want some assurance.

 

 

At the moment all this is working with an imperfect scenario where I need to ascertain how much risk I can accept versus with the apparent upside.

 

You're setting yourself up to fail.

 

Everyone goes into looking for relationship with hope, and little assurance. As time goes on either things will develop and turn into something or else they won't. When they don't, there is your clue that there was not anything there to stick two people together. Physical attraction or whatever.

 

People who get what they want out of life - go for what they want out of life. Action.

[HiCrunchy]

Ladies, this is why your man doesn't like your guy friends.

 

Haha it takes two people but yeah the moral code here is an issue and barrier to this person's success.

[littleblackheart]

What's wrong with stealing someone's girlfriend? They're not married.

 

Other than it's morally questionable, the biggest obstacle here it seems is that it's one-side at this point and OP is trying to When Harry Met Sally / Great Gatsby her.

 

Sometimes it works short-term, very rarely long-term (in real life anyway). Good luck all the same, OP - sometimes you just have to learn the hard way.

[ZA Dater]

I think the fact that she already has a partner makes it not worth trying anything at all, don't you?

 

Well it's becoming increasingly irritating going about life never actually getting anything in the relationship department.

 

Point being do you act generally without ascertaining attraction?

 

Had another really pathetic date. Angry with myself because I just wasted my own time, she wasn't my cup of tea from the start but in the absence of any other choices.

[ZA Dater]

I think the fact that she already has a partner makes it not worth trying anything at all, don't you?

 

Yes it's morally questionable. No doubt about that but again nothing else I am trying is working so I keep finding myself back at the option in front of me, even though to call this an option might be stretching the truth.

 

I'll do the middle ground and simply tell her what I think. That's pretty harmless and she already must read into that.

 

Everyday I try, try change body language, try be confident, try smile but the thing I cannot find is any reason someone would choose me over anyone else.

[littleblackheart]

the thing I cannot find is any reason someone would choose me over anyone else.

 

If this is how you feel about yourself, this will trickle down to how others see you. Dating is a trial and error process that requires a lot of positive energy, or so I'm told.

 

For all the heat you're getting, you're actually willing to put yourself out there - that's already a positive thing. Way more than I could do.

 

Dating befuddles me, I need forever to figure out whether or not I like someone (even friendships take a while to take off, though they are for keeps when established) and no man in his right mind can afford to wait for me to make my mind up. So I don't date. There is a 'mainsteam' way of doing things that I can't even pretend to get close to be part of, and I'm fine with it. It doesn't mean I don't have any value as a partner, though. I'm just a different sort of normal, and I'm cool with that.

 

All this to say this journey is a hard slog for us all for different reasons, but it does help to at least keep faith in yourself, and see your worth for your own sake first and foremost.

[ZA Dater]

I am trying to put some things into practice but the whole physical attraction thing worries me to some extent because there ain't much I can do about it. I am tall skinny, blond , blue eyes but I am not built.

 

I think it must feel great to be wanted but I have never had that feeling really sure it has been one way but to me if I don't want them then it's irrelevant.

 

Truthfully my plan has always been to find some success in life and hope that opens some dating doors but I think I might have misread the game.

[littleblackheart]

I am trying to put some things into practice but the whole physical attraction thing worries me to some extent because there ain't much I can do about it. I am tall skinny, blond , blue eyes but I am not built.

 

I think it must feel great to be wanted but I have never had that feeling really sure it has been one way but to me if I don't want them then it's irrelevant.

 

Truthfully my plan has always been to find some success in life and hope that opens some dating doors but I think I might have misread the game.

 

I completely appreciate that. I have what's called mind blindedness so unless someone tells me what they want or how they feel in a matter-of-fact, clear way without hidden agenda or emotional or provocative turns of phrases, it'll be an exercise in decoding for me, which I'll only bother to do if I feel the person is worth it. I stupidly married a guy who said all the right stuff but acted in a totally different way so even when you have the physical attraction part figured out, you still have a long journey ahead of you.

 

Physical attraction is only the first 'hurdle'.I'm a woman so I don't have the same experience you do, but torturing yourself to death to try and understand why a guy you barely know tells you he finds you physically attractive is not a great place to be either.

 

All you can do is control how you feel about yourself. Start by thinking that physical attraction is all relative and fluid and not just one thing - it's a combination of factors you can't quantify or buy ready-made in a bottle.

Edited March 10, 2018 by littleblackheart

[preraph]

I never get why women will tell their friends they think their boyfriend or husband are unattractive..It's rude.whats the point of telling them? Guys don't do that to each other or there would be a fight.

 

As far as people liking different things it's true but most of us have dated a diverse group of people as well once you hit a certain age..

 

I don't get people who are so stringent about a type that they could never date someone a little different physically if they had a great connection..

 

See, I'm 65 and I've never had a girlfriend who thought their man was unattractive. Lots of other things, sulled up, too jealous, lazy, uninvolved, but never once "he's ugly." I wouldn't think that was great either. I would say, "If you're not attracted to him or like him well enough not to call him ugly, why you with him?"

[Mike800]

See, I'm 65 and I've never had a girlfriend who thought their man was unattractive. Lots of other things, sulled up, too jealous, lazy, uninvolved, but never once "he's ugly." I wouldn't think that was great either. I would say, "If you're not attracted to him or like him well enough not to call him ugly, why you with him?"

 

I was talking about women saying they're friends husband/boyfriend is unattractive to their friends.