Do women feel urgency to wed or make serious decisions once they are at that age?

[lioil]

My friends always mention women past mid 30s are more difficult to conceive and in some asian cultures, women past 30 are downright "weird" and considered "leftovers". I am curious if women around that age make every decision count (no playing games) and settle or they change their gameplan so to speak?

 

And do they want guys to ask them to settle down quicker due to the age or they still want a "typical" dating period which i think is ~1 year?

[losangelena]

Every woman is different, so it's hard to generalize. Is there a particular woman you have in mind while asking these questions?

[Agonistes]

Many do get a heightened sense of urgency if they want to have children. My ex wife wanted to make sure she was married by 30. We got married 2 days before her 30th.

[BettyDraper]

Due to social norms and biological realities, most women start feeling like they need to settle down once they reach their 30s.

[losangelena]

Which is insane, because in this day and age, women can conceive well into their 40s.

[healing light]

I do think that most women are playing for keeps once they hit late twenties and early thirties. I'm in this age range and at least where I'm from it seems like a lot of the desirable men are already married--so I always used to joke that I'd have to wait for the first round of divorces.

 

But, I don't feel any rush (I'm 32). I still want to wait around a year before I cohabit with a man. I'm 6 months into my relationship and my boyfriend has been pushing for me to move in; I've had to put him off because I think more time is necessary before that step is taken to establish a good foundation.

[lioil]

Every woman is different, so it's hard to generalize. Is there a particular woman you have in mind while asking these questions?

 

 

Well, just i was recently introduced to one who is 35 going 36 (she is year of dog so she will turn if not already 36). My parents pushes for kids and always say that women later in 30s have more complications to conceive etc which scientifically is correct. I guess part of me thinks about that in my head too so want to get an idea what the opposite sex thinks without accidentally offending her. Her parents are certainly worried as well.

 

I also want to settle down (36) so not sure the best way to set the tone so to speak with her about this. Time is precious so i dont think either of us want to waste any..

[basil67]

Which is insane, because in this day and age, women can conceive well into their 40s.

 

By the age of 43, a woman's chance of conceiving within a year is 1 or 2% You'd want to be one heck of a gambler to risk those odds.

 

Given that I'd stopped ovulating in my late 30's and my periods ceased when I was 44, I'm glad I didn't take the risk.

[basil67]

It's not just women. When my hubby reached 30, he decided it was time to settle down and consider family life.

[todreaminblue]

im 49 this year and i still have my period.....its not as regular as it once was ...but i am surrounded by ovulation...i have three daughters a sister a mum and alllll their gfs ....unfortunately regular visiting young women friends end up up cycling with us....you might think i am making it up ...i am not....we are a tide of hormones and feelings ...a bunch of feminine empaths........my mum ovulated into her late fifties.....i believe because of us as well....

 

i do feel there comes a time for both men and women when they feel the need to take root....

 

everyone is different i feel that society has done a lot to put more pressure on women to have it all.... the high flying career, the kids the husband and its too much....women opting to establish their independence and career first and sometimes it takes longer than they think to progress to where they feel accomplished in their careers.....so one day when they are getting ready for work and achieved what they want to achieve.... they notice a few more wrinkles and grey hair wisps...and go oh no....i want kids im getting old....

 

 

young mothers arent really respected especially single ones .....unless of course they work.....and dont stay at home....or they have to have that baby solo..... look after it and work from home as well....

 

women used to have babies really young....the age has dramatically increased ......and this i feel is causing a rising panic for some women.....so yes i feel there's a push women feel..because there are as many complications as having a baby too young as there is too old.......but i also believe...men feel that push too...to settle down to..men live longer when partnered up so i guess that could be part of it..

 

everyone is different when they feel that push ....i dont believe that there is a certain time for everyone...whenever that push happens is more apt..and its in the persons biological and emotional makeup............deb......

[heavenonearth]

I definitely had the urge to find a lasting partner when i turned 30. I was like “omg i will never have kids”.

I met my boyfriend 3 months after i turned 30. Didn’t even expect to find him so soon.

Now i am 31. I don’t really feel the need to get married or have kids anytime soon

 

Although i really want to have kids.

But now that i have my boyfriend, i am a bit more relaxed with the “when”.

If it is a year from now, cool. If ignore is four years from now - cool.

[somanymistakes]

Which is insane, because in this day and age, women can conceive well into their 40s.

 

Have children yes, conceive no.

 

Older women having children are usually doing it with IVF and a younger woman's eggs.

[road]

Which is insane, because in this day and age, women can conceive well into their 40s.

 

Being able to and it being wise to do so are not the same.

As the years go up so does the risk of birth defects.

[road]

I definitely had the urge to find a lasting partner when i turned 30. I was like “omg i will never have kids”.

I met my boyfriend 3 months after i turned 30. Didn’t even expect to find him so soon.

Now i am 31. I don’t really feel the need to get married or have kids anytime soon

 

Although i really want to have kids.

But now that i have my boyfriend, i am a bit more relaxed with the “when”.

If it is a year from now, cool. If ignore is four years from now - cool.

 

Maybe that was you subconsciously dating the A'hole type for excitement.

Once you hit 30 you opened your eyes to see the husband material men

and finally ignored the A'hole type. This is why you found Mr Right

so fast. My guess.

[heavenonearth]

Maybe that was you subconsciously dating the A'hole type for excitement.

Once you hit 30 you opened your eyes to see the husband material men

and finally ignored the A'hole type. This is why you found Mr Right

so fast. My guess.

 

Definitely possible. I only dated jerks trhrougout my 20s. And always younger and unwilling to commit. I never even thought about family or kids until 30. It wasn’t never on my radar.

 

Now two years later i feel like ... so old. Haha. Finally adulting. Lol.

[lioil]

Any tips on what i should do? She is turning 36 this year. Is there a way i can find out how nervous/pressured she is without being blunt? I would like to settle down sooner than later and with the %s i wouldnt want to risk birth defects+low conceive rate if we drag it. This is especially coupled with us being a couple of states away. I want to atleast figure out how fast to pursue if the first couple of impressions are good.

 

I did talk to her today and mentioned to meet in person and she agrees - just need for her to check her schedule and send meeting invite, hopefully in the next couple of weeks. I know from my friend that her parents (asian) are super nervous about her as well. Being in asian culture i think she is pressured more and i know my parents definitely want a child of our own not adoption/others egg etc - its a cultural thing.

 

Some tips on what to say/do when we meet would be greatly appreciated.

[SmartDude]

For the most part this is kind of true. I see a lot of "not looking for a hookup" type messages on the dating profiles for women in this age range. I have found that this is NOT just a stereotype. Women in their early 20's however are total horn dogs and are willing to engage in a wide variety of experiences.

[thefooloftheyear]

Which is insane, because in this day and age, women can conceive well into their 40s.

 

 

Doesn't mean it's wise.....On more levels that I would bother to list here...

 

TFY

[basil67]

Ah, so this is the long distance woman you've been introduced to.

 

You're putting the cart before the horse. Meet her. IF you get on well, pursue a relationship. IF that goes well, then think about marriage.

[CrazyKatLady]

I'm 35 and I don't feel the need to settle or not settle quickly. I want to be a little further along in life TBH. I want to make sure I am happy with my life and what I've accomplished, or find a man who will understand if I continue to pursue those goals in a partnership. I want to be free without being free if I settle. I want to be me...I've yet to meet anyone interested in me...it would require the quietness, quickness, gentleness, and patience of catching a butterfly. Those traits are nonexistent in a man nowdays--everybody is always in a rush, loud, pushy, and tempermental to say the least. I could fall in love quickly, but I've yet to have a man truly win me over.

[winny]

I have no plans to have babies... I will probably adopt.

Not all women are interested in having babies.

[winny]

i know my parents definitely want a child of our own not adoption/others egg etc - its a cultural thing.

 

Seriously? Thats how you take decisions?

[hotpotato]

Which is insane, because in this day and age, women can conceive well into their 40s.

 

Some women wouldn't want to. I couldn't imagine being 40, 45 and pregnant, nursing, running after small children, etc. Imagine being 55, 60 and dealing with a teenager. It's not for everyone.

 

In fact, I saw a documentary not long ago abt older adults parenting a child. They didn't want to deal with her. She was an oopsie child apparent. Honestly, the parents were so far removed from childhood, teenage years, even young adulthood, I don't think they could relate to her. I'm not saying this is everyone, but being in your 40s and 50s and dealing with a rambunctious child can be especially challenging. Many 50 year olds are winding down in life.

 

 

To answer the question, for me no, but it will vary from woman to woman. I wanted to have marriage and kids out of the way in my 20s. I'm 31 now and somewhat settled in my ways. I tried so hard with dating, now I'm exhausted from it.

[Bufo]

Being male I cannot directly answer OP’s question. But I can tell you with confidence that as I approached and passed age 30, the more pressure I felt from women I was dating.

 

I was never Brad Pitt’s twin brother, so I’d never been on the receiving end of love at first sight. But the older I got, women got more interested in me, and quicker, than they ever had.

 

I figured out that since I wasn’t getting handsomer or particularly richer than I’d been a few short years earlier, it was the women who were on a mission. Especially with those approaching 30 or who had passes that landmark.

 

So, my experience taught me that aging does focus a woman’s attention on commitment.

[sandylee1]

It can be true that women in that age group want to settle and have kids

 

Female fertility declines and women are fooling themselves if they listen to "you can have kids into your 40s". It would be foolish to wait around thinking time is on your side. Not to mention the risks associated with older mothers.

 

A few women might be able to...but it's by no means the norm. Quite often it's those women who have already had kids that have more at a later age.

 

Desperation creeps in for some women at that age and they end up having a baby with a man even though they know he's not father material...and in some cases he's outright abusive