I feel like I’m falling off the so-called wagon

[Logo]

And by “wagon” I mean grieving.

 

It’s been more than a year since the breakup before which I found out my ex had cheated on me. I think I saw the cheating coming but was either optimistic or naive or desperate. I’m not sure.

 

 

Sometimes in the fog of it all we don’t see things clearly. It’s only after we take a step back that we realize and completely understand where we stand.

 

 

So after more than a year and after having found - or thought I had found - inner closure, grief flares up and I find myself thinking about this **** day and night. Just two weeks ago, the whole relationship and breakup were a faraway, foggy memory.

 

 

All of a sudden I’m recalling very detailed events and conversations, reactions and feelings from the time when I was still in the relationship, to the point that I feel overwhelmed.

 

 

It hurts again. It’s that same pain I remember wishing it went away after the breakup.

 

 

This time, though, I’m not sure what triggered this — call it — relapse.

 

 

I might have been making things worse by allowing myself to sort of fall into the grief without making an effort to snap out of it. It probably didn’t help that today I read a couple of lines from my journal I had written just a month after the breakup.

 

 

I’ve noticed that the pain comes back again and again after every nasty and humiliating rejection.

 

 

I mean, do some women out there really have to talk to a man as though he was a diseased dog? That humiliation reminds me of how I felt when I found out that the person I THOUGHT loved me, went and cheated on me. I felt like an idiot at the time.

 

 

So I don’t know what to do with that pain tonight. I might just read a book and

focus on something external. Still, I can’t shake that feeling, in the past couple of days. It’s a range of emotions, undulating between regret (Had I done things differently, would things still have turned out the same?) to anger (How could she do that, after everything we had? Why did I end up with a selfish narcissist?)

[Young mind]

This was very great to read and I mean, I see progress in those lines, yes relapse are terrible but maybe you haven't taken her off the proverbial pedestal.

Although this is not a switch which we can suddenly turn off, it might help to do so.

 

Unfortunately, from the posts, you still feel like she owes you an explanation,you still believe she did treat you like a dog and the cheating did verify her image of you.i want you to eliminate those thoughts.

 

I have come to see that healing/grieving is not a linear process and we tend to say, I should be over this is 6mo or 1 year, which is very idealistic but far from reality. If there are any triggers , please remove them, for example if you're 1 year in, you should not still be keeping the journal and reading them, you are resetting the whole process.

 

Finally, hang in there, we all struggle but healing is a certain outcome in these circumstances and I'm a strong believer

[Logo]

This was very great to read and I mean, I see progress in those lines, yes relapse are terrible but maybe you haven't taken her off the proverbial pedestal.

Although this is not a switch which we can suddenly turn off, it might help to do so.

 

Unfortunately, from the posts, you still feel like she owes you an explanation,you still believe she did treat you like a dog and the cheating did verify her image of you.i want you to eliminate those thoughts.

 

I have come to see that healing/grieving is not a linear process and we tend to say, I should be over this is 6mo or 1 year, which is very idealistic but far from reality. If there are any triggers , please remove them, for example if you're 1 year in, you should not still be keeping the journal and reading them, you are resetting the whole process.

 

Finally, hang in there, we all struggle but healing is a certain outcome in these circumstances and I'm a strong believer

 

 

 

I see your point about the emotional triggers. I should avoid them. But I don’t see where you get “pedestal”.

 

 

I don’t want to be thinking of her. I don’t want to see her or talk to her or cross paths with her.

 

 

I don’t think she owes me an explanation. I’ve accepted the fact that she’s the person who finally took the mask off and showed her true self. I don’t want to have anything to do with her, although I do miss female companionship. That’s the only reason I think of her from time to time.

 

 

Thanks for reading my post and taking the time to respond.