My dating mistakes have ruined me.

[bradt93]

I’ve had a few relationships that ended badly, I’m 30 and I already have a number of failed relationships under my belt. It starts and ends the same way, I meet a man and he seems stable, kind and respectful and maybe I block out all the flaws cause in the end I see the real them and it’s nothing like I thought.

 

I think I just make bad choices, and I get tricked and fall for “nice guy” lie. Wolves dressed as sheep. Funnily I ALWAYS avoid bad boys/players. Most of those men who’ve hurt me are simple shy nerdy type. I go for the safe kind and they burn me.

 

When others tell me let him go! You deserve better! There are better men out there, I can’t even picture it. What’s a good man like? I don’t know what that’s like so my brain doesn’t even grasp that idea. It’s like someone trying to describe how a yawn feels... I can’t imagine it or see it, so I lose hope in finding or chasing that unicorn man.

 

I don’t want to give up or become cynical or emotional detached but I’m heading that way cause I no longer believe in love. I never thought I’d end up like that.

I'm sorry for what you went through, you will find someone that will make you happy. I'm in a worse predicament, I have aspergers and I have a hard time socializing with women, I realize I could be missing out on a good relationship, but this disorder holds me back. I'm 29 years old and never been in a serious relationship. I've hugged women and held hands with women, but never kissed and had sex, pretty pathetic huh? Women have said I was attractive, I just don't know. I feel like I'm lost in the woods and will never find my way out, so trust me you have it much better than me.

[dichotomy]

I don't know - where are all the good women at? Been burned in most of my relationships by women. My current wife told me she deliberately lied and hid who she was because she wanted a "good guy" to marry.

 

I guess its just tough to find a good relationship - a good person. Many people are just selfish and out for their needs these days.

 

 

I think it is good for you to do some self reflection. I can say in hindsight (like you say) I may have "denied" or "ignored" a few red flags in few instances. However, after each burn I did try to alter my type of gal I dated - so I am not sure outward personality (nerd, shy, fun, formal, outgoing) is the real indicator of compatibility - you do need to go deep early in the relationship to try to understand who you are with - and not ignore any unusual signs. You need to know yourself and what you need to be compatible with someone.

 

 

I am not sure (did not read) if your goals are marriage and kids, but 30 is a time when many women and men tend to try to settle down and not play dating games anymore.

Edited March 11, 2018 by dichotomy

[JennFoss]

I'm sorry for what you went through, you will find someone that will make you happy. I'm in a worse predicament, I have aspergers and I have a hard time socializing with women, I realize I could be missing out on a good relationship, but this disorder holds me back. I'm 29 years old and never been in a serious relationship. I've hugged women and held hands with women, but never kissed and had sex, pretty pathetic huh? Women have said I was attractive, I just don't know. I feel like I'm lost in the woods and will never find my way out, so trust me you have it much better than me.

 

I have a very good friend I’m close to with aspeegers and I know his struggles and I completely feel for you. It’s hard when you really can’t get your feelings out in words to explain especially when you can’t read the other person, but he’s improved since I’ve known him and now he can at least tell me how he feels and let it out as much as he can. He got so hurt in his last relationship cause he dated a very manipulative woman who was just after what he has. She was quickly convincing him to have a baby and get married ASAP and I warned him. Later when they broke up she went after his BEST friend and now her and his best friend are engaged.

 

You gotta be extra careful especially with aspergers, have others around you help you and listen to their advice about a person. I wish you the best, you’re not pathetic. You’re just struggling... like the rest of us!

[JennFoss]

I don't know - where are all the good women at? Been burned in most of my relationships by women. My current wife told me she deliberately lied and hid who she was because she wanted a "good guy" to marry.

 

I guess its just tough to find a good relationship - a good person. Many people are just selfish and out for their needs these days.

 

 

I think it is good for you to do some self reflection. I can say in hindsight (like you say) I may have "denied" or "ignored" a few red flags in few instances. However, after each burn I did try to alter my type of gal I dated - so I am not sure outward personality (nerd, shy, fun, formal, outgoing) is the real indicator of compatibility - you do need to go deep early in the relationship to try to understand who you are with - and not ignore any unusual signs. You need to know yourself and what you need to be compatible with someone.

 

 

I am not sure (did not read) if your goals are marriage and kids, but 30 is a time when many women and men tend to try to settle down and not play dating games anymore.

 

It definitely goes both way... men get burned by women too! My problem is I don’t go deep in the start, I sort of imagine them and see them how I want to... that last guy would listen to me more than he’d share and I thought maybe he’s just shy, but I noticed whenever I’d dig deep he’d get uncomfortable and I’d let it go immediately, now I wish I didn’t but how can I know? How do you know if you’re pushing someone too much or just enough? How do I know I’m not triggering past traumas or something?

 

I lead with my emotions a lot, I don’t really look out for my best interest and I wish I did. I’m always looking to put my partner first and it’s wrong and it’s stupid, it may seem that I’m just being loving and selfless but am I? I’m just trying to please others out of my own selfishness cause I don’t want to push them away, like a doormat.

[bradt93]

I have a very good friend I’m close to with aspeegers and I know his struggles and I completely feel for you. It’s hard when you really can’t get your feelings out in words to explain especially when you can’t read the other person, but he’s improved since I’ve known him and now he can at least tell me how he feels and let it out as much as he can. He got so hurt in his last relationship cause he dated a very manipulative woman who was just after what he has. She was quickly convincing him to have a baby and get married ASAP and I warned him. Later when they broke up she went after his BEST friend and now her and his best friend are engaged.

 

You gotta be extra careful especially with aspergers, have others around you help you and listen to their advice about a person. I wish you the best, you’re not pathetic. You’re just struggling... like the rest of us!

Did he warn his best friends what she was about?