Ladies, Would You Date a 39-Year-Old Physics Grad Student?

[Els]

Exactly. My nephew will have his Masters in physics with a minor in education by the time he's 24. He's working as a substitute teacher currently while earning his masters by getting his foot in some doors.

 

By 40 he will most likely have his house close to paid off, if not multiple properties. High school physics teachers are in such high demand in my state.

 

But I guess everybody defines smart differently.

 

I guess people tend to jump to the assumption that "PhD == smart", which isn't necessarily the case. I'm not ragging on academia, either - personally I have a masters and have several friends with PhDs, so there's no reason for me to do that. But it has been my experience that nobody who has actually done any form of graduate degree thinks that it automatically means that the person is intelligent. Generally all it means is that they're academically-inclined and perhaps somewhat tenacious.

 

Back to the OP, to me it's not even just the money. I'm 8 years younger than him and can't even imagine dating a person my age who has never worked full time in their life, let alone someone 8 years older. People learn a lot about themselves and the world from their first few full time jobs... a lot. It's hard for me to think of someone as an adult if they have never crossed that barrier.

[amaysngrace]

They found their niche, provide value, and a way to make it in the world despite not having an advanced degree, and in my eyes, that's just as impressive, if not more so ... A grad student isn't the only "smart" one.

 

Agreed. Two of the smartest people I know made their way without a college degree...my neighbor who left Villanova to work a trade, then start a business, and now owns three properties on an island in New Jersey. One he lives in, one he rents yearly and the other he rents in summer only because it's beachblock.

 

This winter he vacationed for a month and a half in Dominican Republic.

 

The second is my father who used his cousins degree as his own because they had reversed first and middle names so my dad told MetLife he used his middle name because his first name (Anthony) was too ethnic.

 

Meanwhile our last name is very Italian but that man could sell just about anything to anyone.

 

Very smart indeed.

 

I don't know what OPs deal is though. If he's been dicking off, surfing, lifting weights and rocking out his bachelor life thus far I wouldn't exactly consider him a catch.

 

Especially if he racked up a ton of debt getting that PhD

Edited March 15, 2018 by amaysngrace

[normal person]

Agree with the recent posts. Someone's level of academic achievement isn't necessarily indicative of their intelligence. Most of us could've had better grades, gone to better schools, and gotten more "prestigious" jobs, but what's been failed to be mentioned in this thread is that those paths aren't necessarily "worth" it. The sacrifices you make in terms of time and quality of life might suffer enormously while you take years to go through med school, then in residency in some God forsaken place. Especially if you need to take out loans.

 

Maybe the more important question is not "what piece of paper do they have to prove how smart they are" and perhaps "what have they done with all their time up to this point and what are they working towards?" That's why OP's case isn't so cut and dry for me as the people who simplify it down to "smart = hot." I got my masters at 23 and could've easily done more and gone further. But what I've realized since is that I don't need either of my degrees and have more time and money than people who were doing post graduate work for 2-6x longer.

 

I don't see the appeal of the "smart" 41 year old (who for whatever reason is) just starting his life vs. the 41 year old who's been a practical, capable, forward thinker for the past 20 years. The second individual sounds much more appealing to me, to be honest. It's hard to think the first one will ever "catch up," so to say.

[thefooloftheyear]

One other aspect that needs mentioning...

 

All the sheepskins in the world can make a person smart in the Jeopardy sense, but lacking the necessary skills for a basic life and earning potential...

 

Also..(and not saying this of the OP, btw)...It's been my experience that some of these career student types are just a glorified version of the weed smoking basement dwellers ...The point is that in both cases, there seems to be a reluctance to face the challenges of the real world, bills, responsibilities, etc..So they use this constant seeking of degree programs as a stall tactic...

 

This is very important to note...

 

I don't think people really understand how relatively short a time they have to "make their way" in this world...If you start in your mid 20's(like I and a lot of others do) you have about 30 years or so....By then, you hope to have made some smart business moves, banked some money, have no major debt, etc.

 

But if you start that late(40's), unless you have some major epic plan, you have only a decade or so, before you start to get tired physically(some more than others, but most are gonna feel it), body aches, eyesight going to shyt, and don't have the drive or enthusiasm to be killing yourself making mortgage payments, putting kids through school, etc..

 

It just doesn't leave you with enough time...

 

TFY

Edited March 15, 2018 by thefooloftheyear

[RecentChange]

Funny how the discussion has turned.

 

Like I said earlier, for me, it would give me major pause because he is on a delayed timeline.

 

There are a few PhDs in my social circle.

 

• One has a PhD in Physiology and Biophysics. By the age of 37 she has founded a ground breaking biotech company.
  
• Another has a PhD in Engineering. By the age of 40 he is a COO who has led a semiconductor company to great success, and is also holder of many successful patents.
  
• Another has a PhD in law, and again, by late 30’s he was a sought after patent lawyer.
  

 

I would certainly say all of these people are SMART, and they are also tenacious (one does ultra marathons, and other does Iron Man Triathlons to give you an idea!)

 

I also know other very bright people, who did not choose the academia route. Doesn't mean that they are not intelligent, just means they chose a different path.

 

Personally, I am drawn to inherit intelligence (doesn't need a degree to prove it), common sense and a good work ethic. Someone who knows how to handle what life throws at them and make it work.

 

Sorry to beat the OP with a stick – but like others, I am very curious. Is the delayed timeline due to a career change? Are there loans involved?

 

At 40 something, just graduating, and potentially looking to enter the job market for the first time, I think many can tell you, a degree is no guarantee.

 

While it isn’t a PhD, I have a friend with a masters in Physics, and he has been with various struggling solar startups. He probably makes about 80K, which in the bay area, means living like a college kid with roommates – granted, he is 26 not 40.

[kaitlynlily6]

I don't see anything wrong with that unless your looking for someone who's only after your money some women prefer men with brains and can talk various topics

[RecentChange]

I don't see anything wrong with that unless your looking for someone who's only after your money some women prefer men with brains and can talk various topics

 

Or doesn't mind supporting him while he doesn't have any money or a career yet.

[Wave Rider]

To answer all the questions about "what I've been doing this whole time" I got a bachelor's degree in music composition at age 25, having taken two years off school to go on a Mormon mission. I gave the music career a try and it didn't work out too well. I worked various jobs and eventually decided that I needed a degree that would actually be valuable, so at 31 I went back to school to get a second bachelor's in engineering. I soon found that I was better at physics than engineering, and I liked it more, so I changed to physics and got a second bachelor's in physics at age 35. A PhD in physics is much more valuable than a bachelor's in physics, or even a bachelor's in most engineering fields, so I decided to go through and finish the PhD in physics. So that's how I got to where I am now.

 

So yeah, it was a long and winding path. Maybe I could blame it all on getting a worthless music degree, but that wouldn't be fair, because some music majors find jobs in other places, and a few do find jobs in music, but usually don't make very much money. Maybe that was a poor career decision for me. Maybe I still had more emotional maturing to do. It's hard to say.

 

So at age 41 I'll have two bachelor's degrees and a PhD, and I'll probably have a pretty awesome job. I guess you can decide for yourself whether I'm a guy who "gets it" or whether my extensive education and more indirect life path makes me more or less "alpha" than a guy with an art history degree who has an aggressive an dominant attitude.

Edited March 15, 2018 by Wave Rider

[basil67]

So at age 41 I'll have two bachelor's degrees and a PhD, and I'll probably have a pretty awesome job. I guess you can decide for yourself whether I'm a guy who "gets it" or whether my extensive education and more indirect life path makes me more or less "alpha" than a guy with an art history degree who has an aggressive an dominant attitude.

 

It's great that you found your path and I'm sure you'll be all the more happier for it.

 

However, I don't see any particular degree(s) or calibre of university as being more or less attractive to women. I mean, if we remove personality from the equation, I'd take a 41yo builder who's made his own business from scratch over a newly qualified physics guy or a guy with an art history degree.

 

But at the end of the day, finding a good man to marry isn't about education. Rather, it's about a man's ability to click emotionally with a woman. And yes, be employable.

[thefooloftheyear]

One other thing I wanted to mention in my previous post....

 

Many fields(especially technical) often like to replace older workers with younger one's ...Let's just say you finally land the job you want when you are ...say....44...

 

Unless you are really special, once you hit 50 and above you start to become obsolete...Younger kids have more stamina, usually will work longer hours, are more amenable to traveling, and don't need to see the doctor or lose days due to sickness/injury...Then if they run you out, now its very hard to get another job over 50...I don't care what they say about not discriminating due to age...it happens all the time..

 

I can't tell you how many guys I hired over the years that were previously working in stable, Fortune 500 companies, only to be scuttled, now they are left just taking whatever they can...

 

I don't want to be the wet blanket, really....The path you chose worked for you and that's all that matters...All I hope to do is point out the potential pitfalls...

 

I think if I were you, id keep myself looking sharp, and then id look for a well off/rich woman with all her own stuff that doesn't want kids and is OK with you doing whatever you want...

 

"It's good work if you can get it" as they say....

 

 

TFY

[amaysngrace]

So you borrowed money to go to school or were you able to have your current employer reimburse you for your advanced degree or what?

 

I may have missed it if you already said and if so I apologize.

 

That seems to be a good way to go nowadays, make yourself so valuable to your employer that they pay for your advanced degrees.

 

I hope you aren't in massive debt now and were "smart" about it.

[littleblackheart]

[Just read the OP and a couple of posts.]

 

You have certain level of self-awareness and level-headed realism or you wouldn't have re-routed your career path to a more proftable one. I see plenty of people in my line of work on their second or third career, and they're doing fine. A friend's father went for a PhD in the English Lit in his late 60's and got a position as tenured Professor shortly after.

 

A PhD is just a super-narrow specialism in one specific field so the diploma in itself doesn't mean that much (I know since I have one), but the time and effort required to complete one go beyond tenacity, especially as a mature student. It also doesn't exclude being street-smart or have emotional intelligence.

 

Money comes and goes, social standing and accomplishments are not what you'll take to your grave anyway; debts get paid off, circumstances can change at the drop of a hat for any of us at any time but if you show promise and if what you say materialises, someone is bound to see it in you and you'll be just fine.

 

Better to live in hope!

[guest569]

To answer all the questions about "what I've been doing this whole time" I got a bachelor's degree in music composition at age 25, having taken two years off school to go on a Mormon mission. I gave the music career a try and it didn't work out too well. I worked various jobs and eventually decided that I needed a degree that would actually be valuable, so at 31 I went back to school to get a second bachelor's in engineering. I soon found that I was better at physics than engineering, and I liked it more, so I changed to physics and got a second bachelor's in physics at age 35. A PhD in physics is much more valuable than a bachelor's in physics, or even a bachelor's in most engineering fields, so I decided to go through and finish the PhD in physics. So that's how I got to where I am now.

 

So yeah, it was a long and winding path. Maybe I could blame it all on getting a worthless music degree, but that wouldn't be fair, because some music majors find jobs in other places, and a few do find jobs in music, but usually don't make very much money. Maybe that was a poor career decision for me. Maybe I still had more emotional maturing to do. It's hard to say.

 

So at age 41 I'll have two bachelor's degrees and a PhD, and I'll probably have a pretty awesome job. I guess you can decide for yourself whether I'm a guy who "gets it" or whether my extensive education and more indirect life path makes me more or less "alpha" than a guy with an art history degree who has an aggressive an dominant attitude.

 

Sorry but “I’ll probably have an awesome job some day” doesn’t cut it for me. It’s nothing to do with the Greek alphabet. I’ll have a Masters in a year from now, LS do you think I’m a smart person? Donald Trump got a Bachelor of Science from a good uni. All I’m saying is.. walk the walk.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Well as much as there are exceptions, on average people with PhDs are of higher intelligence than those without. That’s a fact.

 

I have worked in different environments and different countries even.

 

- Worked at a bank where bachelors degree was the norm. Few people did postgrad.

 

- Currently working where about 90% of people have PhDs

 

- Currently live among general population in a city where about 17% have a bachelors degree

 

 

We can debate how intelligence is measured but there is a very high correlation of higher education and:

 

- Being more articulate with a wider vocabulary that is able to express every nuance of emotion and observation of basically everything

 

- Appreciation for finer things in life: culture, travel, opera, ballet etc

 

- Being aware of general world events and economy, politics, environment etc

 

- Being educated about health and making better choices in terms of smoking, alcohol, drug use and protected sex.

 

- Being less interested in gossip about celebrities, royal family, reality tv etc (I want to shoot myself when I have to participate in those conversations).

 

There is nothing worse to me than people that are rednecky types. Brash, loud, crass which again highly correlates with lower education levels.

[Els]

To answer all the questions about "what I've been doing this whole time" I got a bachelor's degree in music composition at age 25, having taken two years off school to go on a Mormon mission. I gave the music career a try and it didn't work out too well. I worked various jobs and eventually decided that I needed a degree that would actually be valuable, so at 31 I went back to school to get a second bachelor's in engineering. I soon found that I was better at physics than engineering, and I liked it more, so I changed to physics and got a second bachelor's in physics at age 35. A PhD in physics is much more valuable than a bachelor's in physics, or even a bachelor's in most engineering fields, so I decided to go through and finish the PhD in physics. So that's how I got to where I am now.

 

So yeah, it was a long and winding path. Maybe I could blame it all on getting a worthless music degree, but that wouldn't be fair, because some music majors find jobs in other places, and a few do find jobs in music, but usually don't make very much money. Maybe that was a poor career decision for me. Maybe I still had more emotional maturing to do. It's hard to say.

 

So at age 41 I'll have two bachelor's degrees and a PhD, and I'll probably have a pretty awesome job. I guess you can decide for yourself whether I'm a guy who "gets it" or whether my extensive education and more indirect life path makes me more or less "alpha" than a guy with an art history degree who has an aggressive an dominant attitude.

 

Well, first of all, I'll say that you are certainly within your rights to choose your own path in life. You are the one who will have to live the life you set out for yourself, so you are correct in that you should do what you want and live the life you want. As someone who has switched careers myself once, I will say that it was one of the best decisions in my life.

 

The last paragraph really gives me pause though. It's incredibly naive to think that a PhD and 2 bachelor degrees in various fields automatically guarantees you a great job right out of college. IME, most employers tend to prize work experience much more than they do graduate degrees (and again, this isn't sour grapes on my part as I personally have one). Of course, if you have a PhD you will likely have an advantage over the guy with similar work experience as you and no PhD, but a 28 yo guy with 4-5 years of work experience and "only" a bachelors will beat both of you to it. You will likely still have to apply for junior/graduate roles and gain experience on the job.

 

That leaves academia. Again, academia is a long hard road. Most PhDs end up having to do postdocs and work their way up the ladder. A professorship will likely be several years down the road, ergo you will have it at 45++ if you apply yourself to it.

 

Nothing wrong with all of that, but you are essentially expecting a woman to be okay with you earning barely anything until you are 45. I think some women may be okay with it, especially if you're willing to do most of the housework/childcare so they can focus on their own careers, but many won't. That's just the reality of it.

 

My recommendation would actually be that instead of spending time dating, you spend your spare time time trying to gain some work experience in your current field or in research (depending on which route you plan on taking), while you work on your PhD.

Edited March 16, 2018 by Elswyth

[CptInsano]

Well as much as there are exceptions, on average people with PhDs are of higher intelligence than those without. That’s a fact.

 

Written as that general of a statement it certainly contradicts the point that you are trying to make. It will depend on the field, the country, the university and the age of the person.

 

In my field the difference between a PhD or not generally came down on whether you were planning on staying in academia. It really was as simple as that.

 

I was offered to join a PhD program, but it might have taken me 4-5 years to complete, and would have left me with a very uncertain career path. Given that situation in the job market I saw it as a waste of time, money, and also a severe limitation of my personal development.

 

One may argue whether what I did was right or wrong, but I don't think it made me any dumber.

[Maggie4]

 

A friend's father went for a PhD in the English Lit in his late 60's and got a position as tenured Professor shortly after.

 

 

That's news worthy. Really amazing. Universities have specific requirements for tenure. These include counting papers and years of university service. How did he even become up for tenure? I'd vote him down. Not accusing you of lying but just find it so amazing that he'd get tenure without experience at an age when he's expected to retire. Others being turned down for tenure can use this case to sue the university and win. Now I'm really curious if this guy's incredible story is in the news.

[Maggie4]

OP, we got a bit off topic here. You don't have a PhD yet. Don't know if you've even passed your qualifying exams or not. Since you are in the program, you must already know from talking to people, how difficult it will be to remain in academia. My advice is to get teaching credentials and go into education.

 

You also know, the amount of physics that you don't understand. That's why physics grad students feel dumb, even when people outside tell them they're smart. When you are dating, the girls who are impressed by you, are the ones who don't understand your struggles and frustration.

 

All grad students are in transition, by definition. As for dating, anyone can find dates. But for a long term relationship, there needs to be compatibility. You're laid back, not aggressive (which rules out a career in academia). You go through life smelling the roses. You need someone who cares little about money and prestige, someone really laid back. Ironically, the right woman for you is one who doesn't care about any PhDs in physics. So you may as well play down that aspect. Be yourself. Focus on your spiritual compatibility.

[No_Go]

With the risk of being blamed to be pretentious - I just can’t disagree with ES.

 

I’ve worked in both settings (academic/PhD 90%) and business (BSc 90%) and ... just the whole outlook of life is different. Of course there are exceptions but getting depth in conversations was much easier in the former place... The general behavior and decision making process was also vastly different...

 

I’m just saying that people that haven’t been through both just can’t judge it accurately ...

 

I also find it gross to read descriptions of PhD students as ‘glorified basement dwellers’. It is, by far, the hardest job I’ve had in my life and no, I wasn’t avoiding life and actually managed to save and prepare for more practical life decisions during my PhD. It obviously didn’t come without sacrifices - in my case mainly on the personal front (zero dating...), but I do believe it was worth it although I ultimately left academia for good....

 

The caveat with OP is that he is a man and 39. So? I was 28yo (woman) when I finished but even if I was 39yo woman, i don’t think I would have been having such a backlash at me. But here we see reverse sexism STRONGLY. OP is a guy, so what? What’s wrong if he’s making less money than his future lover/GF/wife?? She’d not be willing to support him if she’s in a better financial standing than him just because thats how it was in the prehistoric days? Oh great, Love is ‘real’ BUT conditional ....

 

Just saying to those that say OP hasn’t worked yet - PhD years ARE work (legally speaking too in most countries). Ignore the labeling - the rest is really not much different than the other jobs out there.

 

Well as much as there are exceptions, on average people with PhDs are of higher intelligence than those without. That’s a fact.

 

I have worked in different environments and different countries even.

 

- Worked at a bank where bachelors degree was the norm. Few people did postgrad.

 

- Currently working where about 90% of people have PhDs

 

- Currently live among general population in a city where about 17% have a bachelors degree

 

 

We can debate how intelligence is measured but there is a very high correlation of higher education and:

 

- Being more articulate with a wider vocabulary that is able to express every nuance of emotion and observation of basically everything

 

- Appreciation for finer things in life: culture, travel, opera, ballet etc

 

- Being aware of general world events and economy, politics, environment etc

 

- Being educated about health and making better choices in terms of smoking, alcohol, drug use and protected sex.

 

- Being less interested in gossip about celebrities, royal family, reality tv etc (I want to shoot myself when I have to participate in those conversations).

 

There is nothing worse to me than people that are rednecky types. Brash, loud, crass which again highly correlates with lower education levels.

[amaysngrace]

But here we see reverse sexism STRONGLY. OP is a guy, so what? What’s wrong if he’s making less money than his future lover/GF/wife?? She’d not be willing to support him if she’s in a better financial standing than him just because thats how it was in the prehistoric days? Oh great, Love is ‘real’ BUT conditional ....

 

I am not showing reversed sexism toward OP. I'd view a woman who spent the first forty years of her life just working towards a piece of paper not a great catch either.

 

He still hasn't answered if he has two masters' and a PhD's worth of student debt. I think being practical is also a sign of being intelligent.

 

Making money isn't even a factor at this point. What's his net worth at 40 years old?

 

That would matter if OP was a woman too. Just ask a man.

[CptInsano]

I’ve worked in both settings (academic/PhD 90%) and business (BSc 90%) and ... just the whole outlook of life is different. Of course there are exceptions but getting depth in conversations was much easier in the former place... The general behavior and decision making process was also vastly different...

 

Most of the people I work with have MAs, MScs or MBAs, with a few PhDs sprinkled in. I can honestly say that factors such as personal background, diversity in education and work experiences, and for the US the type of college/university, matter more than the actual degree.

 

A PhD is primarily a specialization. There is nothing wrong with that, absolutely not. But it doesn't imply a whole lot more unless you take additional factors into account.

 

This makes the OP's original question hard to answer, because without knowing more it mainly reflects on his choices in life. I've met PhD candidates who were womanizers, and others would be very content playing chess against themselves.

 

Therefore what the OP's posts convey to me is that he is starting his career somewhat late.

Edited March 16, 2018 by CptInsano

[thefooloftheyear]

With the risk of being blamed to be pretentious - I just can’t disagree with ES.

.

 

I also find it gross to read descriptions of PhD students as ‘glorified basement dwellers’. It is, by far, the hardest job I’ve had in my life and no, I wasn’t avoiding life and actually managed to save and prepare for more practical life decisions during my PhD. It obviously didn’t come without sacrifices - in my case mainly on the personal front (zero dating...), but I do believe it was worth it although I ultimately left academia for good....

re.

 

You can find it gross all you want...Someone who has put off all of what most the rest of the world has to pursue "academic" endeavors, is sitting at 40+ years old with relatively nothing but a piece of paper to show for it..,...well.....let me say it again....they very well could be not that much different from the basement dwellers...Not saying this is the case for you, the OP, or anyone else...Sorry to be so pretentious...

 

I couldn't imagine myself continuing to keep staying in college by then..Like I stated before....Do people really believe that they can achieve anything, start families, bank money, own houses, be able to enjoy a good retirement, by sitting in a classroom til over 40?? ..It won't happen....

 

You know what's hard? The guy working out in the freezing cold for 20/hr to take care of a wife and kids...The guy/woman putting everything on the line to try and start a business...The people taking care of sick kids on limited resources...

 

Let's try to put this in perspective...

 

But yes, even though the lines have blurred, its still probably more important for a man to have accomplishments, money, status, etc..That's how we feel worthy as men...And quality women look for that....Not that many women want some guy that's done nothing with his adult life but bang around in shytty jobs and go to school...

 

.02

 

TFY

[littleblackheart]

That's news worthy. Really amazing. Universities have specific requirements for tenure. These include counting papers and years of university service. How did he even become up for tenure? I'd vote him down. Not accusing you of lying but just find it so amazing that he'd get tenure without experience at an age when he's expected to retire. Others being turned down for tenure can use this case to sue the university and win. Now I'm really curious if this guy's incredible story is in the news.

 

Do you want him to send you his CV so you can assess it at your leisure? Why can't you take this at face value? Have you never met exceptional people? He is truly an amazing guy with a life well lived - one of those who inspires to do things against all odds. A true free spirit..He's a published poet and the Uni he got his PhD from was only too eager to snap him him up.

 

Had I been on LS and followed half of the (no doubt well meaning but) super short-sighted, over-cautious, pessismist advice hiding behind 'dose of realism', I"vd have done nothing. Yet I have acquired a PhD as a single mother with ASD. Why? Because I knew I could do it and because I have been absolutely blessed with positive support and envcouragement, and seeing the bright side.

 

OP is ALREADY on his PhD journey, this isn't a hypothetical. He is concerned about his romantic prospects at his age, so he is already AWARE of the situation he's in. What's so wrong about showing him it can be done?

 

OP, you'll be fine. A PhD is a great personal achievement if anything else. Don't let the naysayers trash your ambitions. You might not get there, but also you might. So much easier to reach your goals if you have a positive attitude.

Edited March 16, 2018 by littleblackheart

[TheFinalWord]

I’m looking for honest feedback here. I’m 39 and I’m a grad student in physics. I’ll be finishing my PhD in about two years, after which I’ll make about $80k/yr. Right now I make $30k/yr. Otherwise I consider myself to be reasonably attractive, 6 feet tall, look young for my age, president of the model airplane club on campus, athletic, etc.

 

But I want to know from the ladies if my status and salary as a 39-year-old grad student makes me undatable. I’m looking for a long-term relationship, not short-term stuff.

 

I want to know if it’s worth the effort to try to go out and meet women, or if no woman is realistically going to consider me until after I graduate and have a real job.

 

An academician shares many traits with an entrepreneur. You must brand yourself by developing your own line of research, sell it, fund it, and teach it. I was a bit of a late bloomer entering the academic world myself. So I understand what you're going through.

 

With that said, an interesting fact...the greatest physicist of all time, Sir Issac Newton, died a virgin. Like others have said, your life journey is fascinating. Don't be ashamed of it. Own it and the right woman will come along in due time.

[Maggie4]

Do you want him to send you his CV so you can assess it at your leisure? Why can't you take this at face value? Have you never met exceptional people? He is truly an amazing guy with a life well lived - one of those who inspires to do things against all odds. A true free spirit..He's a published poet and the Uni he got his PhD from was only too eager to snap him him up.

 

Had I been on LS and followed half of the (no doubt well meaning but) super short-sighted, over-cautious, pessismist advice hiding behind 'dose of realism', I"vd have done nothing. Yet I have acquired a PhD as a single mother with ASD. Why? Because I knew I could do it and because I have been absolutely blessed with positive support and envcouragement, and seeing the bright side.

 

OP is ALREADY on his PhD journey, this isn't a hypothetical. He is concerned about his romantic prospects at his age, so he is already AWARE of the situation he's in. What's so wrong about showing him it can be done?

 

OP, you'll be fine. A PhD is a great personal achievement if anything else. Don't let the naysayers trash your ambitions. You might not get there, but also you might. So much easier to reach your goals if you have a positive attitude.

 

Whoa! Whoa! You're reading more negativity into my posts than there is in me. I accept things at face value, then I am misunderstood. Do I need to use more emojis? Well yeah! Would he really send me his CV if you asked? I want to know who he is. I expect this is someone already somewhat famous. As you said, he is already accomplished, so it's got to be more of an honorary tenure. That's why I think if you googled his name, you'd find news of which university got him. (Not really comparable to the OP's situation)

 

As for the OP, of course I know he can get a PhD. It's a journey as you said, and not all make it. I would give the same advice to a student that I am recommending for admission to a PhD program in physics. It's logical. The OP would understand what I'm talking about.