Ladies, Would You Date a 39-Year-Old Physics Grad Student?

[Wave Rider]

A couple other comments here. I understand that my situation would be a deal-breaker for some women and not others. It would probably depend on how much she otherwise liked me. I actually get along pretty well on $30k. And Basil67, when I talk about having different values, I don’t drink alcohol and I don’t enjoy typical college drinking parties, which are pretty much the centerpiece of college social life. That’s much of why I started my model airplane club. My club has been quite successful other than the fact that there are hardly any women in it.

 

I did sign up for online dating and I’ve gotten a few interested women, some of whom have advanced degrees (or so they claim ). It does look like there will be some women who are OK with my situation.

[thefooloftheyear]

Ah yes, thefooloftheyear and Moves Like Jagger, this thread would be remiss if we didn’t hear from those in the PUA school of thought. Here’s the deal. Bad boys and alphas may get laid a lot, but they generally make terrible husbands. I want to take responsibility for a real relationship. Sure, I could build a persona as a bad boy, but eventually I’d have to sell my motorcycle to pay for the divorce lawyer. No thanks.

 

And for all those who say that I should keep my model airplane hobby to myself: I really enjoy flying my planes and drones, I get paid to do real estate aerial photography with my drone, and I have a club of 15 people who look to me for leadership, a club that I created. So if any “alphas” don’t like my model airplanes, then, as they say in China, these “alphas” can go fruck themselves, because I love my model airplanes.

 

It's not about PUA....I don't even know what that stands for...It's about pointing out that many women have a tendency to say one thing and do another....I mean, I would think your inbox would be flooded with messages from these women who just can't wait to get their hands on you..

 

Has that happened??

 

And yes, I am the one that initially brought up the model airplane stuff...And you know what? I have a hobby that would make yours sound thrilling...But there is a big difference...I'm not that much older than you but I am on the opposite end of the scale in terms of tangible adult accomplishments...When you're 40, have no real money,. are just basically starting your adult life. then it just looks like another thing about you that seems off or immature...If you were out of school for a long time, were running your own tech company, had a solid financial profile, then its not off or odd...Its eclectic and interesting...

 

TFY

[d0nnivain]

The only way a quality woman, IME, would see a 40 year old student, still trying to figure out the direction of his life/career is negative...I think it's commendable, and the OP sounds like a good and decent guy, but any woman I know is not going to see that as desirable..I can see if he had accomplishments in another career, but now want to take their life in a different direction...Sure...that's different..

 

 

In one sense you are right, a 40 year old broke student with no prior accomplishments is not an ideal catch.

 

 

A 39-40 year old PhD candidate is not so bad. Presumably he's earned a bachelor's degree & a master's degree. Then again I dated & eventually married a then 35 year old Veteran who was in the process of getting his undergraduate degree. For me, I saw drive & passion. As much as a hated his paper route, I admired the fact that he was willing to do what it took to fulfill his dream of a degree. N.B. I was teaching spoiled rotten entitled college age collegians at the time & had no use for their laziness on mom & dad's dime.

 

 

If the possibility of a degree, a low income & the model airplane club is the guy's entire resume, that is going to negate many options because he's not a mainstream guy. But dating isn't about connecting with everyone. It's about finding that someone special.

 

 

The so called "nice guy" who can't get a date usually can't date because he has not developed his social skills. Things like saying hello or making small talk elude him. Improving those skills results in greater success with the opposite sex.

 

 

When I first started dating my now husband he had this roommate. The guy was overweight & socially awkward to the extreme. He had a good job as a computer programmer & is a nice person but he has geeky interests & refuses to interact with others. Upon meeting him I held out my hand to shake his hello. He looked horrified & walked to the other side of the room. I backed off. When he sat on the couch to watch a game I asked if he was a fan of the local team playing. He moved farther away on the couch. I pointed to a model of some sci fi show alien space craft that somebody clearly built. I asked my BF if he made it & my BF said no his roommate did. I mentioned I enjoyed the show too. The roommate looked like he couldn't decide if he wanted to throw up or jump out the window. His behavior was ridiculous. DH moved out shortly thereafter

 

 

A few months later I was told that I was the first straight woman over the age of 15 who had spoken to the roommate in years. This guy did not come to our wedding because it was too stressful for him. Several years later he was able to actually say the words hello & goodbye to me when I saw him at a funeral. His other friends practically fell over when he spoke to me.

 

 

To this date, DH's old roommate is alone with his cats. I don't know if he laments his lack of dates. For a while after we were married, DH would invite him over. He'd always ask if I was going to be there & wouldn't come even if other buddies would be there. If asked, he will say he likes me best of all the buddies' GFs/wives. He's just an odd duck.

 

 

Given that spectrum I'm confident the OP PhD candidate will land on his feet (& be able to explain how gravity effect that )

[CptInsano]

The only way a quality woman, IME, would see a 40 year old student, still trying to figure out the direction of his life/career is negative...I think it's commendable, and the OP sounds like a good and decent guy, but any woman I know is not going to see that as desirable..I can see if he had accomplishments in another career, but now want to take their life in a different direction...Sure...that's different...

 

There are women who might see a late bloomer as desirable, I know quite a number of them. But in those cases the man took a much larger role in taking care of the kids than is traditionally expected, and the wife kept on working on her career. The OP's problem isn't so much his late blooming, but him wanting to start his career at 39, which is quite the opposite to that approach. His timing just doesn't align with the life plans of many women, and is one of the reasons why I did not join a PhD program.

 

But take heed and pay attention to NoGo....Maybe you will get lucky and find some woman that doesn't care and will carry you financially and/or let you live in her house...They are out there..

 

Good luck...

 

TFY

 

Yes, it only takes one. In the OP's case I would keep my options open. It may require a slightly unusual combination.

[thefooloftheyear]

There are women who might see a late bloomer as desirable, I know quite a number of them. But in those cases the man took a much larger role in taking care of the kids than is traditionally expected, and the wife kept on working on her career. The OP's problem isn't so much his late blooming, but him wanting to start his career at 39, which is quite the opposite to that approach. His timing just doesn't align with the life plans of many women, and is one of the reasons why I did not join a PhD program.

 

 

 

Yes, it only takes one. In the OP's case I would keep my options open. It may require a slightly unusual combination.

 

 

Bolded...yep...that is the main issue...

 

TFY

[Space Ritual]

I’m looking for honest feedback here. I’m 39 and I’m a grad student in physics. I’ll be finishing my PhD in about two years, after which I’ll make about $80k/yr. Right now I make $30k/yr. Otherwise I consider myself to be reasonably attractive, 6 feet tall, look young for my age, president of the model airplane club on campus, athletic, etc.

 

But I want to know from the ladies if my status and salary as a 39-year-old grad student makes me undatable. I’m looking for a long-term relationship, not short-term stuff.

 

I want to know if it’s worth the effort to try to go out and meet women, or if no woman is realistically going to consider me until after I graduate and have a real job.

 

 

OP,

 

Let nothing hold you back.

 

I didn't go to college until I was 31. I didn't get my Bachelors until I was 39. It never hindered my dating pool. In fact I date women half my age on regular basis. But I do it casually without expectations.

 

However,

 

If you are looking for a LTR (which I was not and never will again) that may be a whole different ball of wax.

 

I don't see someone as educated as you already are having a lot of long term problems securing a LTR.

 

If there is anything I could advise you on is to start out dating WITHOUT EXPECTATION. Let everything else take it's own course. The only way you will come off as undateable is if you lose focus and act as if you are rushing to get into a relationship. That comes off as you being a Needful Thing. And Needful Things don't get laid. That is probably the biggest issue us Old Farts face when getting back out there.

 

As long as you keep it casual at the outset, you'll ever go wrong. You'll also be surprised at how much more attractive you'll be to potential catches by being casual and confident.

 

You will be fine. Don't worry so much about earning potential or age. Worrying about it will show on your face. And that is a date killer.

 

Again, please enter into the scene with little to no expectation, and you will find as time moves on you will become more confident and will eventually find someone you'd like to explore a possible lifetime together with.

 

OR...

 

You may just come to the point where you understand why being casual may work better for you. Which in my case works as Time stops for no one, eventually there may be another guy who comes along that is more interesting, has more money and a bigger dick. At that time, simply move on to the next one.

 

You'll be fine

[PRW]

Agreed....

 

Here's how it usually goes....

 

-Struggling guy(nice guy/ late bloomer/short guy, etc take your pick) starts a "woe is me, can't get laid, can't find any women to date me" thread...

 

At least half the women in the thread jump up and down and shout how awesome/smart/clever./sweet he is and how much of a great catch he would be, and that any woman would be thrilled to be with him.....

 

Peruse the other threads where the Alpha bad boys routinely get slammed up and down as not being worthy of anything....

 

Fast forward 6 months/year/whatever....

 

The same struggling guys are still struggling and the other guys are nowhere to be found...on here anyway...

 

No offense to the ladies, and I really don't get it, but it does seem like they like to blow wind up these guys behinds, but would never put their money where their mouth is...You would think that if half of the women in this small community, on a single thread, thought these guys were so great, then how hard could it really be for them to find a woman?? Like I said ....makes no sense...

 

My thoughts exactly. The original question and some of the subsequent posts along the way in the thread show absolute signs of a total lack of confidence and sense of "worthyness". What was that movie back in the `80's? Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure? The famous line where they kneel down and yell, "Unworthy!! Unworthy!!" Women are going to smell that disposition like a porta-potty at a drunken carnival. The OP's post also shows a pretty messed up view of women and how petty and trivial they are basically accused of being here. Those two things combined together are going to be gasoline in a tinderbox to any relationship.

 

OP,...get your act together. Are you studying Physics to "impress the chicks" so they'll like you or because you truly believe in what you are doing and have a real passion for it? Women are attracted to the later and disgusted by the former.

 

Yes, women usually marry "up" financially but for most of them it isn't the money. It is the passion, dedication, and self confidence which made the guy successful that they are attracted to. The fact that he usually makes more than them rather than less is because if he isn't more passionate, dedicated, and self confident then they themselves are they aren't as impressed. Whether they will ever admit it or not, they want a man they can follow his leading, and feel safe under his protection. They are not going to be happy for the long-haul with a puppy dog that follows them home and needs a pat on the head everyday to feel worthy.

 

If you don't feel you are worthy of them, they will eventually agree with you. So get it together.

[PRW]

Ah yes, thefooloftheyear and Moves Like Jagger, this thread would be remiss if we didn’t hear from those in the PUA school of thought. Here’s the deal. Bad boys and alphas may get laid a lot, but they generally make terrible husbands.

 

No offense to any here who think they are a PUA,...PUAs aren't usually Alphas, many, particularly their "students", are Betas trying to overcome their condition by learning manipulation techniques. They just learned through a lot of practice how to manipulate women. Many of the PUAs may be actually Sigma males.

 

The ones that are real Alphas move on from the PUA stuff to dealing with real relationships where they are great at supporting their family, raising their kids, etc.

 

Here's a good list detailing the types. I believe there is also a Theda male but I don't have information on that one. Myself,...I consider myself to be a Omega male.

 

Alpha male: You are confident and your own man. You do your own thing and have complete confidence in everything you do. You have your self doubts, but you don't let it cloud your judgment and logic. You are well liked by almost everyone, and you just have an easy charm and swagger about your presence. Women are drawn to your charisma and presence. You enjoy being social and having lots of people around. You are a natural leader

 

Beta male: You are kind of shy and introverted and not very confident in yourself. You are constantly plagued by insecurities and self-doubts and you can never commit to anything in the fear that you will fail in it. You are somewhat liked by people but they tend to look at you rather condescendingly and woman tend to friendzone you. You are nervous around other people and social situations because you're always afraid that people are judging you. You are a born follower.

 

Omega male: You are the polar opposite of the alpha male, but in a good way. Like the alpha male you are confident, intelligent and have a sense of charisma about you, but unlike the alpha male, you are completely your own person. You do not need anyone, and you can even be emotionally distant due to your complete self-possession. You trust few people and foster even fewer intimate relationships. Omegas do not care for leadership by others as they are perfectly capable of leading themselves

 

Gamma male: You are sort of the "invisible" guy. There is nothing really spectacular about you. You are not a beta, but neither are you an alpha. your personality and presence usually blends in with the rest of the room and you're just sort of...there. People like you just fine and you usually don't have too much trouble with girls, but all the same, there is nothing particularly memorable or remarkable about you. You are not a born leader nor an inherent follower, although you can take on those tasks depending on the situation.

Sigma male: You are a manipulative mastermind. You are a spider waiting to lay your trap. You possess a cunning, intuitive mind and can sway people to your will. You don't have the casual swagger of the alpha or the omega but you do have a clever presence about you and people tend to be both wary and respect you for that. You can often be even more powerful than the alpha or the omega male in social situations due to your ability to persuade and manipulate them. You are neither a follower or a leader but rather a wild card.

Edited March 13, 2018 by PRW

[normal person]

Ah yes, thefooloftheyear and Moves Like Jagger, this thread would be remiss if we didn’t hear from those in the PUA school of thought. Here’s the deal. Bad boys and alphas may get laid a lot, but they generally make terrible husbands. I want to take responsibility for a real relationship. Sure, I could build a persona as a bad boy, but eventually I’d have to sell my motorcycle to pay for the divorce lawyer. No thanks.

 

Oversimplification.

 

And for all those who say that I should keep my model airplane hobby to myself: I really enjoy flying my planes and drones, I get paid to do real estate aerial photography with my drone, and I have a club of 15 people who look to me for leadership, a club that I created. So if any “alphas” don’t like my model airplanes, then, as they say in China, these “alphas” can go fruck themselves, because I love my model airplanes.

 

No one's saying you don't love them or you shouldn't make them. But it might be a good idea to just keep it under your belt because currently you don't have enough social sway for most people to overlook it, and (I have no idea what goes on there), but on the surface it sounds a bit...juvenile? Almost like playing video games. 39 year old, hasn't graduated yet, spends free time making model airplanes? It's your life and you're free to do as you'd like, but the optics of this are not in your best interest. Lots of people have unusual hobbies, but they're usually a lot easier to overlook if the rest of their life is in order and on track.

 

A couple other comments here. I understand that my situation would be a deal-breaker for some women and not others. It would probably depend on how much she otherwise liked me. I actually get along pretty well on $30k.

 

Now factor in $100/week+ to feed and entertain your potential girlfriend, and then consider the hit your image is going to take when any potential girlfriend considers your $30k lifestyle in comparison to the guys your age who are just as smart as you and making 3-5x that. Food for thought.

 

I did sign up for online dating and I’ve gotten a few interested women, some of whom have advanced degrees (or so they claim ). It does look like there will be some women who are OK with my situation.

 

So what's the problem, then?

[TunaCat]

As a 32 year old woman, absolutely I'd date a 39 year old grad student. There are many reasons that a student is in grad school in their late 30's and I'm such a sucker for smart guys

[Space Ritual]

No offense to any here who think they are a PUA,...PUAs aren't usually Alphas, many, particularly their "students", are Betas trying to overcome their condition by learning manipulation techniques. They just learned through a lot of practice how to manipulate women. Many of the PUAs may be actually Sigma males.

 

The ones that are real Alphas move on from the PUA stuff to dealing with real relationships where they are great at supporting their family, raising their kids, etc.

 

Here's a good list detailing the types. I believe there is also a Theda male but I don't have information on that one. Myself,...I consider myself to be a Omega male.

 

Alpha male: You are confident and your own man. You do your own thing and have complete confidence in everything you do. You have your self doubts, but you don't let it cloud your judgment and logic. You are well liked by almost everyone, and you just have an easy charm and swagger about your presence. Women are drawn to your charisma and presence. You enjoy being social and having lots of people around. You are a natural leader

 

Beta male: You are kind of shy and introverted and not very confident in yourself. You are constantly plagued by insecurities and self-doubts and you can never commit to anything in the fear that you will fail in it. You are somewhat liked by people but they tend to look at you rather condescendingly and woman tend to friendzone you. You are nervous around other people and social situations because you're always afraid that people are judging you. You are a born follower.

 

Omega male: You are the polar opposite of the alpha male, but in a good way. Like the alpha male you are confident, intelligent and have a sense of charisma about you, but unlike the alpha male, you are completely your own person. You do not need anyone, and you can even be emotionally distant due to your complete self-possession. You trust few people and foster even fewer intimate relationships. Omegas do not care for leadership by others as they are perfectly capable of leading themselves

 

Gamma male: You are sort of the "invisible" guy. There is nothing really spectacular about you. You are not a beta, but neither are you an alpha. your personality and presence usually blends in with the rest of the room and you're just sort of...there. People like you just fine and you usually don't have too much trouble with girls, but all the same, there is nothing particularly memorable or remarkable about you. You are not a born leader nor an inherent follower, although you can take on those tasks depending on the situation.

Sigma male: You are a manipulative mastermind. You are a spider waiting to lay your trap. You possess a cunning, intuitive mind and can sway people to your will. You don't have the casual swagger of the alpha or the omega but you do have a clever presence about you and people tend to be both wary and respect you for that. You can often be even more powerful than the alpha or the omega male in social situations due to your ability to persuade and manipulate them. You are neither a follower or a leader but rather a wild card.

 

 

I didn't know there were far more than 2 Personality types of guys.I learn something new every time I log in. I feel like Jeff Fahey in "The Lawnmower Man" LMFAO!

[Imajerk17]

Agreed....

 

Here's how it usually goes....

 

-Struggling guy(nice guy/ late bloomer/short guy, etc take your pick) starts a "woe is me, can't get laid, can't find any women to date me" thread...

 

At least half the women in the thread jump up and down and shout how awesome/smart/clever./sweet he is and how much of a great catch he would be, and that any woman would be thrilled to be with him.....

 

Peruse the other threads where the Alpha bad boys routinely get slammed up and down as not being worthy of anything....

 

 

Yep pretty much.

 

The two years in my 30s that I had the most devoted girlfriend I was flat broke.

 

For our third date I was supposed to pick her up and we were supposed to go for dinner. I had like NO money until I got paid in a couple of days. No money as in, I was searching under the covers of my couch and everywhere else looking for spare change. Yep I was doing this, as a 30-something year-old guy trying to date. Anyway, I called her up and said we had to postpone the date until I got paid. You want to know what happened?

 

She drove down to see ME and took ME out to dinner. And then we went back to my place and yep, she got lucky. I put out for her

 

And yet: If someone were to post a thread on LS and ask if something like that is possible, MOST people would say nope, no way, never, can't ever happen.

 

And yeah, I was kinda nerdy. I was always kind of nerdy. But I have things that make up for it. (And I did get my life and finances on track. But I did it for myself. Truth be told I did feel embarrassed to be in my 30s and have that little money.)

 

Anyway, show me a guy who asks if a woman would date someone like him, and I will show you a guy who doesn't get it.

Edited March 13, 2018 by Imajerk17

[Imajerk17]

That said, I do think something relevant to many single women though--the ones you'd meet on Match--is what you were doing in your 20s and early 30s. Did you just go back to school to pursue your PhD? Do you have savings from previous years working?

 

Anyway, just going by this thread there are at least a couple women who think what you are doing is just the coolest thing. Maybe you'd click back too. It just takes one....

 

I should clarify this.

 

Things like resume, education level, ect., even "looks", are really just an 'in'. If you are doing things such as OLD, things like these can make or break whether someone decides to make contact with you and whether you will get the first date. When you meet up in person though, it is a COMPLETELY different story. There it will be all about in-person chemistry, which tends to have rather little to do with the above.

 

It can mean that a woman online will end up writing the engineer and not the underemployed guy waiting tables, but when it comes to meeting both face-to-face, she won't go on a second date with the engineer but feels all sorts of sparks with the guy waiting tables. It's also why people can communicate long-distance for months but then realize within 10 minutes of finally meeting each other in person that they will not work out.

 

You are too focused on your resume OP, whereas in real story is how well you'd tend to inspire chemistry when you and she are face-to-face.

Edited March 13, 2018 by Imajerk17

[Wave Rider]

I think the important takeaways for me here are that some women would dismiss me over issues of money and status and some wouldn't. And among the ones that wouldn't, what's going to matter more is the connection and chemistry between us. I can believe that.

 

It's also possible that this discussion about money and status is mostly an excuse for the fact that it's been a few years since I met a woman that I really connected with or felt chemistry with. I don't meet nearly as many women as I used to because I don't go to church anymore, and I hang out with physicists and other engineering types who are mostly male. I'm also in a different culture than the one I became accustomed to, so I don't connect emotionally with as many people anymore.

 

I've been on a few dates with female graduate students, and though there was clearly mutual attraction, it was obvious to us that we weren't going to be compatible. That's frustrating, when you both want it to work and you can tell that it's just not going to.

 

So yeah, money and status will matter more to some than to others. And finding connection and chemistry is hard!

Edited March 14, 2018 by Wave Rider

[HiCrunchy]

Yes, 100 percent. If I was closer to you in age that is.

[snowboy91]

So yeah, money and status will matter more to some than to others. And finding connection and chemistry is hard!

 

Absolutely! So don't worry about the ones who think status is important. They're not the ones for you. And as I said before, don't worry about the ones who think your model aeroplane club (for example) is too nerdy and a turn off, they're not the ones for you. The right person is going to love you because you have a solid connection and you respect each other.

 

Yes, finding connection is hard. But it only takes finding the right person to get that connection. So you need to start (or keep) looking, or at least keep an eye out.

[guest569]

So yeah, money and status will matter more to some than to others. And finding connection and chemistry is hard!

 

Personally I don’t give a crap about status. Never have, never will. But money is important to living a comfortable and stable life. If I earn triple what my partner does when he has 10 years on me then yes it is a concern because I’m not going to be a provider but an equal. If you’ve already made a decent career and have some assets sure. If you’ve been reading textbooks for 10 yrs and living in parents basement then no. It also depends what people want from “dating”. For me, it’s a way of finding a partner, not just for fun or friendship. If that was the case then money wouldn’t matter at all.

[amaysngrace]

Personally I wouldn't because I want a man who has his act together by 40.

 

Way too old to be just starting out imo, especially if you took loans. Did you take loans?

[Purepony]

dont wait to date

 

a real woman would see your commitment to bettering yourself and see your potential...to be committed in a relationship.......theres no reason why you should not date.....deb...

 

 

That’s the problem where do you find a “real woman” now a days?

 

All I see are billionaires, self proclaimed super models, social media icons, and yelp challengers.

[Els]

It would really depend on your reason. If you'd been working in a different field beforehand, had savings, and were simply trying to segue into a new field... it likely wouldn't be an issue for me.

 

If you'd been in college the entire time at 39 years of age, no, sorry.

[Cookiesandough]

If I was interested in him hell Yea! I love physics so much

[Els]

No offense to any here who think they are a PUA,...PUAs aren't usually Alphas, many, particularly their "students", are Betas trying to overcome their condition by learning manipulation techniques. They just learned through a lot of practice how to manipulate women. Many of the PUAs may be actually Sigma males.

 

The ones that are real Alphas move on from the PUA stuff to dealing with real relationships where they are great at supporting their family, raising their kids, etc.

 

Here's a good list detailing the types. I believe there is also a Theda male but I don't have information on that one. Myself,...I consider myself to be a Omega male.

 

Alpha male: You are confident and your own man. You do your own thing and have complete confidence in everything you do. You have your self doubts, but you don't let it cloud your judgment and logic. You are well liked by almost everyone, and you just have an easy charm and swagger about your presence. Women are drawn to your charisma and presence. You enjoy being social and having lots of people around. You are a natural leader

 

Beta male: You are kind of shy and introverted and not very confident in yourself. You are constantly plagued by insecurities and self-doubts and you can never commit to anything in the fear that you will fail in it. You are somewhat liked by people but they tend to look at you rather condescendingly and woman tend to friendzone you. You are nervous around other people and social situations because you're always afraid that people are judging you. You are a born follower.

 

Omega male: You are the polar opposite of the alpha male, but in a good way. Like the alpha male you are confident, intelligent and have a sense of charisma about you, but unlike the alpha male, you are completely your own person. You do not need anyone, and you can even be emotionally distant due to your complete self-possession. You trust few people and foster even fewer intimate relationships. Omegas do not care for leadership by others as they are perfectly capable of leading themselves

 

Gamma male: You are sort of the "invisible" guy. There is nothing really spectacular about you. You are not a beta, but neither are you an alpha. your personality and presence usually blends in with the rest of the room and you're just sort of...there. People like you just fine and you usually don't have too much trouble with girls, but all the same, there is nothing particularly memorable or remarkable about you. You are not a born leader nor an inherent follower, although you can take on those tasks depending on the situation.

Sigma male: You are a manipulative mastermind. You are a spider waiting to lay your trap. You possess a cunning, intuitive mind and can sway people to your will. You don't have the casual swagger of the alpha or the omega but you do have a clever presence about you and people tend to be both wary and respect you for that. You can often be even more powerful than the alpha or the omega male in social situations due to your ability to persuade and manipulate them. You are neither a follower or a leader but rather a wild card.

 

What happened to the delta male, epsilon male, zeta male, eta male, theta male, iota male, etc? Geesh, if you're going to pick Greek alphabets to arbitrarily pigeonhole people with penises into, at least be consistent.

[Els]

As a 32 year old woman, absolutely I'd date a 39 year old grad student. There are many reasons that a student is in grad school in their late 30's and I'm such a sucker for smart guys

 

But if someone were so smart, why would it take 21 years of their adult life going to college full-time to get a PhD?

 

Obviously this only applies to the hypothetical situation where the OP was in college the entire time, not to the situation where he had worked beforehand. I don't know which situation is the case for him. However, given that as far as I can see he dodged questions from 3 different posters about what he did in the past 20 years and seems overly optimistic about what happens immediately after you get your PhD, the prospects aren't looking particularly good on that horizon.

Edited March 15, 2018 by Elswyth

[amaysngrace]

But if someone were so smart, why would it take 21 years of their adult life going to college full-time to get a PhD?

 

(Obviously this only applies to the hypothetical situation where the OP was in college the entire time, not to the situation where he had worked beforehand. I don't know which situation is the case for him)

 

Exactly. My nephew will have his Masters in physics with a minor in education by the time he's 24. He's working as a substitute teacher currently while earning his masters by getting his foot in some doors.

 

By 40 he will most likely have his house close to paid off, if not multiple properties. High school physics teachers are in such high demand in my state.

 

But I guess everybody defines smart differently.

[normal person]

But I guess everybody defines smart differently.

 

I think there are different types of intelligence.

 

My gf's friend is dating a 29 year old guy who went to a top law school and just took the bar, presumably he passed. He's been doing some minor paralegal work for a firm for a while and just now found out that they won't bring him on as an associate until September, if they even do. The girl is debating whether or not she should keep seeing the guy because she (a workaholic with a good job) isn't sure she can date someone who's basically unemployed and living with his sister across the river and will be for months. The guy is obviously very "smart". But if being smart doesn't yield advantageous results, or if the results aren't worth the premium put on someone's time, one can start to wonder what difference it makes if the person isn't capable. There are guys out there with half this guy's book smarts with great, purposeful, well paying jobs that give them meaning and joy. They found their niche, provide value, and a way to make it in the world despite not having an advanced degree, and in my eyes, that's just as impressive, if not more so.

 

That's why I always side eye the responses that say "Yes! Smart guys are so hot!" Well what about the guy who had the sense to do everything the OP did, but earlier and more efficiently? What about the guy who wasn't "smart" enough to get into the physics grad program but was proactive and cunning and found a better job and has been doing it for 15 years already building a resume, portfolio, home equity, etc? What about the guy who had the wherewithal to pick the right career in his youth and isn't just getting started at it in his 40s? It's really hard for me to consider how to overlook all these guys and consider OP as "the smart one." I'm not saying he's not, because he obviously is. If we look at him through a singular lens, having an advanced degree is great. But what about all the other stuff? What about all the other men that he's in competition with that are in noticeably more advantageous spots in their lives? What does this say about their intelligence or their gumption? Did they cease to exist? Are women going to stop looking at them because OP will make a normal salary in 2 years? Call me crazy, but it seems like people here only want to give him half the story, they want to say "Smart guys are so [objectively] hot!" but leave out the asterisk that everyone has in the back of their mind, that all his other circumstances are objectively not, or questionable in comparison at best.

 

OP should feel great about his degree, and I'm sure he's smart. But I don't think it will be a magic ticket for him in the slightest and he should be realistic about the dating landscape. There are plenty of "smart" people who are completely incapable and/or become failures. There are plenty of people who might have taken a different or "lesser" path, who figured their lives out long before and have tons to offer. A grad student isn't the only "smart" one.

Edited March 15, 2018 by normal person