Being given flack for being single.

[E-Squared]

Has this ever happened to you? I am sure that a lot of you have been there. Sometimes friends of yours, or even family, give someone crap because he/she isn't dating at the moment. Why is that? I have had that happened to me at times. A friend of mine gave me some flack for lacking a sex life and because I am not dating anybody. The question in my mind is why should anybody care if someone isn't banging or dating someone at the time.

 

Just letting you know, this is not currently happening to me. It has happened to me before, yes, but it's not at the moment. I just want to know if this has happened to you and if you have stories, feel free to share.

[Popsicle]

I don't get a hard time about this. Occasionally I am asked why I don't have a boyfriend and I just reply "I don't know" and then we move on.

 

A friend of mine gave me some flack for lacking a sex life and because I am not dating anybody. The question in my mind is why should anybody care if someone isn't banging or dating someone at the time.

 

Was this a male or a female?

[SevenCity]

Has this ever happened to you? I am sure that a lot of you have been there. Sometimes friends of yours, or even family, give someone crap because he/she isn't dating at the moment. Why is that? I have had that happened to me at times. A friend of mine gave me some flack for lacking a sex life and because I am not dating anybody. The question in my mind is why should anybody care if someone isn't banging or dating someone at the time.

 

Just letting you know, this is not currently happening to me. It has happened to me before, yes, but it's not at the moment. I just want to know if this has happened to you and if you have stories, feel free to share.

 

Sort of. I've had married people question why I'm not married, or people with children telling me I "better hurry up".

 

They find it impossible that you would not chose the same lifestyle as them - even if it isn't working out so great in their lives.

 

I've found that people who do this often need validation for their lifestyle and feel like you are telling them what they are doing is wrong because you are not doing the same. I've had similar reactions from people when they find out I don't drink - automatically assuming I'm an alcoholic as there must be something wrong with me because I choose a different lifestyle then they have.

 

Personally, I don't give a F what other people think of me unless they are paying me a salary. People who get like this with me are eliminated from my life - family or otherwise.

 

My motto is life and let live. As long as you're not hurting anyone, have a blast.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yeah, sometimes it happens to me. It doesn't bother me, but some of my closest friends and even my mother want me to find someone. They all have varying levels of psych-analysis done on me with regard to why I don't want to date right now.

[2.50 a gallon]

I was the only one of a dozen grand children that was capable of passing on the family name. My younger sister married at age 18 and started a family, and that is when the pressure began, parents, grand parents, aunts, uncles.

However the world was full of beautiful women and I was on a mission to kiss as many as possible. Although I dated. I just did not meet any body super special until I turned 27. We eventually got engaged, but three years later we broke up.

Now the pressure really started. Grandparents were elderly and passing on.

Finally at age 35, I was living with a hot lady, fold out material, 10 years my junior, she wanted to get married, and my thinking was if I have to choose just one, why not do it with the hottest on possible.

The marriage lasted a whole 6 months

[Fair]

A little bit of flack... but I actually wish I'd get more, sometimes, by people who CARE, who don't want to see me lonely... who might even try to set me up with someone decent. But most people these days are too self absorbed. They don't care if you're single, or lonely. As long as they have someone.

 

If anything, I do feel punished for being single... in other ways. Being left out/abandoned by my married female "friends", constantly being the target of other women's competitiveness or outright nasty behavior, because they don't to see me getting attention from men even though those women are already married. They want ALL the attention... Single women who don't want to be friends with me either.. again, out of competition.

 

I've never in my whole adult life had a friend unless I had a boyfriend, but it wasn't for lack of trying. But flack? Not much... more like just "stay in your cage".

[carhill]

I don't recall flack rather social disinterest or shunning. This occurred most markedly in my 20's as friend's children reached school age and they drifted off inexplicably, even those I shared interests with. I was single for a long time so saw lots of examples. Eventually I forged male friendships which transcended the marital status differences. Most of those endure to this day.

 

Never got the married with children guilt trip from my family. That was one small part of the great respect I always had for my parents.

 

OP, next time you get some flack, I think asking them the same question you asked here is spot-on. "Why?" That's an old Ann Landers/Dear Abby trick. Put it back on them. They're the only humans who know what's in their mind.

[preraph]

Misery loves company. People who feel some kind of way about you being single have some interest in making themselves feel superior to you and aren't very good friends/relatives. Now your parents of course want you to follow their own life path and have interest or not in grandbabies, but you still have to have boundaries with them about it. I had to come right out and tell my mom I wasn't going to live HER life. She had her own life to live as she chose, and I'm living mine how I choose. It's not like you get do-overs.

 

Married people usually want you to have the same restrictions and responsibilities as them so they still have something in common with them. Some of them have lost their former identities. Some of them are flat-out jealous. Anyone who gave a crap about you really and didn't have some other agenda to benefit themselves would NOT be rushing and pushing you to just grab someone and settle down.

 

Whether it's true or not, something that will usually shut those people up is to look at them and laugh and say something like, "Why would I want to do that? I'm having too good a time right now to want to do that." Believe me, that's not what they want to hear. They want to hear they're so lucky to have someone while you're miserable.

Edited March 11, 2018 by preraph

[E-Squared]

I don't get a hard time about this. Occasionally I am asked why I don't have a boyfriend and I just reply "I don't know" and then we move on.

 

 

 

Was this a male or a female?

 

It was a male friend who did that, but he had stopped doing that for a long time. A female coworker did the same thing. Of course, she is not in my life and hasn't been for an unrelated reason.

 

I have seen some people try to play matchmaker with others by trying to set someone up with a person who was unfit for them.

 

The good thing is that no one in my family has ever given me any sort of flack about this. At this point in my life, I am actually who is mostly okay with, bordering on preferring being single. I don't feel ready to date. Sure, I have some options in mind at the moment, but I am not trying to force anything.

[road]

It is natural to pair up.

They want to see you find your special one to pair up with.

They are trying to encourage you to find that special one.

Give you a push over the hump, get you to gain momentum.

They like you, your aunts, uncles, G parents will not see the

negatives in you, only the pluses. They do not know why dating

does not go smooth for you.

They want the best for you.

This is why.

[snowboy91]

Yep, but unfortunately women seem to get a lot more flack than men. I think it comes down to people assuming that no-one can be happy with their life unless they're getting married and starting a family, or on the path to doing so, or at least getting regular sex. It's worse for women partly because of the "biological clock" argument, and I think there's a social expectation there as well. People are trying to push you out of kindness, but they can't always see how someone can be happily single.

[hotpotato]

I do a little. Every now and then I am asked if I'm a lesbian. My mom even asked. This has been happening off and in since high school.

 

When I am asked, I just say I don't know.

 

If anyone has a problem with it, they can go find me some suitors!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yep, but unfortunately women seem to get a lot more flack than men. I think it comes down to people assuming that no-one can be happy with their life unless they're getting married and starting a family, or on the path to doing so, or at least getting regular sex. It's worse for women partly because of the "biological clock" argument, and I think there's a social expectation there as well. People are trying to push you out of kindness, but they can't always see how someone can be happily single.

 

I'm 45 and divorced, and have already had children, so nobody is wanting me to get into a relationship for biological reasons . But, they still think I need a companion and I just don't think I need that right now.....maybe when my kids have flown the nest I will feel differently.

[d0nnivain]

In my 20s it flustered me when people made comments about my single status.

 

In my 30s I dumped it back on them. I'd say I haven't found anybody worth dating & ask them if they knew anybody. If they didn't offer some kind of a solution, I'd suggest that in the future if they didn't have a potential solution to something they saw as a problem, they should keep their mouth shut.

[primer]

People often give me crap about being single. It sort of bothers me because I don't like hearing about it. What I really hate is when men offer to have sex with me because they think I need it. Ugh!!

[Eternal Sunshine]

I do all the time. It really annoys me. I had one friend (who is my age and just had a 3rd baby) pretty much yelling at me "ARE YOU CRAZY? LIFE IS PASSING YOU BY. FIND SOMEONE ALREADY".

 

I had to block my aunt from FB because she was convinced that is not possible that I don't have a partner so I must be hiding it from her. She ended up messaging my male friends and coworkers that "liked" my pictures and statuses and asking them if they are my partner One coworker told me and I was mortified and just blocked her.

 

I have also had people ask me if I am gay. My own brother did.

 

It's like people think that it's simply impossible to be single. The only plausable explanation is that you are gay or you are hiding your boyfriend or there is something seriously wrong with you.

 

I still struggle with this and probably care way too much about what other people think.

[Shanex]

I had to block my aunt from FB because she was convinced that is not possible that I don't have a partner so I must be hiding it from her. She ended up messaging my male friends and coworkers that "liked" my pictures and statuses and asking them if they are my partner One coworker told me and I was mortified and just blocked her.

 

This made me giggle, sorry. That's really creepy. I wouldn't like it at all having such an intrusive relative.

 

Me? No, people whether friends or family know that I sometimes go on dates, sometimes succesfully, sometimes not. I don't mention every single date, nor every roll in the hay not that there are many anyway.

 

Its true that women gets more flacks for being single. I dislike it a lot when people feel somewhat superior for having a wife/hubby and children. Why do you care if I don't? Move on with your day already.

[Fair]

I do all the time. It really annoys me. I had one friend (who is my age and just had a 3rd baby) pretty much yelling at me "ARE YOU CRAZY? LIFE IS PASSING YOU BY. FIND SOMEONE ALREADY".

 

I had to block my aunt from FB because she was convinced that is not possible that I don't have a partner so I must be hiding it from her. She ended up messaging my male friends and coworkers that "liked" my pictures and statuses and asking them if they are my partner One coworker told me and I was mortified and just blocked her.

 

I have also had people ask me if I am gay. My own brother did.

 

It's like people think that it's simply impossible to be single. The only plausable explanation is that you are gay or you are hiding your boyfriend or there is something seriously wrong with you.

 

I still struggle with this and probably care way too much about what other people think.

 

Come to think of it, I've had snoops like that around me too, trying to find out who I'm 'hiding' and whether or not I'm gay just because I'm alone. This happened in my former work place... coworkers I wasn't even friends with trying to find out about my personal life... my boss was having me followed to try to find out if I was meeting anyone when I'd leave the work parking lot to go sit by the river and eat lunch... yes, being a single female brings out the psycho's too.

[Mysterio]

I am single because I have not met a great match. Thats it. Nothing else. I was at home until I was 32. Then my co-worker got married and sold me her Condo, which is down the street from my work, which takes 15 to 20 min.

 

I get talked to about being single from time to time. My parents think its easy to connect. Its not. I don't know what it is about people today. Friendship is easy. Romantic connection. Its like everyone is hyper critical and expects fireworks all the time. No one wants to grow anything.

[todreaminblue]

only when i get snappy......then the proverbial comment comes ...you need a root.....aussie for sex...adn you need a guy deb you are getting feisty...why arent you looking.....which i don't need a guy ...i need whoever it is to stop annoying me and i would be sweet....the guy well if he is the right one he will be worth me not looking and waiting..i am old school and when i follow old school rules ...i am happy...........i dont date for the fun of it....and i dont date to have sex...im celibate till marriage anyway..an di really never have followed anyones heart unless it is my own...i dont care that i cop flack...i can give it back....deb

Edited March 13, 2018 by todreaminblue

[Mysterio]

I think that at this time in our lives. There is too much distrust with the Sexes.

 

For me. I can't just meet a woman. Have sex with her off the bat. I don't want kids out of wedlock. So I always have to be on the ball with things like that.

[todreaminblue]

I think that at this time in our lives. There is too much distrust with the Sexes.

 

For me. I can't just meet a woman. Have sex with her off the bat. I don't want kids out of wedlock. So I always have to be on the ball with things like that.

 

 

very honorable mysterio...lovely to read...keep being you.:0).deb

[littleblackheart]

No flack about being single; rather because I like it. Very few people seem to accept the idea that I really, really like being single.

 

Some think it's because I'm 'broken' - bad marriage did change me but I was single and happy before that. Some think it's because I have no options, I'm too picky, too educated, a divorced mother, I have ASD, some assume I'm lonely, in denial, etc.

 

To me, it's just a conscious choice. I can't stop people thinking what they want and it doesn't affect me very much. There are things people do or put up with to be or stay in a relationship that baffle me too, tbf, so it's not like it's a one-way street.

 

On rare occasions, like when I get too involved in a thread on LS while I should be working (I should really stop doing that) I ask myself what type of partner I would be like with the 'right person'. I think it could be fine.

 

But then I look at the reality of my life and how much upheaval it would be for me to be in a relationship and I go back to being contented with my life. Being single keeps me sane (mostly).

Edited March 13, 2018 by littleblackheart

[E-Squared]

I remember a male coworker, who was my age, married and also a father, gave me some flack about not having kids or being married, and we were only 24 at the time. At the time, he said some things like "At this age, you should be married and have kids." I wish I had responded with "Says who?"

[SJS]

You know once you're not single, people will give you flack not having a baby, buying a house, having another baby, etc. It's always something no matter what stage of life you're in.