Popsicle Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 So recently I've been trying to figure out how much attention people need and why. I found this article if anyone else is interested in the topic of attention. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-traits-excellence/201611/why-we-all-just-need-little-attention 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 IMO, it's a combination of nature and nurture, especially in the infant/toddler years. I don't think there's any universal formula due to wide variations in genetics and FOO styles. TBH, I don't give it much thought unless bombarded with attention-seeking behaviors and thankfully at my age they are few and far between. Call me at 2am to whine about one's otherwise perfect life, yeah, the needle moves a bit. Also, there is the value of perception in how we describe such behaviors in others. If one is perceived as attractive and likable, then such attention-seeking behaviors are more likely to be accepted or tolerated. Less attractive/likeable, less likely. This also applies to iterations and social groups with it being easier and more fluid to replace the audience if one is more attractive/likeable versus less. For most people, there is a healthy balance. Too much or too little can be unhealthy. The article mentioned physical health. We've seen data on attention, both physical and emotional, being critical in early childhood development. IMO, to a certain extent, that continues throughout life. We see one manifestation of the perceived value of it in punishment by solitary confinement for criminal acts. Another is the old 'go to your room' or 'you're grounded' as a child, depriving the child of social contact. Long term deprivation can IMO generally alter a person's psyche and deteriorate their health even if they're otherwise maintained to a healthy state. Are there exceptions? Sure. Still, even the most rugged of individualists would opine that some human contact is beneficial. They might not like that they need it or want it but generally won't deny it exists. That's my .02 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 The older I get, the less I find myself seeking attention from others. Now I'm more like wishing people would just leave me the f*** alone. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyKatLady Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 Ditto Openbook! I like being alone when I'm feeling good, which is most of the time...it's such a crapshot out there. I don't know if its because I live on the Mexico border, but i have met 2 men in the past month who each lied about their names, etc and had multiple social accounts with various names--wtf? Talk about needing attention! One personality should be enough, but when you have multiple persona's, that is utter greed! It's beyond psychology at this point down here in South Texas, it's dangerous and unstable at best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 I kind of thought I might get a lot of people talk about how much they want to be left alone here, since I think forums attract introverts. But in my real life, I am dealing with a few people who need a ton of attention (they are older) and I'm wondering what is the source of that. Why is it that some people can self-sooth and/or self-entertain more than others? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 I am dealing with a few people who need a ton of attention (they are older) and I'm wondering what is the source of that Based on decades of such interactions, IMO unfinished business from childhood is one commonality I've seen. Observe the milieu of anyone described/self-described as 'high maintenance' and drill down to the particulars and see what you think. I believe many personality disorders which range far beyond needing attention also stem from brain/psyche formation during childhood. Is that too Freud? IDK. I do know some of those at the most desperate boundary of the range have shared some pretty gruesome/sad experiences from their young years. I got some of that in my M since my exW was molested as a child. She was by no means an exception to such experiences over the decades, rather the one I had to deal with the fallout on a day to day basis. It really seemed to bug her that my childhood was a dim pleasant memory and I had no interest in being the center of attention. Any connection there? Perhaps not but I've seen plenty of anecdotal evidence to support it. Here's an article from the same resource on the topic: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/obesely-speaking/201411/excessive-attention-seeking-and-drama-addiction 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 (edited) That's also something I'm puzzling over. I need zero attention personally, or at least very little; I've never needed any and in my most autistic moments, even someone saying hello can make me feel smothered. I don't have the brain wired to suffer loneliness in my own company (I've felt plenty lonely in a crowed room or with my exH however). My sisters on the other hand, while they are mostly introverted, enjoy / need / require company to be happy. We were raised by the same parents in the same way under the same roof (not a great experience, but that affected them more than that affected me) so there's got to be a good dose of nature / genetics. Edited March 11, 2018 by littleblackheart 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 Honestly, I'm more interested in the psychology of the person who needs more attention. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 Can attention be positive or negative? I wish my boss would pay less attention to me. I keep thinking about other terms like affection, acknowledgement or respect - in small doses for me - but I am older now and things change with age like others have said here. But I suppose acknowledgement and respect is a form of attention but it does not need to be long. But the first part of that article did touch me - Lately I feel overwhelmed with work and life - and sometimes I do get home from work, tired and worn out - and do not provide all the attention my kids would like from me. Kids do need attention. I need to work more on giving that. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Honestly, I'm more interested in the psychology of the person who needs more attention. I think it just comes down to personality type and maybe stuff from childhood. People who I know that require lots of attention and admiration as adults received a lot of criticism and little praise/affirmation as children. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 I like attention but only on my terms Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Popsicle, is that your real picture? Cute. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Honestly, I'm more interested in the psychology of the person who needs more attention. The only reason why someone would need more attention than normal is because they feel they're not getting enough, like narcissists and / or those wanting to please or belong or be recognised or be popular. Which probably all stems from insecurity. Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Popsicle, is that your real picture? Cute. Pop is Milla Jovovich? HOTHOTHOT (Can I be Sean Connery?) Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I saw a front doormat for sale in one of those catalogs you get in the mail...Instead of "welcome" it said "GO AWAY".... Perfect.... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I saw a front doormat for sale in one of those catalogs you get in the mail...Instead of "welcome" it said "GO AWAY".... Perfect.... TFY I want the doormat that says "Come Back With A Warrant" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 just read an article about how to tell if a man truly loves you......one of them is he pays you attention.... attention is necessary to truly love someone.....i am not ashamed to say i have a need not just a want its a must....for attention and care...so i can too care for others with the surplus of attention i get..attention so i can be renewed and refreshed and feel worthy of breathing.....and not so overwhelmed with the lack of care others show .... ......care is also love...people need to pay more attention and show more care towards people not less...anyone who says we need less as peoples is corrupted......more attention needed for children as well and definitely duty of care...... in sayingi want peopleto pay attention to m e...it is because i feel ...i have a right to it.....because i always feel everyone else has a right to be cared and listened too....everyone deserves to be shown attention and not be a person non grata...i have been treated like a person non grata...ignored shunned and i would still pay attention to those people if they spoke to me........so when i find people who dont treat me like that....i love them hard.i make them feel my attention...i smile with my eyes to reach them........ i show them my love by caring.....and attention and my thoughts and well wishes and prayers are for them..to keep them safe.because i feel ...blessed..and i would miss them ....as i have ...when they move on.........is it really bad that i feel blessed to be noticed and counted as attention worthy......i have a voice...and sometimes ...i need it to be heard...audible or through my words...i speak up.....at school i was the one they chose to pay attention to newbies...because ... not one of them would feel alone or unheard or ignored uncared for ....with me.....is it wrong that i expect the same ...no is it wrong for anyone to expect the same attention they would be willing to share....no...as i said anyone who says otherwise...is corrupted...not being paid attention as an adult is just as damaging as to a child...we are all children ....in spirit and some people forget that fact...yep ...fact....attention and care is love...we all crave it.....need it...int eh flesh combined with our spirits....and when i say attention i dont mean constant every hour validation...simple attention and simple care..........deb.... Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 (edited) Honestly, I'm more interested in the psychology of the person who needs more attention. My sister is an attention [seeker] and always has been. She's the fifth born of six so that may have something to do with it. At one point she had six people doting on her and then two and a half years later she no longer did. Because I was born sixth with three older sisters I felt like I had four moms growing up so attention in my world wasn't always a positive. I didn't have to try to get it, it was just given and they sure do nag. Edited March 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I need attention, but in the sense of plain human interaction. I can simply attend an event, go shopping, any place that allows me to talk to people, so that I can relax and recharge. Work provides me with a lot of human interaction, so that part helps also. I'm not sure if there is a lot of psychology behind it, other than the need to be "part of the tribe" as a survival instinct. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 One of my closest friends needs lots of attention from men. She's very attractive, slim, long blonde hair, very friendly and outgoing and naturally attracts lots of men (and women). But it's never enough for her. And a very annoying part of it for me is that she needs to constantly be telling me how much attention she's getting from men if I don't regularly comment on how man men are hitting on her. She used to get mad at me for being rude to guys when we were out together because I didn't feel flattered to have the attention of every random drunk dude. Her father committed suicide when she was around 12 and to this day she regularly brings up the hurt it caused to know she wasn't enough for him to stick around. So I assume that's where her issue comes from, trying to fill the emptiness and insecurity that experience left with her. I on the other hand had a very happy, loving home growing up and most of the time want to be left alone to do my thing! It reminds me to be grateful for the love of my parents and the stability they provided. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I agree what it says about the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. So true. That's why I keep telling people to make their goal getting over a heartache to just stop caring what they think and what they're doing. Hating them and stewing about it is more destructive than anything, but only to the one doing the hating. Link to post Share on other sites
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