dating women is the most challenging thing in life

[fred123]

iv realised this is more difficult thn anything iv ever done.

finding the line between showing interest and harrasment is an art.

you cant make one mistake with a girl otherwise its over.

you have to be perfect in every department.

i have come up with set of rules that hopefully work for me but also means that a women cant call me clingy or stupid or pushyor even emasculate me.

[bathtub-row]

It shouldn't have to be that difficult. You may just be dating very touchy women. If you're polite and have basic manners, then I don't see why you should have those kinds of problems.

 

If it makes you feel any better, relationships have been a challenge all my life. They seem like one long string of bad decisions and choices. But that's true for a lot of people, even people who are married and pretend they're happy.

 

I say find someone you click with and don't compromise on that. If you find yourself walking on eggshells with a woman, she's probably not the one for you.

[Steve51]

I think this is more of an individual problem since I suspect most do not feel that way, but who knows these days. I am married for 45 years. We are still very much in love because we are not half of a couple. We are individuals who can fulfill some of each other's wants and needs but not all of them. Those other needs have to be fulfilled by others. That could be friends, a club, education or even having an affair as happened to me twice. Despite being cheated on twice I still gave my subsequent girlfriends their space. When we were together we were with each other and shared thoughts and feelings. When we were apart we had our own lives to live that may not include our partner.

 

If a relationship feels difficult you should not be in it because it gets a lot harder as it progresses. You need to find someone that is easy to get along with by just being yourself. There are girls who want their space and will resent you keep tabs on their whereabouts, There are also girls who want to be close all the time and if you show no interest in everything they do, they get upset. There are also girls who expect their man to get jealous as a show of how much they love them.

 

Prior to marriage is the time to experiment with different relationships and partners so that you find one that is easy, and you enjoy for as many years as it takes to run its course. You do not want to smother a girl who does not want to be smothered. You need to get into a right frame of mind. You cannot be thinking and second guessing what you do. That is doomed to failure. Just be who you are and see where the chips may fall.

 

One last thing, until you put a ring on it she is never truly yours. There is no penalty for leaving a relationship or cheating. You do not have to hand over half of your stuff and money. You want an easy relationship and that is one where you can be yourself and accepted as yourself. If you have to measure how much to do this or that, that is not a good relationship.

[GuitarGuy7]

Everybody got their own struggles in life. Maybe it's growing up poor, having an addiction to drugs, their dead-beat dad not loving them, not having any friends, being a 25+ year old virgin, etc...

 

They say one man's luxury is another man's adversity.

 

What I mean by that is that there are things in your life that you may struggle with that other people have going for them. But the opposite is true as well, you have advantages in life that other people don't have.

 

 

 

Dating is easy for some people, while for others it is nothing but pain and heartbreak.

[basil67]

iv realised this is more difficult thn anything iv ever done.

finding the line between showing interest and harrasment is an art.

you cant make one mistake with a girl otherwise its over.

you have to be perfect in every department.

i have come up with set of rules that hopefully work for me but also means that a women cant call me clingy or stupid or pushyor even emasculate me.

 

Fred, I think you're doing something wrong.

 

The there's not a fine line to find between showing interest and harassment. It's actually a huge space. Showing interest is being friendly and asking her out if you think the two of you click. Whereas harassment is repeatedly pushing yourself on a girl who's made it clear she's not into you.

 

A girl who is properly into you doesn't expect perfection or a lack of mistakes. She'll be forgiving (unless you make far too many mistakes and then she'll decide you're not the one for her). The ones who aren't forgiving aren't into you anyway. I once moved on from a 3 week fling because he did something I didn't like. But I was only meh about him anyway. Had I really been into him, I wouldn't have gone.

 

Yes, there is a set of rules you need to come up with. It is called 'self respect'. It's about respecting yourself and being reasonable in your expectations for yourself and of others.

[CrazyKatLady]

Well said Steve! I'm not even sure there is anything better to say about this post, actually...lol.

I agree with Steve though--I'm looking for that easy connection now that I'm older, if I happen to make one at all with a person nowadays...not even bothering to look for a partner at this point--just living my own life and filling it with challenges and dreams and goals that make me happy...and my son happy:)

Don't get discouraged yet! You live and you learn and you forgive and you move on and you keep loving where you can in life and pray it's going to make a difference in not just your life one day, but also your partner's if you can form a bond with someone. Life just keeps rolling along, and we are all on the same ride together...bumping along, getting banged up along the way, and finding rare people here and there to laugh with or cry with along the way to our final destination. Don't be afraid to let loose in all areas of your life--live a little, love a lot and smile a bunch. I am determined to find some form of happiness with another person before my time is up here on Earth, but I realize...ehhh-today may not be that day, tomorrow, either...but it will come along one day...and that gives me hope and something to look forward to--I choose to focus on love being a positive and something good to look forward to. Try not to get to down about past experiences or lack of experiences--for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction...your day will come...and if you don't find it coming anytime soon--make it happen yourself. The way I see it--its a 50/50 chance from the start of anything new. It works or it doesn't--but it always feels better to try then to get locked in your head. Its so upsetting to deal with that mindtrap we put ourselves through--I hope you can work your way out of any you may be experiencing soon--its a sucky thing to go through and I feel you on that!

[CrazyKatLady]

P.S.

Its hard to keep some people's attention nowadays due to social media, etc. So...I think a woman would be lucky to get your attention...you said you worry about being clingy...etc. Don't go into everything worrying so much about your perceived weakness' and try to just enjoy being yourself with someone. Rejection sucks...but the more you are confident in the fact that no one is perfect--and embrace your bad with your good--the fear will fade away slowly and your true personality can shine through. It's ok to have personality traits...it just may take some time to find that special someone who accepts the good with the bad and thinks you are great as you are and as you will grow in life...its ok to have emotions--try to match up with someone who can understand you and likes you for who you are--not who you aren't.

[LuckyM]

My pessimistic nature says that talking to some girls is like talking to a cop.

 

You know that anything you say may be held against you. Watch your step.

[todreaminblue]

My pessimistic nature says that talking to some girls is like talking to a cop.

 

You know that anything you say may be held against you. Watch your step.

 

all men should watch their step with women...because all women are not cops but most women have dads who would die for their daughters....and if you think women are cops then when you meet their dad ...

 

 

you will understand why she prepared you to watch your step.....dads dont ask questions first and discern and nurture budding relationships like most diligent mums do.... show you hospitality ....

 

with a dad look at their daughter the wrong way...they will act and ask questions after......women need to discern men they date......are suitable compatible and honest...if you arent honest ...then thats when you should worry..because diligent dads have the awesome gift...of knowing exactly what you are after......even if you arent...they think it anyway...so yeah ..watch your step.because it will be the dad who plays cop....and they dont have cop rules about putting their hands on you...you have to prove yourself worthy to stand next to their daughter....treat any woman with respect and honesty,answer any question they ask openly and thoughtfully an dtrue.... like their dad is standing behind them watching you......waiting with arms the size of arnolds twitching............deb

Edited March 15, 2018 by todreaminblue

[SevenCity]

My pessimistic nature says that talking to some girls is like talking to a cop.

 

You know that anything you say may be held against you. Watch your step.

 

Perhaps not cops, but they sure do have a knack for throwing stuff in your face which.you thought was innocuous at the time you mentioned it.

 

Several times at the early stages of an RL I have been asked why I stopped dating a previous girl and may have mentioned some things that annoyed me like having to pick her up all the time because she didn’t have a car.

 

Weeks/months later I would hear “Oh you used to pick up your ex all the time. How come you never pick me up?”

 

I’ve had stuff thrown in my face YEARS later in LTRs. It taught me to keep my mouth shut about my past even if asked or relevant to the conversation.

[ZA Dater]

I am inclined to agree with the OP, it is incredibly difficult, made harder if one doesn't gain some success to build some form of confidence.

 

 

There are things one can do to try mitigate the downside though so as to not land up in a totally hopeless situation.

 

 

I often think its ironic, those of us who battle really want to date and those who enjoy lots of success never not trying to find "the next best".

 

 

Choice is a wonderful thing in life, just we aren't all lucky to have the same choices.

[GuitarGuy7]

iv realised this is more difficult thn anything iv ever done.

finding the line between showing interest and harrasment is an art.

you cant make one mistake with a girl otherwise its over.

you have to be perfect in every department.

i have come up with set of rules that hopefully work for me but also means that a women cant call me clingy or stupid or pushyor even emasculate me.

 

 

Well let's put it this way, in certain situations this might be the case.

 

 

Let's just say you're on Tinder and you match with this cute girl. Well the fact that she's a cute girl, she probably has dozens of men messaging her. So unless she thinks you're really hot, you're going to need to stand out through your text messages. So in this context, you are right, you have to stand out.

 

But in real life, what you say doesn't matter as much. It's how you say it, and how interested you are.

 

Also if a woman is interested in you, she's going to be more forgiving. And you should eventually get to a point where you'll be able to tell if the girl wants to talk to you or not. She will elaborate in her responses, she will laugh at what you say, she will ask you questions, she may even lightly tap you.

 

If a woman doesn't want to talk to you, she'll make up excuses to why she can't talk to you. She will give short responses, she won't acknowledge you, she'll mention her "boyfriend" pretty early on so you won't attempt to ask her out.

[Mysterio]

I asked out a woman from my gym out to lunch. I had to ask if she was married within the 10 minutes of lunch. Why is that. I don't think she is looking to cheat on hr husband. She does not wear a wedding ring. I told her i had a crush on her. She laughed and seemed surprised.

 

I just wish she was single. I have to leave it alone. I have met her husband and he seems like a sweet guy.

 

For me its like this. I like the woman romantically. She is attached. If she is single. Then for some reason. Its very hard to get together. So that is my stress. I don't know what the universe is trying to tell me. Its like I should just let love come to me in its own time.

 

I am 47 by a week or so. So I guess for me. I feel like time is not on my side. I have max 40 to 50 yrs left on this planet. I thought that I would have had this love thing wrapped up by now. Its like a constant fight to find a compatable love match.

 

I don't want to be with a whole bunch of women. I don't want to sleep around. I am not a ladies man or womanizer. I don't want kids right away. Or no kids at all. I don't feel any desire to be a father.

 

If things had to go my way. The woman that is into me is attracted to me. Makes the effort/legwork to get to know me. We both dig each other looks wise. We make an effort to romantically connect with each other and we are basically on par with each other. I don't know how hard that is.

 

For me dating should be easy, but its not. Friendship is the easy entity in my life.

 

A friend of mine. MT. He thinks that Dating is un-natural. Unless your really slick with lines and are in the game. I think it is.