What do I do?

[heartbreak2018]

I have been dating a married man for the past nine months - his wife discovered the affair two months ago. They have made the decision to stay together for the sake of their daughter, BUT he still wants to continue seeing me (i.e. have his cake and eat it too). I'm half his age and completely devastated having had the best time of my life up until the point of discovery.

 

I know the right thing to do is end it before everyone gets hurt even more, but a voice is nagging at the back of my mind. His wife knows hardly any of the details. He had a two year affair prior to me and he has played down how often we met, claiming it was at mine when it was at fancy hotels and she isn't aware of all the times we went abroad together (fake biz trips...). He has helped me extensively financially and continues to do so. We have even been away together abroad twice since she affair was discovered and are still talking everyday even though she thinks he has ended it. Do I contact her with the full details or do I walk away with my pride?

Edited March 12, 2018 by heartbreak2018

[Zahara]

I would walk away. The affair has already been exposed so the details don't really matter. If you are trying to call him out for being a liar -- this is his second DDay -- she already knows what a scumbag he is.

 

Stay away from any more drama. Pick up the pieces and move on with your life.

 

And cease accepting money from him.

[CatMinx]

What is it that you’re hoping to gain by remaining in an affair with this man? What’s your end game?

[Davey L]

Why do you young women do this? As a middle-aged married man I never cease to be amazed at the women, not much older than my daughter, that are prepared to get involved in a relationship with a much older man.

 

Take it from me - he might well be genuinely fond of you but he will almost certainly always put his wife's needs above yours and never leave her for you. He will drop you like a hot potato if he feels his marriage is threatened.

 

I'd advise you to walk away now. The longer you wait the more emotionally attached you will become and the more painful it will be for you when things inevitably end.

[d0nnivain]

What pride?

 

Anything you tell her looks like sour grapes.

[LostOnes05]

If he has cheated twice on his wife (ya know, the woman he vowed to be faithful to and put above all others) what do you think he's going to do when he gets bored with you. How do you build a trusting relationship with someone that has and is actively cheating on their significant other? Just imagine that your husband is taking money away from his wife and children to support a mistress...That's not a very good person. Sorry, not sorry.

[smackie9]

You are kidding me right? So you think by telling her of the details of your affair will force a divorce and you will have him all to yourself? Yer smoken crack if you believe that will ever happen. I know you came here not for advice but someone to give you a sure plan to get your way. Well it's not going to happen. He controls you with lies and money....that's not love, that's possession. This is how he deals with his wife and the women he had other affairs with. Yes you are not #2 affair, I bet money on it he's had plenty more. Don't think for one min he doesn't lie to you. You need to snap out of it, and dump this cheating, lying chump.

[sandylee1]

Walk away.

Block him.

Find single available men..who aren't treating you to fancy trips just for sex.

 

That's effectively buying you. Surely you think better yourself than that?

[ItsJustMyOpinion]

How about you ask what do you want?

 

You know what he wants. You know what his wife wants. What do you want?

 

If you want to continue the affair, then by all means, do what you want. Don't expect to get a green light from many people though as affairs are hurtful to many.

 

If you feel bad for the wife, then maybe you should fess up and tell her the details. Don't expect the man to come running after you though. Chances are, he'll try and save his family first.