What is being unfaithful?

[sgrinaldi]

I would say that you shouldn't do anything with another person that you wouldn't want your partner to see you doing. Porn/masturbation is something different, more like going to the toilet or picking your nose, a bodily function that requires some privacy. Sitting on a member of the opposite sex's lap, slow dancing with romantic intentions (not ceremonial ones), causing an erection, all of those are pretty bad. I don't think you would want your partner to see you do any of that.

 

The words cheating and infidelity come with an implied threat of punishment too. So sitting on a lap might not merit a severe enough reaction to call it "cheating", but it is still not the behavior of a loyal partner.

 

I love it when guys try to minimize masturbation/porn, as if sitting there fantasizing about having sex with someone else is ok, but a little harmless flirting is a big no-no. I can't think of anything more inappropriate than fantasizing about being with someone else when you are in a relationship. To compare that with sitting on someone else's lap is ridiculous.

 

When in a relationship getting another man aroused is going to far.

Even tickle games is too far.

 

Like this. Neither is as bad to me as actually having a sexual fantasy about being with somebody else.

 

Not to mention that it is incredibly unrealistic. When I'm in my bikini, I've noticed that most guys will get an erection, even guys in committed relationships. It's perfectly natural and there's nothing you can do about it. It's just how men are. Unless you are suggesting that bikinis and short skirts are unacceptable if you are in a relationship. Are you?

 

And a little tickling is not "too far". When you are in a relationship, you know your limits. So when my guy friend and I play fight and tickle fight, we are both aware that we're only doing it for fun, and that neither of us are interested in taking it any further. There is nothing wrong with a little flirting as long as both parties are aware and don't let it drift into something more.

[JDJ]

I can't think of anything more inappropriate than fantasizing about being with someone else when you are in a relationship. To compare that with sitting on someone else's lap is ridiculous.

 

When you are older you will realize that this is happening in almost every relationship on a pretty regular basis. Behavior with another person is much more of a danger.

 

I don't know about the bikini issue. I guess that would depend on where it was being worn. But if men in committed relationships are getting erections when they see you in one, it is because they are fantasizing about being with you, not something disconnected from their brain. So you should reprimand them for their inappropriate behavior.

[skywriter]

JDJ,

 

I would say that you shouldn't do anything with another person that you wouldn't want your partner to see you doing.

 

I think that's it, in a nutshell. This is what my boyfriend says.

[sgrinaldi]

When you are older you will realize that this is happening in almost every relationship on a pretty regular basis. Behavior with another person is much more of a danger.

 

I don't know about the bikini issue. I guess that would depend on where it was being worn. But if men in committed relationships are getting erections when they see you in one, it is because they are fantasizing about being with you, not something disconnected from their brain. So you should reprimand them for their inappropriate behavior.

 

And masturbating to porn is not fantasizing about being with them?

 

I am not reprimanding anyone. That's crazy. Guys can't help themselves. Plus, why would I? I actually find it rather flattering, tbh.

[Agonistes]

My most recent gf encouraged me to dance with other women and even flirt with them. Her line would be touching someplace that would ordinarily be covered by a bathing suit or kissing in a sexual way.

 

I had another whose parameters were we could do anything we wanted including intercourse as long as we did not stay the night. To her cheating was feelings based. If I got closer to someone other than her it was cheating. This meant that a platonic friendship could be cheating to her while a one night stand wasn't.

 

I had another who felt betrayed by porn or any notice at all of another woman. She was insanely jealous. We had a fight about how I smiled at my dance teacher when we took lessons together. It was ridiculous.

 

I think the first one matches my own expectations the best.

[smackie9]

Hey whatever goes on in ones mind is nobody's or their partner's business.

[Agonistes]

Hey whatever goes on in ones mind is nobody's or their partner's business.

 

We don't need no thought control!

[smackie9]

We don't need no thought control!

Leave those kids alone!

[happyhusband0005]

 

As for my boundaries, the purpose of this thread is to understand myself and my boudaries as I am very confused at the moment. Things that are fairly mild bothered me recently and I'm trying to understand why and whether I'm being unreasonable.

 

In my opinion it is impossible for anyone to tell another person what is reasonable or not. I know men who would get very upset if they caught their wife looking at another guy, like flip out crazy upset. Me on the other hand if you read some of my other posts you will guess it wouldn't bother me.

 

If things you think shouldn't bothering you are bothering you now the big question is why. Typically I find the more secure someone is in their relationship, the more liberal they are on this question. Though some people who are super conservative on the question could be so for very strongly held moral/religious beliefs.

 

For me specifically as long as we know whats going on and agree all good. Based on our situation we avoid anything that could possibly interfere in our relationship.