Popsicle Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 It looks cozy in here so I thought I'd post in here. So the question is for guys. Assuming we are NOT OLD or speed dating or anything that has the specific purpose of dating, but you meet a woman in a normal, non-dating atmosphere and you talk to them. What do you do to indicate that you're interested in more than friendship? Do you compliment her? Do you flirt? Do you flirt right away or take a long time? Do you not flirt, just chat like friends and then suddenly ask her out? What do you do? Just taking real life samples. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 I rarely meet a woman I'm immediately attracted to; however, if/when feeling that, I tend to get more physical than my usual polite distanced behavior, more flirty, more teasing, more focused on emotional content than dry logic. As a younger man I worried more about negative responses but don't anymore. Marriage taught me a lot. I don't ask women out on formal dates, rather suggest we continue this conversation 'over dinner' or something similar. Not so much a question but rather 'I'd like' to do xxxx with you. At my age, if that isn't obvious enough, cool, next. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 I rarely meet a woman I'm immediately attracted to; however, if/when feeling that, I tend to get more physical than my usual polite distanced behavior, more flirty, more teasing, more focused on emotional content than dry logic. As a younger man I worried more about negative responses but don't anymore. Marriage taught me a lot. I don't ask women out on formal dates, rather suggest we continue this conversation 'over dinner' or something similar. Not so much a question but rather 'I'd like' to do xxxx with you. At my age, if that isn't obvious enough, cool, next. Nice. Very smooth. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 talk, touch and extended eye contact 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 Thank God for non-verbal cues, eh? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 What I've noted in the past is more success when I catch women touching me than the reverse. I tend to be more of a "space" person, touching without touch. Then again, I'm pretty slow to have sex too when dating. Never have been an instant intimacy person. That puts some women off. Such is life. It was forged in the period when women I met lied about their marital status. I don't want to go to what I consider cheating right away. Not a good start, if such could be called a start. Oh, also, I tend to be a face person so I'll more likely, as example, notice a woman's eye color right off the bat if I'm interested in her. I remember one interaction where we were flirting/dissing each other a bit and I caught one particular barb and opined 'so that's why you have brown eyes' with a wink. Lastly, time. Can't speak for other guys but when I'm interested, I put in the face time. Not in a hurry to move to something else. Priority of the moment. Stopping instead of wandering the room engaging in small talk. Stuff like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Nothing. When I meet a woman in a non-dating atmosphere, I assume she is attached. For the most part this is out of fear after I narrowly avoided a MAJOR faux pas when I considered approaching an old friend who came to our recent high school reunion without her husband of 30 years. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 Nothing. When I meet a woman in a non-dating atmosphere, I assume she is attached. For the most part this is out of fear after I narrowly avoided a MAJOR faux pas when I considered approaching an old friend who came to our recent high school reunion without her husband of 30 years. It's not that "MAJOR".... Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 What has already been mentioned, meaning smiles, eye contract, and reciprocating her touch. I will most likely try change the location eventually, even if it is just to continue the evening past the initial event. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 (edited) What do you do to indicate that you're interested in more than friendship? You're are a guy, you're breathing, and you talked to her. Women have "radar" they already know. Do you compliment her? No. Needy, subservient, gushy behavor may get you short term attention (like a puppy), but long term rejection. Never be a puppy. Do you flirt? Yes, but "tactfully" and pay close attention to her responses. If she doesn't reciprocate,...stop,...move on,...at least for now. just chat like friends and then suddenly ask her out? No. Disaster. You cannot sneak it in under their radar. They will know, they always know. It will just make you seem non-genuine, sneaky, creepy, and a few other bad things because you didn't have to balls to be upfront. Talk with her, flirt tactfully. Don't spend a lot of time talking about yourself,...ask questions about her and get out of the way and let her talk once she gets going. If the feedback is good and she seems to flirt back then you have two choices: 1. Ask her out on the spot 2. Get her number and do it a couple days later. If you get her number just get the number and shutup. Don't tell her what you are going to do with her number. She isn't stupid, she knows what you want. When you go for the date,...you don't "ask",...you "offer". You say "Let's go do...". Do not say, "Would you like to go do...". It needs to be a specific day, time, and place that you have thought about ahead of time and already have the details lined up. Be the Leader and not the Puppy Dog trying to follow her hoping to be "taken in". If you pick a time that she is unable to go she will give you a counter offer or in some way indicate you should try again later. If she just says she can't with no "out" for you given then she is not that into you,...so don't be a little Stalker. If she doesn't leave you an opening after two tries forget it. If you get the date: 1. No talk of labels (boyfriend, girlfriend, relationship, ect.). Labels are feminine qualities, labels are her job not yours. Your job is to be masculine. 2. Rinse and Repeat the date once a week. On Monday or Tues set a date for the weekend. Then stay off the phone. It is only 3-4 days till the date,...you'll live,...she'll live,...and you'll both look forward to and be more excited about he date than if you ruined it by jibber-jabbing everyday in between. Phones are for setting dates, not for getting to know someone. If she contacts you then be polite, be fun, but more importantly be brief. There is nothing important to talk about that wouldn't be better left for when you are actually on the date. 3. After a few weeks, if you don't screw it up she will be contacting you between the dates. What she contacts you about is not that important,...what is important is that you are smart enough to use that as your "cue" to set the next date. This is the sweet spot you want to be in. Whether she realizes it or not she is the one chasing you and she is the one setting the pace of how often you see each other by how often she contacts you. This make the dates "her idea",...and if the dates are her idea and she is chasing you,...then she isn't dumping you. However,...Important!!! You are still not girlfriend/boyfriend yet, and hopefully you haven't screwed it up by talking about labels. This is still causal dating and you are both still free to see other people, so don't act butt-hurt if you find out she has. It is her right (and yours as well). Around the 6th-8th week (if you have not screwed things up yet) she will bring up the conversation about only seeing each other,...about being exclusive. At this point you can agree to that if you want. If you agreed, then NOW,...you are boyfriend/girlfriend, and the labels were her idea, and you didn't "step in it". Things can be more relaxed now and it is more of a cooperative effort between the two of you. But always moderate your "chasing" so that she is always doing most of it. Some people say 80/20 with her doing the 80,...but that is really hard to measure. Just make sure the effort you put into the relationship is in line with her effort. Don't get it out of balance and start acting whiny and needy. And by the way,...I'M OLD. Edited March 13, 2018 by PRW 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 another way I show interest is by shoving my **** into her ***** 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 another way I show interest is by shoving my **** into her ***** LOL@alpha - always the gentleman 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 I'll start with general "chit-chat" that fits the locale that we are in. If the conversation is going well and she is also participating, then I'll ask if she would like to continue our conversation over a cup of coffee or I'll try to exchange phone numbers if she doesn't have time for coffee. If I'm in a bar or pub, again "chit-chat" if the conversation is going well, I'll buy her a drink. At some point, I will attempt to exchange phone numbers, etc. I almost never "break the ice" with a compliment. I do remember complimenting a woman on her beautiful red hair, in one instance. We started chit-chatting and exchanged phone numbers. We did date for a while. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 I almost never "break the ice" with a compliment. i like to compliment but not on her looks. things like necklace or shoes or whatnot 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JDJ Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Interesting question... I struggle with the meaning of the word "flirt". I find that I might become more animated or talkative if I am around someone that attracts me, but it almost never would involve any comment on appearance or anything of a sexual nature. I live in the United States where such things are taboo, although judging by reports many people do them anyway. I have been married a long time though, so that might help in dampening these reactions. If I am seriously interested in someone, then I tend to lose it and enter into serious obsessive behavior. That would probably involve saying nothing at all in early stages, but changing into being very attentive about everything involving her, and usually include "suddenly asking her out". All of my serious relationships began this way, when attraction overrides inhibition. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 (edited) Must admit , it's always been pretty obvious and obviously mutual in any case for me. But with that l've got no qualms in showing interest if l am interested, l like it in fact and l kinda consider it my place. And she;d know l'm showing interest or she has not a zero sensory left in her body. Edited March 14, 2018 by Chilli 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CommittedToThis Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 The grocery store and the local lake are my Craigslist. I'll see someone cute, make small talk and if she's remotely receptive I'll flat-out say, "I find you very attractive, are you single and do you wanna go out tonight?" I always say "tonight" rather than "some time" to show her I'm serious. Primarily the answer is "no" but it's like marketing: for every 100 flyers you mail, expect a 10% response rate. I do just fine for my liking. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 For me. Asking out a woman is all based on conversation with me. The more light and playful she is with me. Or at least warm and sweet. I don't touch women in anyway before the date. I amy give her a hug and that may be how she is towards me. No kissing or anything heavy duty off the bat. In the past I was more chill. Lately. I am a bit more direct. All women know that when you ask them out. Its a date. Why they try to deny this is futile. Conversation is the conduit for me to like a woman and of course looks as well. She can't be too heavy or have chin hairs or not make herself up. So looks do matter to an extent. My vibe is more Ritchie Cunningham from Happy Days. Just warm and friendly. Usually if I ask a woman out. I have to interact with her a lot. This year. There is no one on the horizon. Unless some woman really makes the moves on me. Or is making an effort to connect. I will be single and happy. All this leg work that I see a lot of men making. Its not like we see a lot of progression. I guess life is long and a lot of us will end up with someone. Its just when and how it happens is a mystery. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 another way I show interest is by shoving my **** into her ***** Shoving your hand into her hand, like a very firm handshake? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Shoving your hand into her hand, like a very firm handshake? The second string of * has 5 characters. Substitution with letters is 'left as an exercise for the student'. Shoving your coin into her purse? So she can buy coffee? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Aiuta le mani Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Hey man! I have not dated in a long time but I always looked for a way to "continue the conversation while having coffee" or walking with her back to her car or a taxi and ask for her number or simply if I could see her again because I had a great time chatting with her and I liked the conversation. Letting people talk and ask questions is a great way to establish that connection. Then, you look for a casual moment to ask for a second chance! Always be intentional but think about emotional connection first and finding out if you "think alike" I am pretty sure you can tell that I am OLD as well! Keep moving forward my friend! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 (edited) Must admit , no expert in the sense of this thread anyways, as l've never really had to ask women out. With circumstances or whatever it;s just done it's thing with a touch of encouragement haha. But eh , wonder what happens these days if you said you'd like to shove yours, your whatever it was of course, into hers , the mind boggles Edited March 15, 2018 by Chilli 3 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 I haven't had to try and show interest to anyone... they've always shown interest in me Although I generally am naturally outwardly friendly and talkative when I'm out at a party or at a bar - I enjoy trying to get to know new people. Unfortunately that often gets misinterpreted as me being flirty as I subconsciously change my body language - I've almost got myself into hot water a few times! So I try and force a degree of distance in the conversation, or keep a careful eye on what I'm saying/doing to avoid giving off the wrong signal. If I'm at a bar and I get approached, I'll purposefully behave disinterested which is against my nature. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 since I live in a Cave,I still bonk women over the head with a club and whisk them off to my Solarium....which is just another part of the cave. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Back when I was in the first grade, some girl used to smash me with her lunchbox....Now before you think that's no big deal, this was when we had those square tin boxes with the glass thermos inside....Those things were no joke!! I was a shy kid, never said anything to anyone about it, and I couldn't retaliate because you can't hit girls, but my mother noticed I had a lump on the side of my head...So she questioned me...I told her the story about the girl and how it was about the 50th time she did that..She demanded I tell her who this girl was(my mom was as tough as nails) she was going to go over and smash the mother of this girl over the head.. Anyway, she called the woman and the woman apologized, then giggled a bit and said her daughter had a huge crush on me... Maybe I should try something like that??? TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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