Do I need Professional - GF's past, jealously, PTSD?

[viatori patuit]

I do keep in good shape for a 46 year old but having a demanding desk job makes it challenging. I have gone to yoga with her and it is tough!

 

 

She is in great shape. We had a hiccup in our relationship several months ago and one of her friends said "you can get any man in the city, why do you want drama with (me)?" She was referring to my ex W drama.

 

 

Before we were official, she went out on date with 28 year old good looking fit guy from her yoga studio. She jokes that she was going to be a "cougar" after her divorce but then I came along.

 

 

It's just in the back of my mind she might think she settled for me right after her divorce.

 

And?

 

Look, I have the retroactive jealousy issue too so I fell your pain there. It sucks when the mind movies start and I get sucked into thinking she had a fantastic time with some random stranger.

 

1. I assure you it wasn't All that great. She didn't stay with him.

2. I did worse that any girl I have dated. I think I was 19 the last time I dated a girl who slept with more people than me. (don't know about that now as I wised up and stopped asking).

 

I came to the conclusion that this bs is designed to put me in a place of fear and submission. No idea what I'm my past convinced me I needed to live a life of fear and second rate status but whatever it is this is how itanifests itself.

 

I have two pieces of advice when this nonsense starts:

 

1. Stop. Just stop everything.

2. Do something productive.

 

I always found it easier to act myself into right thinking than think myself into right acting.

[preraph]

I only got halfway through that original post before I knew yes, you need to see a psychologist. You cheated on her and now 24 years later, as a grown man, you are jealous and resentful because she did not SAVE herself for you and did what 100% of every person who breaks up because they're cheated on does, which is date and get on with their lives. Yes, you need to see a psychologist. This is not in the least rational. You act as if she's damaged goods. You're the cheater, not her. You have a problem with women having sex, apparently, so go find out why it's good for you but not for women.

[smackie9]

You are projecting....since you cheated and were dirty, that would mean she must be the same. Your parents must have scolded you a lot to carry around so much guilt. You won't get help because you are afraid to see the real you and relive those feelings of guilt. You need to flush away those feelings from childhood, so you can deal with and respond to relationships as an adult.

Edited March 24, 2018 by smackie9

[Brieanna]

While seeing a therapist during divorce, I did bring the bad thoughts and images I get in my head about my gf and her past from 24 years ago. He said we can't control the thoughts that pop in head but if we do we can look to our senses to remove those thoughts. Look at something, listen, touch something close by. I have tried this but 5 minutes later if I want to I can go back down the bad images path. That was a brief discussion with the therapist and I haven't been back to him.

Try a therapist with experience in EMDR. It is highly effective. It is a modality of therapy that allows you to reprocess past memories to allow you to desensitize to them and store them as simply memories....without triggering the physiological aspects of anxiety...or it will greatly lower the impact of these thoughts on you. It works!

[Sweetfish]

I do keep in good shape for a 46 year old but having a demanding desk job makes it challenging. I have gone to yoga with her and it is tough!

 

 

She is in great shape. We had a hiccup in our relationship several months ago and one of her friends said "you can get any man in the city, why do you want drama with (me)?" She was referring to my ex W drama.

 

 

Before we were official, she went out on date with 28 year old good looking fit guy from her yoga studio. She jokes that she was going to be a "cougar" after her divorce but then I came along.

 

 

It's just in the back of my mind she might think she settled for me right after her divorce.

 

 

You are very disingenuous with your self, the thread, and your story. You never loved your previous wife, admit to not being sexually attracted to her, and admit to being possessive, controlling, and extremely jealous. You proceeded to have two children with your ex wife while still in love with your ex-girl friend.

 

You absolutely drained all life from your previous wife because of your depression, passive aggressiveness and anti-social behavior and blame her for your disastrous divorce. WTF. You exploited your previous wife by settling with her because you were "depressed" and took her for a 17 year joy ride and probably sucked the life out of her and now your moving on to your next victim as you literally repeat the same antics you did with your ex-wife without even processing the previous divorce.

 

You didn't respect your ex-girlfriend 24 years ago.

 

You had absolutely had no respect for your wife for 17 years.

 

What makes you think you will be such a good boyfriend now in this new relationship? What exactly did you learn?