aminae7 Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Hi , I am new to this forum. Basically I dated someone for a couple of months back in 2000. I am married now, I got married last year, but on the day I got married, I looked at my phone and I had gotten a follow request on instagram from this man. It was a complete shock and I thought that he maybe wanted to get in the way of marriage. We're connected on linked in but I have 0 communication with him. He has blocked me on facebook and I blocked him on instagram. I invited him to come and visit me, he lives in malaysia and I live in Texas. I get to work everyday and check linked in and just wish he would contact me. It is really getting old, this feeling and I just dont know how to shake it. Thanks in advance for all the replies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CardsFan01 Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Why exactly do you want him to come visit you? As friends, or are you hoping for more? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aminae7 Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 Why exactly do you want him to come visit you? As friends, or are you hoping for more? I just want him in my life, if he decides he wants more than friends I would be put in a tough position. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 I just want him in my life, if he decides he wants more than friends I would be put in a tough position. Why did you get married? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aminae7 Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 Why did you get married? I didn't expect to fall in love with the ex all over again after he sent me that message to join instagram on around my wedding day! He was facebook friends with me at the time so he knew I got married at that time. It was like a slap in the face. In 2012 he asked me to wait for him 5 years till he gets his **** together and I guess I was not willing to wait that long. Now its all coming back to me, 5 years later, the kisses , the laughs, the bond that we shared its all new and exciting but what the ? I am married and I got married because I thought I had moved on and found someone new. I literally did not think about the ex during the whole time I met my husband, I was n't trying to get back at him or anything , I was just trying to live my life and find a companion, which I did. I just don't know how to deal with these emotions I have regarding the ex. Its all brand new again, like the first time. I want to see him everyday, talk to him all the time, and be with him soooo bad I don't know what to do. My relationship with my husband is great, I just don't quite feel the way about him as I do about my ex. Thanks for reading and thanks for the advice, I really need it. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 I kindof doubt you're actually in love with a man you dated for a few months 18 years ago and with whom you've had almost no contact other being linked on LinkedIn. You're probably more likely to be in love with the idea of him. I suggest you concentrate on your marriage and put this fantasy out of your head. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aminae7 Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 I kindof doubt you're actually in love with a man you dated for a few months 18 years ago and with whom you've had almost no contact other being linked on LinkedIn. You're probably more likely to be in love with the idea of him. I suggest you concentrate on your marriage and put this fantasy out of your head. We dated. Then we had a vacation together in 2005 for a weekend and kept in contact after that through online social media for a few years. We got back in contact in 2012 and I told him that I wanted to express myself and that I wanted to be with him, that's when he said 5 years. I cheated on my ex-husband with him back in 2005-2007. I thought I had moved on, I am just re-living everything. Link to post Share on other sites
CardsFan01 Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Wait, so you already cheated on one husband with him, and now you are considering doing it again? Look, I don’t think cheating necessarily makes you an evil person, but cheating on 2 husbands with the same guy is a bit much. It kind of tells me you are marrying people you shouldn’t. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aminae7 Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 Wait, so you already cheated on one husband with him, and now you are considering doing it again? Look, I don’t think cheating necessarily makes you an evil person, but cheating on 2 husbands with the same guy is a bit much. It kind of tells me you are marrying people you shouldn’t. No, I do not plan to cheat this time, but I really don't know what to do. My heart is with my ex and my husband is more like a 'bestie' we have loads of fun together and I really don't want to hurt him. My husband has also told me that he has feelings for an ex and I already told him the same thing, but my husband's view is that my ex is thousands of miles away and nothing will happen between us. Well, he is partially correct in that I don't plan on travelling across the globe to cheat but I can't help these feelings and emotions and they are piling up higher and higher every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 We dated. Then we had a vacation together in 2005 for a weekend and kept in contact after that through online social media for a few years. We got back in contact in 2012 and I told him that I wanted to express myself and that I wanted to be with him, that's when he said 5 years. I cheated on my ex-husband with him back in 2005-2007. I thought I had moved on, I am just re-living everything. So, you're cheating on your second husband as well, with the same guy. I think it would be best for you to seek therapy to help you figure out why you're making these choices. I agree with CC in that you've managed to tarnish two marriages over a very brief fling of two months and online connection. I think you've built a fantasy/image in your head as to who and what you had with this man. You are halfway across the world from each other. I think you're still holding on to what could have been. You weren't able to commit to your first husband because of this man and now your second husband. I would suggest, IF you love your husband, to block this guy, seek counselling and try to move on and nurture your marriage. Otherwise, let your husband know, let him go and allow him to be with someone who is able to be loyal to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 No, I do not plan to cheat this time, but I really don't know what to do. My heart is with my ex and my husband is more like a 'bestie' we have loads of fun together and I really don't want to hurt him. But you already are -- you're emotionally cheating. Your husband does not deserve this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aminae7 Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 But you already are -- you're emotionally cheating. Your husband does not deserve this. What should I do? I told him about it and tried to break up with him on numerous occasions, but he told me he doesn't care and so on. It actually brought us closer together. I can't stop feeling this way and I know my ex is not interested in being friend zoned. I just sent him this message (the ex, let's call him J): I seriously think Armin Van Buren and xxx xxxxxxx s are the same person! They look EXACTLY the same!!! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author aminae7 Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 So, you're cheating on your second husband as well, with the same guy. I think it would be best for you to seek therapy to help you figure out why you're making these choices. I agree with CC in that you've managed to tarnish two marriages over a very brief fling of two months and online connection. I think you've built a fantasy/image in your head as to who and what you had with this man. You are halfway across the world from each other. I think you're still holding on to what could have been. You weren't able to commit to your first husband because of this man and now your second husband. I would suggest, IF you love your husband, to block this guy, seek counselling and try to move on and nurture your marriage. Otherwise, let your husband know, let him go and allow him to be with someone who is able to be loyal to him. I have been in therapy for 10 years. I am on medication as well right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 What should I do? I told him about it and tried to break up with him on numerous occasions, but he told me he doesn't care and so on. It actually brought us closer together. I can't stop feeling this way and I know my ex is not interested in being friend zoned. I just sent him this message (the ex, let's call him J): I seriously think Armin Van Buren and xxx xxxxxxx s are the same person! They look EXACTLY the same!!! lol Block him from having any access to you and go cold turkey NC. He is halfway across the world. There is no point in going to therapy when you keep drinking your poison. It's a choice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
maybejune Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Maybe you can talk to a marriage therapist. I don't see he's worth I see you are happy with your husband, so girl, don't make mistake with a dated egg. we all want things/people we can't have: I have lingering feeling toward my ex bf, and that has done harm to my single life -- I can't imagine if you did get connected to this ex, what damage it could make to your marriage. At least, talk to marriage therapist before you do anything. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 I didn't expect to fall in love with the ex all over again after he sent me that message to join instagram on around my wedding day! He was facebook friends with me at the time so he knew I got married at that time. So you've been Facebook friends for all this time and you had no feelings towards him. Then he sends you an Instagram request and you're suddenly in love with him and need him in your life. Do you realise how illogical this all sounds? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aminae7 Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 So you've been Facebook friends for all this time and you had no feelings towards him. Then he sends you an Instagram request and you're suddenly in love with him and need him in your life. Do you realise how illogical this all sounds? No, I have had feeling for him this whole time and I expressed all of this to him. Around 2014 I started to really move on and that is when I met my husband, that was 4 years ago. Now the instagram message just re-ignited a spark between us, I was not expecting that at all, I was expecting to never hear from him again, but in August around the time of the Eclipse he texted me" I'm sorry, its time to move on, I wish you all the best" Now, it's just over, we've basically blocked each other on everything. I just really miss him and I am trying to cope I guess out of social media and now I really don't have any contact at all, except on linked in. blocked on instagram, blocked on twitter, blocked on facebook. Now we are still friends on tumblr and snapchat and just don't know how that will all pan out , but I really don't expect to ever hear from him again . Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 (edited) No, I have had feeling for him this whole time and I expressed all of this to him. Around 2014 I started to really move on and that is when I met my husband, that was 4 years ago. Now the instagram message just re-ignited a spark between us, I was not expecting that at all, I was expecting to never hear from him again, but in August around the time of the Eclipse he texted me" I'm sorry, its time to move on, I wish you all the best" Now, it's just over, we've basically blocked each other on everything. I just really miss him and I am trying to cope I guess out of social media and now I really don't have any contact at all, except on linked in. blocked on instagram, blocked on twitter, blocked on facebook. Now we are still friends on tumblr and snapchat and just don't know how that will all pan out , but I really don't expect to ever hear from him again . OP, get a hold of yourself. This thing between you and your ex isn't love. Its your anxiety which was triggered by the message and which has caused your emotions to run wild on you. Do you love your husband? If so, block your ex off of everything and don't look back. If you don't love your husband, do you atleast respect him? If so, then you need to figure out what it is you want and then have a serious discussion with him. If you are looking to really hurt your husband, ruin your marriage and wear the guilt and regret of that around your neck for the rest of your life, then proceed down this current path. - Beach Edited March 15, 2018 by Beachead 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aminae7 Posted May 21, 2018 Author Share Posted May 21, 2018 I am happily married. BUT I want a living breathing active happy successful relationship with my ex. He lives on the other side of the world. Is that wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 21, 2018 Share Posted May 21, 2018 Is that wrong? Yeah. It's wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aminae7 Posted May 21, 2018 Author Share Posted May 21, 2018 Yeah. It's wrong. Yeah, I gathered that. This is really tough. We have each other pretty much blocked on everything. I guess that answers my questions. THANKS! Link to post Share on other sites
Author aminae7 Posted May 21, 2018 Author Share Posted May 21, 2018 I am still very much hurting. I am american and he is english and the whole royal wedding was just beautiful to watch and it reminded me of us. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 21, 2018 Share Posted May 21, 2018 Hi , I am new to this forum. Basically I dated someone for a couple of months back in 2000. I am married now, I got married last year, but on the day I got married, I looked at my phone and I had gotten a follow request on instagram from this man. It was a complete shock and I thought that he maybe wanted to get in the way of marriage. We're connected on linked in but I have 0 communication with him. He has blocked me on facebook and I blocked him on instagram. I invited him to come and visit me, he lives in malaysia and I live in Texas. I get to work everyday and check linked in and just wish he would contact me. It is really getting old, this feeling and I just dont know how to shake it. Thanks in advance for all the replies. Your married now so let this other guy go.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aminae7 Posted May 23, 2018 Author Share Posted May 23, 2018 (edited) Your married now so let this other guy go.. It's one thing to say and another actually to do. I don't know HOW to let him go. I just did it, the last avenue for communication my facebook account. It is all blocked. No more access to this man for good. NO CONTACT , HERE WE GO !!!! Edited May 23, 2018 by aminae7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aminae7 Posted June 27, 2018 Author Share Posted June 27, 2018 It's one thing to say and another actually to do. I don't know HOW to let him go. I just did it, the last avenue for communication my facebook account. It is all blocked. No more access to this man for good. NO CONTACT , HERE WE GO !!!! Although it may be that my worse nightmares are coming true, the truth is that we love each other and were meant to be together in the end. HOW WILL IT PLAY OUT????? THAT is the question ! Should I post a new threads based on new information that I have or should I post here? Link to post Share on other sites
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