Child Support after divorce

[WorstFeelingEver]

Currently, in the middle of divorce. We have 2 children. STBX-W proposes a "true-up" every year, looking at each other's W-2, to see if I need to pay more in CS or she has to give me a refund.

 

I make a little more then she does every year, but with CS payments, she will definitely be making more per month then I. Plus she has her AP to help her out.

 

I am wondering if this is common, as I have not heard of this? I thought the meaning of divorce was, ' a complete split' of everything except for the kids medical/financial/educational well being. If my kids need something extra, I would be there for & provide for them, but having her 'spy' on my W-2 to see what I make every year after divorce, doesn't seem right.

 

Is this something she is doing to 'stay connected' to me? IDC about her W-2 and what she does. Why does she need to see what I do/make?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

No, this is not typical. If she wants a readjustment of child support, tell her to just go through the courts, which means she contacts them and they contact both of you to set up an appointment to go over it. Child support is a calculation based on what you both make, who pays for insurance, daycare, how many overnights, etc. The fact that her AP is going to be living with her and contributing to the household bills doesn't factor in, unfortunately.

 

It sounds to me like she's afraid you're going to get a raise and she won't know about it and won't be able to get "all she deserves" out of you. You are under no obligation to agree to this from her.

[PegNosePete]

I thought the meaning of divorce was, ' a complete split' of everything

Nope. It is a severance of the legal connection between 2 people. You still have a financial connection and obligation if you have children and/or alimony.

 

to see if I need to pay more in CS or she has to give me a refund.

The exchange would be mutual, yes? So you would see hers and she would see yours?

 

To me it seems like a pragmatic way of solving the problem of over/under payment without lawyers or courts. But of course you need to consider that not all income will show on her W-2, for example you mention her partner's income. If this would affect the amount of support due then it should be taken into consideration when doing the calculations.

 

The alternative would be to let the authorities handle it... during the process of that, she would probably hear all about your income anyway.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

P.S. I don't get very much child support from my ex, with whom I share 50/50 custody. We agreed on an amount a few years ago (the amount has changed over the years), and even though my income has decreased by 50&++ since then, I have not petitioned the court for another hearing to adjust it. Why? Because my ex is a huge bully when it comes to child support and I am SO tired of fighting with him about it. He hates the "government" taking his money. He also is living with someone and between the two of them, they easily make four times the amount of money I currently make.

 

So, I did recently tell him this because I have been so stressed about money. He knew some of it, but I don't think he knew quite how bad it was. Thankfully, he is compassionate about it, realizing that ANY day I could take him back to court and he'd probably be paying quadruple what he is paying me, and he has picked up the slack for extras for the kids.....big things like a car for my daughter, most of her insurance (I pay him here and there when I have a little extra), prom dress, horseback riding stuff, etc. Stuff there's just no way I can do right now. It behooves him to do this instead of having to go back to court and be ordered to pay more based on our salary discrepencies.

[somanymistakes]

Her AP doesn't affect your child support obligations, not even if they get married, because the children are yours and not his. Sure, most likely he will contribute some small amount to them anyway, if he's not a total jerk, and possibly a large amount if he's paying the rent, but he's under no obligation to support your kids and therefore is not counted in the calculations.

 

Which does at least mean that if you find a wealthy partner to split the rent with, that won't make YOU suddenly owe more child support either.

 

You do not have to agree to her proposal. She's making a suggestion, that doesn't mean she has the legal basis to force you to agree to it. But depending on how well you can work together, you might find it preferable to going through the courts every time.

 

She's correct that, in many jurisdictions, if your income changes then your child support obligations would also change, which might require you two going back to court to have the amount raised/lowered. I think there are a few states where it's a flat amount regardless of income but not sure about that.

[central]

I would not agree to sharing W-2 information every year. This is to her advantage, not yours. If she wants an adjustment, make her take it to court - the costs will prevent frivolous requests for change. Also beware if she cuts her hours or changes jobs and earns less - she will want more from you, but you should contest any such request, because she was - is presumably still would be - capable of her prior earning level. She will surely do the same to you. The only "out" is if you (or she) lose your job through no fault of your own, and can only find a new job that pays less. That can lead to an adjustment.

[d0nnivain]

Just remember going to court costs money. Do you want to spend that money on lawyers or your children?

[Rockdad]

You should talk to your Atty about this. What a recipe for disaster having an ex review your financials annually. A set up for annual money fights forever more. Being once divorced I advise you to co-parent and that is it. Don't do business or be personally involved with her in any other way but the children.

 

Get the Support amount set and as was already said, she wants an increase she follows the rule of the law and goes through the court.

[amaysngrace]

Go through the courts and let them determine the proper cost of living adjustment. Paying half of your earnings seems really high to me. I think my ex pays maybe 20% of his, if that, and I have full custody.

 

No wonder why you're getting a divorce though. She sounds like a real piece of work.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

She's correct that, in many jurisdictions, if your income changes then your child support obligations would also change, which might require you two going back to court to have the amount raised/lowered. I think there are a few states where it's a flat amount regardless of income but not sure about that.

 

But this is not something that the courts automatically know about. She would have to know this information straight from his mouth, and then initiate the process.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Just remember going to court costs money. Do you want to spend that money on lawyers or your children?

 

But he won't necessarily need lawyers. Just an appointment at the domestic relations office and maybe have to pay some court fees. You just meet with someone in an office who reviews all your paperwork and makes the calculation, then you discuss it amongst yourselves and come up with an agreement, if not exactly what the worker proposes (from what their computer screen is telling them). My exH have done this about 3 times since 2010. We only ever had a lawyer for the initial divorce agreement, and even then only I had one because he didn't want to pay one.

[PegNosePete]

You just meet with someone in an office who reviews all your paperwork and makes the calculation, then you discuss it amongst yourselves and come up with an agreement

Right, it sounds like she is wanting to save that someone in an office's fees and do the calculations yourselves.

 

You're under no obligation to agree to it if you don't want to. But I don't see anything untoward going on here.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Right, it sounds like she is wanting to save that someone in an office's fees and do the calculations yourselves.

 

You're under no obligation to agree to it if you don't want to. But I don't see anything untoward going on here.

 

Except that it is highly unusual, I think, to review child support every single year like she is proposing. I mean, if you're doing it "officially" through the courts, you don't usually schedule a review every year. It sounds like she wants to keep it out of the courts and just come up with an agreement on their own, which can be fine, but wants to have control over it by reviewing it every year. Whether this is a good or bad thing is a matter of opinion.

 

My exH and I only revised ours a few years ago because we had gotten back together for about a year, so our finances were combined and child support was not necessary. When all of that blew up and we split again, we had to go back to a child support arrangement.

[WorstFeelingEver]

Thanks for all of your replies, certainly a lot of different views. This was proposed from her & her lawyer 'letter' offer before going to "Pre-Trial" next week. My lawyer did review the offer letter and said it is to both EX and my advantage to see each other W-2, other then her going to court, having me summoned & starting this process over again___ This method would also, cut the time & cost for lawyer fees, & save money to spend on our kids, instead of attorney fees, etc... Like Cautiously Optimistic, says "Just an appointment at the domestic relations office and maybe have to pay some court fees"___

 

But I also like what RockDad, says, What a recipe for disaster having an ex review your financials annually. This is what I am talking about. Why after a divorce, would EX-W want this 'kind of attachment' for? After the "D", I want to move on. This will create us communicating outside of co-parenting for the kids. Like meeting up to view our W-2's___I am certainly NOT wanting to email it to EX, so she has it on record. This is all B.S. ____she is wanting this divorce to be with Mr W., but still have a leash on me to see if I can pay her more in CS every year.

 

What is it with these type of women? If we traded shoes & I was offered the CS payment (that I will be paying her every month), I would not hesitate or complain, I would be like, "SHOW me the money". & then have my regular income from her job & then have AP take care of me. ________WTH. (back to me) While I work my butt off to pay CS, 50% medical & everything else, and then support myself on what little I have left.

 

I see my future dates, taking date out to McDonalds, cause that is all I will be able to afford! They have breakfast all day.

[d0nnivain]

. This is all B.S. ____she is wanting this divorce to be with Mr W., but still have a leash on me to see if I can pay her more in CS every year.

 

Herein lies your problem. You don't pay CS to your EX. You pay CS for your kids. It's not her money. It's theirs. Why you are taking such a stingy attitude toward your own children is incomprehensible to me. If your standard of living rises after your divorce, I don't understand why you would not want your children to benefit from your success. They are innocent. They did not betray you or break your heart. Your STBXW did that. I could understand not wanting to revisit the amount of alimony (payments to her) but you are really going to be hard pressed to tell me why you are refusing to provide more for your children if you have more money.

[Cullenbohannon]

You should not be bullied into wanting to live a life better than a studio apartment and eating baloney, while the X lives in a 4 bedroom house and a garage with 2 Mercedes.

 

Why shouldn't extra funds being going into your house, where the (gasp) children will stay. Or a better vehicle where (gasp again) your children will be transported in. Or even your happiness so that you can be a better person and (gasp) a better dad.

 

Or is "for the children" gender specific?

[PegNosePete]

she is wanting this divorce to be with Mr W., but still have a leash on me to see if I can pay her more in CS every year.

What do you mean, see if you can pay more CS? CS is worked out using a formula based on your income. It's not about whether you can pay more, but whether you should be paying more. If your income increases then your CS payments should rise too. Your ex wife just wants to make sure that this happens, ie. you don't get a raise and "forget" to tell her.

 

You do seem to be rather paranoid for someone who has nothing to hide. Are you expecting your income to rise?

[somanymistakes]

You should not be bullied into wanting to live a life better than a studio apartment and eating baloney, while the X lives in a 4 bedroom house and a garage with 2 Mercedes.

 

Why shouldn't extra funds being going into your house, where the (gasp) children will stay. Or a better vehicle where (gasp again) your children will be transported in. Or even your happiness so that you can be a better person and (gasp) a better dad.

 

Extra funds go to both parents to furnish both homes.

 

The idea is generally to ensure that the child has an acceptable, and if possible, comparable, standard of living in both situations.

 

Child support guidelines do NOT say "And if the wealthier parent gets a raise 100% of that raise should go to the poorer parent" because that would be silly.

 

For that matter, the only time that step-parent income is actually allowed to be considered for child support purposes, as far as I know, is if it truly does create a HUGE disparity between the households. If you have a divorced dad making $36K, his ex-wife making less than minimum wage, and her new husband the millionaire, then in THAT situation in many jurisdictions they are supposed to use that information to adjust the child support because it would be silly otherwise.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Herein lies your problem. You don't pay CS to your EX. You pay CS for your kids. It's not her money. It's theirs. Why you are taking such a stingy attitude toward your own children is incomprehensible to me. If your standard of living rises after your divorce, I don't understand why you would not want your children to benefit from your success. They are innocent. They did not betray you or break your heart. Your STBXW did that. I could understand not wanting to revisit the amount of alimony (payments to her) but you are really going to be hard pressed to tell me why you are refusing to provide more for your children if you have more money.

 

This woman has proven to be untrustworthy, so he probably doesn't trust that she WILL use the money for the kids. It's not like he can track the money to make sure it's being funneled to the kids. My exH feels exactly the same way, and it's probably why he's totally fine paying for "extras" for the kids when things come up, as opposed to giving me more in child support every month.

 

I'm not saying it's right. I'm saying it's not at all unusual to feel this way. My exH and I had SO many fights about it. In our case it wasn't a matter of him not trusting me since he knows I simply don't spend a lot of money on myself, but that I *should* be making more money because I have a college degree and he doesn't.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Thanks for all of your replies, certainly a lot of different views. This was proposed from her & her lawyer 'letter' offer before going to "Pre-Trial" next week. My lawyer did review the offer letter and said it is to both EX and my advantage to see each other W-2, other then her going to court, having me summoned & starting this process over again___ This method would also, cut the time & cost for lawyer fees, & save money to spend on our kids, instead of attorney fees, etc... Like Cautiously Optimistic, says "Just an appointment at the domestic relations office and maybe have to pay some court fees"___

 

But I also like what RockDad, says, What a recipe for disaster having an ex review your financials annually. This is what I am talking about. Why after a divorce, would EX-W want this 'kind of attachment' for? After the "D", I want to move on. This will create us communicating outside of co-parenting for the kids. Like meeting up to view our W-2's___I am certainly NOT wanting to email it to EX, so she has it on record. This is all B.S. ____she is wanting this divorce to be with Mr W., but still have a leash on me to see if I can pay her more in CS every year.

 

 

You do understand that after everything is finalized and done and over, you do not have to have an attorney to make any kind of adjustments, right? You don't even HAVE to have one now, although I recommend it.

[nittygritty]

She could have another baby with her boyfriend or next husband and quit working. Do not agree to an annual review.

 

How often will you have your kids?

[road]

Herein lies your problem. You don't pay CS to your EX. You pay CS for your kids. It's not her money. It's theirs. Why you are taking such a stingy attitude toward your own children is incomprehensible to me. If your standard of living rises after your divorce, I don't understand why you would not want your children to benefit from your success. They are innocent. They did not betray you or break your heart. Your STBXW did that. I could understand not wanting to revisit the amount of alimony (payments to her) but you are really going to be hard pressed to tell me why you are refusing to provide more for your children if you have more money.

 

Because all that money does not get spent on the kids. Every one

knows that the ex WW is going to mingle all the moneys and the CS

will be elevating her standard of living. As well as there will be the

money her OM earns.

[somanymistakes]

Because all that money does not get spent on the kids. Every one

knows that the ex WW is going to mingle all the moneys and the CS

will be elevating her standard of living. As well as there will be the

money her OM earns.

 

Yes, everyone knows that not every single penny will 100% go to the children and nothing else.

 

Everyone also knows that if you don't pay your CS, your kids will have less.

 

It's not really possible to completely separate out every expense and say what's for the kids and what's for the mom. Obviously if she spends the money buying booze, that's pretty clear. But what if she upgrades her car from a tiny two-door rattler to something that comfortably seats the family? That benefits the kids, and it also benefits her. If she pays for the house to get air conditioning installed, that benefits the kids and it also benefits her. If she takes the kids out for a nice meal, that benefits them and it also benefits her.

 

It would not be fair to have the ex run up unlimited expenses and then come back to you demanding that you pay half of anything she could possibly imagine just because it was "for the kids" in some way.

 

That is why there are official guidelines. It is the best compromise for the largest number of people.

 

It is not perfect. Some people take all the CS money and spend it on drugs and fail to buy the kids clothes. Sometimes this eventually leads to a long drawn-out court battle of having to prove the neglectful spouse unfit and get custody percentages changed, which can lead to THEM being the one that has to pay support.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yes, everyone knows that not every single penny will 100% go to the children and nothing else.

 

Everyone also knows that if you don't pay your CS, your kids will have less.

 

It's not really possible to completely separate out every expense and say what's for the kids and what's for the mom. Obviously if she spends the money buying booze, that's pretty clear. But what if she upgrades her car from a tiny two-door rattler to something that comfortably seats the family? That benefits the kids, and it also benefits her. If she pays for the house to get air conditioning installed, that benefits the kids and it also benefits her. If she takes the kids out for a nice meal, that benefits them and it also benefits her.

 

It would not be fair to have the ex run up unlimited expenses and then come back to you demanding that you pay half of anything she could possibly imagine just because it was "for the kids" in some way.

 

That is why there are official guidelines. It is the best compromise for the largest number of people.

 

It is not perfect. Some people take all the CS money and spend it on drugs and fail to buy the kids clothes. Sometimes this eventually leads to a long drawn-out court battle of having to prove the neglectful spouse unfit and get custody percentages changed, which can lead to THEM being the one that has to pay support.

 

I remember once asking my exH if he'd like to open a joint checking out just for child support, and I'd use that money ONLY for groceries, ONLY for electricity, ONLY for Gas, etc. What then, how crazy should we get? Do I have them itemize the grocery list? Pay only a percentage of the utility bills with that money, based on how much the kids are using and not me? No, you don't want that? Then shut up about how you have "no control" of where the money goes. (<----to clarify, I said that to my exH, I'm not saying it to OP)

Edited March 16, 2018 by CautiouslyOptimistic

[Art_Critic]

I wouldn't do it, my own W-2 has only a portion of my yearly earnings on it and you never know how her life will change down the road, ie: if she creates a profitable LLC company then it reports thru a K-1 form not W-2 for income.

 

Then there is investment income or rental income, that is also not on W-2 and at times bonuses given may not show up until the next W-2.

 

My ExWife had an ExH at the time we were married and they had the provision in their decree that each year they both had to show each others tax return, I hated that and because of it I filed married filing seperatly so he didn't have to see mine.

 

Most divorced people I know just live by what the courts set up and do no annual review as that is nothing more than nit picking and not good for the children.

People who are just trying to punish the other spouse will drag out the money deal each year and this keeps the wounds open and keeps the kids ears perked up and they never heal.

 

Do what is best for YOU and YOUR Kids not her