Agonistes Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I had a short term dalliance with someone. I ended that and then blocked her on all social media. Also on phone. Unfortunately my phone only does a partial block. It sends text messages to an archive but does not notify me that they are there. A few nights ago I ran into her at a pub and barely spoke to her. On a whim today I checked my archived messages and found this. "She wins I guess, I get it! I'm in to much pain to keep acting like this is nothing, I can't stand not touching you when you are right in front of me! I am in so much pain right now. I have no choice but to accept you choose to continue being with XXXXX so I will appologize for wanting you as much as I do! But tell me you choose to work it out with her so I have some kind of closure and I can let you go! I want to be with you and I need to know that that won't happen." I have no interest in being with her. Should I respond and tell her that or just ignore her? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Ignore her message. You saw her AFTER she sent you that message and you showed her no attention. It is likely she has gotten the message and her "closure". Just let it be. You ended it with her -- that is her closure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Agonistes Posted March 16, 2018 Author Share Posted March 16, 2018 She sent it late the on night that we ran into each other. I was very cold to her but I am sure she overheard me telling someone else that XXXXXX was coming into town later that evening. She probably doesn't know she is blocked since a mutual friend told me that she claims that she had been reaching out to me and that I wasn't responding. Mutual friend asked me to please tell her she is blocked because the group of are tired of hearing about how I won't ever respond to her messages. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 She sent it late the on night that we ran into each other. I was very cold to her but I am sure she overheard me telling someone else that XXXXXX was coming into town later that evening. She probably doesn't know she is blocked since a mutual friend told me that she claims that she had been reaching out to me and that I wasn't responding. Mutual friend asked me to please tell her she is blocked because the group of are tired of hearing about how I won't ever respond to her messages. She seems obsessive and the kind that just won't get it. Personally, I would let it go. She sounds like the kind that will decipher any attention, whether bad or good, as attention and run with it. If the group is tired of her moaning, then they can just tell her that she's blocked and that's why you're not responding. If you want to relay that message -- text or email her that she needs to cease all contact, to accept the ending and to move on and that moving forward she is blocked from all access to you. Then re-block her. No need to tell her you're dating XXX, there's no hope, etc. That's all unnecessary drama. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 You must ignore her, for her own good. If you respond she will take that as proof you still care & never go away. Link to post Share on other sites
ItsJustMyOpinion Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 For people who think ghosting is despicable, to hear the best solution is to ignore her is quite disturbing. I would suggest you at least entertain her for 1 more text and give her the closure she asked for. Tell her you're seeing someone else (or whatever you want)and that you two being together is not going to happen. THEN block her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Agonistes Posted March 16, 2018 Author Share Posted March 16, 2018 Mutual friend told me to to please reply so I sent a reply: "You need to get over it. Not going to happen." She replied. "I know. But thank you!" Mutual friend wrote: "Glad you let her know. I'm sure she's now ruining YYYY's Chicago family trip over this. I speak for the all of us when I say THANK YOU! Enjoy a wonderful night!" Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 For people who think ghosting is despicable, to hear the best solution is to ignore her is quite disturbing. I would suggest you at least entertain her for 1 more text and give her the closure she asked for. Tell her you're seeing someone else (or whatever you want)and that you two being together is not going to happen. THEN block her. I am a huge anti-ghosting advocate. However, here, the OP can ignore her because he already explained to her why their relationship ended & his behavior solidified that. She's not listening. Based on the over the top message she sent, she will misread any further interaction from him as encouragement. She already knows the reasons. He is with somebody else. Her failure to take that information does not obligate him to repeated it. Closure comes from within so he can't give her closure anyway. OP despite your most recent text exchange, I doubt that is the end of it. For your sake I hope it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Mutual friend told me to to please reply so I sent a reply: "You need to get over it. Not going to happen." She replied. "I know. But thank you!" Mutual friend wrote: "Glad you let her know. I'm sure she's now ruining YYYY's Chicago family trip over this. I speak for the all of us when I say THANK YOU! Enjoy a wonderful night!" Omg! Your response made me laugh. Where most men would beat around the bush and give vague answers to someone like that, yours left no room for discussion. I know it’s not really funny...but it is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Agonistes Posted March 16, 2018 Author Share Posted March 16, 2018 A couple of hours later I get these.... "I can't understand though you have no decency to talk to me in person and you let ZZZZZZZZ* guide you! I'm so disappointed in you. You really fooled me! But it's all good I will move on! Good luck I hope you will be very happy with XXXXXX!" "Sorry I'm so drunk right now and I hate you for treating me this way!" *ZZZZZZZZ is the mutual friend mentioned in this thread who said I should respond. I did not mention her in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Told you she wasn't gonna let it go. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CommittedToThis Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 you have no decency to talk to me in person and you let ZZZZZZZZ* guide you! I'm so disappointed in you. You really fooled me! But it's all good I will move on! Good luck I hope you will be very happy with XXXXXX!" "Sorry I'm so drunk right now and I hate you for treating me this way!" Agonistes, I am sure I am preaching to the choir here but you realize there's a high probability she's disordered, right? In this text alone she says you have no decency, you disappoint her, you fooled her, and she hates you. In her prior text she threw herself at you. "I want you!" On top of it all she drunk-texts. Bullet dodged. I know you're never going to have anything to do with her again, but don't be surprised if she finds a way to weasel herself back into your universe. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 what did she do to deserve you blocking her int he first place and being cold to her when you saw her at the pub? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Agonistes Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 what did she do to deserve you blocking her int he first place and being cold to her when you saw her at the pub? Not letting go when I told her it was over. Multiple times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Agonistes Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 It's become clear that I should have ignored her instead of replying. Every time I check the blocked messages folder there is something else. The latest... "Are you really this cruel? I can't believe you think it's okay to treat me with this little respect. What the heck Agonistes? Just like that? Nothing? I really don't understand how you can do this to me!!!! A txt and I am nobody? This is how you want to dismiss me?" She was begging for a text to give her closure and I gave her one that left no doubt. Now I am scum for sending it. Yes, this is why she is blocked. I don't need to know about her messages. It is tough but need to resolve myself not to read the blocked messages folder anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 I'm sure your provider can actually block that number, you should look into that. I get it, that folder is there for documentation just in case you need to file charges. IMO it's harassment, and you shouldn't have to even deal with a folder of her messages. To add, I would block that mutual friend as well. They had no business in this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Agonistes Posted March 18, 2018 Author Share Posted March 18, 2018 I will call the woman I rejected Helen, the mutual friend Carla. I heard this from my friend Jeana last night. The night after my text message, Helen supposedly trashed Carla to at least 10 people who were friends, acquaintances, or business associates of Carla. Helen said that Carla had convinced me to end things with Helen because Carla had a conflict of interest and referred to Carla as a "F***ing b****". Of course this made it back to Carla and all hell broke loose. Carla is a fairly close friend of mine and she had nothing at all to do with my ending things with Helen. The only thing Carla ever did was tell me I should respond to that text because they were tired of listening to Helen go on about how I won't respond to her. When I ran into Helen at the pub that night, Carla was also there. I spoke to Carla but pretty much ignored Helen other than a perfunctory greeting. I get why she might feel some jealousy of my friendship but I don't know where Helen gets the idea that Carla guided me to end things with her. Breakup is too strong of a word. We were only "together" for 8 days. It was a very intense 8 days with pretty much round the clock bonking but still just 8 days. During those 8 days she asked me if I had slept with Carla. I said I hadn't and that was the truth. Nevertheless, it is known by some that Carla and I had swapped spit at a bar before. Eight days. And now all this. Crazy. The sex was good but not that good. It wasn't worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Time to change your number. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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