Chilli Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 Just wondering , in decisions, choices , life, work, people ,things you do, love. Do you believe in the head and the heart or in whatever combination ? Have you ever noticed a pattern in just what is the best way in decisions and choices in life ? Myself , well work wise is simple , it comes down to the dollars and whether l will mostly enjoy doing the job, if the moneys good enough and l'll enjoy it or the money makes up for the parts l won't enjoy, l do the job if it isn't l pass. The rest of life, sometimes it's one or the other or both but l'd say usually though it's a bit of both for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 (edited) This is a relationship forum so I'll talk about that. I believe in both too. If I followed my heart 100%, I'd be with an arsehole or a convict or a wife beater or an outlaw biker or a married man or a cheater or a loser or a narcissist or an addict. Something like that. Not because I or any woman for that matter finds the suckage of these men inherently attractive, but rather because there's something else about them that draws a woman in (could be good looks, could be his charm, could be his passions, humor, money, etc) except that he doesn't know how to treat a woman, namely me, so that's when you have to override your heart and use your head and pass on these. Ideally I'd find a man who I find attractive in a way that draws me in (heart), who is just NORMAL, but I have yet to find that. If I used my head 100% I'd be one of those women that dates men I am not initially attracted to to "see if he grows on me over time". What that means is, he looks good on paper (head) but there is no heart there yet, so I want to see if that grows and develops over time. No, I don't do that, because I know it's either impossible or will be very weak, and I just don't want to live my life like that. I like heart, I need heart, I breathe heart. Maybe if I had not already been married and had kids, I would feel some sort of desperation to settle down with a guy who only looks good on paper but I've already been there and done that so I have no burning desire to do that. So for me, basically 80% heart, 20% head. Edited March 18, 2018 by Popsicle 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crow795 Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 As for relationships, It is always head before heart. I always analyze the decision in my head and if can have a future then I will try to feel it in my heart. As a guy I am really scared to be manipulated by a woman into marriage, So I always go head first, heart after. As such, it is extremely difficult to manipulate me, If I will suspect something then I'll bail a second later. As for other stuff in life, then it is always and only head. I am very logical about my decisions. As such I will never be poor or jobless. Since I love doing what is right instead of doing things I only love. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 Yes, I love that band . Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 For me I blend the two. If I go with my Heart. Its my false perception of her that I have to come to terms with. If I go with my head. I find I can't feel anything for her as much. For me as long as respect and flexability are there. Everything goes well. as far as I am concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 if hope comes from a heart...then yes ....my heart will always go first...my heads there to pick up the pieces from taking risks...i look for qualities in men that are true and honest...and that takes time....my heart is there to feel the truth and which way to go ....with everything..... my head well its there to make sure my heart isnt completely blind and goofy and a mind that at least has intelligence to back it up...lucky ..i am a multiple personality....who has enough heart and brain in reserve when one or the other goes down for maintenance.............deb Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 The following is my random thoughts on The Head and the Heart. You know what I really think. We are brainwashed from birth to actually go for the physical first before we know anything about the person. Then add self esteem and social skills to the the romantic situation. Also when looking for love. One can only look at their perspective. Its hard to look at the other persons motivation to be with you. Or as an outsider you can look at the couple and see how they got together. My friend DT got together with his GF-CF, because she was separated from her ex and looked up DT who was her ex when they were early 20's. He did nothing to get her. She fell into his lap. They have two kids and are on yr 5 with each other. He proposed and they just have to finalize her divorce, which she now has a lawyer for. Which I find interesting, as he proposed, now she has a lawyer now to finaiize her divorce. Where was the lawyer 5 yrs ago, when she looked him up and started to date him. Anyways. If that situation like DT has with CF came to my life. My ex came to me with kids from another marriage and she was just separated. I would pass. My head won't let me get into a soap opera. There has to be a single woman that digs me romantically. I will wait. As I have said here before. Single/Widowed/Divorced gets in. Separated.....The divorce is pending in the near future to finality, before any sold talks of us being together in the long run. So what I am stating here is this. The head should rule, but you may not have a lot of fun on the way to lasting love. If the heart prevails. You may have more fun, but if anything is off and you wind up with kids and not a solid foundation with your partner. Then what. Find someone else and then they have to deal with things that they may not want to deal with, like the current partners Ex/kids. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 In relationships, my emotions take over, which is not good. Otherwise, I am a fairly rational person. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I follow my heart, it usually knows best. Usually... In my last relationship it took a while to really listen to my head and get out. heart ignores the rational and sometimes ignores the truth in favour of hopes and dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 (edited) All my decisions start from the heart/ intuition/gut feeling or whatever you want to call it ; I either listen to it (90% of the time - reason and logic are my comfort zone) or I don't (10%, generally all my 'bad' decisions when I let feelings cloud my judgement). So for me: 100% heart. 90% reason + 10% emotions Edited March 23, 2018 by littleblackheart Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I make 95% of decisions rationally using information to guide me in that decision. The 5% I make with the heart usually turn out to be very poor decisions. For me the rationality of something is important, I need to be able to justify and make a rational case of it. If I cant, whatever it might be is a non starter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chilli Posted March 23, 2018 Author Share Posted March 23, 2018 Interesting thoughts thanks people. For me being too rational and robotic would take all the fun and personality outa life , but it would def' give you better choices on a practical sense . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 Interesting thoughts thanks people. For me being too rational and robotic would take all the fun and personality outa life , but it would def' give you better choices on a practical sense . That's interesting. I personally have a huge problem relating to people that I consider to be irrational. I don't find irrationality to be fun at all but rather predictable, unfortunately and I associate it with drama rather than personality. The only time I put all logic aside is to do with my kids - feelings over reason all the way. Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 Interesting thoughts thanks people. For me being too rational and robotic would take all the fun and personality outa life , but it would def' give you better choices on a practical sense . Agree Chilli. A balance of both the head and heart are needed for 'wisdom'. The absence of either can lead to bad decision-making and consequently suboptimal outcomes. Like buying the worst house in the best street can be a wonderful investment decision... but not so much if you have to then live in it for some years before being able to realise a profit and its 'worstness' deeply negatively affects your quality of life. And conversely, what's the point in buying the house of your dreams if in doing so you over-capitalise to the point that you can't afford to live? Same, same for relationships, jobs, anything really. It's about balancing passion with pragmatism. Hopefully I'll get it right more often than not one day 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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