Have you ever spoken to an ex again?

[hgriffin17]

If so, how'd it go? Who reached out to who? Was your breakup messy or did you both grow apart?

 

I ask because I hadn't spoken to my ex for about 7 months (10 months ago she asked for a "break"). Given that the relationship was honestly pretty good (no abuse, no cheating, rarely any fights if any), I don't harbour any negatives feelings about what happened. But I'm kind of stuck here.

 

I don't want to be her friend, I don't think you can be friends with someone you love. All my ex's are friends except her, mainly because she's the only girl I can say I truly loved.

But knowing that we both graduate from college next year, and I live thousands away from her, I can't help but end things on a good note rather than a bad one because after graduation, I probably won't ever see her again.

 

I also see no point in doing so. Like what would I even say? I blocked her everywhere so it'd be pretty spineless of me to come back, especially as the dumpee. And plus, I basically told her that though I won't be waiting, if she ever wants to start again, she knows where to find me. Considering she was dating someone new before I blocked her, I understand why she hasn't reached out either.

 

And listen, don't get me wrong, i'm in a way better place now. I'm myself again. I've dated plenty since then. Being with the boys and family has kept me in a good state of mind, but it takes a lot for me to find someone "special." And I know I meant that to her. I was her "first" everything. I'm giving myself till probably the end of summer of this year before making a decision, just wanted to hear about your opinions and stories.

[mortensorchid]

Depends on the situation and the person. Some did/said terrible things, some ghosted, some I realized "I really don't want to have any contact with them anymore". One I talk to once a year on Palm Sunday (it was a certain day for me and him) through Facebook, another I text once a month when I get the urge just to update each other on what we are doing, one I am still good friends with and talk to regularly, the others never. They treated me badly, want nothing to do with me, or are married to some trashy girl who they are desperately trying to make things work with.

 

It's all relative. Life's complicated.

[viatori patuit]

Never.

 

I have a standing rule - no contact with exes for me or any person I am involved with.

 

Want to be “friends” with an ex? All well and cool. We won’t be together though. I can’t twll you how many cheating stories I heard where it starts with “I was friends with my ex and one thing led to another”......

[ExpatInItaly]

I am not friends with any of my exes.

 

We've all moved on, and I don't see the point of remaining in each other's lives. There are no hard feelings anymore (at least on my end) but that indifference has led me to a place where I don't wish them ill and would say hi if I ever happened to bump into them, but I also don't give a zoom what they're up to.

[snowboy91]

I caught up with an ex - she needed a lift to a party we were both going to. I happily obliged. She was the one that broke up with me - as sad as it was, I quickly recognised we were not right for each other in any way. Doesn't stop her being a good person who I'd happily be (just) friends with.

 

A couple of friends of mine agree with me, and remain on very good terms with their exes. I think it's very possible for exes to remain friends, as long as both sides acknowledge they weren't right for each other in a romantic sense, but they are highly compatible in a platonic sense. For many ex-couples, this is far easier said than done but for others it's relatively easy.

[d0nnivain]

Speak to & be friends with are different things. I speak to many EXs. If I bump into them, we exchange pleasantries, nothing more. Nobody reaches out. We don't have deep conversations. I'm not friends with any EXs. I am kind & gracious to anyone I ever dated.

 

If you see her around campus smile, nod hello in greeting but nothing more is required.

[kendahke]

From what you've written, I see no reason to reach out to her for anything. You've both made peace with how your relationship ended and have moved on. Keep going in that direction.

[Agonistes]

Exes are exes for a reason but that doesn't mean we have to be enemies.

 

I'd say I have no contact with most of my ex lovers, not because we hate each other but because there is no need. There is some lingering animosity with 3 women and I am friends with 3 others. The rest I am cordial with when we cross paths.

 

I've never taken anyone back or asked to be taken back.

[Exformer]

Rule of thumb, if you feel a need/desire to call an ex, don't call an ex. If you haven't move on, you can't be friends.

 

That said, once you've moved on, and stop thinking of that person as your ex, and they're in a similar place, it can be about two people catching up, but even then not always.

 

I run into exes. I don't call them up.

 

I have some girls I once dated that call me or send a text on birthdays or holidays. I have a girl I dated that stops by my store the couple times she comes to town every year, sometimes with her husband and her child. I have two other girls I dated that I see every football season because we meet up with the same group of people sometimes. Then there are all the other random run ins with other girls. These aren't my exes to me. I don't feel that ownership. They're acquaintances or friends that I can share a conversation with and not think of them as anything beyond that. The same can be said about some of the girls I only hooked up with once or twice.

 

What I don't do is call up an ex I recently broke up with. I don't contact someone I'm still moving on from or have lingering feelings (negative or positive) about. There's no good that comes from that. The call, whoever it comes from leads to prolonging the moving on stage. It drags up old feelings and drama, and sometimes creates new ones.

[Hoosfoos]

Nope, and why bother?

[JustAnotherLostLove]

I usually find myself reuniting with exes well after our wounds have been healed. My very first love, came back a decade later when my father began dying in the hospital, and she stayed by my side, in person, every day until he passed. And for that, I will love her forever, she's incredibly special to me. However, she's married with children now, and I'm happy for her.

 

Another one of my exes stopped by my house RANDOMLY a couple years back, at about 10pm, 15-20 years after we split (we dated as kids). She brought her current BF with her, and was aggressively flirting with me, while he stood by her and smiled. It was awkward, and I haven't seen or spoken to her since.

 

Some months back I reached out to ANOTHER one of my exes, for whom I was sexually attracted to more than anything else. After some time, it was clear there was literally nothing there, not even friendship, and I imagine we'll never speak again.

 

My most recent ex (from 2015), has yet to have ANY presence in my life. I was the dumpee, but she tried to be friends immediately after. As soon as she began advertising her new relationship on Facebook, I blocked her ass, and haven't seen or spoken to her since. As of right now, I'm totally okay with us NEVER speaking again.

 

My point is, it'll take some significant time before you and this girl can be friends, if ever. To me personally, it seems way too soon for you to be contacting her, and vice versa. Close that chapter, entirely. It's exactly the right thing for you, or anyone in your situation to do. Life may, or may not find a way of reuniting you two, organically.

[Biscous]

All my exes have came back in different points of my life.

[hgriffin17]

I have spoken to all of my exes. Sometimes they reach out, sometimes I do. I've gone back and dated some, become friends with others, and hooked up with a few. Sometimes, I think we create bonds with people that even breakups don't fully break.

 

After reading all the responses, I can clearly see that it's all relative. Some come back, and some never do. But we all must keep marching forward with our lives. Because that's all we have at the end of the day...ourselves.

 

She'll always be my first love, and I am so happy that I was able to experience a feeling and connection so strong with someone. But who's to say I can't love someone else, right?

[d0nnivain]

She'll always be my first love, and I am so happy that I was able to experience a feeling and connection so strong with someone. But who's to say I can't love someone else, right?

 

Exactly.

 

You don't have to hate her. She will always be your 1st love but you two will never again enjoy the same closeness you felt when you were dating.

[preraph]

If you have enough in common with an ex, it's nearly impossible NOT to speak to them again because your life will continue to cross paths.

[Shanex]

This is a very person depending question.

 

Some exes would have happily poisoned me, others kept great memories of me.

 

When I was younger and more foolish, I had little to no experience with girls/women and have been a dumper, ghoster on occasions hence the poisoning comment. I'm both joking and serious.

 

Since I am about 30 year old, I grown up to be a better, more mature man. Not ready quite yet for children and marriage yet not willing to ''screw the girls over'', dump or ghost them like I once did recklessly.

 

The thing is, we also have less and less friends aging and keeping an ex or two around, when no strong feelings were shared don't bother me much anymore.

[neowulf]

Posts like this remind me why I've become so cynical about love and relationships in general.

 

I've been on speaking terms with many of my ex's. I was even a groomsman at one of my ex's weddings. We're still friends today and have been for many years.

 

I understand when people treat each other horribly, that they wouldn't want to maintain a friendship with an ex, but in my life, this simply hasn't been the case.

 

You can have a relationship fail, yet not hate the person involved. On the country, when I say I love someone, I *actually* mean it. As in, I hope they're happy. I hope they find peace in their lives. I'm honestly happy for them.

 

Does it sting sometimes? Sure. But that's not their problem. I don't blame them for wanting to move forward and be happy. They're not my property.

 

I've also come to understand that I'm a bit of a freak in this respect.. so.. whatever I guess.

[hgriffin17]

Yeah, like i'm really good friends with one of my ex's. And purely friends too. I'm surprised I have no feelings for her because I did like her a lot, but somehow now I feel nothing. I'm actually good friends with her boyfriend too!

 

But still, this most recent ex is just someone I can't seem to picture being friends with. I know if I see her again, connect with her again, i'll just be reminded of the qualities that made me fall in love with her. And I just can't do that to myself. If I want her in my life, I want her with me.

 

But I also do want her to find happiness wherever that may be, even if that means i'm not there to see it.