Romantic Chaos

[Logo]

I was watching clouds drift across the sky outside my window this morning as they formed different shapes along the way and I thought about the articles I have read about Stephen Hawking and his contributions to science and especially his views on chaos theory.

 

The keyword there is chaos. It used to be that when I met a woman, we'd talk, we'd find out if we liked each other, I'd ask her for her number and we'd go on a date. In most cases, if we're both attracted to each other, things would get more and more serious over time.

 

We're all born innocent, believing in the goodness of others, generally, trusting others. Then we grow up and we realize that people bullsh** and lie a lot, that you can't blindly trust every person you meet, or work with, or even friends that we might have. Every person has his or her own interests in life and they will lie and cheat and manipulate to get what they want.

 

When my last ex cheated on me, I felt something inside me break. It was as though it was a wakeup call that even in romantic relationships, even when you think you know a person, they can turn out to be manipulative cheaters.

 

I was never the one to believe in luck. And I don't think the world or society has changed to such a degree in the last, say, three years that things seem to be so chaotic, upside down.

 

In the past, I had the occasional woman flake out on me. I've had rejections. But after the breakup and after trying online dating and trying to date people I have met in the real world, I feel as though someone is constantly pulling the proverbial rug from under my feet. Nothing seems to stick.

 

Naturally, there are women who might be into me, but I might not feel the same and vice versa. Then come the flake outs. Then the first dates when I realize that we're not a good fit or that I'm not attracted to them as I thought I was. Then, there are those who stand me up, and the world starts to look archaic, exhausting, lacking in stability, predictability and reliability.

 

And, I don't know how to feel about that anymore. I feel like, "What's the point of even bothering or trying?"

 

I think after my relationship with my ex I've become pickier because I'm constantly watching out for the red flags. So that's good. But the rest? None of it gives me comfort or excitement or joy for the reasons I've mentioned.

 

Should I simply take a vow of celibacy? Perhaps life will be easier that way. I don't know. Perhaps dating in the 21st century is all sh** anyway and none of it is real or serious. I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know if there are healthy, stable relationships out there, let alone long-lasting ones.

 

Do most people just use others for sex and companionship for a few months and then move on to the next?

 

Are there still people out there who want to start families?

 

And I won't even mention the L word because that seems like a fairy tale at this point.

[PRW]

In the past, I had the occasional woman flake out on me. I've had rejections. But after the breakup and after trying online dating and trying to date people I have met in the real world, I feel as though someone is constantly pulling the proverbial rug from under my feet. Nothing seems to stick.

 

There is probably something wrong with your approach on the first few dates,...or more likely what you do between the dates. Also never forget that it is almost certain that you are not the only guy during those early dates,...never forget that you have competition to compete with.

 

We can all sit around and complain about how things are and about all the "games". Or, we can learn to play the game,...play it well,...and play to win.

 

Please list a brief overall view of your initial method of operation when you meet someone new. I'll see if I can point out any mistakes,...and I assure you I can,...I always can. If you don't want to acknowledge them as mistakes and make changes that is up to you. I'm only here to give my opinion, I can't make you change what you don't want to change.

 

But keep in mind that you can't change the other's behavor, you can only change yours.

[Logo]

The first few dates, I have no problem with those. Usually things flow well. No issues. It’s getting to the first date WITH the person I’m interested in meeting.

 

With women that I’m on the fence with, it’s usually not a problem. It’s the ones that I’m really interested in that either disappear, flake out or when it’s offline dating, I get stood up.

 

 

I’d be more than happy to share some details with you in private if that’s okay.

 

 

Generally speaking, things just used to go more effortlessly before my last relationship. I want that me back. I want to be what I used to be.

[greymatter]

Logo, I selfishly wish you would post it openly so I can learn also. But I understand why you might not want to given how some threads can go here.

[Maggie4]

The keyword here is online. When you date someone you met in real life, it‘s still a stranger, right? Not a friend of a friend, no social ties. Keyword stranger. Think about it: strangers online, too random, you SHOULD expect chaos when things are this random.