breadcrumbs :/

[gonebibi]

I have gone no contact with ex girlfriend who left me for someone else almost 4 months ago.

 

I have had sporadic contact since, she would reach out every few weeks, but this last month the contact has dramatically increased. I have always replied, with short replies and indifference.

 

Anyway as the contact has increased so has the "breadcrumbs" she has come out with saying that she miss's me. And told me how sorry she is, which is the first time since she left.

 

I of course replied back saying i missed her too, and it seems she has now got what she wanted and disappeared again....

 

I now feel used as her emotional support, i feel so stupid, i thought she might be having some kind of change of heart, but looks like she was just getting bored and wanted some reassurance i was still their in the back ground.

 

I'm not going to lie, this has set me back quite a bit in my healing. And i now feel pretty down about things and its all fresh back in my mind.

[ExpatInItaly]

You nailed it when you assumed she got in touch for the wrong reasons. Perhaps she was bored. Perhaps she had a fight with the new boyfriend. In any case, her breadcrumbs didn't mean what you hoped they did.

 

It's time to block her, if you haven't already. I'm sorry you're dealing with the pain all over again.

[Young mind]

You only feel " stupid" and " used" because for the past 4 months, this is the outcome you expected, that she will come running back, if you did start to heal, acceptance would be part of it, the fact that you will never hear from her again.

 

No blame games, what you feel is normal because you still hope for her to come running back, I only learnt the term "breadcrumbs " from this forum, but if my ex gf were to write me today, I will have absolutely nothing to say, no anger, absolutely nothing, not to talk about " I miss you too".

 

She came for what she wanted and clearly got it, time to block her and begin the real " healing "

[preraph]

Sometimes people reach out trying to make you not hate them after a breakup, but you're probably better off just hating them. It's to ease their own mind.

[Mac0908]

Can you give some details about the relationship and what exactly happened? How long did you date?

 

In any event, this woman is no good. Was probably feeling sad about things not working out with the guy she's with so she began going to you more for some attention validation. Instead of ignoring and telling her to not contact you unless she was single, you gave in to her which was a mistake, absolutely. But the truth is it really doesn't matter bc she just wanted the attention and her disappearing again proved it. I'd go STRICT No Contact and tell her to please don't contact you again unless she's no longer in a relationship.

[Beachead]

I have gone no contact with ex girlfriend who left me for someone else almost 4 months ago.

 

I have had sporadic contact since, she would reach out every few weeks, but this last month the contact has dramatically increased. I have always replied, with short replies and indifference.

 

Anyway as the contact has increased so has the "breadcrumbs" she has come out with saying that she miss's me. And told me how sorry she is, which is the first time since she left.

 

I of course replied back saying i missed her too, and it seems she has now got what she wanted and disappeared again....

 

I now feel used as her emotional support, i feel so stupid, i thought she might be having some kind of change of heart, but looks like she was just getting bored and wanted some reassurance i was still their in the back ground.

 

I'm not going to lie, this has set me back quite a bit in my healing. And i now feel pretty down about things and its all fresh back in my mind.

 

I've been down this road myself my friend.

 

Sometimes we have to go through a process like this a few times over to get the anger and motivation to not respond to them and walk away.

 

Exes will likely do this. In your case, it sounds like she came back because she probably hit a slump with her current bf and wanted to test your interest and see if she still had you. Also the apology was her way of soothing her guilt. Purely self-serving reasons. She does not care for you. She cares only for herself.

 

Go No Contact. Block her off of all social media. Delete her number as well. If you can't do that because it's hard, write it on a sheet of paper and keep it somewhere away from sight but delete it from your phone. If she texts you again, do not respond unless you want to feel like this again when she pulls the same stunt. And most importantly, remember that NC is to help you grieve, heal and move on. It is not for her. It is not to win her back. It has nothing to do with her. You must be strong for yourself now.

 

- Beach

[gonebibi]

Can you give some details about the relationship and what exactly happened? How long did you date?

 

In any event, this woman is no good. Was probably feeling sad about things not working out with the guy she's with so she began going to you more for some attention validation. Instead of ignoring and telling her to not contact you unless she was single, you gave in to her which was a mistake, absolutely. But the truth is it really doesn't matter bc she just wanted the attention and her disappearing again proved it. I'd go STRICT No Contact and tell her to please don't contact you again unless she's no longer in a relationship.

 

8 years together, lived together for around 7 years. She left me for a lesbian, not for another man. She left all our possessions and pets to be with this other girl. she lied, and cheated on me with this girl.

 

I have told her several times i dont want to be friends with her, including this time. Maybe she has just got the hint this time?

[CantTakeMySmile]

8 years together, lived together for around 7 years. She left me for a lesbian, not for another man. She left all our possessions and pets to be with this other girl. she lied, and cheated on me with this girl.

 

I have told her several times i dont want to be friends with her, including this time. Maybe she has just got the hint this time?

 

 

 

How does she continue to contact you?

[Mac0908]

It's amazing how no matter what the case, whether they leave for a guy or in this case a girl, whether it ended bc of this or that, if the relationship were 7 months or in this case 7 years, breadcrumbs can still be a thing.

 

Beachead hits the nail on the head. This is for self serving purposes only. If she truly was interested she'd be seeing you. Instead, you gave her the validation she wanted, and she backed off. She got her "Fix" so to speak. Trust me, I've been there in the most obvious of ways. I've had a girl tell me she thinks she doesn't want to see me again, I tell her ok, then in the next text she tells me she'd still like to plan an outing in the future. I was naive and told her that would be nice. Then what do you think happened after that? She backed away again, as she was able to get the validation she wanted. Push/pull bullsh-t. Similar situation here.

 

It's hard to accept, but these women are no good and are the type who won't snap out of it until it's too late, if ever. The absolute correct way to handle this is 100% no contact. You can tell her not to contact you again unless she's no longer in a relationship, but as I stated earlier, it seems as if too much damage has been done in this particular relationship. You two had your day. You had your chance. It just didn't work out. Move on but also take your time to grieve and heal properly. It's ok to be mad, sad and confused.

Edited March 21, 2018 by Mac0908

[gonebibi]

How does she continue to contact you?

 

facebook messenger(not friends on facebook anymore)

 

if i blocked her on this their would be no way for her to contact me other than in person and email.

[Beachead]

8 years together, lived together for around 7 years. She left me for a lesbian, not for another man. She left all our possessions and pets to be with this other girl. she lied, and cheated on me with this girl.

 

I have told her several times i dont want to be friends with her, including this time. Maybe she has just got the hint this time?

 

Cut her off man.

 

Everyday you spend letting this girl work you, you are damaging your spirit an that bleeds over to other aspects of your life. Your job, your studies, your family, friends and people who are still in your life and didn't leave you.

 

I have a feeling this girl got bored from the monotony of being in a relationship for 8 years. She craved excitement and adventure and was probably bisexual all along. Most likely, she started talking to this girl months before she chose to leave you. Decisions to leave aren't impulsive. Dumpers think about it for a long while and prepare for it.

 

The friendship proposal is nonsense. It is a tired attempt at trying to keep you wrapped around her finger until she knows what to do with you. What is really happening here is this: 8 years of memories is difficult to erase for her. She gets weak but not because she loves you or wants you back. But because she has moments where she's doubting her decision to leave. She doesn't know what she's doing. Maybe the relationship she's in has moments where it doesnt fulfill her. Maybe she thinks about how she did you wrong. Her anxiety goes up and bam..you get breadcrumbs. What she's actually doing is taking advantage of the love you have for her, to ween herself off of you under the pretense of friendship. By being there and responding to her, you make it easy for her to move on which is her ultimate goal.

 

This new relationship with her partner isn't going to work out. She jumped from you to her and didn't take the time to grieve, heal or anything. Shows impulsiveness and someone who is not thinking straight. This chick is just a means to bury her guilt, doubt, feelings and everything about you and the relationship and her fears about her future. At the same time, she gets something new and fresh. But the novelty will wear out and reality will kick in for her and then start looking for someone new or she'll come back into your life and try it again with you..until she finds someone new. Be real careful if she does.

 

- Beach

Edited March 21, 2018 by Beachead

[gonebibi]

Cut her off man.

 

Snip

 

- Beach

 

Beachead, i think everything you just said is absolutely spot on, i don't think any one could have said it better than you just did.

 

I just need some clarity in my life, as we all know nothing about being dumped is simple or easy. I guess i just feel alone. Some days are better than others.

 

Sometimes the thought of her coming back and taking away the pain away is all i can think of, other times i am so angry with what she has done i tell myself if she did come back i would not give her the time of day. I just want the feeling to disperse so i can move on.

 

Thank you all for your comments, i have read them all and i appreciate you all taking the time, it has made me feel better, and is helping put things in perspective.

Edited March 21, 2018 by gonebibi

[Beachead]

Beachead, i think everything you just said is absolutely spot on, i don't think any one could have said it better than you just did.

 

I just need some clarity in my life, as we all know nothing about being dumped is simple or easy. I guess i just feel alone. Some days are better than others.

 

Sometimes the thought of her coming back and taking away the pain away is all i can think of, other times i am so angry with what she has done i tell myself if she did come back i would not give her the time of day. I just want the feeling to disperse so i can move on.

 

Thank you all for your comments, i have read them all and i appreciate you all taking the time, it has made me feel better, and is helping put things in perspective.

 

I'm glad it's helped you. Don't give up on yourself. Your goal now is to get your emotional strength back. Just let yourself feel what you have to feel and know that it will take time. Don't rush it.

 

This girl wanted to leave, so be it. Let her do whatever it is she wants to do. But she won't get to do it and then choose the parts of you she wants to keep. If she chose to leave, she loses everything. Let her deal with that reality.

 

-Beach