What should I do?

[usa1ah]

I have to say, I'm actually with all of you. I have thought about the possibility of this every now and then for years since I barely remember my childhood. I definitely remember being where they partied, and I remember everyone but him. All I remember about him is his garage where he and his family had two bunnies. I remember other nice men greeting me, hugging me and lifting me up and playing with me, but nothing of him, though he was always there.

 

Till the age of 13 I couldn't sleep alone in my room, I slept on my parents's floor on a mattress. Sometimes I sneaked in there and just slept on the floor as it wasn't exactly normal for a 13 year old to sleep with parents. I don't remember why I couldn't sleep alone. Though that changed when I got a guinea pig. But the timing and the tone of the e-mails are also very strange.

 

In the present, though I am only 19, I have a hard time being with men and have pretty bad attachment issues (working on it with therapy). Maybe this is all nonsense, maybe not, I have no idea. How could I know?

 

Talk with your therapist about it and show the therapist the emails.

[donotmicrowave]

I’m really liking the discussion. It’s a difficult situation to be in, so hearing different opinions helps me out a lot. I wil take it all in and we’ll see what I’ll decide to do.

 

I can’t give you a proper update now (very busy), but I have handled the sister, and today me and dad are going to rent a car on a race track and have some fun.

 

I will update more later. Thank you for the advice and encouragement!!

[Marc878]

I’m really liking the discussion. It’s a difficult situation to be in, so hearing different opinions helps me out a lot. I wil take it all in and we’ll see what I’ll decide to do.

 

I can’t give you a proper update now (very busy), but I have handled the sister, and today me and dad are going to rent a car on a race track and have some fun.

 

I will update more later. Thank you for the advice and encouragement!!

 

don't let him win!!!!!!

[aliveagain]

I've just gotten home from work. Pretty disgusted, so here it is.

 

I've been working overtime lately, did so tonight as well. The Jerkasaurus/OM showed up in my office after everyone had left, very submissive, and asked if we could talk. I'm pretty darn sure he was just going to try and convince me to keep my mouth shut. So I simply said that I was busy and put my headphones on.

 

I see him leave the office right after, then later that evening I get a few e-mails from him.

 

First one. He never mentioned the affair itself, but kept telling me how he was "struggling so much" all those years ago, how he got addicted to alcohol, and was so angry all the time. Splendid.

 

Then he wrote another very long e-mail about how he'd hold me and hug me after these parties him and the adults had when I was little, as I was crying a lot. He said I looked terrified and he felt bad for me. He also made sure to write a lot about how I didn't fight it at all and was okay with it.

 

The third e-mail was all about telling me I don't need my ex-boyfriend, how I'm too beautiful for a boyfriend anyway, how I look so young and fit (he said that). That I should enjoy life and not care.

 

In the FOURTH e-mail he told me how he loves his daughter, how he wanted to have more children so bad, how he works and harms himself with work only for his child. And that I'm lucky to have my parents, that I should let my dad buy me a car, as I keep saying that I want to buy my own.

 

All of these e-mails were very long and fairly disturbing to read. I think he's lost the plot completely.

 

As for confronting mother, she left early tonight, so I missed her. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

 

Thank you all for giving me ideas and advice, all sorts of it. I'm very grateful.

 

Very likely something happened to you when you were young. At age 5 you can remember details, I certainly could. Nothing you are doing is hurting your family, your mother and your fathers former best friend are the one's that did that. Wanting you to keep their secret from your father is the same as asking you to be their accomplice. Until the affair is exposed it's still going on, your father is being cheated, he still thinks he has a happy marriage. They are in year 14 of their affair and that POS predator thinks that because at age 5 you didn't object to whatever he did to you then that it's OK to go after you now needs to be exposed and charged. He as well as being a lying, cheating, back stabber may also be a child molester. I wouldn't be surprised if your mother and the other man cooked the company books to pay for their affair.

 

Sounds like your poor father has had a lot of betrayal in his life. He needs to get himself into counselling, he needs help dealing with this. He also needs to talk to a lawyer and protect his company and finances. Your mothers disappearance is her admission of guilt and should tell your dad everything he needs to know as to the path he takes. This explains why she was a bit*h a lot of the time, her way of justifying her affair. Often cheaters will pick a fight with their spouse giving them an excuse to leave the home for a few days. The betrayed spouse thinks it's their fault that they left while all it was was a way for the cheater to go hook up with their affair partner. The other man's wife needs to be told the truth so she can deal with the POS she's married to. You need to get into counselling, things may come back to you that may help your situation. Your mother is very broken as well as having poor boundaries. She needs some serious help. It is up to your father now as to how he deals with the truth. He needs a full written timeline of every detail of their affair, how can you consider reconciliation if you don't have all the truth? Independent counselling and a sever post nuptial agreement would be two items I would be demanding if I were to even consider a second chance. I think your father can handle it from here.

 

You did the right thing telling him. Accept no blame for any of this. Be there for support and hopefully your mother has stopped making very poor and destructive choices.

[Whoknew30]

Very likely something happened to you when you were young. At age 5 you can remember details, I certainly could. Nothing you are doing is hurting your family, your mother and your fathers former best friend are the one's that did that. Wanting you to keep their secret from your father is the same as asking you to be their accomplice. Until the affair is exposed it's still going on, your father is being cheated, he still thinks he has a happy marriage. They are in year 14 of their affair and that POS predator thinks that because at age 5 you didn't object to whatever he did to you then that it's OK to go after you now needs to be exposed and charged. He as well as being a lying, cheating, back stabber may also be a child molester. I wouldn't be surprised if your mother and the other man cooked the company books to pay for their affair.

 

Sounds like your poor father has had a lot of betrayal in his life. He needs to get himself into counselling, he needs help dealing with this. He also needs to talk to a lawyer and protect his company and finances. Your mothers disappearance is her admission of guilt and should tell your dad everything he needs to know as to the path he takes. This explains why she was a bit*h a lot of the time, her way of justifying her affair. Often cheaters will pick a fight with their spouse giving them an excuse to leave the home for a few days. The betrayed spouse thinks it's their fault that they left while all it was was a way for the cheater to go hook up with their affair partner. The other man's wife needs to be told the truth so she can deal with the POS she's married to. You need to get into counselling, things may come back to you that may help your situation. Your mother is very broken as well as having poor boundaries. She needs some serious help. It is up to your father now as to how he deals with the truth. He needs a full written timeline of every detail of their affair, how can you consider reconciliation if you don't have all the truth? Independent counselling and a sever post nuptial agreement would be two items I would be demanding if I were to even consider a second chance. I think your father can handle it from here.

 

You did the right thing telling him. Accept no blame for any of this. Be there for support and hopefully your mother has stopped making very poor and destructive choices.

 

 

At this point the OM has only the power she continues to give him.He’s fired & no longer part of their life. Who cares about him any longer.

 

You can only take care of things that are in your control in life. She’s exposed & that part is done. She can’t & shouldn’t be obligated to feel to have to do anything else, including giving a care about this guy’s wife or family.

 

Going on about what her dad needs to do pertaining to his wife & marriage is just not helpful IMO bc this post isn’t about what he’s supposed to do...it’s about what will help her. It’s kind of perplexing how most are forgetting that when giving advice. It’s about what’s best for “her” & how she should handle & be supportive...not about her taking charge of all her parents issues & what they “need to do”. Do you tell your parents “what they need to do”? Unless they have dementia?

 

OP...unless a child of infidelity that has experienced being in the middle of the storm...no one can understand. Wether or not your parents screw up & or are wrong...they’re still your parents. The only thing you “need” to do...is what ever feels right to you. Getting different perspectives & advice are great but don’t feel the pressure to “need” to do anything...even if you don’t agree with how either parent proceeds after this, that’s not in your control & don’t put the pressure on yourself to be in that mind frame. None of us can control other adults & I think sometimes people forget that.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, I don't think this is about controlling an adult(parent) as much as supporting the one parent the OP loves and admires and who she knows probably needs a shoulder to lean on. Since the OP is also an adult and is able to formulate her own opinions, she can absorb all the advice and opinions that are being offered to her here and then make up her own mind as to what would work best in her situation. She is the one wearing the shoe and she knows where it pinches. She can decide for herself to what extent and in what manner she can support her Dad. If she feels responsible for him and is actively wanting to ensure his welfare she can extend any kind of support to him and that will be entirely her choice. No one can fault her either way. In any case she has shown a maturity beyond her years and I am sure she will do the tight thing by her Dad. I wish her the very best in her efforts.

[Maraud3r]

Bloody hell OP, I'm sorry that you have to deal with this stuff. You've only given us glimpses into what your mother was up to and has done but that alone says a lot about her priorities. The guy is a creep, homewrecker and likely worse and him being out of your life is a very good thing but do not forget that your mother ALLOWED him access to you from early childhood on, had you right next to her as she engaged in her affair and then sided with this guy over you.

 

The OP has no right to kick her Mom out of the house, pack her bags, or to take charge of this. These are things that the OP's father needs to decide to do or not do.

Normaly I might agree. In this case I don't. Cutting her mother out together with the the guy himself is absolutely the way to go and she should try and get others to do the same.

 

OP was unfortunately involved in all of these things due to her mothers behaviour. Her mother was having her affair with OP right next to them, her mother allowed this guy uncontrolled access to her daughter despite knowing what he was like and while there's no hard evidence a lot of his behaviour is shifty and might hint at some darker stuff.

 

Further when he went after OP herself, her mother decided to side with him. Put down her daughter and try to humiliate/demolish her. Her mother has failed as a parent in every single last way imagineable, all the damage and stuff the other guy has done he could only do because her mother allowed him to.

 

Seems we have a dispute here about how much involvement the daughter should have.

The problem here is, she had way too much involvement from the get go. Her mother and the other guy actively made her a participant in all of this against her own will.

[Try]

Normaly I might agree. In this case I don't. Cutting her mother out together with the the guy himself is absolutely the way to go and she should try and get others to do the same.

In direct response to my posting that "The OP has no right to kick her Mom out of the house, pack her bags, or to take charge of this. These are things that the OP's father needs to decide to do or not do" you stated that "Normaly I might agree. In this case I don't. Cutting her mother out together with the the guy himself is absolutely the way to go and she should try and get others to do the same". Your response misses the point, because whereas I believe that the OP has every right to cut her Mother together with the the guy out of her own life and to encourage others including her Father to do the same like you state, I was posting in response to another post that the OP had no right to speak for her Father or to decide for her Father what he wants to do in his marriage, as was being suggested in this other post. If OP wants to never speak with her Mother again that is her right, but the Father has the right to speak for himself. This does not stop the daughter from encouraging and supporting her father taking action, but again it is not her place to initiate such action on her own. Besides, under the law, even the Father has no legal right to pack the Mother's bags and to kick the Mother out of her own home; any advice given on this Forum should at least be legal.

 

Further when he went after OP herself, her mother decided to side with him. Put down her daughter and try to humiliate/demolish her.

As of yet there has been no statement by the OP that the OP's Mother was any more aware of the other man's (OM) sexual harassment of the OP than was the OP's Father. Once the OP showed her Mother the emails and the video evidence, the Mother stopped screaming at the OP and left crying, as the evidence showed the Mother that she was not special to the OM and that the OM was just a scumbag looking for easy side action. Edited March 25, 2018 by Try

[JuneL]

OP: Is the creepy guy fired formally and gone for good from your dad's workplace? I think this is the most urgent thing for now!

[Just a Guy]

Hi Do not microwave, so how are you, your Dad and your sister doing? Can you give us an update on the situation as it exists today? Has your Dad been back to work and where is your Mom? Also by now your Dad's stay at the hotel must over or drawing to a close. What is he planning to do regarding his stay arrangements? Has this toxic 'friend' been fired from his job at your Dad's company and did you inform his wife of the situation? I know these are a lot of questions but depending on how you answer I am sure the good folk here will be able to advise you better. Warm wishes.

[donotmicrowave]

I am very bad at things like these. It's been a while since I've been here, but life has been moving full speed ahead of us, and we are doing everything we can to catch up.

 

I stayed away from Loveshack as some details came up, mother went absolutely insane and we've all been hurting. Reading the stories here and writing out mine has been too much. But I feel like I'm ready now, all of you have been so kind and helpful, I want to give you an update.

 

The OM sexually abused me when I was young. He molested me while he was seeing mother. While he was best friends with my dad. I know all of it, I still cannot deal with it, I refuse to deal with it. Knowing this has done something so horrible to me. I cannot explain it. I'm seeing a therapist regularly, my dad does too, same with my little sister. The OM is gone, and since I feel ready, we are looking towards getting the police into this, as we have actual evidence of the abuse. There is no way he is going to get away with what he did.

 

Mother has gone batsh?t crazy. I am sorry for being so blunt, but there is no other way of putting it. She tried to get in contact with my dad multiple times, I texted her once and said "If you have any respect for your family, stay away". Her response was to contact my little sister and guilt her into contacting my dad. Didn't work, the next day she made quite the appearance at work. She showed up screaming like an obnoxious brat. And my gosh she looked terrible.

 

That's how things were for a few weeks. Mother was insane, all of us were hurting. One day, my dad tells me he blew up on mother. I'm still not sure what happened exactly. But she has been gone ever since. We don't know where. We don't want to know. But my dad wants to get the divorce over with as soon as possible, this is our goal now. But mother is still texting my dad, sometimes from random numbers, things like "Make sure you flower the plants" or "Have you fixed this and that yet", she is crazy. She has lost it.

 

We are trying to move on with our lives. She doesn't want to let us, fine, we'll do it without her permission. It's just so hard. I don't understand what we've done to deserve this. My amazing dad, who now feels like a failure after knowing everything, my little sister who has lived a lie her whole life and, well, me. I don't understand.

 

I'm getting mad. So very mad. That entitled bit?h, cheating and abusive scumbags, both of them.

[BluesPower]

You should be everyone's hero... I know you don't feel that way, but dear you are.

 

As much as this hurts, I think you and your family will make it through the other side. No, you guys will not be undamaged, but you will be a family, just minus your mother.

 

I would love to hear the details of what has transpired when you are ready.

 

But, to one question that you asked, "What did we do to deserve this?"

 

Well the answer is of course nothing. And, you know, it would almost be better if we could all say, well I did this and this is what I get, I deserved it. But it does not work that way, and I don't think it ever will.

 

Your mother, her infidelity, the OM's being a pedophile, all of that no one deserved.

 

You can't change is, you just learn to live with it. She has single handedly ruined her family because she is a selfish horrible person.

 

There is probably no way you could have changed it, but you can make the rest of your life and you families life as happy as possible.

 

Good luck and God bless you and your family...

Edited May 22, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge and redact full quote of immediately preceding post

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I am very bad at things like these. It's been a while since I've been here, but life has been moving full speed ahead of us, and we are doing everything we can to catch up.

 

I stayed away from Loveshack as some details came up, mother went absolutely insane and we've all been hurting. Reading the stories here and writing out mine has been too much. But I feel like I'm ready now, all of you have been so kind and helpful, I want to give you an update. <snip>

 

You picked a good time to take a break because the site was down for two months!

 

I'm so sorry about the latest revelation about your childhood. You're a strong woman and I know you'll heal from this just fine. I hope your mother will quiet herself down here soon.

 

Big hugs.

Edited May 22, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[donotmicrowave]

Thank you so much for still remembering me and looking out for me.

 

 

My beautiful little sister has a very hard time dealing with this. She cried her eyes out when I first told her, then stayed with me for a few days and I technically had to hold her hand so she could sleep. When she went home, I gave her my giant teddy bear, she loves it. But she just kept getting worse. Mother was blackmailing her, lying to her, tried to appear like everyone else is in the wrong. Thankfully mother never got close to my sis, in person.

 

But one day, I was over (she was with my dad at his house) and I heard coughing from the bathroom. I also heard the water was running. I have had an eating disorder myself, it almost immediately clicked. When I went to check the bathroom later on, there was still puke left, though she'd flushed. I went to her room right away, and had a very gentle talk with her. She started making herself sick since she felt like a failure, she was harming herself in other ways too (scratching and burning herself), she was sad, her temper was wild. She cried and said she's hurting. She promised to talk to someone neutral too, she chose a school counsellor for it. And a few days later, with her permission, I booked her a session with a therapist, that has already helped tremendously. Gosh I love her. She is so strong and smart. And she hasn't lost her crazy spirit.

 

As for my dad. He is very fragile. He knows everything, also about the abuse. He once told me he feels like he's failed as a dad. For over a month, he was drinking heavily. He didn't eat. He didn't come to work. I technically had to run his company for almost 3 weeks, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm so lucky to have all these amazing coworkers by my side. But my dad ended up in a hospital. He had passed out and injured himself. He was also severely malnourished, dehydrated, weak. He was in the hospital for almost a week, then got out, and stayed home for a few days. I booked him therapy sessions as well, the first two I went along with him. He is now going regularly and he feels good about it.

 

The OM's wife has been so supportive of me. She is so broken herself, but is such a sweetheart, still. She helped me find proof of the abuse. She knows everything. She hugs me everyday, brings me little gifts sometimes. I think she feels guilty. I don't want her to feel like that.

 

The word has gotten around the company too. People know after mother made that terrible scene in front of everyone. We wouldn't communicate with her, I asked her to stay away, and she simply shows up and blames everyone, but herself. No, she's innocent. We didn't love her, we made her life boring, she had no choice. She absolutely disgusts me. She was screaming and kicking things that day, and some workers just ended up dragging her out and locking her outside. She left after 10 minutes of more screaming. She has contacted everyone but me.

 

But I don't know how I'm doing. I am so angry. I have no time to process anything, I can't even sleep. I have actual flashbacks from my childhood and whenever I see something that reminds me of it, I break down. I start shaking and something tears out my heart and shatters it into pieces. I'm not sure how I'm managing. It feels like my brain has partly shut itself down. I don't even feel alive anymore.

 

We are currently waiting for paternity test results. We suspect my little sister is not my dad's at all after finding some e-mail's of mother's. One other poster mentioned it before, and I'm afraid it might be so.

 

I am getting an unreal amount of support from the people around me. I never knew so many people noticed me. My dad and little sister are also very loved. We are sticking together, and letting time heal us. We have not heard from mother for a few days now, have not seen her for almost 2 weeks. She's gotten fired as she left without a notice. The pedophile is also long gone. He has been seen in another city. And the divorce process has started.

Edited May 23, 2018 by donotmicrowave

[donotmicrowave]

When I booked the hotel room for my dad + the activities, I spent a lot of my savings. I didn't feel sad about it though, hell, it helped my dad so much.

 

But some days ago, he decided to make up for it and buy me what I was saving for - a new motorcycle . The beautiful Kawasaki I've wanted for a while. I named her Athena!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

When I booked the hotel room for my dad + the activities, I spent a lot of my savings. I didn't feel sad about it though, hell, it helped my dad so much.

 

But some days ago, he decided to make up for it and buy me what I was saving for - a new motorcycle . The beautiful Kawasaki I've wanted for a while. I named her Athena!

 

Perfect!!

 

Don't forget to take care of yourself in the midst of taking care of everyone else.

[donotmicrowave]

Thought I’d share what happened.

 

I was driving home from work today. On my beautiful Athena. There were only fields and forests surrounding the road, and I just started speeding. I have suicidal thoughts often, but I’d never “do it” because I’m not selfish. But as I was speeding, I knew the wild animals are especially wild around this time of year. I kept waiting for a deer to hop on the road so I’d HAVE to crash. I kept waiting and speeding, I hit 170km/h. But no animal showed itself and I made it home.

 

At home I just cried. I am so disappointed and mad at myself. What if an animal had ran out onto the road. Or what if I’d lost control over the bike. I could’ve easily caused more suffering to my family.

 

So stupid. So very stupid.

[usa1ah]

Thought I’d share what happened.

 

I was driving home from work today. On my beautiful Athena. There were only fields and forests surrounding the road, and I just started speeding. I have suicidal thoughts often, but I’d never “do it” because I’m not selfish. But as I was speeding, I knew the wild animals are especially wild around this time of year. I kept waiting for a deer to hop on the road so I’d HAVE to crash. I kept waiting and speeding, I hit 170km/h. But no animal showed itself and I made it home.

 

At home I just cried. I am so disappointed and mad at myself. What if an animal had ran out onto the road. Or what if I’d lost control over the bike. I could’ve easily caused more suffering to my family.

 

So stupid. So very stupid.

 

Glad your safe little lady. Your one of the good ones. Don’t waste it. Don’t know why you feel that way at times but just remember there is one person thinking of you and praying that you find peace of mind.

[donotmicrowave]

Glad your safe little lady. Your one of the good ones. Don’t waste it. Don’t know why you feel that way at times but just remember there is one person thinking of you and praying that you find peace of mind.

 

I'm feeling alright today. Killing it at work, so that feels good.

 

But thank you! Guess I just needed to let it go for a minute and be crazy. Though it was incredibly dumb and irresponsible. And it means a lot that someone cares, it really does.

 

I want to start moving towards acceptance now. God bless everyone.

[WilyWill]

You 're really an awesome kid, and you handled this all perfectly. Don't even dream of suicide. Your dad needs you and the world needs more people like you!

[merrmeade]

Sorry, I missed a few months of events, but will leave this with that caveat.

In your shoes I would confront your mother and let her know it's unfair for you to have to carry the information and your father not know. If she is a decent mother she would do the right thing and unload this from your burden.

 

I'm assuming telling your dad is a strong pull. He deserves to know but it's shouldn't be your cross to bare.

THIS is why you have to do something - for you. It was irresponsible of her to expose you to that confusion as a child. She can't make that up or the years of your carrying it, but she can do the right thing now and take it OFF of your shoulders.

 

And THEN you can stay out of your parents' marriage. I can't believe someone else told you to (essentially) mind your own business. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! It's not your fault creepo is creeping on you and it's not your fault that he and your careless mom dismissed the effect their behavior would have on you.

 

No, you are acting incredibly responsibly. You are not completely grown up at 19 just because you're legally of age; it's totally your place to enlist your dad's protection. Besides, you have every right as an employee and as a victim of sexual harassment to say something to your employer. And your dad deserves to know the truth about his so-called friend.

 

All in the name of FREEING YOU from their business.

 

Good luck, my dear. You are very brave and clear-headed. I hope they appreciate this about you. They should and they will. Stay strong.

Edited May 26, 2018 by merrmeade

[merrmeade]

Okay, so I've read the whole thread now and up to speed. BUt this stopped me cold:

Thought I’d share what happened.

 

I was driving home from work today. On my beautiful Athena. There were only fields and forests surrounding the road, and I just started speeding. I have suicidal thoughts often, but I’d never “do it” because I’m not selfish. But as I was speeding, I knew the wild animals are especially wild around this time of year. I kept waiting for a deer to hop on the road so I’d HAVE to crash. I kept waiting and speeding, I hit 170km/h. But no animal showed itself and I made it home.

 

At home I just cried. I am so disappointed and mad at myself. What if an animal had ran out onto the road. Or what if I’d lost control over the bike. I could’ve easily caused more suffering to my family.

 

So stupid. So very stupid.

THIS and the the title to that post "Very horrible and inconsiderate of me" are very concerning, my dear. If you mentioned this to your therapist, believe me, it would be important.

 

And, yes, we know you are "not selfish," but then that is just the point. You can only carry the kind of responsibility you've been shouldering for your family for so long. You are 19. You've done so much for them. It's time to take care of you. All these events and the terrible burden of 'handling' everyone else's response, including your sister's is taking its toll. The fact of those feelings swelling up in you on your motorcycle are proof. Do NOT dismiss them.

 

Recently I was in a drug study for a condition I've had a long time. Every two weeks I'd check in with the study coordinator. There was a two-page questionnaire she asked me every time whether, during the previous two weeks, I'd had suicidal thoughts, thought about harming myself, done anything to harm myself, etc. She said its standard for drug studies. When I was a teacher, we were told to report any remarks from a student about hurting herself to the school psychologist.

 

Treat yourself as a family member that needs taking care of. Just as you "clicked" with the coughing sound in the bathroom and gently started talking to your sister, you need to "click" with this episode on the bike. And TELLING US ABOUT IT IS A CRY FOR HELP, so I'm answering. It is OKAY for you to be fragile, too. It is not a failure. It's time for the others to step up and be strong for you and okay for you to let them.

 

Please take yourself seriously and get some help for your cry for help. Call your therapist and make an appointment for just this. Talk about maybe Increasing the number of therapy sessions or taking a vacation with some friends, moving into an apartment by yourself but mainly how overwhelmed you're feeling and what to do about it.

 

This is important, dnm. Please let us know that you did.

[donotmicrowave]

This weekend, none of us were around. My little sis was in another city with with her friends and I dragged my dad out to go hiking with me. It was a great trip, we covered a little over 80km. And I also read merrmeade's posts, I told my dad about the incident on my motorcycle. Told him that the burden is too much to deal with at times. He felt really bad and almost didn't let me drive to work this morning, but all is good. He's worried, yet understands completely. I have a session with my therapist tomorrow, where I will discuss this. Dad also promised to support me as much as he can, I promised the same to him.

 

I got a call from my dad this morning, he's in another city this week. Some neighbors had seen mother around my dad's house on Sunday. She was around for over 2 hours, visited the greenhouse, walked around the property. No one dared to go greet her, though. People know she's gone crazy.

 

Pretty sure she will attempt another surprise visit eventually. We don't know what she wants, we have all blocked her and all friends have taken my dad's side, cutting her out as well. Dad is not happy. Something breaks in him whenever she does something like this. It baffles me how entitled and straight up dumb she is. She was a well respected woman once.

 

I will try to do more hiking. Perhaps take a day or two off work if I can. Covering miles like that, eating garbage food, spending time in the nature, it helps me so much for some reason. When I'm out there, I feel free in a way. And I'm definitely more motivated after returning.

[usa1ah]

Glad to hear you had fun with your dad hiking. But most of all that you talked with him. Way to go.

 

One day at a time and don’t borrow trouble or worries. Let each day take care of itself. Spend time with your dad when he gets back.

 

It must have been hard to open up with your dad. That took courage, now use that courage to face what ever life throws your way.

 

Later

[merrmeade]

Yes, good that you talked to dad and he gets it. It’s still still clear you’re not able to lean on him. Just keep working on letting go a little of that responsibility for everybody with your therapist’s help. It will take time. Keep in touch with what you’re feeling so it doesn’t sneak up on you when you’re going 100mph!