Divorce due to verbal abuse

[BaileyB]

I have been dealing directly with the attorney. I also asked for a bill and she’s been billing me since she was hired back in May. All pleadings were filed in late August and September. But she has billed for every email, call and text. We have never met in person throughout the entire process.

 

Well, it’s not uncommon that she would bill you for every email, call, or work related to the filing.

 

Correct me if I’m wrong those who have been through a divorce, but why have you not met the attorney who is handling your divorce proceedings? And, since when does an attorney have direct contact with the client re: billing. This is unlike anything I have experienced when dealing with attorneys. I would most definitely get a second opinion... even if it is legal aid.

[Aja3]

Well, it’s not uncommon that she would bill you for every email, call, or work related to the filing.

 

Correct me if I’m wrong those who have been through a divorce, but why have you not met the attorney who is handling your divorce proceedings? And, since when does an attorney have direct contact with the client re: billing. This is unlike anything I have experienced when dealing with attorneys. I would most definitely get a second opinion... even if it is legal aid.

 

I will be reaching out to legal aide during my lunch hour. Thank you for your advice. We haven’t met because I work so much and because we would need to meet outside of the work hours which is complicated due to the situation at home and having little to no personal time outside of the 8 hours at work. So it’s all been done via email. Everything. She’s a sole practitioner. Could this be why she handles all the billing herself?

[Mardelis]

Could this be why she handles all the billing herself?

 

 

She probably has a billing person, no way for you to know who is figuring it out all you can do is double check that it's accurate. Attorney billing mistakes never seem to be in the favor of the client for some reason.

[BaileyB]

I would think she still has a paralegal. They prepare all the documents, schedule appointments, deal with billing, etc...

 

You are going to have to take time off work to meet the lawyer. I have done it at the beginning or the end of the day. But, you are going to need to meet her to sign papers. Besides, if she is going to be representing you, it's in your best interest to meet her and be sure she knows the things she needs to know.

 

I'm glad you are getting a second opinion. Keep us posted - we are rooting for you!

[Aja3]

I would think she still has a paralegal. They prepare all the documents, schedule appointments, deal with billing, etc...

 

You are going to have to take time off work to meet the lawyer. I have done it at the beginning or the end of the day. But, you are going to need to meet her to sign papers. Besides, if she is going to be representing you, it's in your best interest to meet her and be sure she knows the things she needs to know.

 

I'm glad you are getting a second opinion. Keep us posted - we are rooting for you!

 

I agree with you. I’ll be back to update. You have no idea how thankful I am that you guys even read and respond. It’s very difficult to keep things inside and LS is my #1 outlet. Thank you.

[bathtub-row]

I agree with you. I’ll be back to update. You have no idea how thankful I am that you guys even read and respond. It’s very difficult to keep things inside and LS is my #1 outlet. Thank you.

 

What you’re going through is really tough. But it’ll all be worth it to reach the end of the rainbow here — meaning getting that ridiculous man out of your life forever!

[Aja3]

Hello to whoever is reading. I’m back on the forum as I’ve found LS to be an excellent tool to read through whenever I’m feeling weary. Which is daily. As an update, my husband hasn’t been served, I had to discharge the attorney I hired as she blew through a $5k retainer without even having serving him. Once I sadly realized I wouldn’t be able to afford her considering nothing has been done and the money was gone, I began the process (in January) of having requesting a withdrawal, finding new counsel and possibly receiving a refund on what was left of the initial retainer. Comically enough, I got back a whopping $15 in the mail from her. That’s all that was left. Her billables were excessive and this was confirmed with the new counsel I consulted with.

 

So that’s that. Another hard lesson learned.

 

I did extensive research in looking for new counsel. Read thoroughly through the retainer. Had a friend who practices law look over it too and I think I’ll be okay.

 

I’m ready. I’ve saved up funds again and I’m prepared to sign the retainer by the end of this week and begin. The only thing left to do is serve him and begin the process. I just find myself in such mental ping pong feeling tremendous guilt for going through with it. Feeling responsible for his unhappiness once he’s served. Responsible for the rift in the family dynamics. So very scared.

 

The verbal abuse continues. As recent as Sunday. I recorded some of it. It honestly has not gotten any easier with him at all. There will be 4 days of calm and 3 days of arguing. Back to normal and repeat. Why do i feel so much guilt and why am I feeling awful about it all? Even though we had a very big fight on Sunday, he seems 100% normal as usual. Even his mom got the brunt of the fight and he also insulted her, told her to back away from his family and that she was forbidden to pick up the kids from school anymore ... she is completely normal as well. They’re both acting as if nothing has happened and it really messes with my mind. I feel weird that I can’t react the same. So I’m struggling. I’m ready to get this done but I’m just so scared. Petrified.

 

I’m just seeking to hear out anyone who went through something similar and wondering what it took to get over this hump.

Thank you for reading.

[BaileyB]

Well, good for you! You are a strong woman to go through the difficulties you have experienced with the lawyer and stayed your course. I’m sorry she took advantage of you...

 

Abusers are rarely abusive 24/7. It is the cycle of abuse. If they didn’t repent and there were not good times, it is unlikely you would stay... the thing is, over time the good times are not enough to balance the abuse - that is where you are now.

 

You are doing the right thing. You will see that, when you are away from this man and you are not suffering his abuse anymore. Life will be better. Keep going...

[David33]

I wasn't in an abusive marriage (we've been married 23 years, divorce pending) but I do know the guilt. I felt as if I was abandoning her. My understanding is it's just part of the process. I reconciled with the guilt by believing that since I'll be paying spousal support probably the rest of my life, I couldn't be the best I could be by being married to her. It was too emotionally and physically draining and I didn't recognize what we had as a marriage.

[bathtub-row]

Great to hear from you, Aja3! Ok, your husband is banking on your emotions keeping you in this lousy situation. You need to hold your head high and forget about any judgments from others, and stop judging yourself. Keep in mind that if anyone walked on your shoes, they probably would’ve shot the guy by now. Learn to be your own person without always feeling the need to explain yourself or justify your actions.

 

I remember my ex telling me some trumped-up version of our marriage, something he told someone else, which was a total fabrication. I just said to him, “You can tell other people any line of bull you want to tell them. But don’t ever try to sell that BS to me. We were both there. You know what happened and so do I. So, don’t ever talk to me like I don’t know the truth. And I don’t give a fig what you tell others.” And I meant it. I also bought a home just before our divorce and he had to sign papers agreeing to waive any claim to the property. After he signed, I told him that I know papers are just papers and that if he wanted to fight me about the house, he could do that. But, I added that if he ever did one more thing to hurt me, my son, or my life, I would make career out of hunting him down and ruining his life in every way I could think of. He never bothered me again.

 

Your husband has driven you to this point - plain and simple. He’s sub-human. There’s zero reason for guilt. Now get that divorce going before you clobber this guy with a frying pan! Lol!

Edited February 28, 2019 by bathtub-row

[Aja3]

Well, good for you! You are a strong woman to go through the difficulties you have experienced with the lawyer and stayed your course. I’m sorry she took advantage of you...

 

Abusers are rarely abusive 24/7. It is the cycle of abuse. If they didn’t repent and there were not good times, it is unlikely you would stay... the thing is, over time the good times are not enough to balance the abuse - that is where you are now.

 

You are doing the right thing. You will see that, when you are away from this man and you are not suffering his abuse anymore. Life will be better. Keep going...

 

Thank you for your words <3

I will find the courage to keep going and will keep positing on progress.

[Aja3]

I wasn't in an abusive marriage (we've been married 23 years, divorce pending) but I do know the guilt. I felt as if I was abandoning her. My understanding is it's just part of the process. I reconciled with the guilt by believing that since I'll be paying spousal support probably the rest of my life, I couldn't be the best I could be by being married to her. It was too emotionally and physically draining and I didn't recognize what we had as a marriage.

 

I’m sorry to read you are in a similar situation and can imagine the guilt. I hope it lessens with time and that whatever you’re doing to cope continues to help you feel better daily. I feel the same kind of draining emotion. It can become consuming.

Best wishes to you.

[preraph]

I'm sorry your first attorney got nothing done but just ran up a bill. I would ask the new attorney if you should report her to the bar association, or just do it.

[Aja3]

Great to hear from you, Aja3! Ok, your husband is banking on your emotions keeping you in this lousy situation. You need to hold your head high and forget about any judgments from others, and stop judging yourself. Keep in mind that if anyone walked on your shoes, they probably would’ve shot the guy by now. Learn to be your own person without always feeling the need to explain yourself or justify your actions.

 

I remember my ex telling me some trumped-up version of our marriage, something he told someone else, which was a total fabrication. I just said to him, “You can tell other people any line of bull you want to tell them. But don’t ever try to sell that BS to me. We were both there. You know what happened and so do I. So, don’t ever talk to me like I don’t know the truth. And I don’t give a fig what you tell others.” And I meant it. I also bought a home just before our divorce and he had to sign papers agreeing to waive any claim to the property. After he signed, I told him that I know papers are just papers and that if he wanted to fight me about the house, he could do that. But, I added that if he ever did one more thing to hurt me, my son, or my life, I would make career out of hunting him down and ruining his life in every way I could think of. He never bothered me again.

 

Your husband has driven you to this point - plain and simple. He’s sub-human. There’s zero reason for guilt. Now get that divorce going before you clobber this guy with a frying pan! Lol!

 

You’ve always had such great advice. Thank you. You’re always very inspirational with the story of your experience with your ex. I’m so glad to read heeded your threat and has never bothered you since.

[vla1120]

I had overwhelming guilt because I left my husband and he has stage IV cancer. He is now on his last treatment option before they tell him there is nothing more they can do for him. The guilt, at times, has been debilitating. Though I left him and moved into my own home with my two daughters in June 2018, I still talk to my therapist bi-weekly.

 

I even tried to keep things cordial and spend time with him after I left, but he always returns to the vitriolic behavior, insulting me, insulting my daughters, etc. He also fabricates stories about how our marriage was to make people feel sorry for him. I have finally gotten to the point that I simply cannot care what other people think. I know the truth. People who truly know me (and know him) also know the truth. If there is anyone who wants to believe his lies, or tries to make me feel guilty for leaving him, I always offer them the option of taking him in and taking care of him, if they feel so bad for him. Funny. No one ever takes me up on that offer. I'll stay married to him so that he has health benefits. That's where my sympathy ends, now.

 

In other words, I understand where you are coming from. Your husband is pushing buttons the same way mine did (and still tries to.) You know the truth and you need to care more about yourself than what others may think of you. Eventually, you won't care what they think! You'll know you are doing the right thing for you.

 

As far as getting over this hump, do you keep a journal? I did (and do.) Any time I started feeling guilty I would go back and read about the absolute h311 (can you write that word on the site? Not sure) he had put me through. That cured my guilt pretty quickly. It still works almost a year later. Sometimes I am shocked at exactly how much I put up with. (Mine is an online journal because I type WAY faster than I write. I have pages upon pages of stuff I keep as a reminder.)

 

The other thing I did to help me get through was to literally talk to myself (when I was alone so no one thought I was off my rocker .) To remind myself that I am a generous, loyal, kind person who tries to take care of others and that I do not deserve to be mistreated and verbally/emotionally abused by anyone, regardless of their health. I also started treating myself once in awhile to a manicure, or a movie - something just for ME.

 

I'm sorry you had that bad experience with the first lawyer, but I'm happy to hear you did not let that stop you from moving forward!

Edited February 28, 2019 by vla1120

[Aja3]

I had overwhelming guilt because I left my husband and he has stage IV cancer. He is now on his last treatment option before they tell him there is nothing more they can do for him. The guilt, at times, has been debilitating. Though I left him and moved into my own home with my two daughters in June 2018, I still talk to my therapist bi-weekly.

 

I even tried to keep things cordial and spend time with him after I left, but he always returns to the vitriolic behavior, insulting me, insulting my daughters, etc. He also fabricates stories about how our marriage was to make people feel sorry for him. I have finally gotten to the point that I simply cannot care what other people think. I know the truth. People who truly know me (and know him) also know the truth. If there is anyone who wants to believe his lies, or tries to make me feel guilty for leaving him, I always offer them the option of taking him in and taking care of him, if they feel so bad for him. Funny. No one ever takes me up on that offer. I'll stay married to him so that he has health benefits. That's where my sympathy ends, now.

 

In other words, I understand where you are coming from. Your husband is pushing buttons the same way mine did (and still tries to.) You know the truth and you need to care more about yourself than what others may think of you. Eventually, you won't care what they think! You'll know you are doing the right thing for you.

 

As far as getting over this hump, do you keep a journal? I did (and do.) Any time I started feeling guilty I would go back and read about the absolute h311 (can you write that word on the site? Not sure) he had put me through. That cured my guilt pretty quickly. It still works almost a year later. Sometimes I am shocked at exactly how much I put up with. (Mine is an online journal because I type WAY faster than I write. I have pages upon pages of stuff I keep as a reminder.)

 

The other thing I did to help me get through was to literally talk to myself (when I was alone so no one thought I was off my rocker .) To remind myself that I am a generous, loyal, kind person who tries to take care of others and that I do not deserve to be mistreated and verbally/emotionally abused by anyone, regardless of their health. I also started treating myself once in awhile to a manicure, or a movie - something just for ME.

 

I'm sorry you had that bad experience with the first lawyer, but I'm happy to hear you did not let that stop you from moving forward!

 

 

Your story is impactful. You are one strong woman and I cannot to begin to imagine the guilt you must feel. I have a sense of it but I know it has to be so very hard (I feel it every single day, every morning and then I HAVE to shake it off and move on with the day) The fact that you’ve left him shows great strength. I find it to be insanely hard to move on things even though it’s beyond obvious that I’m making the right choice for yourself and well being. I started a journal 3 years ago. And then I stopped because you know how it is... it gets better for a month, two maybe three. And then it’s back to hurt, the same insults, the same crap. I have written (or typed on my phone) a letter. A goodbye on my part. I’ve kept an email inbox with pictures, video clips, text messages. Because you DO forget. At least I do. It’s so common that I’m used to it. And like you, I go through and get slapped with what really is the reality.

 

Yesterday I paid the retainer to the second attorney I’ve obtained. And it was so hard to give that credit card number out over the phone. I choked up but played it off. And then when I hung up... I felt a sense of relief.

 

I will take your advice and journal. I’ve written down key words on some of the insults I hear. So that i won’t forget. But journaling sounds much more beneficial.

 

Thank you so very much for your response and feedback. I hope the guilt you feel now lessens and heals over time. You’re a strong woman and your daughters have quite the woman to look up to.

[bathtub-row]

While I can totally understand not wanting to end your marriage, I really don’t understand the guilt. I also understand forgetting because you probably don’t dwell on the past. I’m the same way, so I get that. I had to do the same things to make myself remember, then one day I got sick of it all, sick of the man who terrorized me. I realized that even one of the things I recalled would’ve been a complete dealbreaker for any sane person.

 

When I divorced my verbally abusive husband, he didn’t attend the proceedings in court. There was no need to and I was glad he didn’t. But I stood before the judge, tears falling from my face as I answered her questions. After it was over, I sat in the courtroom alone and cried my heart out. There was no fixing it and I knew that. It was just a matter of getting over that hurdle and getting him out of my life.

 

I can’t begin to tell you how glad I am that he hasn’t been in my life for more than 15 years now. Can you imagine if I had rationalized back then and stayed all that time?? Now I look back and wonder how I ever let such a mean-spirited person in my life. And I don’t miss him one drop.

 

Do you know what my biggest motivation was? I imagined my son at the age of 30 turning to me and asking why I stayed with a man who treated him and me so badly, a man who was stealing his childhood away. And do you know what? I couldn’t come up with one single answer that would be good enough for him to understand. “Because I loved him” wasn’t nearly good enough. “Because I was weak” was even worse. “Because I loved him more than you” - worse than worse. I knew there would never be an excuse good enough that would make my son shake his head and agree that that was a good reason for keeping a terrorist in our home.

 

I hope that helps and I hope you shake that guilt like a bad habit.

[Aja3]

While I can totally understand not wanting to end your marriage, I really don’t understand the guilt. I also understand forgetting because you probably don’t dwell on the past. I’m the same way, so I get that. I had to do the same things to make myself remember, then one day I got sick of it all, sick of the man who terrorized me. I realized that even one of the things I recalled would’ve been a complete dealbreaker for any sane person.

 

When I divorced my verbally abusive husband, he didn’t attend the proceedings in court. There was no need to and I was glad he didn’t. But I stood before the judge, tears falling from my face as I answered her questions. After it was over, I sat in the courtroom alone and cried my heart out. There was no fixing it and I knew that. It was just a matter of getting over that hurdle and getting him out of my life.

 

I can’t begin to tell you how glad I am that he hasn’t been in my life for more than 15 years now. Can you imagine if I had rationalized back then and stayed all that time?? Now I look back and wonder how I ever let such a mean-spirited person in my life. And I don’t miss him one drop.

 

Do you know what my biggest motivation was? I imagined my son at the age of 30 turning to me and asking why I stayed with a man who treated him and me so badly, a man who was stealing his childhood away. And do you know what? I couldn’t come up with one single answer that would be good enough for him to understand. “Because I loved him” wasn’t nearly good enough. “Because I was weak” was even worse. “Because I loved him more than you” - worse than worse. I knew there would never be an excuse good enough that would make my son shake his head and agree that that was a good reason for keeping a terrorist in our home.

 

I hope that helps and I hope you shake that guilt like a bad habit.

 

Wow! You’ve been 15 years free of that emotional rollercoaster. What you wrote about your son has hit home. You’re 100% right. What excuse would be good enough to tell him? There really wasn’t one. My oldest tells me weekly or asks me rather why I don’t stand up for myself? Why do I just let him tell me what to do? And most of the time I am quiet to keep some type of peace otherwise it’s mayhem daily which already happens naturally. So what you wrote sparked something in me. I don’t have a reason to stay anymore. Not a valid one at least.

 

The guilt stems from hearing from him how the only women who divorce are those who have someone lined up. “Women don’t leave their families and if they do it’s because they’re leaving for someone else.”

He has this way of guilt tripping you to the point where you’re asking yourself “wait? Am I doing something wrong?” Even though you know damn well you’re not. Even the kids are caught up in the over explanation and i see their struggle and the loss of patience explaining something to their dad and him twisting it in their face. It goes from a simple question with a simple response to the same question being ask 2-3 times more, just differently, then frustration because the question has ALREADY been answered and then it leads to interrogation of the SAME question and everyone ends up being angry. Kids are 12 and 15. Boy and girl. It leaves you drained!

 

Today for example. I asked one simple question “I’m running to the grocery store on my lunch break to pick up paper towels... do you need anything?”

 

He sighs. Says he doesn’t understand why I HAVE to buy paper towels during my lunch break and doesn’t understand how my brain operates. why do I HAVE to go? He was upset. And I’m just wondering Wtf did I do wrong? Do you need something or not? Then he tells me he can go to target during his lunch break. I’m just disgusted. Everything an issue. Everything. So that’s where the guilt stems from. All is questioned and not just that he questions me, the kids too. So that feeling of guilt never goes away around him.

 

I’m rambling. Everything is so fresh right now so writing helps.

I will take your advice bathtubrow. Thank you so much for your feedback and sharing some of your story.

[bathtub-row]

I’d advise you to stop taking on guilt that doesn’t belong to you. That’s only giving him power over you.

 

When my ex and I split up for several months (this was before the actual divorce) my son was very disappointed but I made a promise to him. I told him that if husband started treating him badly again, I would leave. My son then graciously welcomed him back because he knew I meant it. That’s all you need to do right now is assure your kids that they can trust you to make things right. You can show them how to be strong without ever raising your voice, and that they have options. So many people stay in dysfunctional situations and they don’t understand how that can negatively affect children.

 

My son, as an adult, has always been selective about who he’s with. He also has a very strong stance that if he’s treated badly or isn’t supported by his significant other, he’ll walk away. He’s very strong and has no problem standing up for himself. I’d like to think that my choices - good and bad - influenced who he is today.

[vla1120]

So many people stay in dysfunctional situations and they don’t understand how that can negatively affect children.

 

My son, as an adult, has always been selective about who he’s with. He also has a very strong stance that if he’s treated badly or isn’t supported by his significant other, he’ll walk away. He’s very strong and has no problem standing up for himself. I’d like to think that my choices - good and bad - influenced who he is today.

 

This^^^^^. Unlike Bathtub-row, I stayed for too long and showed all three of my daughters how to accept mistreatment by a man.

 

Today for example. I asked one simple question “I’m running to the grocery store on my lunch break to pick up paper towels... do you need anything?”

 

He sighs. Says he doesn’t understand why I HAVE to buy paper towels during my lunch break and doesn’t understand how my brain operates. why do I HAVE to go? He was upset. And I’m just wondering Wtf did I do wrong? Do you need something or not? Then he tells me he can go to target during his lunch break. I’m just disgusted. Everything an issue. Everything. So that’s where the guilt stems from. All is questioned and not just that he questions me, the kids too. So that feeling of guilt never goes away around him.

 

I forgot about how ABSOLUTELY impossible it was to have a simple conversation and how every little thing turned into World War III. It was exhausting! It is nice not to have to explain myself AT ALL to anyone why I am going during lunch to pickup paper towels, etc. (and why would that be a source of contention to begin with? You were being NICE by asking him if there is anything you can pick up for HIM!) I do NOT miss that constant bickering and contention over the smallest little things at all, and neither will you! Your new found freedom will feel wonderful and refreshing.

Edited March 6, 2019 by vla1120

[bathtub-row]

This^^^^^. Unlike Bathtub-row, I stayed for too long and showed all three of my daughters how to accept mistreatment by a man.

 

 

 

I forgot about how ABSOLUTELY impossible it was to have a simple conversation and how every little thing turned into World War III. It was exhausting! It is nice not to have to explain myself AT ALL to anyone why I am going during lunch to pickup paper towels, etc. (and why would that be a source of contention to begin with? You were being NICE by asking him if there is anything you can pick up for HIM!) I do NOT miss that constant bickering and contention over the smallest little things at all, and neither will you! Your new found freedom will feel wonderful and refreshing.

 

I completely agree. My ex once became red-faced angry and started an argument because of the way I sliced the butter. No, not kidding. And then there was the day my dad was admitted into the hospital and it became a discussion with my then husband about going to the hospital and a bunch of other nonsense I don’t even remember. Both my parents ended up in the hospital for two weeks and died within days of one another. My husband was an absolute nightmare during the whole thing. These people are just too stupid for words. When I left him, I told him that I would never forgive him for the way he acted while my parents were ill. I told him he could live with that for the rest of his life. Lol.

[bathtub-row]

When my ex and I split up for several months (this was before the actual divorce) my son was very disappointed but I made a promise to him. I told him that if husband started treating him badly again, I would leave. My son then graciously welcomed him back because he knew I meant it. That’s all you need to do right now is assure your kids that they can trust you to make things right. You can show them how to be strong without ever raising your voice, and that they have options. So many people stay in dysfunctional situations and they don’t understand how that can negatively affect children. .

 

In my post above, I meant to say that my ex and I split up for several months and then decided to get back together. That’s what my son was disappointed about — he wasn’t unhappy about us splitting up. I just re-read that and realized I left that part out.

[Aja3]

I’d advise you to stop taking on guilt that doesn’t belong to you. That’s only giving him power over you.

 

When my ex and I split up for several months (this was before the actual divorce) my son was very disappointed but I made a promise to him. I told him that if husband started treating him badly again, I would leave. My son then graciously welcomed him back because he knew I meant it. That’s all you need to do right now is assure your kids that they can trust you to make things right. You can show them how to be strong without ever raising your voice, and that they have options. So many people stay in dysfunctional situations and they don’t understand how that can negatively affect children.

 

My son, as an adult, has always been selective about who he’s with. He also has a very strong stance that if he’s treated badly or isn’t supported by his significant other, he’ll walk away. He’s very strong and has no problem standing up for himself. I’d like to think that my choices - good and bad - influenced who he is today.

 

Your son definitely has a good role model in you and I’m sure has learned tremendously from the good and bad. I will take your advice and continue to try my hardest to be the better person by not showing the kids another hot head filled with insults. I can see how the issues at home are affecting them. Always on edge, walking on eggshells... It always feels like it’s us three against him and it shouldn’t be that way. I am very grateful for your advice. Thank you.

[Aja3]

I completely agree. My ex once became red-faced angry and started an argument because of the way I sliced the butter. No, not kidding. And then there was the day my dad was admitted into the hospital and it became a discussion with my then husband about going to the hospital and a bunch of other nonsense I don’t even remember. Both my parents ended up in the hospital for two weeks and died within days of one another. My husband was an absolute nightmare during the whole thing. These people are just too stupid for words. When I left him, I told him that I would never forgive him for the way he acted while my parents were ill. I told him he could live with that for the rest of his life. Lol.

 

I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with that and I can empathize with you. Both of my parents have been kicked out of the house on different occasions for “meddling”.

 

And they’re not meddlers. Just because their opinion is given, different from his and shared respectfully. One time my mom became emotional because he was yelling and screaming at my oldest. He doesn’t care who’s around. Chaos will happen regardless of when where who and how. I caught myself in the middle of a scream match between him and my mom which resulted in my mom being called a horrible name and kicked out of the house. One of the worst nights of my life. He loathes my parents who are good people, wonderful parents and loving grandparents. But because they support my decision to divorce, they are now his enemies.

 

His mom as well as of recent. Between his mom and my parents and myself, we all work together and help with the children Monday through Friday. Since his most recent argument a few weeks ago, his mom barely says 5 words to me when I see her because she was also blamed for the issues in his family and he told her to butt out and not get involved. AGAIN- because she doesn’t agree with him on many important issues which affect the family dynamics.

 

It’s like no one can get to him. Not me, not his mother. Not his children who are greatly affect. He can become a wild beast with no one to tame him. I look forward to having this behind me in the near future. I’ll continue to update here. Currently waiting on an amended petition to be prepared to go out for serving. That’s where I am.

 

Thank you for your advice. You and Vla1120. I’m using my phone and can’t access user names when replying.

[vla1120]

It’s like no one can get to him. Not me, not his mother. Not his children who are greatly affect. He can become a wild beast with no one to tame him. I look forward to having this behind me in the near future. I’ll continue to update here.

 

Yes please, continue to update. I remember times I would try to "reason" with my husband to get him to maybe understand my perspective. My therapist would remind me that it was like banging my head against a brick wall and I should stop doing it for my own sanity. But then, if you stay silent, he takes it as concurrence. Nope. Just no. You WILL be thankful for the peace and quiet once it is behind you.