BluEyeL Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 I’ve been there. It’s horrible. You need a break for now and also read some self help books and learn to be grateful for what you do have in life. Daily affirmations and tapes on positive thinking got me through it. I was one of the lucky one I didn’t have to date for that long but at around 1.5 years I was feeling exactly like you described. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 (edited) Didn't give up entirely but decided to take a long indefinite break from dating and giving anyone chances. It's been 10 months at it and I feel the benefits of it and so I'll continue. As many of you guys have noted..it's not fun having to go through the same old redundant cycle of heartbreak and the struggle to reestablish emotional balance. Our life and happiness shouldn't be defined by our ability to get a partner or to be a boyfriend/girlfriend. There has to be more beyond all that and I believe looking into it and investing in it will be the life changer. Edited May 27, 2018 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
JP92 Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 I have learned that I am someone that lets too much of his happiness be dictated by other people. It leaves me with zero control of my happiness. I'm trying hard to focus on self-love and improving myself in every way possible after a really hard breakup. It'll leave me feeling more fulfilled regardless of what happens in my romantic life, but I am still battling the emotions you're feeling. My last partner was the last person on earth I ever expected to hurt me and they hurt me more than anyone I've ever encountered. It's been an eye opening experience and left me feeling like I can't trust anyone ever again or give my heart to anyone ever again. I do know based on personal experience that good things in my life have happened when I least expect them to happen. I think that is the case for most people. One day I'll find someone when I least expect it that'll make me grateful that all my past relationships were for not. That is my hope, but in the mean time, I'm going to try hard to focus on things I can control and not hope. We all have to push to find things that can give us daily happiness that don't involve other people. Much easier said than done... Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 (edited) I withdrew from dating because I got sick of what I was seeing out there. Takes a lot of work to get to know someone. Good times are nice but you won't really get to know too much about them from it. Not their character at least. Most people are polite and kind and will be on their best behavior for you. But the real stuff happens when things aren't so great. When you get ill, lose weight or your appearance changes and you aren't in the best shape. When you lose your job or have to go back to school and money becomes tight. When a love one passes away and you aren't in the best state of mind because you are grieving. Takes fights, time apart, compromise, sacrifice, faith and time to truly see how serious a person is and the energy that is required to go through it all is tremendous. Feeling anger and depression over a breakup? You should. Part of you is lost forever. Problem with a lot of people these days is they want the glamour of the relationship and none of the accountability/responsibility that comes with it. It's a game for them. They get into a relationship because of their perception of who the person is rather than who they are. They seem to care only about what this person or because they are lonely and afraid to grow old alone. That isn't love and it shows eventually. All at the expense of destroying someone in the process. It makes me wonder what I was to my ex. Was any of the affection and caring or the feelings real, especially early on? Or did she fake it all? Some memories assure me that she loved me. Others raise doubts and make me wonder. She said some vicious things in the end, even though she was the one who cheated on me. That’s not love. I would never emotionally hurt someone I loved, especially not intentionally. Just to stay on topic, I’m tired too. I look around me and see younger, married and happy couples and think, “Where did I go wrong? When did things go wrong? Has the ship sailed?” People who care about me keep telling me not to lose hope. But something broke inside me during and after this last relationship. It was a grueling experience toward the end. Emotionally draining. I recovered pretty well after grieving it, but started losing hope when I started dating again. These days, I just don’t bother trying anymore. I used to have this aura of confidence about me because I felt confident and hopeful. Now I probably project what I feel, hopelessness and pessimism. And I don’t know how to turn that around, or even where I’m going to summon the energy to do that. I have been very careful and selective since I broke up with my ex, coming up on 2 years soon, because I don’t want to put myself in a position and in a relationship that has little potential from the start. I feel as though I’m sleep walking through life these days. Edited May 28, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Formatting edit Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontBreakEven Posted May 28, 2018 Author Share Posted May 28, 2018 I have learned that I am someone that lets too much of his happiness be dictated by other people. It leaves me with zero control of my happiness. I'm trying hard to focus on self-love and improving myself in every way possible after a really hard breakup. It'll leave me feeling more fulfilled regardless of what happens in my romantic life, but I am still battling the emotions you're feeling. My last partner was the last person on earth I ever expected to hurt me and they hurt me more than anyone I've ever encountered. It's been an eye opening experience and left me feeling like I can't trust anyone ever again or give my heart to anyone ever again. I do know based on personal experience that good things in my life have happened when I least expect them to happen. I think that is the case for most people. One day I'll find someone when I least expect it that'll make me grateful that all my past relationships were for not. That is my hope, but in the mean time, I'm going to try hard to focus on things I can control and not hope. We all have to push to find things that can give us daily happiness that don't involve other people. Much easier said than done... I try to do this as well. I moved to a new city, I live on the beach, I have a great job. I'm living out my own personal dream. But I'm still alone. Here I am on the beach, alone. I don't know how much more I can do for "myself". I feel like I've done it all. The only personal goal I have yet to achieve is buying my own house. But I'll probably do that soon too, and then what? Idk. I guess this is just how I am. I just find life to be so much brighter when I have someone to share it with. Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 Totally with you. "I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light" -Helen Keller 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DontBreakEven Posted May 30, 2018 Author Share Posted May 30, 2018 Totally with you. "I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light" -Helen Keller It's good to know I'm not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 (edited) It's good to know I'm not alone. You're not alone with those thoughts at all. It's hard not to feel it when you see so many examples of relationships, engagements, marriages, families. 4 friends of mine are getting married this summer. 4 others got married last year. The year before 3 got engaged. My ex went back to her ex and married him this year. Meanwhile there we are. Makes us feel like there's something wrong with us. Everyone around us tells us how great we are which makes us wonder, if we're so great, then why are we still single? Or they might tell us "The right one will come down the line.." but that's what we thought the 4 other times we were in relationships. Or they might blame us and say well hey, it's because we're not doing this or that. We start to think if we did those things, it might change everything. But it didn't. I've battled all these thoughts for years. Still do. - Beach Edited May 30, 2018 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
fieldoflavender Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 There are definitely things "wrong" with us - but I don't really think the people getting engaged or married are really "Better" than me. I really don't. Some of them are not good people. But whatever at the end of the day...you are the one who has to live with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts