Grey Cloud Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 So often I saw the term Wash.Rinse.Repeat on here when I was having an affair with a MM. How accurately it describes the affair process - the push/pull, hot/cold and constant up and down cycle. It also describes what happens next when the affair ends..... For those that don’t know my story I was involved in a 12 month affair with a married work colleague that ended two years ago. We remained in LC on and off for a long time and then moved towards NC (besides seeing him a few times at related work events where we chatted for a couple of mins). When our A ended (he found another job, there was no d day) he swore black and blue he would never have an A again, he was going to focus on his marriage and his wife and had learnt his lesson. I found out yesterday through a mutual friend that he is having an A with a married colleague where he works now. Wash. Rinse. Repeat! Apparently his wife is suspicious again as she has seen some flirty text messages on his phone but he managed to talk his way out of it. Oh, and his new OW lives two streets away from me! I did feel weird when I found out but at the same time I am not surprised. This is the pattern right? Anyway, for all of you who are grieving the end of the A or trying to get out of one, please know it’s not some amazing love story you have lost. You have lost a toxic situation which is only going to repeat with someone else. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 As that famous song goes... A hater's going to hate, hate, hate, hate, hate... And a player's going to play, play, play, play, play... A cheater's going to cheat, cheat, cheat, cheat, cheat... Shake it off, shake it off. I'm always surprised when people expect honesty and loyalty from a person who is known to lie and cheat. It's not rational. It's good that you are done with him greycloud. He is another woman's problem now... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grey Cloud Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 Great song Bailey! It’s such a warped view of the world believing what a MM tells you and getting caught up in all of that. The beauty of hindsight is a great thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Glad you got out! That old saying goes something like --> when that space is vacant they just fill it with a new person...comes to mind. I'm convinced that cheaters like this will always have an OM/OW. They love the ego strokes and feeling that they are pulling a fast one on their spouse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Adotta Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Why are you still getting info about you ex ap? Are you stalking him? That kinda seems counter to reconnecting with hubby right? It's also a form of breaking NC isn't it? At least sorta? Even if your feeling are now negative for ap he is still occupying your mind when that space could be used for better things like..... working on yourself. Or your marriage. Or your kids. Or your job. Or just about anything really. If you where truly over you om wouldn't this info if obtained by chance through a third party been a total MEH moment for you. Alot of married ow here talk about trying to achieve indifference for their ex ap. Are you there yet? Are you hurt by the fact that this guy ended up bedding a new women so soon? Does that make you feel disposable? Used? Tricked? Unspecial? Just one in a string of many ow? I don't want to beat you up I just hope you are posting here as a reminder for others about the folly of affairs and not so much to bitch that a man once used you and now moved on to new targets and that ticks you off. I hope I'm wrong. How is the relationship with hubby? Is the spark back? Was it ever there? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Adotta Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Glad you got out! That old saying goes something like --> when that space is vacant they just fill it with a new person...comes to mind. I'm convinced that cheaters like this will always have an OM/OW. They love the ego strokes and feeling that they are pulling a fast one on their spouse. Wasn't his desire for an ego stroke not much different then the ego stroke pretty much every married ow was desiring as well? So he is evil for doing it twice and the ow here are ok for only doing it once? Just playing devils advocate. Maybe he's not so much evil or a bad person as much as he is just a lousy husband and damaged person? Like most people on this board? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grey Cloud Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 Why are you still getting info about you ex ap? Are you stalking him? That kinda seems counter to reconnecting with hubby right? It's also a form of breaking NC isn't it? At least sorta? Even if your feeling are now negative for ap he is still occupying your mind when that space could be used for better things like..... working on yourself. Or your marriage. Or your kids. Or your job. Or just about anything really. If you where truly over you om wouldn't this info if obtained by chance through a third party been a total MEH moment for you. Alot of married ow here talk about trying to achieve indifference for their ex ap. Are you there yet? Are you hurt by the fact that this guy ended up bedding a new women so soon? Does that make you feel disposable? Used? Tricked? Unspecial? Just one in a string of many ow? I don't want to beat you up I just hope you are posting here as a reminder for others about the folly of affairs and not so much to bitch that a man once used you and now moved on to new targets and that ticks you off. I hope I'm wrong. How is the relationship with hubby? Is the spark back? Was it ever there? All good questions! I wasn’t stalking him! I found out by chance. Of course it’s going to occupy my mind temporarily but I am not planning on dwelling it. I wouldn’t say I am at indifference but it’s a goal I’m working towards and time is proving my friend. My intention was more to warn others about the folly of affairs rather to complain and say “woe is me”. I am equally to blame for the whole mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grey Cloud Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 Wasn't his desire for an ego stroke not much different then the ego stroke pretty much every married ow was desiring as well? So he is evil for doing it twice and the ow here are ok for only doing it once? Just playing devils advocate. Maybe he's not so much evil or a bad person as much as he is just a lousy husband and damaged person? Like most people on this board? Yes I agree that it was much about ego strokes for me as it was for him at the time. However lousy and damaged people can still make amends and move forwards with their life having learnt their lesson and knowing why they had an affair so they don’t make the same mistake again. My point is some people will never learn their lesson! Link to post Share on other sites
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