Any OW are happy being the OW?

[AngelLove]

I've been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife.When we met he told me that he is the process of separating but is just trying to figure out what's best of their children. I believed him . I guess I fell for the for the oldest line in the book. I thought my situation was different

 

We've been seeing each other for 2 years and he still lives with her. He only see me during his work hours, he hasn't spend a night with me. He claims that he would want to spend more time with me it's hard because his kids are very young and require all his attention

 

Lately I've been feeling bad about the situation I'm in.I wonder if they are still intimate and it's constantly in back of mind...wondering if they are still together. Being the other woman doesn't feel good at all. Now I've fallen hard for him and I would like to spend real time with him but he can't :(Our meet ups are quick hook ups during his work hours. Maybe an hour maximum together and he has to return to work. I think about ending it but I can't seem to get the courage to do it. When he texts wanting to see me,I feel better then I go back to feeling bad when we are apart

 

Any OW feel great and content being the other woman?Share your experience as the OW

[imsosad]

I was a MOW for a few months and I hated it.

Hated. It.

Lies. Secrets. Anxiety. Longing. Jealousy. Despair. Self doubt. Anger. Shame. Guilt. Suspicion.

I was a nervous mess, bouncing off the walls.

I have been reading here for quite a long time and I can think of one, maybe 2 women who claimed to be happy mistresses.

Everyone else-literally, dozens of women- were miserable.

What is there to like about being somebody's second best? About being someone's dirty secret? About knowing the man you love is sharing his bed with another woman? About feeling anxious about the future?

Not much, imo.

It's torture by definition.

[unconditionallover]

I'm an OW coming on 3 years. I have no issues with the arrangement and if I did I would no longer be in one with him. My needs are filled as are his and what we do works for us. I feel great when I am with him (cared for, sexual fun and intimacy, valued etc) and when I am not with him (he is thoughtful, caring, communicative, helpful etc). I am content with our situation exactly as it is.

 

I am fully aware he sleeps with his wife and to be honest I don't think about it much because i'm satisfied with the time we do spend together. I can believe that if I wanted a full time relationship with him then I would feel jealousy which appears to be what many OW feel.

 

It can be really hard to think that someone loves you and the things he says are the truth. You need to remember that in that moment they are the truth, when he is with you of course he wants more time with you etc. Just keep in mind that it is unlikely he will leave his wife if it has been 2 years.

[CatMinx]

Ex-OW here. No, I was never happy as an OW. The only reason I became one in the first place is because I didn’t think I deserved better. I don’t believe that it’s possible to be in an affair from any angle if you have healthy self esteem..it’s either too low or too high. I still feel guilty and I’ll never get involved with a married man again.

 

I am in a happy relationship with a single man now and I like myself a lot more. There can be happiness after an affair!

[noelle303]

Well it's been a long time since I was an OW, but back then - yes, I was happy just being an OW. I didn't want a relationship, I wanted my freedom and I was having a great time with xMM. It didn't bother me at all what he was doing when he wasn't with me.

 

Obviously, I am in a different place in my life now and I wouldn't do it again, but to be honest, I generally still look at it as a fun time. Certain consequences followed which were not so fun, but that's another story.

[eye of the storm]

I was an OW for a bit over 6 years. And was pretty happy for most of it.

 

 

But Angelove, what you describe the fast hookups when he has time sounds horrible. He treats you as an on call hooker. You deserve so much more!

 

 

Put your foot down. Stop devaluing yourself. Spend some time finding out why you allow this, then spend some time learning how to never allow it again.

[Poppy47]

I loved xMM deeply and for many years. I was never happy being the OW.

 

It made me fretful, anxious and miserable on a daily basis. It was a one off experience for me and it will never ever happen again.

 

He always said he felt the same for me but was too old at 75 to break ties with his wife and family. He also said if he were ever free he would come and find me.

 

NO.. I would not ever touch him with the provebial barge pole again because I know his ruthlessness.

 

POPPY.

[William]

The thread starter asks:

 

Any OW are happy being the OW?

Later laments:

 

When he texts wanting to see me,I feel better then I go back to feeling bad when we are apart

Then asks:

 

Any OW feel great and content being the other woman?

 

Share your experience as the OW

Since the thread starter is new here at LoveShack.org, we wish to leave the impression that our learned members can read topics, comprehend the subject material, and most importantly address the material in a topical and respectful manner.

 

If the thread starter wishes to query members who weren't/aren't in affairs, it is easy and free to start a topic in our General Relationship Discussion forum. If there's any doubt, our wonderful past moderator Stephanie posted a very informative sticky thread at the top of this forum to guide new members on where to post topics.

 

Thanks so much and please continue!

[lostgirl87]

I was an OW for a while and I was happy most of the time. After being "together" for over a year is when i began to hate it. I felt like I had a boyfriend but I couldn't bring him around or call him whenever I wanted or spend nights with him. That's when being an OW was awful. Eventually he divorced and now we're together so for me, being the OW for as long as I was was worth it bc we are happy and just as in love as we were in the affair. If anything, I think now we're happier and even more in love bc it's real.

 

Now having said all of that, your situation doesn't sound like one I would have been happy in. My MM and I are both extremely sexual people but our relationship was never just about sex. We wouldn't meet just to hook up- we would meet just to be around each other and we talked every single day multiple times throughout the day. We didn't even have sex until 6-7 months into our relationship. And throughout our affair we would go several months without sex. That was my way of putting some distance between us lol.

 

Based off of your first post, it doesn't sound like this is more than just a physical affair but what do I know? I'm not there with y'all. But I will say that you need to not be so available to him. I'm not saying cut him off but stop the work hour hookups! Tell him you can't meet him or ask him to take you on a freakin lunch date at least. If he won't or if he only wants to meet for sex then you know he's not at all into you as a person and you need to start working on getting out of this situation. You deserve someone who wants more than just sex from

You. I wish you all the luck in the world!