inner child work, need help please

[a lost little girl]

okay, so i moved this post up to the top in hopes that some one may notice it and be able to give me SOME advice, even if it is to get lost.

 

i have recently started doing some inner child work and find it very interesting. my sister sent me some pictures from when i was quite young. i had actually forgotten and seen very few pictures of myself when i was young because they are all on slides.

 

so, i got these pictures now and i look at them and talk to her and try to make her feel safe in an insecure and unsafe feeling world to me.

 

my question is this: how do i make her feel safe with me when i don't feel safe my self? i don't mean safe as by the elements of life, i mean safe by feeling strong in myself, self-esteemed in myself, confidence in myself, trust in myself, etc.

 

i have alot of anxiety attacks and alot of hangups and fears about leaving my boundries of home. so i can i help her when i'm a wreck myself? i don't know if i'm making sense, i hope so, cause i don't know what to do.

 

here is an example of what i'm talking about: i have a job where i travel within the city, but sometimes i get them far away from home and i don't want to take them but i do cause i need to work. sometimes i can travel this other times i can't, now when i can't, i talk to her and tell her i will protect her, assuming it is her feeling insecure and threatened to make this trip, but how can i convince her when i as the adult feel the fear?

 

please help! maybe the less said the better, i hope i'm making sense. this is only one example tho, i'm talking about everything that generates fear, anxiety, insecurities, doubt, jealousy, etc. how do i calm her when i am a wreck myself? any advice? thank you.

[Tony T]

You and your inner child are one in the same, working in tandum.

 

You have these problems because your family environment when you were young was piss poor, you were likely emotionally and or physically abused and you were made to feel life is unsafe.

 

This unsafe feeling led to the agoraphobia and panic attacks. At the very root of your inner child is supressed anger, anger at those people who got you to this place. Anger at those people who abused you, who abandoned you, who left you out in the cold to fend for yourself as a child.

 

Your inner child work will go nowhere until you shake this anger. There are a lot of books to help you deal with supressed anger. Go to a good bookstore. Author John Bradshaw has some great books on codependency and adult children. You can get them at a good bookstore or by doing an internet search using his name. Some of his best books are: "Bradshaw On: The Family" and "Healing the Shame That Binds You." You can order videos of his great 1980's PBS series on dysfunctional families at various bookstores and over the Internet. Again, use a good search engine. You'll find more than you had ever dreamed. Use search words like: inner child, John Bradshaw, repressed anger, codependency, relaxation tapes, phobia, panic disorder, depression, etc.

 

Supressed anger in turn creates depression. The depression in turn triggers certain brain chemicals and shifts serotonin levels to the point that anxiety sets in. Your heart pounds, you become scared of even going outside, you feel paralyzed at times, you just don't want to have much to do with anybody at times.

 

The reason you feel more intense fear at times is due to your level of rest. If you get a good night's sleep, you will feel less anxious and have larger boundaries than if you are tired. So learn hypnosis and other relaxation exercises to ensure good sleep.

 

There are medications that can help you overcome these panic attacks and phobias. Ask you doctor about a combination of beta blockers, such as Inderal or Tenormin, anti-depressants, such as Paxil, Zoloft, or Norpramin, and an anti-convulsive drug Klonopin, which is in the Xanax family but will not make you tired.

 

Your method of breathing may have a lot to do with your problem. Fear causes people to take short, shallow breaths. This, in turn, causes hyperventilation syndrome...dizziness, heart palpitations, sweaty palms, phobias, etc. Learn to take long, deep breaths and to relax. You absolutely must learn to relax and let go. There are so great relaxation tapes available on the Internet, on Napster, or in bookstores...especially metaphysical bookstores.

 

Meanwhile, don't expect to get much better until you get this repressed anger out. You may not even be in tough with it but I promise you it's there. Go someplace where others are not around. Picture the people who hurt you when you were little. Pretend they are right in front of you. Then yell at them, tell them off at the top of your lungs. Yell at the hurtful circumstances you were put in and the people who put you in them. Just yell your guts out. Take some tissue with you because you will have lots of tears.

 

This kind of work is not recommended to be done without a competent therapist being consulted but you seem hell bent on getting some comment on this forum.

 

Your problem is way too complex to deal with in a short amount of time. I hope you continue your work and that you seek professional help.

 

The longest journey begins with a single step and you have taken that step. You will be fine if you stay on course.

[a lost little girl]

thank you tony, i will look for these books that you mention. however i do not feel any anger towards anybody in my past. granted it was not alot of fun, mainly with my twisted sisters who pushed me away and blamed me for things like a scape goat. still i will consider this anger as a possibility and read some books and explore it more. thank you again.

You and your inner child are one in the same, working in tandum. You have these problems because your family environment when you were young was piss poor, you were likely emotionally and or physically abused and you were made to feel life is unsafe.

 

This unsafe feeling led to the agoraphobia and panic attacks. At the very root of your inner child is supressed anger, anger at those people who got you to this place. Anger at those people who abused you, who abandoned you, who left you out in the cold to fend for yourself as a child.

 

Your inner child work will go nowhere until you shake this anger. There are a lot of books to help you deal with supressed anger. Go to a good bookstore. Author John Bradshaw has some great books on codependency and adult children. You can get them at a good bookstore or by doing an internet search using his name. Some of his best books are: "Bradshaw On: The Family" and "Healing the Shame That Binds You." You can order videos of his great 1980's PBS series on dysfunctional families at various bookstores and over the Internet. Again, use a good search engine. You'll find more than you had ever dreamed. Use search words like: inner child, John Bradshaw, repressed anger, codependency, relaxation tapes, phobia, panic disorder, depression, etc. Supressed anger in turn creates depression. The depression in turn triggers certain brain chemicals and shifts serotonin levels to the point that anxiety sets in. Your heart pounds, you become scared of even going outside, you feel paralyzed at times, you just don't want to have much to do with anybody at times. The reason you feel more intense fear at times is due to your level of rest. If you get a good night's sleep, you will feel less anxious and have larger boundaries than if you are tired. So learn hypnosis and other relaxation exercises to ensure good sleep. There are medications that can help you overcome these panic attacks and phobias. Ask you doctor about a combination of beta blockers, such as Inderal or Tenormin, anti-depressants, such as Paxil, Zoloft, or Norpramin, and an anti-convulsive drug Klonopin, which is in the Xanax family but will not make you tired. Your method of breathing may have a lot to do with your problem. Fear causes people to take short, shallow breaths. This, in turn, causes hyperventilation syndrome...dizziness, heart palpitations, sweaty palms, phobias, etc. Learn to take long, deep breaths and to relax. You absolutely must learn to relax and let go. There are so great relaxation tapes available on the Internet, on Napster, or in bookstores...especially metaphysical bookstores. Meanwhile, don't expect to get much better until you get this repressed anger out. You may not even be in tough with it but I promise you it's there. Go someplace where others are not around. Picture the people who hurt you when you were little. Pretend they are right in front of you. Then yell at them, tell them off at the top of your lungs. Yell at the hurtful circumstances you were put in and the people who put you in them. Just yell your guts out. Take some tissue with you because you will have lots of tears.

 

This kind of work is not recommended to be done without a competent therapist being consulted but you seem hell bent on getting some comment on this forum. Your problem is way too complex to deal with in a short amount of time. I hope you continue your work and that you seek professional help.

 

The longest journey begins with a single step and you have taken that step. You will be fine if you stay on course.