How do you tell your family that you’re going to be a father again?

[BC1980]

I don't know how much you can do to convince her to keep the baby. She has to want that for herself. Legally, there is certainly nothing you can do. About the best thing you can do is offer to pay for everything and take full custody, but, if she does have the baby, be prepared that she might change her mind and want full custody. So it's a very real possibility that you would be placed on child support and not have primary physical custody of your child. I actually think that is the more likely scenario in all of this.

 

Has she explained why she doesn't want the baby, and has she made concrete plans for an abortion? How far along is she?

[Els]

Having vaginal intercourse with a FWB without a vasectomy is pretty much the equivalent of voluntarily waiving your rights to make any decisions or requests in the event of a pregnancy.

 

You can, however, talk to her and listen to her fears. I wouldn't advise it, but she herself might (key word - might) request marriage and raising the child together. Alternatively, she may decide to keep it and file for child support.

[Blanco]

I'm curious what a 24 year old and a 56 year old have in common.

 

Maybe the 24-year-old is really interested in the history of disco and wants to hear first-hand accounts of what it was like to live through?

[preraph]

Let her decide. She's the one that will end up with most of the responsibility plus childbirth and will likely kill any dreams she may have having one this young. Let her make the call. Get snipped.

[d0nnivain]

Let her decide. She's the one that will end up with most of the responsibility plus childbirth and will likely kill any dreams she may have having one this young. Let her make the call. Get snipped.

 

I understood the OP to say that he is willing to take on sole custody of HIS child. If that is the case, I think aborting the baby is the wrong choice. It's his kid too even if she is the one who gets the stretch marks & has to go through labor.

[RecentChange]

He will be 67 when the child is 10 years old. Does he have the resources to raise a baby right now? Get up all hours of the night at pushing 57 to bottle feed? The energy to chase a toddler around at 60 years old?

 

Maybe he will be able to hire a live in nanny. And set the child up with some god parents to raise the child in case he doesn't live past 75? (He will be 75 when the child is 18)

 

I don't think being a single parent is easy for anyone, but I imagine doing it while at the age one can collect social security comes with it's own set of difficulties.

[JDJ]

She is quite young compared to OP. I know the "half your age plus 7" is just an arbitrary saying, but I have always found the results to be quite reasonable. It defines a good level where the relationship is not cringeworthy, yet still allows for men to be with women a good bit younger.

 

So the OP should wait until he is 78 and she is 46 to get together, by that definition.

[JDJ]

I have three children all older than her so we decided to keep it quiet.

 

I’m nervous about what my kids will think. What my family will think. I don’t know if I can be a daddy again.

 

 

This is also a huge problem for any ongoing relationship with the "young girl". Three children older than his partner...even if everyone is super open-minded and into it, that is bound to cause enormous friction. There are potentially grandkids who would be older or almost as old as his child. Very hard unless they rarely if ever see each other.

[todreaminblue]

if she is worried about you passing away whiel th echild is young..... speak to her about thinking of adoption for the bub...explain you will support her in every way you can through the pregnancy and after.......if she doesnt want you in her her life forever.....you may be able to have a relationship still with the child under provisors with adoption...

 

 

there are couples out there who cry and pray themselves to sleep every night unable to have kids.....talk about giving those couples a chance to know parenthood if she doesnt want to parent or continue to have you in her life once the baby is born...i tis her right....as is your right to want to keep the baby......maybe that could be a compromise and your child lives to be blessed with life and love...........deb..........

[Springsummer]

I really don't understand: why would a 24 fwb with a 56?

 

why? money seems to be the only logical explanation. sugar daddy.

[todreaminblue]

I really don't understand: why would a 24 fwb with a 56?

 

why? money seems to be the only logical explanation. sugar daddy.

not necessarily ...when i was 18 i dated a man who said he was in his late forties i believe he was older......i dated him not for money i didnt want money spent on me i enjoyed his mind ...he was extremely wealthy but he was also very smart ....i ended the relationship because he started to treat me as a dress up doll..and his white shag pile expensive carpet immaculate penthouse and pristine white thread count sheets horrified me.....he didnt want sex from me...he wanted a companion we went to theatres and opera and museums and beautiful places........he was impotent.......deb

[WomenWubber]

When my ex wife and I were separated, I met a very nice young girl. We were friends and everything was cool. After my wife and I divorced I started to text her and we started meeting up for sex and to just hang out on occasion.

 

Hmm ok, cool.

 

I have three children all older than her so we decided to keep it quiet. I know all her friends and we just hang out and have fun. I know she would text other guys and go out with them, but I kept it cool because I wanted my ex.

 

Yeah seems like the most sensible thing to do.

 

A few weeks ago, she told me she's pregnant and it’s mine... she doesn’t want our baby. I am conflicted. I wante her now, not my ex. I want to be everything she needs in a man. I want my baby.

 

Excuse me but what the actual ****???

 

I’m nervous about what my kids will think. What my family will think. I don’t know if I can be a daddy again.

 

What can I do? How can I get her to give me a chance to be something real?

 

By gawd read the responses here.

 

Dude get a clue. If what she said is true (seems fishy af tbh), do you realize you could be in all sorts of trouble?

 

She’s 24, I’ll be 56.

 

So you want to raise a child till you're 80? Yeah sounds feasible.

[CatMinx]

I understood the OP to say that he is willing to take on sole custody of HIS child. If that is the case, I think aborting the baby is the wrong choice. It's his kid too even if she is the one who gets the stretch marks & has to go through labor.

 

Really? Where? I read that the OP is in love with this little 24 year old and wants a relationship PLUS the child with her.

 

But if you’re correct then I think it’s supremely unfair to the kid to saddle it with a grandfather-aged father and no mother. The kid will be changing its fathers diapers not long after it’s out of diapers itself. The best interest of the cluster of cells/potential future baby is more important than that of the OP.

[whichwayisup]

She says I’m the only man she’s slept with for a while. She didn’t ask for anything, just told me she’s pregnant. She seemed shocked.

 

A paternity test has to happen if she decides to go ahead with the pregnancy.

 

She may be in a place in her life where she's not ready to settle down and have kids.

[IndigoNight]

Let me see if I have this straight: Before finding out that the FWB was pregnant, OP still wanted his ex wife back. When the OP finds out his FWB is pregnant, suddenly he wants her, and "thinks" he is in love, and can't wait to be a daddy, and family with her. Am I up to speed?

 

OP, are you honestly considering having a child with your FWB who doesn't seem to be very open to the idea? If so, WHY? Seriously, you have lied to your own children (and it seems to everyone else in your life, except her friends) about your FWB, but now you think it's a good idea to tell them "Surprise! You're about to have a baby bro/sis! Oh, and did I fail to mention that the baby mama is younger than you?" To top it off, you wanted your ex back and were just "riding for free" with your FWB, but now that you might get to be a baby daddy, the ex is totally forgotten about, and out of the picture, because you "think" you're in love and want to be a family with your FWB.

 

It's not the age difference that is making me but how quickly you ditched trying to get back with your ex for a "happily ever after" fantasy with a woman who you have never told your kids about, and who doesn't seem to want to have a child with you.

 

I think WomenWubber said what I was thinking the best "Excuse me but what the actual ****??? "

 

Best of luck to you.

[Els]

I understood the OP to say that he is willing to take on sole custody of HIS child. If that is the case, I think aborting the baby is the wrong choice. It's his kid too even if she is the one who gets the stretch marks & has to go through labor.

 

I strongly disagree with this. Besides the fact that she doesn't know him from Adam and he could easily renege on his word leaving her as a single mother, pregnancy and labour isn't exactly child's play, and it's entirely her right to decide she doesn't want that. And even if he does take on the child, the child will likely end up changing daddy's diapers in high school.

 

I strongly recommend the OP to get himself snipped ASAP if he really wants to have FWB relationships with women half his age. At the very least use a condom for gods sake.

Edited March 14, 2018 by Elswyth

[Tiger night]

We’ve been doing this for almost a year. I haven’t forgotten my ex, I just have realized I don’t want her anymore. She turned my whole family against me.

 

The girl I’m seeing came over last night and we talked. She cried about how she’s scared and isn’t ready for this... she and I talked about her options, and I told her I will support her decisions, even if they’re to abort. I’m doing it because I love and respect her as a person.

[CatMinx]

We’ve been doing this for almost a year. I haven’t forgotten my ex, I just have realized I don’t want her anymore. She turned my whole family against me.

 

The girl I’m seeing came over last night and we talked. She cried about how she’s scared and isn’t ready for this... she and I talked about her options, and I told her I will support her decisions, even if they’re to abort. I’m doing it because I love and respect her as a person.

 

This whole relationship still sounds very father/daughter to me.

[preraph]

I understood the OP to say that he is willing to take on sole custody of HIS child. If that is the case, I think aborting the baby is the wrong choice. It's his kid too even if she is the one who gets the stretch marks & has to go through labor.

 

I just went over his posts 3 times and can't find any place that says he'll do it alone. He says "I want the baby" and right after "I don't know if I can be a father again." He wants HER and the baby. Maybe I went blind or a post changed, but I don't see that under his name.

 

So that's under Mrin's post, but not under the original poster's post. Mrin quoted it as if it were so maybe it was at some point, but not finding that at all.

Edited March 14, 2018 by preraph

[BaileyB]

 

The girl I’m seeing came over last night and we talked. She cried about how she’s scared and isn’t ready for this... she and I talked about her options, and I told her I will support her decisions, even if they’re to abort. I’m doing it because I love and respect her as a person.

 

Good for you. It's a difficult situation, you did the right thing.

[Tiger night]

Today one of her friends told me she’s scared of me... I’ve never done anything to her. I’ve called her drunk before, but I’ve never wanted to hurt her. I’m so into her and I don’t want her to be afraid of me...

[preraph]

Take a step back and stop putting pressure on her or whatever interaction you're having. Give her space and let her decide what to do for herself. Apparently you've been intense enough that she feels scared of you. Remember this was never supposed to be anything more than FWB, so you can't expect that to change.

[basil67]

Tiger, you're too much for her. She started out having a fling with an old guy and now you're apparently in love and wanting her to keep the child.

 

I agree with Preraph - your intensity is scaring her. Back right off. Please give her the gift of being able to grow up in the regular way, dating and eventually marrying a man who is the right age and situation for her.

[camillalev]

Okay, so you'll be what... 78 when the baby graduates from college? Not many years away from being worm food.... Just saying.

 

Ya, not really seeing it as you two making it as a married couple. Not sure she sees a future with you. Or a future she wants. Might be best to just let things go.

 

Also - get snipped tomorrow man. There is no reason a 56 year old dude should be knocking up women.

 

^ Agree. Plus there are potential health problems associated with babies conceived with aging sperm. Autism, downs syndom, schizophrenia, ADHD, substance abuse problems, etc.

[Tiger night]

Why would someone who’s afraid of me keep texting me that they want to come over? Or that they miss me? Or still be sending me pictures? I don’t understand what she’s doing.

 

Yeah, when my wife and I were still married we got into a fight and I pushed her. I pushed her to get her off of me. This girl knows that story, but I’ve changed. I’m not that guy anymore. I would never hurt this girl, or make her do anything she doesn’t want to. If she wants to abort, I don’t agree, but I’ll stand by her if she does.