I can’t get over being really ugly, which makes approaching women impossible....

[CarAndZam]

Honesty, I since I’m a virgin at 20, I feel like I’m not a man or deserve to be one. I’m shamed about it even by my own family members. They’re always asking or saying “why don’t you have a girlfriend” “what are your dad teaching you?!” “What’s wrong with you”.

 

Always shaming me for being a virgin and at the same time call me ugly prior or afterwards. How ironic huh? I mean they don’t mean anything by it, they’re just having fun, but I hate how much truth there is to it.

 

I feel like being a virgin past higher school is pathetic and says a lot of negative things about me. I want to lose it, I want to be close to someone, but sadly I don’t have the looks nor the best personality to be with a girl.

 

I’ve only gotten as far as titty sucking, and even then that girl dumped for I don’t know what reason. Wasn’t interesting enough I guess.

[alphamale]

there is no shame in being a virgin

[basil67]

Your family is not just having fun. Their behavior is the very definition of bullying.. They are not nice people.

 

Do not hang out with them anymore. Find new people who are kind and supportive and who bring out your best. If your parents insist you attend family activities, tell them that your cousins rude and obnoxious and you will not be attending.

 

There is no shame in being a virgin at 20.

Edited March 6, 2018 by basil67
Autocorrect

[d0nnivain]

There is no shame in it at all. Take your time & find the right partner. Focus on the person not the physical.

[CollegeKid101]

No.

 

One night stands and meaningless sex is NOT what people make it out to be. I applaud you for waiting for the right person that you're close with, my brother lost his at 21 (now 25) and has been with a few others since. He felt like you did, but the fact of the matter is that sex only makes you feel good for the night when you aren't emotionally connected to someone. I had sex with a past hook up Friday night and can honestly say I got nothing out of it.

 

You will find someone who appreciates the fact that you do not sleep around. I promise.

[preraph]

There is zero wrong with being a 20-year-old virgin as long as you are actively being social and trying to date. No one has to know either. No one will know the difference if you don't tell them and make a deal about it.

[Redguitar35]

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 23. I made up for it since then that’s for sure! Now I wonder if I’m having too much sex. You’ll be fine.

[CarAndZam]

I’m 20 years old and I haven’t had much luck with women. I’ve only dated one girl, but I didn’t pull though. I did kiss her, and we got a bit sexual but not completely. I’m still a Virgin, and I’ve never had a girlfriend.

 

I really suck at talking to women. I don’t know how to flirt with them or ask them out. Mainly because I feel so timid around, because I just feel so ugly.

 

I’m 6’5, which is suppose to be a plus, but it’s not. It’s not when you’re ugly. I don’t have a good face, I have acne spots that I can’t get rid of, and I wear glasses. Overall I’m just ugly and it ruins my confident completely. Ever time I see a cute girl in public, I get really bummed cause I tell myself how crappy it is that I can never get a girl like her ever in my life.

 

Do you think I should lower my standards a lot, or should I not care about leagues?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I’m 20 years old and I haven’t had much luck with women. I’ve only dated one girl, but I didn’t pull though. I did kiss her, and we got a bit sexual but not completely. I’m still a Virgin, and I’ve never had a girlfriend.

 

I really suck at talking to women. I don’t know how to flirt with them or ask them out. Mainly because I feel so timid around, because I just feel so ugly.

 

I’m 6’5, which is suppose to be a plus, but it’s not. It’s not when you’re ugly. I don’t have a good face, I have acne spots that I can’t get rid of, and I wear glasses. Overall I’m just ugly and it ruins my confident completely. Ever time I see a cute girl in public, I get really bummed cause I tell myself how crappy it is that I can never get a girl like her ever in my life.

 

Do you think I should lower my standards a lot, or should I not care about leagues?

 

Well, what exactly do you mean by lowering your standards?

 

Have you seen a dermatologist about the acne?

[alphamale]

dude you're 20 years old with no experience. cut yourself some slack. things will get easier as you get older.

[preraph]

I'll be honest. Every guy in the area is going after the same best looking women, so if you are not in the best looking male category, you are wasting your time there. You need to focus on getting out and doing activities you enjoy so that you might meet someone you actually have something in common with. Meeting someone doing activities you have in common gives you something to talk about automatically.

[basil67]

Ever time I see a cute girl in public, I get really bummed cause I tell myself how crappy it is that I can never get a girl like her ever in my life.

 

Do you realise your hypocrisy? You're bummed because you aren't the most handsome in the bunch and women won't give you the time of day. Yet you see a cute woman as being the one to catch based on nothing more than her looks. Just as you want to be loved and accepted for your personality, so do women.

 

Being cute does not make a woman worthy. Cute does not make her a good person. Besides that, looks fade. Or can be destroyed away in an accident.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Do you realise your hypocrisy? You're bummed because you aren't the most handsome in the bunch and women won't give you the time of day. Yet you see a cute woman as being the one to catch based on nothing more than her looks. Just as you want to be loved and accepted for your personality, so do women.

 

Being cute does not make a woman worthy. Cute does not make her a good person. Besides that, looks fade. Or can be destroyed away in an accident.

 

Exactly. And that's what I meant by my question about lowering his standards.

[Ruby Slippers]

I’m 6’5, which is suppose to be a plus, but it’s not. It’s not when you’re ugly. I don’t have a good face, I have acne spots that I can’t get rid of, and I wear glasses.

Your height is a big advantage. Studies show that women relax on facial looks if he's got a nice body. Start lifting and get fit. See a dermatologist about the acne. Step up your style a bit.

[carhill]

Mating is brutal. Welcome to our world.

 

Here's my .02 as an old guy who fought the same battles....

 

1. Work on close and authentic and loving friendships with.... men

 

2. Watch men who are successful with women and... learn

 

3. Fixing the image stuff is nice but without the inside the aura is still.....off

 

4. Women aren't the be-all and end-all of living. Yeah, when one is striking out right and left, it sucks, sure. Long down the road though, it'll make more sense.

 

5. I'll plagiarize some advice from another long-time member..... you be you. Don't twist yourself into a pretzel to fit someone else's box.

 

I was never a 'league' person, not in the sense you're alluding to. However, I learned at an early age that, for that legal partnership stuff, women of a certain class and their families were particular about the men they chose for mating and to carry on the family's genes. If one's own family didn't move in those same social circles, no bueno. Never rude nor impolite but the boundary was there. Looks played no part in that.

[Imajerk17]

To answer your question OP, your problem is not whether you should be "staying in your league", it is instead upping your attitude, confidence and social skills.

 

If you are confident and charming, women will hardly notice your less-than-perfect face. Including acne (which you really should be seeing a dermatologist for anyway)

[Agonistes]

Always stay in your lane except to pass. On the other hand changing lanes is allowed and that is something to think about.

 

I had marginal success at best with women when I was your age. Things got much better for me later in life after I changed lanes and set a direction for myself. I believe women want to be with men who know where they are going.

[CarAndZam]

Your looks are the least of your problems. Your low self-esteem and overall defeatist attitude are what will stop you from having any success with ladies. Women can smell that attitude a mile away and nothing will turn them off faster.

 

 

 

So do I do to fix this?

[CarAndZam]

I simply can’t get over it. It’s hard. I know I’m ugly. Been called so my whole life. By my classmates have always told me. My own family tells me. My family and cousins cousins and whatnot will ask me why haven’t I ever had a girlfriend , and then the next second they’ll make fun of how ugly I am. How ironic huh?

I can also tell I’m ugly because I never really get attention from the ladies. You all say “if she makes eye contact or checks you out, approach!” But I’ve never had that luxury of being checked out.

 

I’m 6’5 , and even then I don’t really get the attention of girls.

 

All of this make approaching hard! Every time I go to mall, I always see these pretty, hot, beautiful girls, and I get so I intimidated. I end up rejecting myself first. I look at a girl and I’m just like “yeah, that’s never going to happen. No way she’ll give me the time of the day. I’ll probably be laughed if I approach”. I do this even with average looking girls. I just don’t ever feel like I can ever attract a women whatsoever because of how ugly I am.

 

I’m working out right now, but it’ll be a long time before I get this awesome body, if I ever do.

 

Any advice? I seriously feel so damn anxious and insecure whenever I’m in a public place. There’s so many girls too approach, but I always tell myself that I’m going too be rejected 100%, because at first sight these girls will think I’m ugly.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

How old are you? What will it take for you to believe that looks are not everything and this can be overcome?

[preraph]

Well, you're not going to get hot beautiful girls, I'm sorry. Don't even try. You may get a girl on your same attractiveness scale. Only hot beautiful confident guys get the hot beautiful girls. You're not the only one who has had to face this reality. Every guy who is looking at the 10s (which is all guys) but who is an 8 or below has to accept it ain't happenin'. So like 80 percent of guys aren't going to get those girls.

 

You need to be active and outgoing and have hobbies and interests and find some girl who is close to you on the attractiveness scale and just talk to her like you would to a guy and see if there's any interest. You will have nothing but failure if you try to go after the hot girls if you're not hot.

And you say you even would go for average girls. Are you average or are you below average? Average doesn't go for below average either. So if average girls aren't even looking at you, then take it down another notch until someone does.

 

I don't mean this to hurt your feelings. This is something we all deal with to some extent finding a match. People at the mall OR online are all looking at the hot beautiful people whether they have a hope or a prayer of ever getting one, and that's why you need to just work on building your activities and interests and expanding your intellect and talents and find girls along the way who are doing the same so that they have some reason to want to talk to you.

Edited March 22, 2018 by preraph

[basil67]

We talked about this here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/654591-how-much-shame-there-being-20-year-old-virgin

 

Honestly, with the mean and bullying family you have, you're way behind before you even start. It's their job to help you build yourself up, not to tear you down and make you feel even worse about yourself. How can you ever succeed if those around you say horrible things to you?

 

Can you access counselling? Before you even think about girlfriends, you need strategies to deal with your toxic home life. Make no mistake, your family are very much contributing to the situation you're in.

[William]

OK, moderation merged three threads which cover the same essential ground and grouped them in our most popular forum, Dating, to get maximum exposure. Please, no more new threads on this issue. There may be some overlap and duplicate content. Thanks and please continue!

[Mumbles]

I simply can’t get over it. It’s hard. I know I’m ugly.

 

Work with your natural strengths. We all have them, just as we all have natural weaknesses.

 

Life is full of problems like this and the nature of the problems often change over time. So, right now, no matter how you look, understand that:

 

- Young men are the most undervalued in society. Its just the way it is

- Conversely, young women are the _most_ valued.

 

Later in life this flips on its head, women, lose 'value' and men gain it - its just the nature of the beast. This weird fact is biologically based, not beauty based and is deep rooted ... people will argue against this phenomena from a 'fairness' perspective, but the numbers simply don't lie (broad based population stats and social data).

 

None of this helps you much when you're a 20 yo man, but its something you should keep in the back of your head. I'm 50 now and can attest to some basic truth in it from my own singular perspective.

 

 

I’m 6’5 , and even then I don’t really get the attention of girls.

 

You're tall! Really tall. I'm short and always blamed that when I was a young man. In fact, it doesn't matter either way, as you will see when you get older (30s and 40s and beyond).

 

 

I’m working out right now, but it’ll be a long time before I get this awesome body, if I ever do.

 

Define awesome ...

 

Serious question, because at your height you'll have to get juiced to build an 'awesome' body of the type you see in bodybuilding or in most modern movies.

 

Don't do that.

 

But gym is good and will help you in a number of important ways.

 

- It will build up your physique into a more socially desirable 'manly' shape. Women like firm curves as much as men. So, getting some shape on your arms, legs, chest and back, will get you noticed. But don't get discouraged early - it will take 3-5 years to build a physique ... though if you work at it, 6-9 months you will start to have your natural shape pop out somewhat ... enough to put you into the top percentiles of natural (non juiced) western men, most of whom never do any physical activity.

 

- More importantly, physical activity of this type will boost a ton of feel good hormones in your body and will give you significant strength for use in every day activity. This alone will boost your confidence in a not insignificant way.

 

 

Any advice? I seriously feel so damn anxious and insecure whenever I’m in a public place. There’s so many girls too approach, but I always tell myself that I’m going too be rejected 100%, because at first sight these girls will think I’m ugly.

 

Men will be rejected the vast majority of the time. Its their lot in life and we just need to find the inner strength and confidence to brush it off and move on. Its simply the way it is and has always been. No magic pill here.

 

Cold approaches, for men lacking a full battery of honed social skills, can be pretty brutal and quite unlikely to achieve the desired result.

 

You're really young though, so you have plenty of time. Keep an eye out for the main chance, sure, always do this, but shift your focus for 12 months, if you can, and eat well, go the gym 6 days a week, sleep properly. Are you still at school? If so, study hard.

 

If you can, find some social groups that naturally attract fairly large, but not overwhelming large, female participation. This is to socialise you with women. Don't try to hit up any of them, just get comfortable being around them, talking in a friendly sense. Don't forget circles of influence will be at work here too - these girls will have friends, and those friends other friends - it can enlarge your female interaction enormously.

 

All this will raise you out of the bucket of your peers, other young try-hard men who are largely suffering the same malaise as you.

[Keats]

The problem isn't your looks or your virginity.

 

The problem is your mental health and wellbeing.

 

1. Your family is repetitive in their dialogue with you.

 

2. And your own internal dialogue, with yourself, is very repetitive.

 

The repetitive - in your life is the real problem.

 

Because the repetitive - is negative.

 

Your family is verbally abusive to you, casually. And your verbally abusive to yourself.

 

You are never ever going to get anywhere until you address this.

 

Your getting picked on because your a virgin, had you not been a virgin, you'd probably be getting picked on for something else. Because your certainly not perfect. None of us are. But that doesn't mean family or people are allowed to repetitively target you about it.