The Mating Rituals

[Mysterio]

I wonder what the problem is with society today. When I look at my Parents who were born in the 40's. When they got together. It was straight forward cut and dry.

 

No major microscope X-ray on the person's personality. So that means, ,y parents and thier peers, just basically had to learn about each other while married.

 

The mating rituals has shifted. What do you think it takes for couples to get together and stay that way, baring major crisis like abuse or infidelity.

 

From what I have seen its got to be more than physical attraction. Unless they build their lives together. Plus they need to give each other space and time.

 

Or a lot of us, just need to let romantic prospects land in our lap. No need to work things hard in that area of our lives.

[Happy Lemming]

Who says you have to get married and build your life with someone...

 

I've stayed single all of my life and loved every minute. I've had great adventures, moved around quite a bit, dated many women, basically had a blast with my life, and I ain't done, yet!! I wouldn't trade it for the world.

 

More and more people are staying single. Don't put so much pressure on yourself to conform to what your parents did.

 

Yes, my parents are disappointed with me for not settling down, getting married and having kids, but it was my life and I wanted to live it my way. I'm not going to live my life, in a way, to make my parents happy; I'm going to live my life in a way that makes me happy.

[guest569]

I think your parents might be a pair of the lucky ones. Many in their generation found that it wasn’t so cut and dry. Many of them also kissed their fair share of frogs before settling down. Many who did marry first and think later also divorced later. I am not sure what is different nowadays aside from Happy’s comments above about it is more acceptable by society for people to be happily single these days.

[ZA Dater]

I think the important thing is to be happy in whatever you do. Being perpetually single doesn't make some happy, being in unhappy relationships doesn't make some happy.

 

 

Experience I think can make people have some perspective and if you don't have that experience you can land up very unhappy because of it.

 

 

Undoubtedly the goal posts have moved in respect of relationships, social media has encouraged a browse and throw away approach rather than a browse and perhaps get to know approach.

 

 

The bottom line is very few of us can exist alone, I don't believe its possible.

[nospam99]

Elephants in the room: women's lib and sexual revolution. The Leave it to Beaver/Father Knows Best model of the American family is broken. I assume there are some couples who are comfortable with that model or a modification of it where 'Mom' has a career in addition to her role in the family.

 

But women don't need a man to provide economically. Ironically, women at work cuts both ways because fewer men have jobs where they can provide the 'same old' standard of living that their fathers' could.

 

Both women and men 'f--k around' more, or at least more openly. There is considerably less of a stigma on promiscuity.

 

I hear ya, Mysterio. But the model has changed.

[snowboy91]

I think you have to be a little careful saying that it was straightforward back then. Perhaps it was, but cultural values at the time and lack of reliable contraception meant that marriage was a prerequisite for sex. So people got married a lot quicker... and if they turn out to be incompatible with each other, there is no way out. Divorce was strongly frowned upon. So it was probably very common for people to end up in miserable marriages with no way to leave.

 

My grandparents were some of the happy ones, but many of the other relationships I've observed either ended eventually, or just look miserable for one or both people but they won't leave for either practical or other emotional reasons (eg. feeling like a failure).

 

I think people dating today are desperate not to end up in a miserable marriage - so they do scrutinise their potential partners a lot more out of necessity. They want to make sure they are compatible as much as possible before committing for life.

[Mysterio]

I have seen couples from the ground up. To me it seems like if the couple takes their time getting to know each other. The foundation is stronger.

 

The couples that I know that moved quick. They all fell apart. The couples that moved at a steady pace/slower. They are all together. Thats family and friends. I also believe that if a couples friends and family are supportive of them. The better chance they have to last as a couple.