Is lying about my past bad?

[Unknown8675309]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 months. We’ve been through hell and back. He’s put a lot of strain on our relationship because of my past. We met 4 years ago, messed around as friends with benefits for awhile and he started to become verbally abusive so I ended things. Well years later we reconnect and the love is intense! Though the the months I’ve continuously lied about my past. In the beginning it was small lies then he started becoming abusive and I completely lied about everything in hopes of it being exactly what he wants to hear and not push things farther. Well I’m now fed up with the constant abuse and I’m standing my ground to be treated better but he always throws it in my face that’s ive lies. Yes I lied for months but about my sexual past which was horrible and with ****ty guys.. is it so bad?

 

I might add through our relationship he’s cheated, lied, hit me, all because I made him to do it because I originally lied. When he was the one that was engaged without telling me when we got together..

 

And I know I’ll hear leave him he’s abusive. But I love him and I try to leave but I can’t. He’s a good man when he’s sober.

 

Opinions on lying about sexual past?

[Michelle ma Belle]

This has nothing to do with lying about your sexual past and everything to do with him being an abusive monster.

 

You need to do some serious self reflection on WHY you're with him. You left him once because he was abusive as a FWB and now you're in a relationship with him and still dealing with his abusive ways.

 

This is NOT your fault regardless if you lied or not.

 

You deserve better indeed and it starts with kicking his sorry a$$ to the curb.

[db1984]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 months. We’ve been through hell and back. He’s put a lot of strain on our relationship because of my past. We met 4 years ago, messed around as friends with benefits for awhile and he started to become verbally abusive so I ended things. Well years later we reconnect and the love is intense! Though the the months I’ve continuously lied about my past. In the beginning it was small lies then he started becoming abusive and I completely lied about everything in hopes of it being exactly what he wants to hear and not push things farther. Well I’m now fed up with the constant abuse and I’m standing my ground to be treated better but he always throws it in my face that’s ive lies. Yes I lied for months but about my sexual past which was horrible and with ****ty guys.. is it so bad?

 

I might add through our relationship he’s cheated, lied, hit me, all because I made him to do it because I originally lied. When he was the one that was engaged without telling me when we got together..

 

And I know I’ll hear leave him he’s abusive. But I love him and I try to leave but I can’t. He’s a good man when he’s sober.

 

Opinions on lying about sexual past?

 

 

There is no benefit in telling your partner how many past lovers you have had. period

 

 

The gist of your post is quite indicative of an abusive relationship. You may choose to stay, but if you get pregnant of have children you will be inviting children's services into your life and this will not end well for anyone. For the love of your (assumingly unborn) children, leave this destructive soul and start over. Take a break and nurture yourself. Do not stay with someone you need to lie to just to keep them from losing their sHT. It's too tiring.

[d0nnivain]

Lying about your past is not good but you are lying to yourself here & that is bad. The big lie you are telling yourself is that this abusive monster who HITS you & cheats on you then tries to blame you for his criminal actions is a good guy. He's not. He's a CRIMINAL. Assault is a crime.

 

 

Break up with him. Don't look back. Stop kidding yourself that your love is intense. Your love is non-existant. This man sees you as a promiscuous punching bag. He does not love you! Love yourself enough to walk away.

 

 

Once you get out of this unhealthy, highly dysfunctional relationship, run to a therapist's office & work on building some self esteem.

 

 

Going forward, even if your past is questionable, own that you made mistakes but learned from them & are now a good, faithful, chaste person. Anybody who can't forgive a truly repentant person is not a good person.

[RecentChange]

Oh honey, NO NO NO NO no. This is all bad!

 

Have you ever heard the term "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"?

 

Don't choose to be in a relationship with an abusive person!! Do not INVITE people into your lives who abuse you! Please... how would people who really love you, your mother or sister feel about the way he treats you?

 

Real love is about being loved unconditionally. Real love does not include emotional or physical abuse. Real love doesn't involve lying. Real love is about being honest and vulnerable - because you can be, because someone loves and cherishes you, flaws and all.

 

This isn't love, this is an abusive relationship.

 

I am curious, what was your home life like growing up?

 

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 months. We’ve been through hell and back.

 

That is a really short amount of time to have so many problems.

 

 

then he started becoming abusive and I completely lied about everything in hopes of it being exactly what he wants to hear and not push things farther. Well I’m now fed up with the constant abuse and I’m standing my ground to be treated better but he always throws it in my face that’s ive lies. Yes I lied for months but about my sexual past which was horrible and with ****ty guys.. is it so bad?

 

I might add through our relationship he’s cheated, lied, hit me, all because I made him to do it because I originally lied. When he was the one that was engaged without telling me when we got together..

 

And I know I’ll hear leave him he’s abusive. But I love him and I try to leave but I can’t. He’s a good man when he’s sober.

 

Opinions on lying about sexual past?

 

Honey... why can't you leave. WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE YOURSELF enough to want more for yourself? To not be abused?

 

I truly hope you find the power, the love for yourself to get away. This will only get worse. He will control and abuse you more and more....

 

PLEASE.. this is not what love should look like! How can you love someone who hits you and then blames you for it?

 

In the end, lying is not okay, and in a good relationship, you should never need to lie. HITTING is NEVER OKAY.

 

NEVER.

[PRW]

I might add through our relationship he’s cheated, lied, hit me, all because I made him to do it because I originally lied. When he was the one that was engaged without telling me when we got together..

 

And I know I’ll hear leave him he’s abusive. But I love him and I try to leave but I can’t. He’s a good man when he’s sober.

 

You're not going to get anywhere with this except the hospital ER or dead.

 

Start over with someone new.

Don't lie about the past,...but don't bring it up and spill your guts about it either. If the guy asks too many personal questions about your past then he is insecure and you need to get away from him too. The only way a guy is going to want to know all the gory details of a bad past is so that they have something that they can use against you to justify the insecurity they feel. Knowing that you have a past you wish had been better is one thing,...but knowing all the gory little details is entirely different.

 

There is no such thing as "try to leave and can't", there is only "should leave and won't". Now if you co-habitate then yes that makes it much more difficult,...which is a good reason to not co-habitate. You should be self established and supporting yourself (maybe with another female roommate) before you get into relationships. Make your life solid & complete first,...then only date guys who are also self-sufficient and complete,...then you can share your completeness rather than share your brokenness.

Edited March 23, 2018 by PRW

[Unknown8675309]

Thank you all. This is what I needed to hear.

 

I deserve better. I tell myself this all the time but he sucks me in with his sweet words.. time to pack my things and move out for good.

 

Our relationship has gone through the ringer though i have fooled myself to believe all should be like this. When it shouldn’t.. thank you for all your replies!

[RecentChange]

Thank you all. This is what I needed to hear.

 

I deserve better. I tell myself this all the time but he sucks me in with his sweet words.. time to pack my things and move out for good.

 

Our relationship has gone through the ringer though i have fooled myself to believe all should be like this. When it shouldn’t.. thank you for all your replies!

 

Great! I know its hard... but really, some day you will be asking yourself why you ever allowed it.

 

Here is a tip, abusers are often VERY sweet, and extremely convincing. If someone was nasty and abusive all the time - well, then they wouldn't have anyone in their lives would they?

 

So, instead, they are sweet and charming, and as nice as can be when they manage to hide and control their abusive side.... and then they can't, and they abuse and are terrible to the people that they are supposed to love.

 

And then they feel bad, and say that they are sorry, and are super sweet and nice again.... until they lose control again.

 

Does this sound familiar at all? And here is where some people may not see eye to eye with me.

 

I kinda feel bad for some abusive people. I don't think they WANT to be abusive, they simply have a part of them that is broken. Maybe they were abused, maybe they have some dark pain, some reason why they feel that they have to control... that they wish they didn't have.

 

So they are nice.. then lose control and abuse... then are nice again.

 

The thing is, you can't fix them. They have to want to fix themselves, and usually that never comes. So all you can do is save yourself. You can't sit around and allow yourself to be abused by a broken person.

 

Sending thoughts of comfort and strength to you! Sorry your boyfriend has these issues, but you must save yourself, before he makes you a broken person too.

[Romantic_Antics]

Lying to somebody you intend on having a healthy relationship with is never good. However, under no circumstances whatsoever does it excuse or justify his abusive treatment of you. That is not love. You did not "make him" hit you; that is the manipulation of a sick person.

 

Please love yourself more than this pathetic excuse of a man does and get away from him. There is nothing good that will come from staying with him. I know it will be hard to leave and you will be lonely, heartbroken, and wanting to get back together with him, but you mustn't under any circumstances. To be honest, you should consider reporting his acts of domestic violence to your local law enforcement and filing for a restraining order. You need to protect yourself and you deserve better.

[smackie9]

You are standing your ground to be treated better? You should be walking out the door....forever this time!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

i have fooled myself to believe all should be like this. When it shouldn’t..

 

No, all relationships should not be like this. None should.

 

Don't make the mistake of equating emotional angst with emotional connection. The two are not the same.

[preraph]

Your sexual past is nobody's business. Him interrogating you about it to the extent you feel you must lie is just more abuse from him. He's an abusive jerk and you shouldn't be with anyone like that. He's dangerous. He wants to find something to demean you about. That's his goal. He wants some rationale for his verbal abuse of you. He's going to do it whether he has to make something up or not. I don't mean this as mean, but there is something wrong with you that you think this type of abuse is LOVE. You need to break away and get in therapy.