Coworker texted me "if we were both single I'd be really interested in you"

[patrocket]

Long story short, received an unexpected text from a colleague saying that "if you were single and I was single too, I'd be really interested in you".

 

I'm a 35yo guy father of 2 wonderful kids and already committed in a relationship with my girlfriend for more than 10 years.

 

My coworker is 32, mother of 2 and in a relationship with her boyfriend for almost 10 years too.

 

Until recently (the past month of so), we didn't talk much. I noticed her, she's really shy but she's cool. About two months ago, we were assigned projects that needed teamwork. So we started working together much more often and we started talking about our lives. She opened to me like an open book. It flows well. I know alot from her childhood, her family. We talk about our kids, our families, GF/BF, our lives.

 

She posts pictures of her family on facebook. They look happy.

 

We don't flirt, except the time where our eyes locked for what seemed a long, long time. That's when I started having the impression that she had a crush on me. But it made my heart beat a bit faster for a moment...

 

One day I was about to take off after a day at work. As I sit down in my car, I get a text. A text from her saying. 'You know what? If I was single and you were too, I would be REALLY interested in you. I like seeing you and talking with you, a bit too much... You're one of the most kind person I met. So that's it lol, I needed to tell you"

 

I didn't know what to reply. I was (and still am) in shock! I'm not used to getting attraction. I replied that I also like talking to her and that she's also very kind.

 

I know, its not a big deal. But damn, if I was single and she was too, yes, I would be interested! But like she said, we both know that we are both taken and I have no intention in leaving. I have no intention in cheating too.

 

So... My main question is... Why did she tell me? Why did she feel the need to tell me that?

 

Should I tell her that we both know we are NOT single, we have families and we are committed in long term relationships so that's out of the question, even if I could be interested in her if we had been single?

 

I'm not going to ruin my family (and hers too) because of an office crush. I actually feel bad for her boyfriend, the father of their kids because she's doing it behind his back. A few years ago, I caught my girlfriend texting a guy from high school everyday. This EA went for months until I found out and I think its over for good. I know how it feels when your girlfriend is starting having feelings for someone else behind your back.

 

I just don't want be too harsh on her. She told me about her very difficult childhood and I want to let her know that I like her as a person but she already have a loving family at home and she shouldn't be saying that to me because I also have my own family at home.

Edited March 25, 2018 by patrocket

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

So... My main question is... Why did she tell me? Why did she feel the need to tell me that?

 

 

Testing the waters to see if you'd be open to an affair. Don't take the bait unless you want to ruin your life!

 

She's bold. Maybe she was drunk.

[Starswillshine]

Start putting up some really strong boundaries NOW. You don't have any intention of cheating and you don't want to mess up your relationship, that is awesome. But recognize your attraction to her and obviously she has one for her and is not afraid to tell you. So try to limit any one on one time together. PRONTO. Even if you never cross a physical line with her or even ever discuss it again, potentially your brain will start to wonder what it may be like with her. Just please protect your relationship and your family and put up walls between you and this chick. Fast.

[Maddieandtae]

I agree she's fishing...you'll need to shut this down very quickly otherwise the fantasy of you and anything you say will be overanalyzed until she is positive you are star crossed lovers waiting for the right moment to act on your love for each other!

Edited March 25, 2018 by Maddieandtae
...

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Start putting up some really strong boundaries NOW. You don't have any intention of cheating and you don't want to mess up your relationship, that is awesome. But recognize your attraction to her and obviously she has one for her and is not afraid to tell you. So try to limit any one on one time together. PRONTO. Even if you never cross a physical line with her or even ever discuss it again, potentially your brain will start to wonder what it may be like with her. Just please protect your relationship and your family and put up walls between you and this chick. Fast.

 

Yes, this. A thousand times this.

[darkmoon]

are you the first guy she has propositioned etc? really...

[basil67]

Yup, I agree 100% that she's testing the waters. Your final sentence is the perfect thing to say to her.

[Ronnie33]

She knows exactly what she’s doing. She’s planting the seed and hoping you’ll water it. My affair was over 4 years, we started as coworkers who became very good friends, to emotional affair to physical. It took a year before we even admitted to have feelings for eachother. This chick is throwing out these comments early on with the intention to start something. I’m telling you. She’s prob bored and unhappy at home and wants you to be her excitement and save her.

 

If you don’t want to ruin your life and walk into the gates of hell that an affair is, stay away from her.

[d0nnivain]

Testing the waters is a possibility.

 

However, it could also be that she has no boundaries. She may have been concerned about her growing attraction to you, knowing it was wrong given your respective situations but she had no ability to keep that to herself. These days people share every inane thought that pops in their heads.

 

I have had crushes on people at work, married guys & this happened even when I was in a relationship. I didn't act on those silly crushes. I looked from afar & made a point of subtly putting more distance in my interactions with those men. I certainly didn't share the thoughts. I shut them down, rededicated myself to my relationship & in time they passed. No harm no foul.

 

Your colleague may have simply been too . . . naïve, immature, something . . . to keep her own counsel & keep her mouth shut.

 

Do put a great deal of distance in here. I'd text back something like Thank you for the compliment but I am happily involved with my GF, the mother of my children. Going forward I'd prefer we keep all texts about work. Thanks for understanding.

 

If she says or does anything else, shut her down harder. Get HR involved once she gets to 3 strikes.

[grass-hopper]

If you don’t want to ruin your life and walk into the gates of hell that an affair is, stay away from her.

 

That is exactly what an affair is like- walking into the gates of Hell

[Art_Critic]

IMO, she isn't as taken as she portrays...

 

She isn't happy in her relationship and might be looking to monkey branch or looking for an affair.. either way not a good topic to explore with her any further...

[preraph]

She's a cheater or she wouldn't have sent that. So even if she was irresistable and you gave it up for her, you'd eventually realize she was doing the same behind your back. Good for you for having a boundary. She may have sent that same email to other guys in the office too. Just tell her "As you know, I AM married, and I mean to stay that way."

[stillafool]

are you the first guy she has propositioned etc? really...

 

I wouldn't be surprised if you are not the first guy she has entered into an affair with. She has poor, poor boundaries considering she's a mother and in an exclusive relationship. Definitely stay away. I know you don't want to hurt her but you may have to be a bit cold towards her so she will back off.

[JuneL]

If he were a guy, it would have been sexual harassment. Her putting this in writing was plain stupid.

[BTDT2012]

So... My main question is... Why did she tell me? Why did she feel the need to tell me that?

 

She was testing the waters. Going forward, keep your interactions strictly professional. And tell her that your girlfriend reads your test messages.

[whichwayisup]

If you truly love your partner and value the life you have now at home with her and your children, you'll stop participating in long gazing stares with this co worker and not pursue anything.

 

It's that simple. Don't play along. Focus on your work tasks and not flirting or fantasizing about your co worker!