Ashamedandguilty Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Will briefly go through history Both married My marriage in a terrible place with no connection and sexless Meet married other man online, both looking for fun He told me he was separated I told him my situation Found out after2 months he was still married, I should’ve walked but was hooked. Came up with the usual staying for kids, separate lives, 0 sex I was truthful bout my home life Anyway I got caught couple times, I didn’t even care at the time because I was so upset with my husband. Eventually he got caught I was discarded , naturally , but discovered he’d been sleeping with wife all along, marriage was fine. It was a huge blow to me but for sure my karma for having an affair Anyway I’ve now developed an anxiety about bumping into him or his wife ESP his wife, I feel very ashamed and he’s probably told her awful things about me in order to reconcile (he said don ****ty things about her and how she treated him, all lies) I just feel wracked with guilt and shame now and And amso nervous about seeing them out and about How did Ye deal with this? Link to post Share on other sites
Adotta Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 Why are you still married? If you could hate your husband so much that you could be caught multiple times and not care your marriage is already over. About the other guy??.... I wasn't in a relationship during our affair but telling myself that my ex MW was a piece of **** not worth my time helped. I had to believe it to make it work but it helped. I also dove even deeper into working out. I realized my need for her was an extention of my low self esteem. When my self esteem improved she mattered a lot less. I started taking better care of myself as well. making sure I ate. getting more sleep. distracting myself. Getting a new girlfriend helped. She isn't a rebound btw she is better in every way. I think I wasn't really figuring out how to not want her as much as I figured out WHY I wanted her to begin with. She was cancer. She was horrible for me. But I still wanted her. When I found out WHY it helped. Therapy helped alot as well. I had alot of childhood issues wrapped up in this. Normally I would rip into married people who are married and carrying on affairs but your marriage seems so disturbed it doesn't even qualify as a marriage. I would look to your marriage for the reason WHY. If your marriage is horrible it can give us reasons to look outward for a fix. Don't get me wrong. It's not your husbands fault you had an affair. that's all you. But the state of the marriage can effect the state of your mind enough to make you wang an affair even if you can't put that into words. An affair becomes an escape. Just because your ap turned out to be a piece of crap doesn't mean you won't stop craving the fantasy escape and all the drug like feeling that go along with it. It doesn't matter if he's a piece of crap as long as you can get that one last hit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ashamedandguilty Posted March 26, 2018 Author Share Posted March 26, 2018 Yes I decided to have an affair completely, husband had checked out of marriage for around 3 years, there was drugs and lack of support so I did house to look elsewhere My husband has stopped drugs and gone to counseling, so who knows it’s worth a try Other guy, no I’ve no interest in him, once his masked slipped his appeal was well and truely gone. He fed me and wife with slot of lies to keep ya both going. I was truly broken hearted when I realized how I’d been used for sex and the lengths he went to to keep me interested but as I said that was my karma I just have developed a lot of anxiety about bumping into him or his wife, I know the ow gets the short end of stick in how she’s viewed The man is just seen as doing his upmost to keep his family and almost pitied for his **** up Anyway just wanted to know how others dealt with seeing ex so with wife’s etc Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 The man is just seen as doing his upmost to keep his family and almost pitied for his **** up This might be the view among cheater apologists. You said you met him online. Did you ever see him out and about before you met him in person? Have you considered counseling for yourself? Learn from your experience, and resolve to do better in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ashamedandguilty Posted August 19, 2018 Author Share Posted August 19, 2018 It’s been a few months Yes I’ve passed him a few times Mainly in car but we just pretend we don’t know each other which suits me I don’t know what a cheater apologist is I still have not forgiven myself for affair but am workin on it It was a big life lesson and I’m sorry I got entangled in it I thought he was a good person but I wasn’t in a good place when I met him Anyway onwards and upwards Link to post Share on other sites
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