Finally went NC

[eye of the storm]

It took...a lot of years, but I finally went NC. I realized that every time we talked even though it was mainly work stuff or stuff around his or my house, I got the same jump when he called/messaged me and the same drop after. Even though we are no longer a couple, he still sent me gifts on all the holidays. I would get the same "see, he still loves me" every time I would come home to a package on my doorstep after a work trip.

 

 

I finally realized, I am never going to seriously date until I stop talking to MM. I realized, I'm not even interested in dating because of him.

 

 

I texted him and said "I love you but talking to you hurts me and I need to stop. Please don't contact me anymore" He said he loved me but understood. I then defriended him.

 

 

I was doing good, 2 weeks in. I would occasionally text him but always deleted and didn't send. The day before Mother's day I was down and texted him and a knock on the door startled me and I hit send....SMH. I immediately texted to not respond to that text it was an accident. He didn't respond.

 

 

I wish I were more happy about that. But it is what it is. He made his decision, I have to respect that. And I have to move on.

 

 

It will get easier. Texting him was a habit. Habits can be broken. Wish me luck!

[skywriter]

It took...a lot of years, but I finally went NC. I realized that every time we talked even though it was mainly work stuff or stuff around his or my house, I got the same jump when he called/messaged me and the same drop after. Even though we are no longer a couple, he still sent me gifts on all the holidays. I would get the same "see, he still loves me" every time I would come home to a package on my doorstep after a work trip.

 

 

I finally realized, I am never going to seriously date until I stop talking to MM. I realized, I'm not even interested in dating because of him.

 

 

I texted him and said "I love you but talking to you hurts me and I need to stop. Please don't contact me anymore" He said he loved me but understood. I then defriended him.

 

 

I was doing good, 2 weeks in. I would occasionally text him but always deleted and didn't send. The day before Mother's day I was down and texted him and a knock on the door startled me and I hit send....SMH. I immediately texted to not respond to that text it was an accident. He didn't respond.

 

 

I wish I were more happy about that. But it is what it is. He made his decision, I have to respect that. And I have to move on.

 

 

It will get easier. Texting him was a habit. Habits can be broken. Wish me luck!

 

I do wish you luck, and inner strength. You sound very determined and seem to know what you want.

[preraph]

Good. But to avoid accidents, you need to delete his number off your phone and his email off your email so there's no more accidents. Each accident will make you feel worse.

[grass-hopper]

You are a million steps ahead of me.

 

I can’t find the strength to go NC on mine. Much less not text back timely. I feel the hurt too. It’s more of an internal struggle than pure happiness with him but I’m so attached. And when he feels me pulling away he reels me in.

 

Did you have failed attempts at NC before? What made this time different?

 

Luck to you!

[eye of the storm]

Grasshopper, I'm not a million steps ahead. Because all you need to do is take that one step.

 

 

We have broken up a few times. But never went NC. I thought I was strong enough to go back to us just being friends. And frequently things happen and I want to call and bounce ideas off him. He was always my biggest supporter. All I would have to say is "I'm working on XYZ project" and he would send me a crap ton of links to help me. Then when I would feel like I wasn't succeeding he would always remind me of this things I have done that I never thought I could. I miss that. I really do. Having someone so strongly in your corner is a hard thing to walk away from.

 

 

Every time I saw a message pop up I got this rush, then when I wanted to chat about something on the weekend or in the evening and I couldn't, I got so sad and mad.

 

 

I got tired of knowing that he could stop talking to me anytime and there was nothing I could do about it.

 

 

I got tired of knowing that, as much as I loved him, he didn't love me as much.

 

 

I got tired of being fitted in.

 

 

I got tired of being second, being a secret, being expendable.

 

 

I got tired of waiting.

 

 

That is how I went NC. I got tired. Just one step. That is all it takes.

 

 

I'm not at the deleting of his contact card yet. When I have people I know looking for work in our field, if they are qualified in his sector I give them his contact info because he is usually looking for prospects. But I am now typing what I want to say to him in my memo and not on anything that can send to him. I don't want there to be any more accidental sends.

 

 

Grasshopper, you can do it. When you get tired enough you will.

[jah526]

Hi eye,

 

Good job going NC. It does get easier. I’m almost a year NC. I too thought he and I could go back to being just friends. The problem was, that’s clearly not what he was interested in. He would put a little pressure on me and I’d fall like a house of cards. I didn’t even want to, really. I just wanted to make him happy.

 

A few things prevent me from going back now.

1. I never, ever want to go through withdrawal pain like that again.

2. I’ve convinced myself that NC is the kindest thing for everyone involved. Certainly for his family and for me. For him, I’m really not sure it matters one way or the other. I believe he will probably find someone else.

3. I really don’t want to hear about who he is interested in now.

 

He was a bad friend, so I had to let him go.

[Devencianna]

Years to go NC .. wow ... that’s long overdue good for you