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[Giselle]

Hi

 

I have a question. I am 30 years old and have been seeing this man for 2.5 years. I have asked the same question to my girlfriends and some have agreed while others have not.

 

I wanted to know that if a woman pursues a man(she asks him out first)is it true that one would never know whether this man truly does love her.. there is always this feeling that I get that maybe just maybe, the man I am with does not love me as much as I do.

 

In the past I have been asked out by men and every one of them were agressive in their approach. I find that I have to be the initiator of things and the one who calls him up and the one who buys him things. He has not ever bought any gifts for me that were considered "romantic". No flowers, no jewelery. Sometimes I would like him to surprise me and be loving, but that just doesn't seem to be the case. I have told him that before but nothing has changed.

 

Is it that he doesn't feel love for me..or that I am not the woman he wants?? please help as I have almost given up on this one.

 

Thx,

 

Giselle

[Miss Mojo]

hi giselle,

 

firstly, i think who asks who out first is irrelevant to how much your partner loves you. some very shy people who would be too chicken to ask a person out, can fall deeply in love with another once a relationship develops.....some people aren't ready to fall in love, are too scared too, or aren't capable of loving the person they're with.

 

whether or not he loves you, i can't say because i don't know him. but at the same time, everybody has different ways of expressing love. i know some people who don't feel they need to express their love with gifts, and some people who don't feel they need to say "i love you", because they assume their partner already knows. i also know some people who don't express their feelings because they are not in love with their partner.

 

how we express our feelings of love is a very personal thing. personally, i am a very romantic person....i always say "i love you" if i am in love with a guy, because i mean it, and because i'm one of these people who believe you need to hear it. i'm also quite soppy and do little things for the person i love (writing letters, a gift out of the blue occassionally).

 

there is only one way here that you will find the answer you are looking for - talk to him. i once had an ex, who was similar to your boyfriend. i confronted him oneday about his feelings for me, and i got my answer. it was not the answer i wanted to hear, but nevertheless, his answer gave me the opportunity to move on. a year or so later i met a guy who was the epitome of romantic, and we gave each other everything we wanted and needed out of a relationship.

 

don't be afraid to talk to him. i know that is one of the most nervewracking things you can ask someone, but the truth is, if he doesn't feel the way you wish he did, you have the chance to move on and grab mr everything-you-want-from-a-relationship. if he does really love you, it will be your choice of whether or not you can accept being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally distant.

 

good luck

[unnamed]

I've been with my girlfriend for over a year now. Do I consider a ring or necklace romantic? Yes. But do I consider a picture, a letter, or even a kiss just as romantic? You bet.

 

It seems you're bent on material items; that's bad terrority to be walking through.

 

Its normal to question whether you're partner loves you or not. Consider it no more.

 

And some men are naturally not romantic. They enjoy being with you, but they never "exploit" that, i.e., bombard you with "romantic" gifts or a night out on the town. Instead, they prefer to just have you around. And you're definition of "loving" may differ greatly from you're boyfriends.

 

You may not be the woman for him. I cannot say that you are, because I really don't know. But talk to him and ask him how he feels. I know that if my girlfriend was pissed off because I didn't buy her things (which I very rarely do) and acted all "loving" all the time, I would be right pissed off as well and probably not do anything.

 

You cannot fault him for this until you've heard you're boyfriends take on the story. Then you can come back here and ask again, if need be.