How often do women dumpers come back

[somanymistakes]

Of course there's nothing pleasant about a breakup. But what possible good does it do you to decide that the reason you broke up is that you are a failure / not good enough?

 

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. THE RELATIONSHIP WAS WRONG.

 

Breakups are not failures. Being dumped does not make you a failure. People need to stop thinking that way.

 

I am tired of seeing people feeling like they are worthless and contemplating suicide because of a breakup. And I don't think the way to help them is to go "Yeah, you're not good enough! Accept it!"

[Beachead]

Of course there's nothing pleasant about a breakup. But what possible good does it do you to decide that the reason you broke up is that you are a failure / not good enough?

 

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. THE RELATIONSHIP WAS WRONG.

 

Breakups are not failures. Being dumped does not make you a failure. People need to stop thinking that way.

 

I am tired of seeing people feeling like they are worthless and contemplating suicide because of a breakup. And I don't think the way to help them is to go "Yeah, you're not good enough! Accept it!"

 

That's not what my advice is nor have I ever told anyone they aren't good enough.

 

They are good enough...just not for their ex. . There's a difference. A person thinking straight knows this isn't a fact of life. It's just an opinion from ONE person. But when that one person meant the world to you, then that opinion feels like truth and it hurts to say the least.

 

Eventually, they will come to realize this on their own but for the moment, they need to be free to express their anger, sadness and any kind of emotion. Very crucial.

 

Those people you mentioned that wanted to commit suicide or have fallen so far and can't get back up got to that point likely because they handed over all their self-worth, happiness, and identity to others and relinquished control of their life. They forgot about themselves. But that's a different topic altogether.

 

- Beach

Edited June 17, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[ElKay]

Facts.

 

When someone ended it, they thought about it for a long time. They received your best and decided to leave because your best wasn't good enough. They believe they can get better and deserve better. So in this process, when they choose to leave you, they choose to be with someone else.

 

We never believe the person who dumped us could do such a thing. It must be a mistake. They must be confused. Ego stops us from accepting. We stay longer than we should because the truth hurts and in our heartbreak, we become succeptible to believe anything that will soothe the pain. Even if it is bs. We suffer..tremendously.

 

My advice to anyone now is going forward, if they break up with you, wish them well and walk away. Their business with you ends upon that decision.

 

- Beach

 

I just wanted to say that this post really helped me now that I've been moving on from my last breakup. I've only had 2 serious relationships and, in both, the guy dumped me saying that they didn't feel it anymore. I know that was BS and that there were other things that had caused them to give up, but just accepting that they both didn't think I, nor my efforts to continue to work on the relationship, was enough for them is actually helpful. It's hard to imagine someone you've loved as a jerk when they pretended that they didn't want to hurt you and that's why they didn't break up earlier (ugh- why even??)... so to see them as the jerks that they were makes me more aware that I do deserve better and don't need them in my life.

 

Back on topic, since I've only been dumped so far, I can't say my opinions on it, but I can say what I've seen from my female friends. They tend to keep in touch because they truly did care before and like to hear if all is well (whether to feel less guilty or have an ease of mind!). I've heard that guys tend to keep in touch for a booty call, but I don't have enough male friends to see if it's a common theme or not.

[HiCrunchy]

Of course there's nothing pleasant about a breakup. But what possible good does it do you to decide that the reason you broke up is that you are a failure / not good enough?

 

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. THE RELATIONSHIP WAS WRONG.

 

Breakups are not failures. Being dumped does not make you a failure. People need to stop thinking that way.

 

I am tired of seeing people feeling like they are worthless and contemplating suicide because of a breakup. And I don't think the way to help them is to go "Yeah, you're not good enough! Accept it!"

 

But what results in a breakup is that "You are not good enough for the dumper".

 

Dumpee was happy/content in the same relationship that the dumper sees as not working/incompatible.

Who gets to pick if the relationship is working or not? Its all perception.

 

That language of "the relationship not working" is used to soften the blow that were just weren't good enough for someone else. The dumper was good enough for the dumpee, but the dumpee wasn't good enough for the dumper. So dumper wanted out. If the dumpee was good enough, there wouldn't be a breakup. If they were good enough, the relationship would still exist.

 

Of course this doesn't mean dumpee's objective worth doesn't mean anything. Far from it. But when all we want is for the dumper to love us, all we want is for their subjective opinion of us to change. Our longing for that love makes it so that the dumpee raises importance of subjective worth in the dumper's eyes.

 

Dumpees just weren't good enough. That is the truth.

 

This hurts for the dumpee to think about because we all have an ego. But its the truth and the truth hurts...

[HiCrunchy]

Of course there's nothing pleasant about a breakup. But what possible good does it do you to decide that the reason you broke up is that you are a failure / not good enough?

 

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. THE RELATIONSHIP WAS WRONG.

 

Breakups are not failures. Being dumped does not make you a failure. People need to stop thinking that way.

 

I am tired of seeing people feeling like they are worthless and contemplating suicide because of a breakup. And I don't think the way to help them is to go "Yeah, you're not good enough! Accept it!"

That's not what my advice is nor have I ever told anyone they aren't good enough.

 

They are good enough...just not for their ex. . There's a difference. A person thinking straight knows this isn't a fact of life. It's just an opinion from ONE person. But when that one person meant the world to you, then that opinion feels like truth and it hurts to say the least.

 

Those people you mentioned that wanted to commit suicide or have fallen so far and can't get back up got to that point likely because they handed over all their self-worth, happiness, and identity to others and relinquished control of their life. They forgot about themselves. But that's a different topic altogether.

 

- Beach

 

Yeppppp, Agreed. I wish I could give this a more visible like.

Dumpees just weren't good enough for the dumper exes. And that is that....

Objective worth in this situation isn't at play, but rather the weight of the dumpees place on their dumper's subjective opinion of their worth.

Edited June 17, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[JayHarris]

From what I've read on the internet, women comeback .000000001% of the time.

[Neruda20]

From what I've read on the internet, women comeback .000000001% of the time.

 

Wow; that’s a much larger percentage than what I’ve read about ?

 

I expect my ex won’t come back, and if she does it will simply be to try friendship. Friendship isn’t possible, so either way I have accepted - a miracle of God aside - we probably are done.

[Neruda20]

Back on topic, since I've only been dumped so far, I can't say my opinions on it, but I can say what I've seen from my female friends. They tend to keep in touch because they truly did care before and like to hear if all is well (whether to feel less guilty or have an ease of mind!). I've heard that guys tend to keep in touch for a booty call, but I don't have enough male friends to see if it's a common theme or not.

 

So selfish reasons. Better to cut someone lose then pander about to ease guilt/worry or get quick sex.

[ElKay]

So selfish reasons. Better to cut someone lose then pander about to ease guilt/worry or get quick sex.

I agree. I've only been the dumpee so far so I can't understand the dumper's point of views very well yet.

[central]

I'll be a little cynical, and say that some, may, come back once they realize that the guy they dumped you for isn't as good in some way as what they had with you. Of course, that may only last until they meet someone else they think might be better.

 

 

So, knowing why they left, and how they handled it, will often determine if you should even consider taking them back - if you're still available.

[Neruda20]

I'll be a little cynical, and say that some, may, come back once they realize that the guy they dumped you for isn't as good in some way as what they had with you. Of course, that may only last until they meet someone else they think might be better.

 

 

So, knowing why they left, and how they handled it, will often determine if you should even consider taking them back - if you're still available.

 

I completely agree with you. I think more oft than not, dumpers are more interested in trying another flavor and will sample the entire ice cream shop before returning (that is, if they return at all).

[Neruda20]

I agree. I've only been the dumpee so far so I can't understand the dumper's point of views very well yet.

 

I have been both. When I was the dumper, I never stayed for a booty call and had very candid conversations about expectations going forward. My primary focus was making sure my former partner was in the best possible position to determine what they felt was in their best interest long-term.

 

As the dumper, my actions were not driven by guilt or concern as much as by duty and respect.

[Beachead]

I just wanted to say that this post really helped me now that I've been moving on from my last breakup. I've only had 2 serious relationships and, in both, the guy dumped me saying that they didn't feel it anymore. I know that was BS and that there were other things that had caused them to give up, but just accepting that they both didn't think I, nor my efforts to continue to work on the relationship, was enough for them is actually helpful. It's hard to imagine someone you've loved as a jerk when they pretended that they didn't want to hurt you and that's why they didn't break up earlier (ugh- why even??)... so to see them as the jerks that they were makes me more aware that I do deserve better and don't need them in my life.

 

Back on topic, since I've only been dumped so far, I can't say my opinions on it, but I can say what I've seen from my female friends. They tend to keep in touch because they truly did care before and like to hear if all is well (whether to feel less guilty or have an ease of mind!). I've heard that guys tend to keep in touch for a booty call, but I don't have enough male friends to see if it's a common theme or not.

 

Hey ElKay,

 

I'm happy it helped you. It's just my own personal experiences and cumulative stories I've heard and seen happy to many people I've known.

 

- Beach

[Murmillo]

Asking for these kinds of statistics is fruitless. What do you gain from this info?

 

 

Some women give second changes, most don't, but neither do most men. This all depends on you, her, the relationship, the breakup, how both of your lives develop after the breakup, not whether she has a vagina or not.

Edited June 20, 2018 by Murmillo