Ever Get Used To Being Single?

[alphamale]

I'm used to being single, maybe too uses to it. My last long term relationship started over 10 years ago and lasted abt 2 years. Since then I've had a few relationships that lasted under a year.

 

Much of my stress came from dating. I look back on all the things I went through and ask myself,"For what?"

 

I enjoy my hobbies. I enjoy my chat buddies who actually talk to me and get to know me.

 

Maybe dating isn't for everyone. I tried but couldn't make myself want to date.

 

I agree hotpotatoe

[alphamale]

Yep, with about 80% of my six decades being that way, it's a lifestyle I cherish. Loved many, been with some, married one, it's all good. The cool thing is that love is a renewable resource and there's never a shortage of humans to share it with. Some value it more than others and that's fine by me.

 

Something I have noted of late that I chastise myself for is when receiving love and affection I catch myself not believing them. That's old manipulative tapes playing and I need to work on that. Not fair to those who love authentically. It's a gift. Accept it and cherish it.

 

Anyway, long used to being single. Utility infielder, free agent

 

yep, I agree

[Chilli]

My two cents about why women can usually be single "easier" than men can: Women typically have deep emotional connections with their girlfriends and men usually don't with their bros. Heterosexual men desire emotional connection as much as women do but they don't get it from another guy.

 

Just my opinion about why men seem to usually be more desperate for relationships than women (I'm not implying you are desperate, Chilli!).

 

And of course, the sex .

 

yeah l dunno co can't say l agree tbh seems just as many women prefer a relationship and go through and feel all the same things any guy does that would rather be in one.

Most of the single guys l've met no way want another women, can't be effd with the hassle.

l see women tend to tell themselves they're ok though and can't be bothered and bla bla but l tell ya you get with a women that's been single a long time and once she starts to let it go and drop the defenses , it's all still the same old real needs deep down , all still in there. l actually think they need to love more than men do so their kids often get overload, see that a lot. or their pets.

But they get the fear , of hurt or being used or it failing , you see all that in women and they tell themselves this and that instead, walls go up.They'd rather stay out than risk it again.

Not that l could blame them we all cope with all of lifes crap in whatever ways we can find that work for us., just sayin.

 

l hear what your sayin with friendships they do nurture friendships and family much more than most guys.

But l've heard plenty women complaining about that too and it not cutting it, it would help though for sure.

nope l'm not desperate by a long shot never have been, tbh not even sure l wanna bother again.

l wasn't even sure l wanted to be married anymore when l was. Ex was a good women it wasn't that it's just that life was still not my own and unbelievably full of hassles all just from simply being and living for two instead of one.

 

That stuffs also a big turn off for single people too when they do start to get involved again , ya see a lot of sabotaging going on.

Edited May 29, 2018 by Chilli

[hotpotato]

Just my opinion about why men seem to usually be more desperate for relationships than women (I'm not implying you are desperate, Chilli!).

 

And of course, the sex .

 

I think men struggle to be completely alone more than women. For some men, it seems to be a struggle for sure to do without sex.

 

I've been honest with myself lately. I don't find most men sexually attractive in a monkey sex kind of way. I made concessions in the past as far as the outward because I wanted romance (which I largely didn't get). When I caught glimpses of men being honest, it seemed very easy for them to be sexually attracted to most women of child bearing age. Maybe it would be harder for me to be alone if I were surrounded by guys I'd call 'hot.' I had a guy tell me we should have sex simply because we are opposite sexes.

[carhill]

Reflecting on another thread where the author shared that women seemed to fall in his lap when single and not caring (trying/approaching, etc) and finding that experience to be completely alien in my six decades on the planet, it certainly could appear that single men are more 'desperate' for a relationship simply because they are the pursuers of relationships/dating/sex in general. They have an outie and they chase and conquer and often cast a wide net in doing so, as evidenced by the opinion of the poster prior that men seem to be attracted to a wide range of females of childbearing age. Does being attracted to many and approaching many smack of desperation? IDK. Maybe it's simply being a smart male and understanding the game. This dynamic is observed in OLD where the vast majority of men message and women receive messages, often dozens to hundreds of them.

 

Being alone while single, now nearly a decade after splitting up with my exW, is a cakewalk compared to being alone while married. Talk about a mind-suck. That's a killer. Never again.

[alphamale]

Being alone while single, now nearly a decade after splitting up with my exW, is a cakewalk compared to being alone while married. Talk about a mind-suck. That's a killer. Never again.

 

I hear you man

[hotpotato]

Reflecting on another thread where the author shared that women seemed to fall in his lap when single and not caring (trying/approaching, etc) and finding that experience to be completely alien in my six decades on the planet, it certainly could appear that single men are more 'desperate' for a relationship simply because they are the pursuers of relationships/dating/sex in general. They have an outie and they chase and conquer and often cast a wide net in doing so, as evidenced by the opinion of the poster prior that men seem to be attracted to a wide range of females of childbearing age. Does being attracted to many and approaching many smack of desperation? IDK. Maybe it's simply being a smart male and understanding the game. This dynamic is observed in OLD where the vast majority of men message and women receive messages, often dozens to hundreds of them.

 

Being alone while single, now nearly a decade after splitting up with my exW, is a cakewalk compared to being alone while married. Talk about a mind-suck. That's a killer. Never again.

 

I don't know if I'd call a man desperate simply for having a sex drive.

 

I think in the midst of searching sex, a man may find a woman he really likes. I think a man's sex drive is more urgent, and there's a lot more temptation for them.

 

I knew a guy who was celibate, and it would get hard for him. I know guys who are done with women romantically so they say but have a very hard time giving up the sex. I just don't experience the same thing. I was saying that i think it's harder for a man to give up on women completely than the other way around.

 

I could maybe want a brief Fwb once every few years, if ever.

[gone_girl]

Yes, I've been single by choice for years but suddenly I feel the need to fall in love. I'll never learn my lesson.... THANK GOD. For some time I thought this part of me was gone. Apparently it's still going strong.

[alphamale]

Yes, I've been single by choice for years but suddenly I feel the need to fall in love. I'll never learn my lesson.... THANK GOD. For some time I thought this part of me was gone. Apparently it's still going strong.

 

join the club sister

[hotpotato]

Yes, I've been single by choice for years but suddenly I feel the need to fall in love. I'll never learn my lesson.... THANK GOD. For some time I thought this part of me was gone. Apparently it's still going strong.

 

If mine comes back, can I give it to you???

[RedBaron2765]

So do you mean you kinda forced it and maybe married the wrong person or rushed into it ?

Family stuff can be so damn hard in marriage can't it , like we can choose who we marry but not the family.

 

Sorry, just saw this. Correct, although when we got married we had been together over two years and were in our late 30's. I was comfortable with her, which led to settling, which led to where I am today, which is basically a roommate situation devoid of sex (although we did have sex one time early this year, which was a shock).

 

Her family (namely her siblings) are a PITA, the one more so than the other. They have caused us much stress with their antics, and it doesn't help that my wife doesn't tell them to knock it off (she won't say anything in order to keep the peace, which is the wrong way to handle it).

[Chilli]

Following the end of my short but disastrous marriage, I swore I would never get into another relationship. For 14 glorious years, I could do what I wanted, with whom ever I wanted and when ever I wanted. I answered to no one.

Second date first kiss, I went home that night realizing how lonely my life was.

 

Oh no , now l am depressed

[Chilli]

Reflecting on another thread where the author shared that women seemed to fall in his lap when single and not caring (trying/approaching, etc) and finding that experience to be completely alien in my six decades on the planet, it certainly could appear that single men are more 'desperate' for a relationship simply because they are the pursuers of relationships/dating/sex in general. They have an outie and they chase and conquer and often cast a wide net in doing so, as evidenced by the opinion of the poster prior that men seem to be attracted to a wide range of females of childbearing age. Does being attracted to many and approaching many smack of desperation? IDK. Maybe it's simply being a smart male and understanding the game. This dynamic is observed in OLD where the vast majority of men message and women receive messages, often dozens to hundreds of them.

 

Being alone while single, now nearly a decade after splitting up with my exW, is a cakewalk compared to being alone while married. Talk about a mind-suck. That's a killer. Never again.

 

 

Yeah , l don't know any single men , or 1 maybe, talking 40s and 50s, , desperate , l mean wtf , 90% not a hope in hell , most of them are so sick of women and their crap and being screwed over. And even if they are looking , they aren't even close to desperate, the opposite in fact and it usually ends up her that's wanting the commitment, so like most things going round on the net, reality is usually a totally different thing to my experience.

 

However , l could say with almost every single women l know or met , they def' deep down long for a relationship ad closeness. Even if they put on the tough act guarantee , getem drunk or get to know them talking on personal levels and after awhile , it all starts coming out. Heard it all dozens of times since of been single. l could tell you what's gonna be coming out before it even starts. l have in my head many times.

Not that l'm saying that's a bad thing it's only natural to crave closeness and a partner to my mind, it's a beautiful thing when we get it right, but just sayin.

Edited June 24, 2018 by Chilli