I can't get over my toxic ex and need need

[Purrrfect]

You may find a woman with younger kids who doesn’t mind. That still screams of drama. I can’t imsgine a childless woman wanting to date a guy with 3 young kids. Sorry but that is likely the reality here.

 

Focus on your kids and supporting them as a single Dad.

 

 

 

 

QUOTE=Ltdan459;7570309]I just saying on the Monday's and Tuesdays or alternated weekends would do the dating thing just I don't know what to do. I'm also not in a herry to get into a relationship just yet just want to date but also asked the question about relationships. No I would not bring a new girl around my kids to soon it would have to be a while mabye a year after knowing them but would also have her sit down if she wouldn't mind with my ex not that she needs approval but idk it's sounds like th right thing to do.

[Lotsgoingon]

Plenty of people will date someone with three children ... as long as the person has their act together ... is emotionally over the ex ... is going places ... has some ambition ... has some plans ... is a good dad ... is emotionally honest ... mature ....

 

So the work you need to do before dating is to mature some ... might be a good time to go to therapy to clean up about that previous relationship, which sounds really chaotic and dysfunctional and needy ...

 

So a good rule of thumb ... is people will act in future as they have acted in the past ...

 

So Scenario 1: imagine you're telling someone about your past ... like assume they would read this message here ... imagine their reaction ...

 

Now Scenario 2: imagine you've gone to counseling, you've gotten some real insight into yourself ... you understand how to avoid the chaos of the previous relationship ... You understand why you fell for this person ... but you're fillin in the gaps that will strengthen you for a healthier relationship ... and let's imagine you are focused on meeting some good goals ... you are taking care of yourself ... you're a good dad ... and you like yourself ... well then that's a different ballgame ...

 

Now the clincher irony of course is that Scenario 2 is what makes single guys attractive as well ... Not really much difference ... single guys can have baggage from an ex ...

 

... Oh ... goes without saying ... drop your ex as a model for comparison ... Nothing cool or healthy about her serial compulsive dating. She's not a model you want to follow. You want to do the opposite of what she's doing. Create a great you and a great life single ... as you are ... then you will naturally attract others.

Edited May 26, 2018 by Lotsgoingon

[Ltdan459]

So an update to my story I guess I didn't read the website rules.

 

Since January Me and my ex were in a parents with benifets relationship at first it was just sex to both of us but then things got more serious more romantic more dates kissing and hugging. More doing things with the kids together. That lasted 10 months up until May 4th 2018 when she ended it again after I took my car back I was letting her use after she said some hurtful things and well being well a B. And after she said she would rather have sex with a horse or someone with aides then to be in a relationship with me. I was doing a lot for her helpers her with her rent,she helped with the kids on my days while I worked I did the same while she worked let her use my car put gas into it so she had a more reliable car for work and to transport the kids got her a job. Took her on dates and so on.

 

So after a week when my ex decided to again end our what ever you call relationship we had the parents with benifets she gets into a new relationship with a guy at the Job THAT I (I) GOT HER. This guy left a voice message don't ask how I know (I'm the one that got her the phone and set it up) anyway this guy left a message and at the end stated good night I love you. I was like wtf.

 

Wow she jumped into this relationship fast just like the last one. A lot of things went in my mind 1 who loves someone after only knowing them for 2 weeks? Also when did he have the time to get to know my ex she had the kids that week also this guy is a body builder loves the Jim and working out like out of all the girls you have on your FB and Instagram you chose a women with baggage a women with 3 kids but then it hit me mabye he is just using her like the last guy the last guy said anything to get in her pants even saying he would marry her after the 1st month she left me when she was pulling awayfrom me and missing me and the kids but then back tracked once he got her closer.

 

Yea well I got bit by the snake a 2nd time but won't get bit a 3rd time. I feel like betraide used abused. I mean I forgave her the first time wanted to work things out she ended up still going the Bernie the last guy but when he left and we started parents with benifets and more I just felt man we were geting close mabye we can work this out but no she was just stringing me along. It took me 5 months to move on after she left 2 and half years ago. It was a painful experience it was depressing. I wouldn'tsay I was fully over because I alowed her to come back but I was like what ever about it. What helped me move on was that after we got 50/50 of our kids she some how was awarded child support like wow you kicked me while I was already on the ground (Still was geting over the break up) also spending a lot and I mean a lot of time with my kids since then and now their mom dosnt want to deal with them our kids see that she puts these guys before them.

 

I'm more mad and pissed off at my self knowing if I got back with her it would hurt again. I mean it's not as bad as before I'm not putting a to my head. But it Fing sucks.

 

I should not miss my ex I should not still love my ex but it's hard not to mabye in time mabye just thinking how Fed up she was to me would help.

Edited May 28, 2018 by Ltdan459

[marky00]

So now she is in a new relationship with some guy at her Job I just got her at the beginning of this month of May. This guy is already saying he loves her and he is liking all her Instagram photos even old ones and making comments she also made comments on his stuff like looking good babe.

 

 

Similar thing happened to me although no marriage and kids.

 

Ex dumped me for a guy who dumped her multiple times. The first time she came back, I entertained it for a while but the the 2nd time around I fed her a SILENCE SANDWICH.

 

Anyway, a person I know once told me the relationship straight after the long-term relationship fails, its the one after that which usually lasts. I do tend to agree with this, especially if there is some time in between the relationships.

 

During that time when she came back to you, she was probably trying to get her bearings, heal, truly try to figure out what she wants.

 

This next relationship is most likely the real deal. If it isn't. then she's off the rails, and this stuff could go on for years. Reading your last post, it sounds like she made another shallow choice so she may indeed be the train wreck going off the rails.

Edited May 28, 2018 by marky00

[Ltdan459]

Similar thing happened to me although no marriage and kids.

 

Ex dumped me for a guy who dumped her multiple times. The first time she came back, I entertained it for a while but the the 2nd time around I fed her a SILENCE SANDWICH.

 

Anyway, a person I know once told me the relationship straight after the long-term relationship fails, its the one after that which usually lasts. I do tend to agree with this, especially if there is some time in between the relationships.

 

During that time when she came back to you, she was probably trying to get her bearings, heal, truly try to figure out what she wants.

 

This next relationship is most likely the real deal. If it isn't. then she's off the rails, and this stuff could go on for years. Reading your last post, it sounds like she made another shallow choice so she may indeed be the train wreck going off the rails.

 

How would you say this next one is the real deal ? I mean it was fast and the guy said he loves her only after 2 weeks he also started comenting on on her Instagram photos even old ones and would tag her after he found out I started following him like making it known that was his girl. The last guy Bernie would do that too but he also would leave hickeys on her neck ever time it was her time with the kids and when she would leave on trips or something without him. I remember when I did that to her in high school her mom told me it's like branding cows. I also I know she had a relationship with some guy after Burnie the guy she origalnly left me for But that was short lived too. Also back in 2012 when I left her she was idk in some time of relationship with 3 other guys at the same time but eventually came back to me after I got our first apartments. 2 out of types 3 guys said they were dating and even slept with her but I could not get their story's strait also she and them would text the same lovydove crap but yea. I noticed she can't be alone she jumps from relationship from relationship.

 

She did grow up in a abusive home and her dad left her and her family when she was 3. Also her older sister is the same way as she is now did she take after her and all that? I feel like she didn't know what she wants.

[Marc878]

She's playing you for a fool and you are allowing it. She only wants you around between boyfriends.

 

The only one keeping you in this situation is you.

 

You can coparent or realistically parallel parent and pull no contact as well.

 

I know three who do this.

 

Text or email kids only. Never answer a phone call direct. Let it go to voicemail and respond by text only if it's kid related. If not you ignore.

 

Pickups and drop offs are a 3 minute exercise with zero engagement. Never enter her home or let her into yours. No shared holidays, birthdays, etc. keep everything separate. It works if you apply it.

 

If you're weak you get to wallow in this longer.

 

You should join a gym. Work out. It'll improve your self esteem.

[Marc878]

How would you say this next one is the real deal ? I mean it was fast and the guy said he loves her only after 2 weeks he also started comenting on on her Instagram photos even old ones and would tag her after he found out I started following him like making it known that was his girl. The last guy Bernie would do that too but he also would leave hickeys on her neck ever time it was her time with the kids and when she would leave on trips or something without him. I remember when I did that to her in high school her mom told me it's like branding cows. I also I know she had a relationship with some guy after Burnie the guy she origalnly left me for But that was short lived too. Also back in 2012 when I left her she was idk in some time of relationship with 3 other guys at the same time but eventually came back to me after I got our first apartments. 2 out of types 3 guys said they were dating and even slept with her but I could not get their story's strait also she and them would text the same lovydove crap but yea. I noticed she can't be alone she jumps from relationship from relationship.

 

Her other men are none of your business and you can't control or fix her.

 

She did grow up in a abusive home and her dad left her and her family when she was 3. Also her older sister is the same way as she is now did she take after her and all that? I feel like she didn't know what she wants.

 

Making excuses for her gets you what?

 

It's not your problem. You can't fix her and you can't stop her from introducing your kids to them either. Unfortunately

[Ltdan459]

She's playing you for a fool and you are allowing it. She only wants you around between boyfriends.

 

The only one keeping you in this situation is you.

 

You can coparent or realistically parallel parent and pull no contact as well.

 

I know three who do this.

 

Text or email kids only. Never answer a phone call direct. Let it go to voicemail and respond by text only if it's kid related. If not you ignore.

 

Pickups and drop offs are a 3 minute exercise with zero engagement. Never enter her home or let her into yours. No shared holidays, birthdays, etc. keep everything separate. It works if you apply it.

 

If you're weak you get to wallow in this longer.

 

You should join a gym. Work out. It'll improve your self esteem.

 

Yes active no contact can work. We have to resort to this website talking parents to comunicat regarding the children. I'm the one who had that set up after we went back to court the 2nd time in 2016. Problem is she hardly or won't use it and up till now I had to call or text her personally I had no choice even when I ask her to do use the site she would just end up texting my phone yet then all of the sudden we are talking again. But now I'm just going cold turkey just because even when trying to coparent or communicating regarding the kids she just always puts up a fight or dosnt care she even said if the kids have and e emergancey if they go to the hospital call 911 don't text me or call. Or if it's regarding Drs. Apt or school apt she dose not care so I just gave up in dealing with her. She dosnt even want to deal with our kids she dose not care that's one big thing I noticed and saw a lot of after our separation she just dosnt want the kids.

 

Also it's a lot easy not to see her even with 50/50 pick ups and drop offs at at school when there is no school pick ups and drop off are at my parents house but that to can have issues. She would would I don't know want to see me in person for some reason and make an excuse to have me come over. I try not to but I want to see my kids and be with them. Heck I remember when she tried to get a restraining order against me she got a temp one until trial and only did that because I would not deal with her. The judge tossed it out due to lies but also she would text or call saying I miss you I miss us and stuff while the temp one was infect like she broke her own order.

 

So as of right now I'm acting like she died I'm doing absaluty no communication it's been about a week now and I plan to continue but like I said it's not easy to move on I'm back at step 1 again.

 

Yes I'm going to the Jim and working out loss a lot of weight since we separated and loss more now. But yea it's hard I had 8 years and 3 kids with this parson

[Marc878]

Take it one day at a time. It gets easier the longer you hold it.

 

That is your only way out of this