Anyone left a marriage out of boredom?

[ICEMAN69]

Good morning Iceman, I hope your hanging in there. I’ve really been struggling with my feelings. I’ve really been thinking about you and Midlife Mama’s post and it’s really hitting home for me. Now Mystic Raven’s post, ughh...My best friend is going through the same thing with her spouse. I really wish I had a solution, but it does help to be here on LS to talk about it with others. Funny that you write about the spouse being in a wheelchair because yesterday we were at the grocery store and saw this older couple. The husband was in a wheelchair with oxygen, obviously in poor health, the wife appeared to be in good health and walking. I told my husband after they went by, yup, that will be us someday and you’ll be on oxygen and in a wheelchair because you’ve spent your whole life smoking and not caring for yourself. He just rolled his eyes. By all means, the poor gentleman could have taken care of himself and maybe he fell ill to other illnesses. I so agree with you. I want to live a healthy lifestyle and it’s so hard when your spouse is not on board. I mean seriously, exercise even increases the sex drive, that right there should be enough to workout...right?

 

 

Well MysticRaven's post is on a whole different level. 9 years without sex in a marriage! Yeah, that wouldn't work for me. God bless her for having 9 years of patience most of us would never have, least of all me.

 

I agree. Every study has shown that exercise and libido are largely entangled. The more sedate you are, the less sex drive you have. Which I'm sure is a contributing factor in my relationship.

 

Your husband's eye roll suggests he just thinks you need to accept him as he is and get over it. It's always amazed me that one spouse can neglect the hell out of themselves and just expect that the other spouse is supposed to go with it, never question it, and still feel the same towards them. You can't help but have your emotions change when you see your spouse in self-neglect mode!

 

I'm not sure if gaming, smoking, inactivity were always your husbands issues from day one, but for my wife, she was clearly more active, and of course the internet wasn't a big deal when we met so I wasn't competing for her attention over electronic gadgets and social media as I am today.

 

And speaking of today, here's the perfect example. I'll go to the gym some time this morning. I'll spend maybe 60-90 minutes there. Get my workout done. Get home, do a few house-related chores, and maybe go golfing later. She on the other hand will sit most of the day in front of a TV with smart phone in hand and continue to contribute to her diminishing health.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

And speaking of today, here's the perfect example. I'll go to the gym some time this morning. I'll spend maybe 60-90 minutes there. Get my workout done. Get home, do a few house-related chores, and maybe go golfing later. She on the other hand will sit most of the day in front of a TV with smart phone in hand and continue to contribute to her diminishing health.

 

What would she say if you asked her to go to the gym with you?

[ICEMAN69]

What would she say if you asked her to go to the gym with you?

 

 

She renewed her membership there about a year ago. I was pretty happy when she did, and even told her that, but she's maybe gone 4-5 times and 3 of those times were with me on a weekend when I suggested it. She's not a very disciplined individual. Never really has been, and maybe that's the way it's always going to be now that she's reaching her latter 40s. It's sad really. She could whip herself into shape in about 12 months with just better eating habits, cutting out the crud and the sugar and pop and a regular 30-40 minutes of exercise daily. But she just doesn't have the capacity for sticking to anything like that and it's both frustrating to me and heartbreaking.

 

I also do an aerobics program at home for 20 minutes a day and she's seen me do it on several occasions. I've told her if she ever wants to join me to feel free. I've even suggested that if she found a home DVD fitness program she'd like to do I'd join her. So I'm leaving a lot of doors open for her to walk through Cautious.

Short of coming out and being extremely blunt and hurtful with her, I'm at a loss for what to do next. I'm a self-motivated person so I can't wrap my brain around people who lack that quality. And it seems self evident to me that she should inherently realize these things.

 

She settles for a lot less about herself than she has too. She's smart, fun, social. She's a lot of good qualities. But the couple that I've mentioned on this thread are my reality I'm afraid. So there I am. Left wondering is this what I'm going to deal with going forward? Is this all there is and all that I have to look forward too? The middle ground in a marriage is not a fun place to be because you can't justify outright leaving, and you know deep down it could be much worse. But at the same time, you know that your spouse has so much more that they could give you, if they were willing.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm a self-motivated person so I can't wrap my brain around people who lack that quality. And it seems self evident to me that she should inherently realize these things.

 

 

I think your first step should be not expecting her to be as self-motivated as you are. Some people aren't. I'm not. It's not something I can create in myself. I have to push myself more than you have to push yourself. I'm not wrong and you're right. Or vice versa. We are just different. It sounds like you don't have a lot of compassion for her not being as self-motivated and disciplined as you are (my ex husband was like this). Instead of looking down on her for that, find a way to kindly BE her motivator. It may take you asking her every single time to go with you to the gym. Would that be such a chore for you to do it? Even if she only says yes 60% of the time it's an improvement.

[treehugger12]

Yeah, I know you do Treehugger. People in relationships where electronic distractions take precedence and priority over flesh and blood intimacy get it.

 

I meant to ask you on your former posting, what led you to a reboot of your fitness level four years ago? Were you hoping your spouse would join you and get active as well?

 

When I reached my forties, I really wanted to feel good about myself and embrace my forties, yes and hoping my husband would be on board as well. Eating good and staying fit has always been important in my life but fours years ago I wanted even more and lost 30 pds and boosted my workouts to kickboxing, kettlebell workouts, gym workout,aerobics, I change it up a lot so I don’t get bored, the more I did and saw the changes in my body, the better I felt, now I’m at my ideal weight. I did get tired of my husbands gaming all the time so I think that might have been a part of it, I felt inside well if that’s what he wants to do and nothing is going to change then I’m just going to do my own thing and do what makes me happy. He does go hiking with me and sometimes a 3 mile walk with me which makes me happy. My forties have been the best for me, I’m going to make 50’s even better!

[treehugger12]

When I reached my forties, I really wanted to feel good about myself and embrace my forties, yes and hoping my husband would be on board as well. Eating good and staying fit has always been important in my life but fours years ago I wanted even more and lost 30 pds and boosted my workouts to kickboxing, kettlebell workouts, gym workout,aerobics, I change it up a lot so I don’t get bored, the more I did and saw the changes in my body, the better I felt, now I’m at my ideal weight. I did get tired of my husbands gaming all the time so I think that might have been a part of it, I felt inside well if that’s what he wants to do and nothing is going to change then I’m just going to do my own thing and do what makes me happy. He does go hiking with me and sometimes a 3 mile walk with me which makes me happy. My forties have been the best for me, I’m going to make 50’s even better!

 

It’s possible too that maybe I needed to get my frustrations out with my husbands gaming, it’s the only thing we would argue about and it was never even an argument because he new what he was doing was hurting our marriage and he always felt bad about it and would get better for a few days then back to hours of gaming, I really got tired of my good energy being mad about it all the time, that could have driven me. I don’t waste my good energy being mad about it anymore, tired of it, yes absolutely and bored...nothing has changed:(

[ICEMAN69]

I think your first step should be not expecting her to be as self-motivated as you are. Some people aren't. I'm not. It's not something I can create in myself. I have to push myself more than you have to push yourself. I'm not wrong and you're right. Or vice versa. We are just different. It sounds like you don't have a lot of compassion for her not being as self-motivated and disciplined as you are (my ex husband was like this). Instead of looking down on her for that, find a way to kindly BE her motivator. It may take you asking her every single time to go with you to the gym. Would that be such a chore for you to do it? Even if she only says yes 60% of the time it's an improvement.

 

 

Trust me CO, after 20+ years together I've learned not to expect her to be as self-motivated as I am. I'm not a fanatic by any stretch so please don't have this picture of me as some deranged drill sergeant. Not even close. And I have days like anyone where I feel less motivation and have to give myself the self pep-talk. Plus, as I get older, there's more pain and discomfort with some forms of exercise. So it's not like it's all fun for me either.

 

Don't mistake what I'm saying in my posts. I don't nag or rag on her about it. I know it has to come from within her and nobody (least of all me) enjoys a nagging spouse. So I just kind of look the other way and tell myself it might change in the future, but it's unlikely.

 

There's a comment I heard once from a marriage counselor (not involving my wife or I) when he told me that he never does marriage counseling at home because it would never go over well with his wife and she'd resent it. I've always kept that in mind so I avoid being my wife's personal trainer. If she wants advice I'll give it, but other than that I steer clear of it.

 

Cautious, it's not a lack of compassion because she's not like me. Her differences and my differences are fine. Differences are what make life interesting. But if she's spending 4+ hours looking at a smart phone every day without moving, I mean . . I just wish she'd realize on her own that she needs to get her activity level up and start taking better care of herself. In reality she likely does know that, but she fails to execute by putting any plan into action.

 

The other problem is I go to the gym at times when she's working. Weekends are the only opportunity we can really go together, but if she came up with any idea, I'd be open to it. When we're at the gym we don't do the same things anyway, but I'd go with her if that provided moral support any time she wanted me too.

[ICEMAN69]

When I reached my forties, I really wanted to feel good about myself and embrace my forties, yes and hoping my husband would be on board as well. Eating good and staying fit has always been important in my life but fours years ago I wanted even more and lost 30 pds and boosted my workouts to kickboxing, kettlebell workouts, gym workout,aerobics, I change it up a lot so I don’t get bored, the more I did and saw the changes in my body, the better I felt, now I’m at my ideal weight. I did get tired of my husbands gaming all the time so I think that might have been a part of it, I felt inside well if that’s what he wants to do and nothing is going to change then I’m just going to do my own thing and do what makes me happy. He does go hiking with me and sometimes a 3 mile walk with me which makes me happy. My forties have been the best for me, I’m going to make 50’s even better!

 

 

I like your attitude TreeHugger. You don't accept simply aging as so many people do to explain their lack of activity as they get older (and heavier). You've got the outlook to just take life on as you age and I love that.

 

If I were your husband I'd feel a bit emasculated having my wife working out daily at that activity level while I sat on my rear-end.

 

But yeah, I get what you're saying. I just do my thing for the most part and leave her to do hers. It hurts. It's frustrating but it feels to me like the best way to survive when she's checked out. We still do stuff together, but her smart phone is never too far from her grip.

[ICEMAN69]

It’s possible too that maybe I needed to get my frustrations out with my husbands gaming, it’s the only thing we would argue about and it was never even an argument because he new what he was doing was hurting our marriage and he always felt bad about it and would get better for a few days then back to hours of gaming, I really got tired of my good energy being mad about it all the time, that could have driven me. I don’t waste my good energy being mad about it anymore, tired of it, yes absolutely and bored...nothing has changed:(

 

 

I enjoy technology as much as the next person, but I sometimes think the world would be a better place without a lot of it. We all see it throughout society. Two people out on a date both starring at their smart phones has become almost a norm in our society. And gaming widows are all too common. I've not only known many of them, I've seen three divorces as a result over the years of wives who finally said "that's enough." Women who just got fed up with years of neglect and indifference. And far too many men who never grow out of their childhood. I don't have that extreme gaming issue to deal with thankfully, but the smart phone addiction is not too far behind it.

[littleblackheart]

Staying in a marriage in which you resent your spouse or lost respect or attraction for them doesn't make you a saint; it just makes you an unhappy person.

 

You don't need anyone's permission to part ways with your wife, if that's what you think you should do; it also looks like your issues are running deeper than boredom (no judgement on my part, your reasons are your reasons, that's valid enough as far as I'm concerned).

 

With that said, she won't get what your issue is until you sit her down and explain to her with carefully chosen but meaningful words why you can't go on like that.

 

I don't mean to trivialise your moral dilemma in 'doing the right thing' but not finding a resolution, or at least a reasonable compromise that is satisfying to you means more resentment and more unhappiness . You both have choices.

[ICEMAN69]

Staying in a marriage in which you resent your spouse or lost respect or attraction for them doesn't make you a saint; it just makes you an unhappy person.

 

You don't need anyone's permission to part ways with your wife, if that's what you think you should do; it also looks like your issues are running deeper than boredom (no judgement on my part, your reasons are your reasons, that's valid enough as far as I'm concerned).

 

With that said, she won't get what your issue is until you sit her down and explain to her with carefully chosen but meaningful words why you can't go on like that.

 

I don't mean to trivialise your moral dilemma in 'doing the right thing' but not finding a resolution, or at least a reasonable compromise that is satisfying to you means more resentment and more unhappiness . You both have choices.

 

 

I hear you. And I'm not claiming sainthood by the way. And I certainly don't resent my wife 24-7. That's the problem that people in comfortable but oftentimes unfulfilling relationships are left with. Additionally, I'm not unhappy. I just feel like there's got to be more to a marriage after 20 years than what I'm currently experiencing.

[littleblackheart]

I hear you. And I'm not claiming sainthood by the way. And I certainly don't resent my wife 24-7. That's the problem that people in comfortable but oftentimes unfulfilling relationships are left with. Additionally, I'm not unhappy. I just feel like there's got to be more to a marriage after 20 years than what I'm currently experiencing.

 

Ok so not 24/7 but enough that you need to talk about it on here .

 

You seem restless: option 1 is to ride it out while keeping the status quo; option 2 is communicate the extent of your restlessness to your spouse and let the chips fall where they may; option 3 is putting your thread title into action. Can you think of a 4th option?

Edited May 27, 2018 by littleblackheart

[ICEMAN69]

Ok so not 24/7 but enough that you need to talk about it on here .

 

You seem restless: option 1 is to ride it out while keeping the status quo; option 2 is communicate the extent of yoyr restlessness to your spouse and let the chips fall where they may; option 3 is putting your thread title into action. Can uou think of a 4th option?

 

 

I wouldn't call it restlessness. I enjoy a life of no drama. I steer very clear of people with their self-made drama.

 

When I put "boredom" into the title of my posting that probably was a poor choice of wording on my part. A little boredom isn't a bad thing. More like I feel overlooked at home. Like she's indifferent. Not in a mean way or anything like that, but like she's got other things that take on more meaning for her than I do. Like she's more wrapped up in her social media and her smart phone than she is with me. Or her TV shows. And then someone like myself, who leans toward being the romantic type begins to ask, is this all there is? Is this truly all I'm going to have going forward?

 

But as many here have pointed out, we who are perhaps not entirely content in our relationships learn to live in this self-created mundane middle ground of a marriage. No, things aren't horrible. But we also know that things could be a lot better if our spouses were more focused and attentive toward us instead of some distraction that leaves us feeling subjected to the second string lineup.

 

So yeah, over the past year in particular I have given a lot of thought to this and questioned, is there a better match for me? Is there someone who is more the romantic type of personality like I am? Is there someone who is more interested in regular physical activity and being more on top of their health and fitness rather than roll the dice? Is there someone out there who can put down a smart phone and focus on a healthy one-on-one relationship instead?

 

So to answer your question, I guess I'm exercising the status quo option at the moment, but trying to weigh out my options by thinking it all through and just living my life focusing more on me and my interests rather than she and I as a couple.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I wouldn't call it restlessness. I enjoy a life of no drama. I steer very clear of people with their self-made drama.

 

When I put "boredom" into the title of my posting that probably was a poor choice of wording on my part. A little boredom isn't a bad thing. More like I feel overlooked at home. Like she's indifferent. Not in a mean way or anything like that, but like she's got other things that take on more meaning for her than I do. Like she's more wrapped up in her social media and her smart phone than she is with me. Or her TV shows. And then someone like myself, who leans toward being the romantic type begins to ask, is this all there is? Is this truly all I'm going to have going forward?

 

But as many here have pointed out, we who are perhaps not entirely content in our relationships learn to live in this self-created mundane middle ground of a marriage. No, things aren't horrible. But we also know that things could be a lot better if our spouses were more focused and attentive toward us instead of some distraction that leaves us feeling subjected to the second string lineup.

 

So yeah, over the past year in particular I have given a lot of thought to this and questioned, is there a better match for me? Is there someone who is more the romantic type of personality like I am? Is there someone who is more interested in regular physical activity and being more on top of their health and fitness rather than roll the dice? Is there someone out there who can put down a smart phone and focus on a healthy one-on-one relationship instead?

 

So to answer your question, I guess I'm exercising the status quo option at the moment, but trying to weigh out my options by thinking it all through and just living my life focusing more on me and my interests rather than she and I as a couple.

 

You guys are in a rut, but in my opinion, none of this is divorce-worthy. How many conversations have the two of you had about this rut you are in? Do you think she's up for reigniting the flame? The things you mention being aggravated with are all very valid. I would hope she'd want to work on them. The attachment to phone and television should be an easy fix!

[littleblackheart]

I wouldn't call it restlessness. I enjoy a life of no drama. I steer very clear of people with their self-made drama.

 

When I put "boredom" into the title of my posting that probably was a poor choice of wording on my part. A little boredom isn't a bad thing. More like I feel overlooked at home. Like she's indifferent. Not in a mean way or anything like that, but like she's got other things that take on more meaning for her than I do. Like she's more wrapped up in her social media and her smart phone than she is with me. Or her TV shows. And then someone like myself, who leans toward being the romantic type begins to ask, is this all there is? Is this truly all I'm going to have going forward?

 

But as many here have pointed out, we who are perhaps not entirely content in our relationships learn to live in this self-created mundane middle ground of a marriage. No, things aren't horrible. But we also know that things could be a lot better if our spouses were more focused and attentive toward us instead of some distraction that leaves us feeling subjected to the second string lineup.

 

So yeah, over the past year in particular I have given a lot of thought to this and questioned, is there a better match for me? Is there someone who is more the romantic type of personality like I am? Is there someone who is more interested in regular physical activity and being more on top of their health and fitness rather than roll the dice? Is there someone out there who can put down a smart phone and focus on a healthy one-on-one relationship instead?

 

So to answer your question, I guess I'm exercising the status quo option at the moment, but trying to weigh out my options by thinking it all through and just living my life focusing more on me and my interests rather than she and I as a couple.

 

That makes total sense that you would want to consider your options, though I would say accommodating yourself with feeling invisible to your spouse doesn't sound like fun - a bit like preparing yourself for the single life all the while being married.

 

In terms of there being a more compatible partner, sure there may be a better match for the person that you are now somewhere; it would be a leap into the unknown to leave what you have now in order to actually find them, though. Talking to your spouse about how you're feeling can't hurt, right?

Edited May 27, 2018 by littleblackheart

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

That makes total sense that you would want to consider your options, though I would say accommodating yourself with feeling invisible to your spouse doesn't sound like fun - a bit like preparing yourself for the single life all the while being married.

 

In terms of there being a more compatible partner, sure there may be a better match for the person that you are now somewhere; it would be a leap into the unknown to leave what you have now in order to actually find them, though. Talking to your spouse about how you're feeling can't hurt, right?

 

Yes, I feel like this is a perfect opportunity to say, "the grass is not greener on the other side."

[pepperbird]

You guys are in a rut, but in my opinion, none of this is divorce-worthy. How many conversations have the two of you had about this rut you are in? Do you think she's up for reigniting the flame? The things you mention being aggravated with are all very valid. I would hope she'd want to work on them. The attachment to phone and television should be an easy fix!

 

 

OP,

 

 

You have to talk to your wife about this if you expect her to change. Let her know how you are feeling, and give her an equal chance to share her thoughts.

 

 

Just in my experience, people who spend that much time online or on social media are either addicted or escaping.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

 

Just in my experience, people who spend that much time online or on social media are either addicted or escaping.

 

Yes. I think it usually starts as escaping, but then grows into an addiction. There's nothing wrong with pointing it out and requesting a change, though. I find it hard to believe that anyone in a loving relationship would not be willing to do this for their partner (put the phone down) unless there's some other resentment/avoidance going on. Heck, I do it for my mother because I know how much it bothers her when my sis is constantly on my phone. I'm very aware of it and want her to feel like I'm present when we are together. (I don't have a romantic partner) It's really just a matter of respect for the other person.

[treehugger12]

Yes. I think it usually starts as escaping, but then grows into an addiction. There's nothing wrong with pointing it out and requesting a change, though. I find it hard to believe that anyone in a loving relationship would not be willing to do this for their partner (put the phone down) unless there's some other resentment/avoidance going on. Heck, I do it for my mother because I know how much it bothers her when my sis is constantly on my phone. I'm very aware of it and want her to feel like I'm present when we are together. (I don't have a romantic partner) It's really just a matter of respect for the other person.

 

My husband is so addicted to gaming, I’ve had heart to heart talks about it with him so many times over the years. It really makes my heart hurt because it’s hard to even have a conversation with him. I can just feel when I talk to him, he just wants to get back to gaming on his phone. I’m not trying to toot my own horn but I have been an exceptional wife to him and have been extremely patient over the years. I miss him, the communication and intimacy we once had. Ever since he got a smart phone it’s been downhill from there. I’m ready to check out but so hard to throw away 20+ years, especially when your married to your best friend and deep down you love and care for that person. I so understand Iceman’s frustrations.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

My husband is so addicted to gaming, I’ve had heart to heart talks about it with him so many times over the years. It really makes my heart hurt because it’s hard to even have a conversation with him. I can just feel when I talk to him, he just wants to get back to gaming on his phone. I’m not trying to toot my own horn but I have been an exceptional wife to him and have been extremely patient over the years. I miss him, the communication and intimacy we once had. Ever since he got a smart phone it’s been downhill from there. I’m ready to check out but so hard to throw away 20+ years, especially when your married to your best friend and deep down you love and care for that person. I so understand Iceman’s frustrations.

 

This is very, very sad . I have a 15 year old son who is a gaming addict, but I've never been in a relationship with someone who pays attention to electronics more than me. It must be very difficult to deal with .

[treehugger12]

This is very, very sad . I have a 15 year old son who is a gaming addict, but I've never been in a relationship with someone who pays attention to electronics more than me. It must be very difficult to deal with .

 

It is so difficult and makes home life very lonely, which is why I come to LS, I’ve tried to get into social media or gaming to keep me busy while he spends so much time gaming but it’s not for me. LS helps a lot. When it was gone for that 6 weeks or so, I really got bored:(thank goodness LS is back.

[treehugger12]

It is so difficult and makes home life very lonely, which is why I come to LS, I’ve tried to get into social media or gaming to keep me busy while he spends so much time gaming but it’s not for me. LS helps a lot. When it was gone for that 6 weeks or so, I really got bored:(thank goodness LS is back.

 

As of right now my husband has been playing for 4 1/2 hours straight.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

As of right now my husband has been playing for 4 1/2 hours straight.

 

I don't understand why anyone in a marriages thinks this is OK.

[fredflint]

This is something that's been running through my brain over the past few months. Bluntly speaking I'm rather bored with my spouse. She's great in many areas our our lives, but the excitement and intrigued for me has waned. This is largely because I feel we have no real connection any longer and I honestly have to put that on her for the most part. And no, I'm not going through a mid-life crisis.

 

Over the 20+ years we've been together I've noticed that she gets her mo-jo more from social relationships be it work, after work, social media, whatever, whereas I get my mo-jo from one-on-one personal and intimate relationships, which is one of the things I really enjoy about marriage. Actually, I'm the romantic in our relationship. I'm glad she has social relationships, and I have my own as well, but I feel like hers have always taken precedence over our one-on-one relationship in terms of where she draws her "needs" from.

 

This never really bothered me in the past but as I've gotten older I'm asking myself, is this it? Do I settle for being content when there could be an exciting future partner out there who's a better match for me? I'm not getting any younger.

 

Part of it is I feel invisible around her at times. Ignored at other times. She's not rude or mean. She's just kind of in her own world. What's made matters worse is her discovery of a smart phone, which she's only had for the past few months. She can sit and play with a smart phone for hours when she gets home from work. She's completely inactive otherwise.

 

I'm sitting right in the same room but I typically feel like I'm not even there because she's so wrapped up in what's in her hand. I've put movies or a TV show on, suggesting we watch together. She'll give me the okay, but within minutes of putting something on I'll look over and she's focused on her smart phone (facebook) or something else related to her phone. Frankly, it's like having another teenager around and it's quite irritating at times.

 

She's never had the libido that I've had and that's just something I've had to deal with for the better part of our time together. But I can't tell you how many Friday nights we've had to ourselves (older kids gone for the night) and I'm waiting for her to maybe suggest we have a little private "time" together. Never happens. Mind you, I can suggest it and she'll typically be okay with it, but just once I'd like to think that when we have time alone together maybe she'd suggest a little intimacy time? Nope. She's either messing with her phone, or intrigued by something on the TV. Typically by 10:30 now I just go to bed and give up on hoping she'll change.

 

Yes, I've made comments to her about it. In fact a couple of my comments have been rather sarcastic as in, "Geez, it's like having another teenager around" (hint, hint)

 

But this brings me back to why these things are going through my thoughts now and then. Such as "Do I just settle for this?" or, "Is there something better out there?" Do I even consider rocking the boat when things aren't that bad?

 

And the other part of the equation is, I occasionally draw some female attention here and there. I've never acted on those moments, but yes, I have to be honest and admit that it leaves me seriously thinking, could this be a better deal long term than me than sitting at home watching my wife play with her smart phone?

 

I don't know? I guess I'm hoping there are some people on LS who have left what might otherwise be considered a "good" marriage and can give me some insights, like "it was the best move I ever made" or, "God, I was stupid for even considering it." Maybe I'm just hitting a rut where I'm panicking and wondering if this is how I'm going to live out my remaining years with my wife.

 

You have a duty to tell her how serious this is for you.

[Romantic_Antics]

I don't understand why anyone in a marriages thinks this is OK.

 

It's an addiction just like any other. I had a girlfriend that was addicted to video games and I didn't get a whole lot of warm fuzzies out of knowing I was competing with a plastic controller and an animated world. What was even more disgusting is that she neglected her teenage daughter and 10 year old son to the extent that she lost custody of her son and her 15 year old daughter already had a baby with a live-in boyfriend.

 

I sure know how to pick 'em.

 

 

@ treehugger 12

 

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. It can be more deflating than the Patriots' footballs on game day. You should consider treating it like any other addiction and try getting him into some therapy/counselling for it. He'll fight you about it initially because you'll be taking him away from his precious games, but if you go with him it may be your best option for breaking his addiction and getting him back, so to speak.

 

Hang in there.

Edited May 28, 2018 by Romantic_Antics