How much time should I give a partner

[nospam99]

Parameters may be important: (sorry to bore those who recognize me) I'm a 64 y/o divorced (and TOTALLY over HER) male easily meeting compatible women during eight months on OLD and seeking an LTR. I've only 'dated' about half of the women I've 'met' because sometimes one or the other or both decide not to date. Although the relationships did not ultimately last, the first three 'good ones' 'hit it off' with me immediately and established emotional connections on the first date.

 

I've had two dinner dates with my current 'lady friend' and we've made plans for future dates with more activity involved (dancing, hiking). She is, typically of all these women I'm meeting, a 'good human being' and we can comfortably discuss aspects of our respective lives that are not heavily emotionally charged. But this time there has not been that immediate emotional connection. There could be a lot preventing that from either party. Women who have spent 'some time' on OLD can get hurt and jaded and may develop some 'armor of reluctance' which must be overcome before they feel comfortable opening up emotionally with a new dating partner. I may have become more jaded by now, too.

 

My question is how long is it wise or appropriate for me to wait before I discuss the development of our emotional connection with this woman. There are plenty of things to do and plenty of time to do them where she and I can just 'have fun' being with each other. But we are both, at least nominally, looking for that elusive LTR. And since this one has started out so much 'slower' than the other three I mentioned, I don't know if or when I should question her directly. It's even possible that a slow start portends better hope for the longer term. Like anyone, this woman is a unique individual and MMV. Again, I just don't know. So I'm asking here for opinions from y'all with the expectation that, as usual, several of you will have your own experience to share that may provide helpful insight for me.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Hello!

 

I'm not sure I'd address this outright, but I would say another 2 or 3 dates will tell you if you'll be able to develop the emotional connection you seek. Emotional connection is a tricky and unpredictable animal.

[Chilli]

Hey nos.

Yeah l go with co , how ya doin co.

 

Personally l think never underestimate a slow burner. A little term l have in my head for people , friends, anyone l've known through life or women a bit like that. Because l've always noticed they can often end up far more genuine than most in the end, they just take awhile to wind up.

 

l agree with CO , no need to say anything just enjoy some more time together see where things go for now.

 

Good luck

Edited May 20, 2018 by Chilli

[preraph]

She is probably just not going to wear her heart on her sleeve. Whether the connection is there or not is going to take time more than talk. She is likely being cautious and trying not to make a mistake that will set her back.

 

I'm roughly your age and one friend of mine waited a couple of decades to let this man she'd known be her boyfriend. Now, we're 70s types, so she'd go through times when she's just have sex with him but not agree to anything resembling a bf/gf relationship. Then a couple of years ago, I do not know what happened, but she flipped the switch and now she's always with him and I never see her anymore. I know she was being cautious and she said she wouldn't marry, but no way to know if that has changed. I do know that he overwhelms her wanting too much of her time (she's old and has pain and still works and gets exhausted) and she finally worked up the nerve to hold him to a set schedule that left her more time to herself.

 

One of these days you can just keep talking to her and see if she opens up any more, or ask her "What kind of things do you look for in a relationship these days?" Good luck. Have fun.

[Mr. Lucky]

I've had two dinner dates with my current 'lady friend' and we've made plans for future dates with more activity involved (dancing, hiking).

 

I tend to look at the other side of the coin - how would I feel if someone wanted

to discuss the "development of our emotional connection" after two dates?

 

Short answer - way too early and more than a little alarming that a new companion wanted to go there.

 

Slow down, Sparky. Good things take time...

 

Mr. Lucky

[nospam99]

Update: I've been dumped. She was polite, did it via OLD message, and I have to admit that I was not emotionally invested enough to be too disappointed.

 

I won't generalize. But I find it interesting that my observation about a lack of an early emotional connection played out as it did. Back to 'the pond' for more 'fishing'.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Update: I've been dumped. She was polite, did it via OLD message, and I have to admit that I was not emotionally invested enough to be too disappointed.

 

I won't generalize. But I find it interesting that my observation about a lack of an early emotional connection played out as it did. Back to 'the pond' for more 'fishing'.

 

Aw, shucks. But, you have good intuition .

[BaileyB]

I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you.

 

There are always more fish in the sea...

[ItsJustMyOpinion]

At the exact moment of this posting, there are exactly 3,773,077,825 natural women in the world that you may have a chance with.

 

By the time I get done posting this, there are 3,773,077,906 women in the world.

 

Even if you take half of that number to account for unavailable women and women not in dating age range, you have a good chance of finding another one.

 

No need to be sad about just 1.

 

Source: http://countrymeters.info/en/World

[alphamale]

Update: I've been dumped.

 

awww, that's a shame nospam99. move on. you'll be fine

[marky00]

Personally l think never underestimate a slow burner. A little term l have in my head for people , friends, anyone l've known through life or women a bit like that. Because l've always noticed they can often end up far more genuine than most in the end, they just take awhile to wind up.

 

 

That's what I've heard and the reason i'm trying that with someone right now. I've tried in the past but I could never make it work but after being dumped by the a few who I had that immediate connection with, I've come to conclusion that those happily-ever after stories must be these "slow burner" type relationships.

 

It is a struggle for me but as well. It's a lot easier when your just really into someone and attracted to from the get-go. There's no guilt or questioning because your too busy wanting the next drug hit.

 

I'm going to stick with mine for a bit longer. I hope I don't hurt her. I've told her my concerns a few times but she's been pretty resilient so hoping for the best.

[nospam99]

But this time there has not been that immediate emotional connection.

 

I understand what you guys are saying about 'slow burners'. But looking back on this one, I'd have to characterize her behavior with me as 'cold and disinterested'. Yeah, Monday morning quarterback. Still, the contrast with the other three women I dated (eye contact, incidental touching) was stark. I'll still wait out the next slow burner. But after this first 'one like this' in my recently started 'senior dating life', I'm going to be paying renewed attention to body language cues if/when I meet the next one.

[Mr. Lucky]

Out of curiosity, do you tell these women you're only interested in a LTR and you focus from the first date is determining their suitability for this role?

 

Mr. Lucky

[nospam99]

Out of curiosity, do you tell these women you're only interested in a LTR and you focus from the first date is determining their suitability for this role?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I'm meeting them through OLD. My profile says LTR and I don't contact a woman unless their profile says LTR (POF) or strongly indicates LTR (Match). I don't ask to meet unless what I see in their profile and I hear on the phone indicates LTR. By the time we get to the first date, I (at least - can never be sure what the woman thinks) believe that the LTR question is settled and the conversation is mostly about where we've been in our lives (heavy on kids and family) and what kinds of fun things we think we have in common to do while getting to know each other.

[Chilli]

Sorry to hear that nos but l know your not too fussed.She did sound more so just not into it from stuff in the later post, it's different, effg hate that feeling from someone.

 

Good luck with the fishing.