My boyfriend is verbally abused me

[Aba 123]

Hi guys,

 

I have a question for you all.

 

Is it normal for a person (this case my bf) to react aggressive after I asked him to stop saying "I miss you" "I love you" and to actually prove to me without being sexual.

Bassicly what happens is that we didn't see each other for 2 months and after that I reach out to him to say let's meet up initially he said yes than he canceled last minute because he didn't sleep enough as is Ramadan.I kicked off about it and I asked him to stop saying sweet words and instead to prove it to me, when he started telling me the bellow I quote:

 

"YOU KNOW, I GET SO TEMPTED TO ING BREAK YOUR LEGS!"

"I AM SICK OF YOU, I AM SICK OF THIS RELATIONSHIP, I AM SICK OF YOUR ATTITUDE TO TRIP ME UP, I AM SICK OF ING BULL, I AM SICK OF YOUR QUESTIONING, I AM SICK OF ING EVERYTHING!"

"I SWEAR DOWN, I WILL ING PUNCH THE OUT OF YOUR ING FACE!"

"COME TO ME RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR I WILL ING KILL YOU!"

"All you keep talking is about you, How I will prove anything to you or How I will do anything to meet your needs!!!"

Anyway I said to him let'a go on a brake until the Ramadan finish (he is Muslim) and think about what you said today. I also said to him"I won't block you or move on, if you want to talk in the mean time (CONSTRUCTIVE) happy for you to contact me."

Long story short he said I love you after all the things he said to me.

Is getting out of hand with him and I don't think he will ever change but I love him so much and I don't want to leave him.

What can I do?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well, I could imagine observing Ramadan makes even the most congenial person grumpy, but if treats you this way even with a fully belly, why are you with him?

[Aba 123]

Because I love him but I'm so hurt about what he said Idk what to do to change this reactions.

Idk what to do anymore I don't even believe he loves me.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Because I love him but I'm so hurt about what he said Idk what to do to change this reactions.

Idk what to do anymore I don't even believe he loves me.

 

From what you've posted, I would agree with you.

[Brian p]

This is a toxic and crazy person I advise to not meet up if he threatens to brake your legs and kill you instead go to the police.

Toxic people They take no responsibility for their own feelings. Rather, their feelings are projected onto you. If you try to point this out to them, they will likely vehemently defend their perspective and talk disrespectfully,take no responsibility for almost anything they do and they don't apologise for what they did because they are selfish cunts and I can tell you out of experience he didn't apologise for what he did and thinks is behaviour is normal.

If you leave this guy no woman will be with him.Man like that shoudn't be called man they are disgusting insects.

I wish you the best and hope you take the best decision for your life because it looks like is in danger.

[bathtub-row]

“Because I love him” is NEVER a reason to stay with a man who has suggested that he will kill you. I can save you the suspense — he was testing you to see how far he can push you and when you were still willing to talk to him after that horrible rant, you told him all he needed to know.

 

Abusers never change. I know you don’t want to believe that but it’s true. He will beg, plead and borrow if you break up with him but you are completely between a rock and a hard place and leaving is your only option. You’ll want to know why he does this but you’ll have trouble believing that it’s because he thrives on control. Read the book Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. It’s the most eye-opening book out there on abuse, written by a man who has studied thousands of abusers.

 

This man will completely ruin you and your life and the life of your children if you don’t find the strength to extract yourself from him forever.

[Brian p]

Well, I could imagine observing Ramadan makes even the most congenial person grumpy, but if treats you this way even with a fully belly, why are you with him?

 

.

You answear honestly, will you stay with him if you where in this girls shoes?

Edited May 25, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed inappropiate language

[RecentChange]

Because I love him but I'm so hurt about what he said Idk what to do to change this reactions.

Idk what to do anymore I don't even believe he loves me.

 

You must not love yourself then.

 

People who love you do not say these things. And even more, people who love themselves do not let others treat them like this - let alone come back for more.

 

We teach people how to treat us. You are teaching him you will accept abuse. His anger and lack of respect for you will only increase. Next it probably won't be threats, but an actual beating.

 

Or maybe he will just continue to verbally abuse you, lower your self esteem even more, to the point any of his abuse is accepted by you.

 

Honestly, the problem here isn't him, its you for humoring this for just a moment.

 

How would you feel if someone spoke like this to your mother? Or your sister, or your best friend, or anyone you loved? Wouldn't you tell that that the abuser is trash, and to get away?

 

LOVE YOUR SELF - enough to tell him to never contact you again. Until you love yourself, no one else will be able to. He doesn't love you, promise yourself that.

[Aba 123]

I guess I love him more than I love myself.

Today I didn't eaten anything and all I can think about is how he talked to me.

[Brian p]

You love him but he dosen't love you, probably he only wants sex.

 

He won't stop until you leave him. This man is dangerous will destroy your life or actually beat the **** out of you.

 

Leave before is too late, he is psychopath who will never change.

[d0nnivain]

No it is not right for him to talk to you this way. You have to assume that some day he will follow through on the threats & will actually physically assault you. Therefore you need to get out of this relationship.

 

The fact that you told him you loved him after he treated you like that makes me very worried about you.

 

Do yourself a favor & show his words to your parents. I bet they will have a lot to say to you about what you should do next to protect yourself.

[bathtub-row]

Do yourself a favor & show his words to your parents. I bet they will have a lot to say to you about what you should do next to protect yourself.

 

She won’t do that because she’s ashamed. And this guy is banking on just that reaction.

[bathtub-row]

I guess I love him more than I love myself.

Today I didn't eaten anything and all I can think about is how he talked to me.

 

No one in their right mind will support you in being with this guy. I can tell by the way you’re talking that you’re going to stay with him. By doing this, you’re joining the ranks of abused victims and you just don’t know the hell you're walking into. It would be far better to walk away, deal with getting over him, and finding a good man who would never dream of telling you he’ll kill you.

 

This isn’t about love and you’d do yourself a huge favor by not romanticizing this situation. His love for you is twisted and it is completely unfixable.

[Aba 123]

No one in their right mind will support you in being with this guy. I can tell by the way you’re talking that you’re going to stay with him. By doing this, you’re joining the ranks of abused victims and you just don’t know the hell you're walking into. It would be far better to walk away, deal with getting over him, and finding a good man who would never dream of telling you he’ll kill you.

 

This isn’t about love and you’d do yourself a huge favor by not romanticizing this situation. His love for you is twisted and it is completely unfixable.

 

When my parents saw his texts a wile back got so worried about me that they said I have an arrange Marrige or I'm out of their lives and they will never look back. I did accepted to get married which I regret it but after a few weeks applied to get it annulled. In all this time my Bf was calling me and never lose hope in us getting back together so after 3 months we got back together and had the most beautiful time in my life with him. I never loved or could love anyone as I love my Bf. I don't want to leave him, all I want is him to understand that his reactions are not normal.

[RecentChange]

When my parents saw his texts a wile back got so worried about me that they said I have an arrange Marrige or I'm out of their lives and they will never look back.

 

Because they saw that you have become prey of an abuser, and lack the foresight to see what is clear as day, lack the understanding to protect yourself, lack the self esteem needed to kick someone like this to the curb.

 

 

I never loved or could love anyone as I love my Bf. I don't want to leave him, all I want is him to understand that his reactions are not normal.

 

How old are you? How many men have you dated?

 

You could never love another man more than a man who:

 

Says HE WILL KILL YOU

Says he wants to punch you in the face

Says he doesn't want a relationship with you

 

Do you have any idea how many women actually end up KILLED by their abusive husbands?!?!?

He is showing you who he is, BELIEVE HIM.

 

He has no respect for you, he has no love for you, he threatens to kill you, he says he doesn't want a relationship with you....

 

and you crawl back for more. Why? Why do you act so pathetic? Why do you want an abuser in your life? Why do you love someone who has no respect for you? THESE are the questions you should be asking.

 

You will NOT CHANGE HIM.

 

I really hope you do not end up beaten, or dead, or abused to the point you live your life in misery because you hate yourself. If you continue down this path that is where you will end up.

 

Your poor parents, your poor family. Few things are more heart breaking than having a loved one hell bent on self destruction, and that is what you are.

 

You love him? Might as well be a drug addict. Love like this? Might as well be a needle in your arm. Just as addicting and self destructive.

[bathtub-row]

When my parents saw his texts a wile back got so worried about me that they said I have an arrange Marrige or I'm out of their lives and they will never look back. I did accepted to get married which I regret it but after a few weeks applied to get it annulled. In all this time my Bf was calling me and never lose hope in us getting back together so after 3 months we got back together and had the most beautiful time in my life with him. I never loved or could love anyone as I love my Bf. I don't want to leave him, all I want is him to understand that his reactions are not normal.

 

You’re romanticizing a situation that’s destined to ruin your life. There is no happy ending with his guy. It makes no difference how much you love him or he loves you. No difference. I know you think your situation is different but everyone around you - and on this site - knows it isn’t and can see the writing on the wall.

 

This man is severely broken and that means that he cannot be reasoned with, he cannot be loved deeply enough, cannot be fixed on any level, he cannot be healed through your understanding or kindness, through words or actions. I suppose you’re going to have to learn this the hard way. It’s just so hard to see. Is like watching a train wreck from a distance. Too far away to do anything but stand by and watch the inevitable crash and burn.

 

I pray you wake up before you turn around and realize you ruined your life.

[d0nnivain]

When my parents saw his texts a wile back got so worried about me that they said I have an arrange Marrige or I'm out of their lives and they will never look back. I did accepted to get married which I regret it but after a few weeks applied to get it annulled. In all this time my Bf was calling me and never lose hope in us getting back together so after 3 months we got back together and had the most beautiful time in my life with him. I never loved or could love anyone as I love my Bf. I don't want to leave him, all I want is him to understand that his reactions are not normal.

 

Do you have parental support at this point or did they abandon you when you had the marriage they arranged for you annulled? I fear you really don't have an adequate support system.

 

You have to believe that this BF of your will eventually make good on his threats. He will never understand that his reactions are not normal. He thinks he's entitled to treat you this what & that you deserve to die a painful death for defying him. I fear for your safety. Until you do too & then take action to protect yourself, you are doomed. You would have been better off, safer & happier staying & working on the marriage your parents arranged for you.

[Aba 123]

Because they saw that you have become prey of an abuser, and lack the foresight to see what is clear as day, lack the understanding to protect yourself, lack the self esteem needed to kick someone like this to the curb.

 

 

 

 

How old are you? How many men have you dated?

 

You could never love another man more than a man who:

 

Says HE WILL KILL YOU

Says he wants to punch you in the face

Says he doesn't want a relationship with you

 

Do you have any idea how many women actually end up KILLED by their abusive husbands?!?!?

He is showing you who he is, BELIEVE HIM.

 

He has no respect for you, he has no love for you, he threatens to kill you, he says he doesn't want a relationship with you....

 

and you crawl back for more. Why? Why do you act so pathetic? Why do you want an abuser in your life? Why do you love someone who has no respect for you? THESE are the questions you should be asking.

 

You will NOT CHANGE HIM.

 

I really hope you do not end up beaten, or dead, or abused to the point you live your life in misery because you hate yourself. If you continue down this path that is where you will end up.

 

Your poor parents, your poor family. Few things are more heart breaking than having a loved one hell bent on self destruction, and that is what you are.

 

You love him? Might as well be a drug addict. Love like this? Might as well be a needle in your arm. Just as addicting and self destructive.

 

 

 

So basically we meet at work and after I left he contact me and start talking as friends than he ask me out, everything was so amazing at the beginning than he started getting angry and calling me names say hurtful things to me etc for about 10 months than I decided to brake up with him and my parents saw the text msgs from him, they where extremely worried saying he abused me for so long and this must stop but I didn't wanted to stop seeing him than my parents decided to arrange marriage for me which I accepted and I totally regret it now. We applied for the marriage to got annulled after a few weeks and I told my parents he is the only person I love but they said if I get back together with him they will be very upset and I will have to move out. we broke up for 3 months and all this time he was continuously calling me, msg me etc(he was waiting for me to go back to him is a great quality to find in a man) so after 3 months accidentally I unblocked him and we start talking again. When I first meet him I told him if he wants to be US he needs to stop swearing and call me names he said yes that'a fine but he keept saying hurtful things and call me names but not very often. Long story short He react aggressive after I asked him to stop saying "I miss you" "I love you" and to actually prove to me without being sexual.

Bassicly what happens is that we didn't see each other for 2 months and after that I reach out to him to say let's meet up initially he said yes than he canceled last minute because he didn't sleep enough as is Ramadan.I kicked off about it and I asked him to stop saying sweet words and instead to prove it to me, when he started telling me the bellow I quote:"YOU KNOW, I GET SO TEMPTED TO ****ING BREAK YOUR LEGS! I AM GETTING SICK OF YOU!!!! HONESTLY, IF YOU **** ME OFF NOW AND I AM FASTING I SWEAR I WILL **** YOU UP IN YOUR HOYSE!

Where is your love when you ask for a break! "Than I asked him Where is your love when you say all this things to me? And he said quote: "Up my ****ing ass!

pure ****ing headache! you cause me to have ill feeling and negativity. I WILL BREAK YOUR ****ING FACE! WHY YOU DON'T **** OFF FOREVER INSTEAD!I AM SICK OF YOU, I AM SICK OF THIS RELATIONSHIP, I AM SICK OF YOUR **** ATTITUDE TO TRIP ME UP, I AM SICK OF ****ING BULL****, I AM SICK OF YOUR QUESTIONING, I AM SICK OF ****ING EVERYTHING! YOU TREAT ME LIKE I AM THE WORST PERSON EVER! I SWEAR DOWN, I WILL ****ING PUNCH THE **** OUT OF YOUR ****ING FACE! YOU LEAVE ME BITCH, YOU AIN'T GOT IT.

YOU HAVE NO ****ING BRAINS!**** YOUR DIRTY KINDNESS WHEN I ASK TO SEE YOU....YOU ****ING QUESTION ME!

GO **** YOURSELF AND **** YOUR WORD AFTER HOW YOU MAKE ME FEEL TODAY! I am sick of your words when ask me for ****ing prove! All you kill keep talking is about you, How I will prove anything to you or How I will do anything to meet your needs!!!YOUR WORDS ARE JUST **** EVEN THOUGHT YOU DON'T TALK HORRIBLE! " etc than I said to him let'a go on a brake till Ramadan finish and I won't block you or move on, if you want to talk in the mean time (CONSTRUCTIVE) happy for you to contact me. He said the same back and than he said Quote "I love you" and I said that is sweet, thank you.

__________________

Sorry for all of the typos! On a cell phone atm.

[bathtub-row]

Is there some part of the above conversation that we’re supposed to be impressed with? What I find even more astounding than his insanity is you still being nice and accommodating. What’s it going to take to wake you up?

[Aba 123]

Is there some part of the above conversation that we’re supposed to be impressed with? What I find even more astounding than his insanity is you still being nice and accommodating. What’s it going to take to wake you up?

 

I wanted to tell the whole story and say that we had good moments as well. The last conversation we had is very concerning and I don't know what to do to make him understand he should't talk to me like that, he always claims he has a lot of common sense and he is smart etc and is difficult to tell him is wrong what he is doing.

[Gaeta]

So basically we meet at work and after I left he contact me and start talking as friends than he ask me out, everything was so amazing at the beginning than he started getting angry and calling me names say hurtful things to me etc for about 10 months than I decided to brake up

 

 

So he was nice for a couple of weeks then put you through 10 months of hell.

 

What do you love exactly? You love the memory of a few good moments that happened a year ago. There is nothing to love about this man. He's an abuser and it's just a matter of time before he starts hitting you. I am sure he already has pushed you or squeezed your arms. That's how abuse works. It starts with words, then small gestures and all of a sudden you find yourself with black eyes and broken bones.

 

 

This man is ugly. His soul and heart are ugly and vile. You're only an object to him. He doesn't care about your feelings and he doesn't care about hurting you. If you continue with him he will find yourself in a horrific abusive relationship.

 

 

Forget about explaining to him he should not speak to you this way. Abuse is a sickness and you won't cure him. He will be nice for 2-3 days then he'll go back being abusive. That's how it works for ALL men like him.

Edited May 24, 2018 by Gaeta

[preraph]

You can't stay with a man who dreams of breaking your legs. You just can't. Guys who say things like that often eventually end up following through. What's to love there? He doesn't even respect you enough to stop himself from threatening you. I'm sure he's nice to you when he wants something. But sounds like he's a monster when things don't go his way. It's abuse and you know it. No children should be in this mix. It's not fair for them to think it's okay to act like him or stay with someone like him. They will repeat your behavior. You and he are their only real role models.

[bathtub-row]

I wanted to tell the whole story and say that we had good moments as well. The last conversation we had is very concerning and I don't know what to do to make him understand he should't talk to me like that, he always claims he has a lot of common sense and he is smart etc and is difficult to tell him is wrong what he is doing.

 

I'll bet Nicole Brown Simpson would like to tell her story, too. Oh, wait, she can't. She had her throat slit and was stabbed to death by her abusive ex.

[ItsJustMyOpinion]

What the ****.

 

Just leave the relationship. Problem solved. Love him from afar. Love doesn't require a relationship. Love doesn't require reciprocation. Love just is. It's your greed of wanting to be loved back that requires reciprocation and togetherness.

 

If you love someone, love them. That doesn't mean they have to be in your life. You can't control who you fall in love with. However, you can control who you allow into your life!

[preraph]

Love will not change him, but I think you think it will. People who are bad aren't bad 100% of the time. He's bad. You are responding to it with love. So you must think love will change him. It won't. It is just rewarding horrible unacceptable behavior with niceness. It is a huge mistake.