One sided marriage..or what..kinda long..sorry

[lydon]

This may get a little long in the tooth, but here goes. I met my wife two years ago. We quickly moved in together, and began a relationship. It wasn't long before I realized my SO, had a temper, and her way of dealing with things was the old sileint treatment, sometimes for days. I told myself, this is just her way of dealing with anger, work with it. Our first fight started, one night, after she got home from work (she works a night job). She came home with phone numbers of some guys, who she said were fun to talk to, and thought we should all get together. I was upset because, i don't think it was right to be taking numbers from other men. I went a little silent, and then explained, how i felt. Her response was why are you so mad when I am trying to meet new people. I explained, that I didn'y think it was right, because the story they fed her was the first guy was a film producer, and the second guy was famous race car driver (and since I am a motorsport enthusiat) we all have something in common. My response was, I am not looking for any new friends (and there stories, sound like pick-up , BS stories). She played the niave little girl, and said to me (men do this).

 

 

The second fight we had was after several drinks. She came right out and said...My last Boyfriend , she called hima bed-buddy at the time, " would last for 4 hours in bed, ". This got me a little choked, it seemed like I was being compared to her last BF. I have never had any complaints, from previous GF. Mind you, I work 2 jobs at the time and rarely got more than 5 hours sleep. I'm sure if i had the same hours, and lifestyle, i could afford 4 hour in bed instead of sleep. I went a little quite after this, I'd never known anyone to talk about there past lovers, ever. What was the point of this statement. She got angry at me, and didn't talk to me for 2 days.

 

The next fight was, a big one. About 6 months into our relationship.we were rolling around in bed before I went to work, all was well. I wispered in her ear, "do you want to fool around this morning, in a cheery , playful tone. Her response was "no, are you trying to wake me up,out of my sleep just to get your rocks off". I was to say the least a little taken back, by her anger, and hurtfully got out of bed and went to work, a little confused. I work days she works nights. It made sense. I thought I would have gotten a response like "I'm tired, but I'l see yah tonight'. I would have been fine with this, put in a non-threating way. Three hours later I get a call at work, from her. She is pissed, saying things like do you think im your whore, you treat me like a peice of meat. You don't respect me. I told her I was upset at how she responded, not for the fact that I didn't get any. As she was convinced that thats why I was pissed. She stated that sex was something special, and that I should'nt be waking her up, in the morning to have it. I agreed that it should be something special, and that I, was just trying to be intimate. I got three days of silient treatment and 6-7 days of no sex.

 

 

The whole time she would exppress, words like " im so lucky to have a guy like you", and where did you come from. Sounding very much in love, as was I.

 

Shortly after that we moved into a larger apartment, to accomodate the three of us,she has a daughter, andi have my son every other weekend. I wanted to hire movers, but she insisted on doing it our selves. For two weeks straight, I packed and moved, sometime till 3 or 4 in the morning. This left me with 2-3 hour sleep a night, inwhich I was glad to do.

 

We had another fight shortly after this about sex again. I told her my feelings, and she Ignored them and repeated the " treating me like a whore' comment. I was again confused, two people in love, why are we fighting about frequency of sex, after 8 months, we are just at the beginning of a relationship. She finally sits calmly and states that she was "sexually assalted be her grandfather", and thinks of sex as some thing very special. I agree. Abit confused, I am thinking. I am always romantic, never lie, do everything under the sun to please her, bring her flowers, write poems...all that stuff. an . Her response was I don't need to be romanced, I' m a homebody, and i don't need all this romancing.

 

I stoped trying to romance her in my way, and began taking a more layed back approach. I thought this was good listening, on my part.

 

 

Three months later we went on a holiday to florida with the kids. The first day was a disaster, we had some problems at the airport, and the kids were bitching. The first place we stayed was a disaster, and she was upset for the fist three days of the trip. Yelling at the kids, yelling at me. Seeing this I cancel the rest of our stay at this resort and book a new hotel. This makes her happy, and all seems to be well. Allong with being upset, she is also falling asleep, very early, like 10 oclock, shes normally a night owl. We have a quickie, the first night we check into the hotel. Only after sweet talk her and romance her for hours. For ten days I don't say a word, about her going to sleep, and me staying awake, and taking care of the kids. I am trying to make the most of the vacation. On the second last day I say to her, wouldn't be nice to have a nice night to our selves, candles, hot-tub...she doesn't make any coment, but keeps finding things to do that night, chores, dishes, all things we could have done the next day. It's now 1 in the morning, and I am hinting about our night together. In anger she says " why did'nt you tell me a little earlier" Its 1 in the morning now", to which I said I've been telling you all night". . We haven't had any alone time all vacation , I thought it would be nice. Another thing, all the while I'm mentioning about having a nice night together, she starts to talk abou this stomach ache she has been statring to get. I can already see the wheels coming of my plans. We end-up having sex, with a time limit, and when we are finished, she is very upset.."says things like am I here just for you to get your rocks off". I respobnd with we haven't had any alone time this whole trip, and I've been watching you fall asleep, ever night the entire vacation. she said i was beening selfish, and only thinking with my dick. I was now very confused, I had been doing everything to make this trip, go smoothly. Being a good father, partner, by making the most of the vacation, and accomodaiting her, taking her out for dinner...etc. But every night she would fall asleep. We return from the trip, and I get 3-4 day silent treatment. I at this point, begin to think it me, and i need to get a little more creative in bed..I buy some toys, a little porn....that doesn't work..i am out of ideas, and start to reach for reasons our sex life, seems like presure to her. In a final grasp, i start to think, maybe its the size of my penis..i've never had any issues here....but ok...i start looking into ways to increase my stamina, my erection hardness, and increasing the size of my penis through various exersises, after a month or two it does get bigger ,much to my surprise...bingo...we start to have alot more sex, and she gives me praise, for being a better lover. She was not aware of my exersises...so i tell her one night...and she says "what do you think, do you think I want to be the size of a watermelon down there", states it turns her off, so I stop...and then the sex slows down again.

 

Our next big fight is on our honeymoon. We got married on a beach, in a very exotic location, we did it our way. jokingly she says " I am going to make you wait till we are married , before we make love". I am fine with this, seemed very romantic. So on with the vacation, we get married two days into the trip. Again she for the first two nights she falls asleep at 10,. The wedding day was incredible, went just as planed. we get back to our villa at 10, and I run out for some ice, for the champane. when I get back, she has fallen, asleep, and refuses to wake up. In the morning I am upset, actually i'm very dissapointed. She gets up the next morning like nothing is wrong, and asks why i'm so quite this morning...I said that I was dissapointed....and i let it drop. That day I put it all behind me, saying today is a new day and now the honeymoon can start. Boy was I wrong. All of my friends, peers, said that on there honeymoon, they would spend hour in bed, making love, and enjoying themselves. When i brought up the the notion, that we should stay in bed..and make love, " she got terribly upset", and said thats not how people take honeymoons, and " would you like me to make up a schedule for you when we should be having sex", this coment took the winds out of my sails. This sent a giant red-flag up......i felt very alone, frustrated, and confused...why is my honeymoon not like everyone elses. I think in 14days we had 3 quickies in the morning. Like she was tring to avoid this kind of intamacy. she made a coment like we just keep bring up this subject, like a dog chasing its tail. And comments like " what do you think is wrong with our sex life" i state I don't know...I've had lots of lovers, with no complaints..if anything compliments....Her response was "you know, im used to having alot more sex as well, and I used to enjoy it alot more"...this made me defensive, and even more confused, she had always stated she was very content with our sex life"

 

 

We get home and life goes on. For the next three weeks we have alot of sex, the kids are away at camp alot, and we have some time together. On several occations after several nights of drinking...she starts to talk about her ex- that he had genital peircings, how it was so refresing to be with some one that brought there own protection, how she have a preference for un-cucumsized penis (i am curcumcised), that it was different...I swallowed it up, and tryed to be un-objective. About a week after, I an looking for some documents, in her bed-side table. I don't normally go into her stuff , she is very private, as am I. I find a size LARGE condom, in her bed side table..i shrug it off, i had seen it before when we moved, but i asumed she would be getting rid of it, we did'nt use comdoms. I think she comented on it saying, "well you don't know the size of you partners before having sex, it would be shame not to have right size comdom" so i asume its something a single girl would do,(when she was single) and its left over from her single days...she'll get rid of it. On sunday, we slowly get out of bed, and the conversation is about, our daughter, and if she is having sex, yet, she is 14..i made a comment, about , if we should have comdoms around the house just in cause...she says guys come in al kind s of sizes...I say, will i think the regular ones fit 95% of the men out there, and that less that 5% of the male population require a large condom .....she looks at me weird...., and says is that so...I say you said it yourself...thats why you have large comdom , for that just in case situation...to which she replies...no its left over from my last BF...he was large....i went silient...we havent spoken since...I have no size issues...being over 7 inches..now I can't help but think the reason our sex life has being, so up and down , is the size of her last partner...this has been reinforced be the fact that we started having alot more sex, once i started to increase the size of my penis,..and the sex dropped off when i stoped. I am at the point, where I am comteplating having penis enlargement surgery....i can't believe im' even justifiing this to my self......

 

 

Help

 

Please.......i've tryed so hard to make this work..I feel like i'm in a loveless marriage...and that I've made the biggest mistate of my life.....

[TheDiva]

I am speechless!

 

 

All I can say is whatever her problem is, it is not you.....or your size. She has some issues and it most likely stems from the sexual abuse. Or dare I ask your ages? Sometimes certain stages in life are less sexually inclined then others.....

[lydon]

We are both 35, had lots of previous relationships. Fact of the matter is I am not happy. She has told me she has no issues from her past (sexual abuse), but i think she is in denial. Funny how, her last relationship was with a guy that she only shared her bed with..maybe thats were here comfort levels are. Perhaps she is'nt the marrying type. I feel sorry for her daughter..i was her only form of parent...My wifes relationship with her daughter, was one of critisism, and alot of yelling...Her daughter..did say to me one time when my wife and I were fighting...." this is what happens to all my moms boyfriends"...she yells and they go away...i thought i was different...i am going to councelling for my self..just to get some feedback, as to my thoughts, and who better would suit me. I spoke to my wife breifly......she wants an annulment....so as soon as she goes to work i am going to move my stuff to storage, and start the paperwork....i would have never thought my 1st marriage would only last 93days.....lesson learned.....I give up....she wins....i don't have anymore to give.....

[she_9325]

wow she is a piece of work. you deserve better than that. you sound like a really thoughtful, nice man. don't change yourself for someone. you are perfect as you are, SHE is just not the right one.

[she_9325]

i didn't see your second posting til after i posted my reply. i say, if she wants to end the marriage then go for it. you deserve SO much better than that (her).

[bendit]

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[lydon]

I am painfully aware that I am not the right guy for her,....i am going to the counsellor not to save my pityful marriage...but to identify, the real qualities that would suit me...****..im only 35...i'm sure there is a parnter out there for me...and if not i am going to enjoy life......silly question....can i ask for the rings back...i dont care if she does.I brought everything into the relationship in terms of assets...should be alot easyier to walk away this way. I am a very sucessful, confident, man....i refuse to be belittled by anyone.....especially someone that says they love you!

[PatientOne]

Run.

 

Run hard, run fast, but RUN.

 

This woman sounds psychotic.

[TheDiva]

Run.

 

Run hard, run fast, but RUN.

 

This woman sounds psychotic.

 

I second that emotion........

 

You will have a lot to offer another woman one day, one who can give all the love right back, until then walk away with your head held high knowing you went above and beyond the call of duty to keep it together, and she is the loser here.

[she_9325]

you say "I am painfully aware that I am not the right guy for her,...."

 

but what you have to pound through your head, is that SHE is not the right girl for YOU.

 

you did all you could, if that's not good enough for her then that's her problem not yours.

[Woggle]

Get out know. You deserve so much better and she sounds liek a psycho. It is better to be single than be with a person that makes you miserable.

[lydon]

i'm moving out in a day or two..feel good about it...its the first step. Living somewhere else for now...its for the best, i believe. Lawyer has been contacted. I guess i just needed someone else to tell me what I already knew!

[RecordProducer]

She obviously is the size of a watermelon down there!

Don't enlarge your penis because of her. If she loved you, she would have loved the sex too. You'll find the right woman. Forget her!